Awakening
by WraithQueenH
Summary: My version of Season 6: Atlantis goes home and Todd isn't the only Wraith playing the game. I admit that I am a Wraith sympathizer. This is my first try at fan fiction. All mistakes are mine and no copyright infringement is intended.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_ Dear Diary,_

_ I saw Jennifer today for the first time in a little over a year. She's been home from some military mission for about 6 weeks, but wasn't allowed off base until now. We went shopping at the mall, just _

_ like old times. Well, almost like old times... Jen's emails about this Rodney guy have always been serious but watching her talk about him today made me realize that she's really in love this time. It's _

_ bad good news. I think its official...Out of our group of friends; I'm the last single person. I hate it. I know that's horrible but that's how I feel. I'm starting to feel like there is no one on Earth that's _

_ right for me, no one that is my other half. I feel so alone. _

_ And I bet this Rodney guy is a jarhead. She met him on base so he cannot possibly be worthy of her. From what she said, he sounded like a whiney know-it-all soldier boy. Not her type at all._

I stopped writing and looked down at the page. Dr. Jennifer Keller was one of my two oldest closest friends. Jennifer and I sped through school. She'd graduated college by 19, I got out at 19. Unlike me, Jennifer always had boyfriends in college, popular guys who she found time to socialize with while taking courses. She was pretty while I was plain. I'd dated the same guy for eight years while she went through twenty boyfriends. Neither of our relationships lasted in the end, but at least she could say she lived while we were young. Jennifer was the free spirit and I was the goody-two-shoes: Ying to her Yang. Jennifer changed once her mom died. I don't think either of us stopped crying that semester. But, Jen changed more than I did of course. Jen had always been a serious student but it was like she needed to be perfect for her mom. I'm sure that was when she decided to become a doctor but I still didn't understand her wanting to work for the air force. She was a great doctor and a great scientists and she deserved to do great things: not setting bones but cracking DNA codes. Sighing, I read the last part of my diary entry again and added one more line:

_ I am not going to have a pity party here. I'm off to bed._

:: ring... ring..::

"Hello?" I answered my bedside phone, still half asleep.

"Hi Heather, It's Jen. Did I wake you?"

"No, yes..." I said sitting up in bed and looking over at the clock, "It's 5am, Jen! What, do you think I'm in the army or something? Normal people don't get up at 5am on Fridays."

"I'm in the Air Force, not the Army." she said and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Same thing!"

"Is not."

I couldn't help but smile as I answered her, "Ok, ok... you Air Force pain, what do you want?"

"Well, I was thinking last night..." she began.

"I just suggested it 5 minutes ago, what do you mean YOU thought of it last night?", I heard some guy say in the background.

"Rodney!" She hushed.

"Jen, tell Rodney I said 'Hi' will you?", I said to her, while rolling my eyes.

"He says 'Hi' back. Anyway..." Jen began again, a little louder, this time. I could hear Rodney in the background murmuring about how he never got any credit. His tone seemed to almost be like the rant was purposely trying to be cute yet annoying at the same time. Rodney didn't seem to have to work that hard at it and I could tell by Jen's voice that she thought it was endearing... "Heather, are you listening to me?"

_ Opps_. "Sorry Jen. What were you saying?"

"Rodney..." she said in an aside and his whining cut off instantaneity.

_ Wow, _I thought_, with that much whining I didn't think he'd ever quit. _

"Rodney and I were hoping that you'd come out to dinner with us and a few friends on Sunday night... What do you say?" Jen asked.

"Sunday, huh?" I winced, as even I could hear in my own voice that I was just trying to stall.

"No excuses. I want you to meet everyone that I've been working with for the last year. So you can put faces to the names."

"No excuses, but... I mean you aren't trying to set me up with anyone, are you?"

"No. It's just hanging out with friends: Teyla, Ronon, Amelia, John, Mr. Woolsey, Radek, Chuck, and maybe some others."

"That sounds more like a military function then dinner."

"Only John, Chuck, and Amelia are in the Air Force, really. Remember, there are civilians on my base too this time. "

"Right but...Wait, isn't Mr. Woolsey your boss?"

"Well, yea. But, Woolsey's a civilian so he's not really my boss now that we are back."

I am sure that this isn't a good idea. Civilian or not, there is no way I should say yes. I'd really have to watch what I said if some of her commanding officers were there. I couldn't understand why she was asking this of me, since I don't agree with US policy on foreign affairs most of the time. She cannot expect me to see their quietly as the tell war stories. She knows, first hand, that I've never been good at minding my own business when it came to military issues.

Before she shipped out a year and a half ago, I had asked her where she was going in front of General someone-or-another. She didn't answer me and I'm not she why I asked. She had told me before that she couldn't tell me when she was going. But, saying goodbye, I had a feeling... a bad one. It was like a part of me knew in that second that if she told me, she couldn't go. Somehow, she'd be safe if she stayed on our soil. If I had my way, none of them would be going anywhere. I never understood how America leads and every other country had to follow like we were king of the world or something. When Jennifer joined the military more than decade ago, I never said a word to her about her choice but I never liked it. Her father was so proud and I, as her oldest friend, had to fake my smile.

"Jen, I'd love to b..."

"Great! I am so excited. Rodney and I will come pick you up at the airport."

"Airport? What are you talking about... where are you?"

"San Francisco."

"What!" I yelled, sitting straight up in bed, "That's a 6 hour flight and it's only been... 5 hours since I saw you!"

"Well... eh... You know... military transports."

"That's impossible Jen. The only military transport that could do that would be used by Starfleet and last time I checked it wasn't the 24th century. "

"Ha-ha," Rodney said loudly, "Jennifer, we do have the briefing with General O'Neil soon."

"I know, Rodney... I'll meet you there." She took a breath, exhaled and then asked, "So, will you come up?"

"Jennifer, I cannot just fly across the country for dinner!"

"Hmm... you're right... You'll stay the week then." She said with a smile in her voice.

She's lost her mind, I thought to myself. "Jennifer, some of us can't just abandon their lives at a moment's notice..."

"Come on Heather, I want you to meet Rodney and my friends. Don't you want to meet everybody?" She continued quietly, "Things have been crazy. I cannot begin to say how much. Please?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I wanted to see these people that I heard so much about and maybe I could find out what's really going on. There was so much Jennifer wasn't allowed to tell me. I normally had good instincts but this posting had bothered me more than her last one. I know it seemed worst for me this time as I didn't even know which war she was fighting. I heard of an attack and I had no way of knowing if she was safe. Her father and I talked almost every day because we both felt the same way. She couldn't email either of us enough. Jennifer emailed me every other day but I didn't always get them in a timely fashion. A few times I'd get 5 emails at one time after not hearing from her for 10 days. She wasn't allowed to call me or anyone else. I couldn't understand it. I have a friend from college who had joined the army three years ago: she emailed and calls me every other day.

The secrecy of her job wasn't my only problem with her career. I don't agree with US policy on foreign affairs most of the time, so sometimes it was hard to write. I never understood how America leads and every other country had to follow like we were king of the world or something. Being with these military types I hoped I could keep my opinions to myself, for her sake. "I hope you don't regret my coming but okay... I have two weeks off coming to me, so I'll come to San Francisco... Do you think we could get to Vegas since we're so close? Can you get off base for a few days?"

"Hmm... I can see about Vegas... don't bother booking a flight there though. If we can go, I'll see if I can get something through here. Just text me your flight info; Rodney and I will pick you up."

_ Today, everything changes._ The thought just seemed to pop into my head as I got off my flight and I felt my smile waiver just a bit. Hearing voices in my head is one thing I won't be telling Jen, I thought with a smile. The guy, Rodney, must have me more upset than I thought.

Jennifer and Rodney were standing a little off to the side. Jennifer with a huge smile on her face and Rodney stood next to her looking uncomfortable. _Perfect._

"Heather," Jennifer screeched and she ran to my side, "I'm so glad you came... Come on," pulling me back towards Rodney, she beamed as she said, "This is Dr. Mer... Rodney McKay; Rodney, this is Heather Burman!"

"You almost told her!" Rodney said, sounding horrified.

"Rodney, it's your name. And she's my best friend." Jennifer answered him.

With a smirk, I held out my head, "Meredith, it's truly a pleasure to meet you... Jennifer has told me so much about you. You want me to call you Rodney, I assume?"

With his mouth wide open, Rodney froze and his eyes bugged out. After standing with his mouth hanging open for at least 10 seconds, he shook my hand. "Please, please, please... only call me Rodney."

"Of course Rodney. Don't blame Jennifer, I'm normally really good at getting information out of people... she put up a good fight before she told me your name... well, all of your name." I said with a smile. I was able to get his name that he was ashamed off, but she'd blocked my attempts to pin her down on where she was or even what she was doing. It was quite upsetting. She always said 'Dust-bunnies' which was our private codeword that meant I had to stop asking. It could mean anything from shut up, leave, top secret, or don't tell mom. If either of us said it, the other knew whatever was asked was 100% needed. Since Jennifer had started this position, I'd heard it more times than I could count.

"Really..." he said, looking over at Jennifer. I could practically here him thinking, wondering if she said told me about what they did. That was interesting.

I knew I should stop that thought before she got in trouble for nothing. "Oh, don't worry... I don't know anything about your work. That she's been quite good at keeping from me, for the first time in the twenty some years we've known each other."

"Do not say how many years! It's just scary how many. Oh and Heather, Rodney and I don't work together directly... he's not a medical doctor."

"Right an Astrophysicist specializing in Astrophysics, I remember." I didn't believe it for a second... who studies the physics of the universe in the middle of a war zone? And I was sure she had been in a warzone. A month after she had arrived in her new post, she was very sick and wasn't sure if she would survive. She wrote that it was a bio-weapon that had been used against them but Rodney was working on the answer and I shouldn't worry. _What kind of place has an astrophysicist working to counteract a bio-weapon? _

"Jennifer says you like Italian food, so I was thinking we'd do that tonight with the gang. That okay?" Rodney asked.

_ Well that was out of nowhere._ Laughing, I replied, "Well, Jen didn't exaggerate one bit... food is a top priority with you."

"It's not my fault... I've got a really fast metabolism."

"You'll love this place Heather," Jennifer says, "They have the best Chicken Cutlet anywhere."

"Sounds good. Lead the way," I said smiling. Rodney turned around and started walking towards the baggage claim.

Once we got there, I was happy to see they had started to offload the bags. I was finally happy to have Rodney there as he could pull my bags off the conveyor belt when they arrived. After ten minutes, I finally saw one of my bags coming down the belt, "The black one with the purple strap is mine."

"Great" Rodney said.

It was almost at us now. I looked over to see if Rodney was going to get it. He was staring at it hard, but hadn't moved any closer to the belt. Sighing, I grabbed it.

"Rodney," Jennifer said, "Why don't you get the next one for her?"

"Really?" he asked, honestly looking like he might not speak English after all.

I looked at Jennifer; I really couldn't see her with this guy. "It's fine Jen... chivalry is obviously dead."

"No... I'll eh... get it for you." He mumbled something like 'should have brought Ronon.'

"Thanks Rodney," I said, "The next one will be purple with black trim and a purple strap." This should be amusing.

Jennifer pointed down the belt and said, "Is that it?"

"Yep," I said moving away from the belt so Rodney could get a good grab on it... I knew he would need it.

"Gee, did it have to be the biggest one?" Stepping forward, Rodney grabs for it and heaved. It didn't move. Straining, Rodney tried again and managed to knock it off of the conveyor belt. Sighing, I wheeled the smaller one over to it and locked them together. Rodney took a deep breath and slowly started to wheel them to the exit. Walking behind him with Jennifer, I leaned over to her, "You need to work on your training a bit more for him yet."

She laughed, "He really is a nice guy, Heather. It's just that he just doesn't always think about that kind of stuff..."

"That's what they all say," I said, "But, he took you on the private jet a few weeks ago so that's in his favor."

"Ahh... well, that was from one of his friend's."

"I know, the guy who was trying to save the world. How did that go, by the way?"

"I thought I told you the conference was okay and I got to meet some of Rodney's friends."

With a smile, I said, "No, silly... not the conference... the green part... you know, saving the world."

"Oh... that went well."

I laughed. "One comet at a time, I suppose. By the way, do the military drive around in Hummers on US soil?"

"No," she replied, "We just have a normal car today."

"Thank green goodness!"

It looked like driving military vehicles had their privileges, as it was waiting for us right at the curb. Getting in the car with Jennifer, I watched Rodney roughly haul my suitcases into the trunk. Jennifer and I laughed quietly at his production. Once he was in the driver's seat, Jennifer bent over and gave him a kiss. "Thank you Rodney," she said.

"You know, I don't know why girls pack so much."

"Because," I replied, "we change underwear and even clothes every day."

Jennifer laughed. Rodney didn't reply. Jennifer turned around to me, "Vegas might be an option next week, but this week I need to stay on base. I hope that's okay... General O'Neil had to pull strings so we could come pick you up, so he doesn't want to push it right now."

"He had to pull strings... why didn't you just tell me to get a cab?"

Rodney said proudly, "That wouldn't have helped; Jennifer wasn't the issue. I was working on important things that are top priority but I wanted to be able to do this for Jennifer."

She smiled at Rodney and turned to me, "See, I told you he was sweet." Rodney smiled.

About an hour later, we arrived at the port. "Jennifer," I asked, "Aren't you in the Air Force?"

"Yes. But, we'll get to the base from here through. I do need you to do me a favor... I need you to put this blind fold on..."

The blind fold that she was holding was a mask that would cover my whole face. Rodney put up his hand, "Wait, first she has to sign."

"Oh... Thanks Rodney, I almost forgot about that. "Jennifer pulled out a stack of papers and handed them to me, "The first page summarizes it but all this is a non-disclosure agreement. I need you to trust me, Heather, sign it."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No."

Reading through the top page, I realized it says a lot about what I can't do but nothing about why I'd need to sign it in the first place. "Jennifer..." I begin.

"Heather, you like Star Trek right?" Rodney asks.

"Star Trek?"

"Yea, you know Star Trek, the prime directive crazed people that save the universe every week.

"Rodney, just because you study the way the universe was created doesn't make you Captain Picard! Well, you could never have been Picard anyway from what Jennifer's said... maybe Data..."

"My dear, I'll have you know..."

Jennifer smacked him on the arm, "Rodney!"

"She started it!"

"Heather," Jennifer looked me straight in the eye, "I've known you for 23 years; please just sign the papers."

"Okay, yes, you've known me since we were six. But, that you think that means I should feel completely at ease with signing my life away, that is ludicrous."

"I swear it will be worth it."

"Great," I said, "Now tell me more."

"Heather, we can't tell you more."

"If, I sign them Jennifer, you'll tell me everything? Everything that you've been hiding from me for the past year?"

"No, not everything... but, you'll be able to see things that we've only been imagining. I cannot tell you everything, but it will still be worth it."

Taking a deep breath, I went to tell them no. :: buzz, buzz:: It was my cell phone vibrating, I looked at the number. It was my other older best friend, Billy. "It's Billy," I said by way of apology as I pressed talk. I knew Jennifer would understand. I'd know Billy my whole life and he's been there for me for as long as I could remember. She was used to me taking his calls no matter what.

"Hi Billy. What's up?" As I listen to him talking about plans for next month, I saw Rodney and Jennifer exchange a look. They weren't done trying to get me to sign then... maybe they'd try a Star Wars analogy next, I thought. Star Wars! "Billy, I... eh... have to go... I'm fine. Jennifer and I were in the middle of a discussion... Thank you. Talk to you later. Love ya too, bye."

"Tell you what, I'll make this easy on the both of you...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The base was hard to describe. It seemed almost like it wasn't part of this world. It was medals and beige colors in a variety of hues. I couldn't tell what it was built out of at all. To be honest, I'm not sure how we got there. After I signed, they put the mask on me and we got out of the car. Jennifer led me onto a small boat. The boat drove around for ten minutes or so and then there was a sound. I cannot really describe it as I've never heard that sound before. But, there seemed to be a flash of light, the sound again with another flash of light and then Jennifer took of my mask. We were here.

"So, since we are going to have dinner with everyone around eight, do you ladies want to head over to the cafeteria for a snack?" Rodney asked.

"Can I drop off my stuff first?" I asked.

Jennifer offered to take me to my quarters while Rodney went on to 'save us a table'. Once Rodney was out of sight, I turned to Jennifer, and said: "You know, this place looks nothing like the Enterprise."

She laughed, "I know. It's remarkable well preserved though."

"Preserved?"

"Ahh... long story." She said with a wince.

"That you still can't tell me."

"No."

"You cannot tell me how we got here either, I presume?"

"Not really."

"I would say take me to your leader, but you won't do that either will you?"

Jennifer Laughed, "I am sorry... I'm not enjoying this you know." She pointed to the left of the hallway we were in. As we started walking, I realized there were no doors where we had been standing; almost like we had appeared in the base, out of nowhere.

"I know," I said. "I'm not enjoying this either right now. I hate being in the dark."

"You are such a control freak, I wasn't sure you'd sign it. I'm glad you did."

We continued walking as she talked about the restaurant we were going to tonight. I was only half paying attention, trying to get a feel for the layout of this place. It had to be big. We walked past a window finally and I could see the Golden Gate Bridge beyond the base. That shouldn't be possible though as I didn't see a military base near it on the way in on the plane. I could see part of the base below us. If I was able to see a quarter of the base from this window, then the base has to be the size of a big city. I was amazed.

Jennifer was still talking. I wanted to interrupt her and demand answers but I knew that wouldn't get me anywhere. I finalize realized why she had been able to keep this from me; it was a much more important secret then I realized. I wasn't sure how our government had done this, but I was sure that whatever I did figure out in the next two weeks was probably more than the general public should ever be told. Something big was going on here and I was on the inside. I needed to keep my ears and eyes open to figure this out on my own.

"You really will love everyone Heather. Maybe knowing them, you'll be less worried next time I ship out."

That sure caught my attention, "Next time? You aren't home for good?"

"We hope not... Rodney's working hard to make sure there is a next time."

"Rodney again?"

She smiled, "Yep."

"Is a comet goanna come and blow Earth to smithereens?"

"No." She said after the barest of a pause.

"Well that's something."

Arriving at my room, Jennifer showed me how the entry system worked here. With a wave over a sensor pad, it recognized me and opened the door. "Now, Heather... when the inside screen shows red that's locked. You can do that at night, thought it's safe here. I know how nuts you are about that though. Don't forget that if it's blue that's unlocked and anyone can walk in after waving at the sensor."

"Convenient for you and Rodney, I'm sure." She laughed as we dropped off my bags and went to the cafeteria. Walking in, I felt my eyes widen. What military base has such a beautiful cafeteria? There were no windows but there were multicolored lighted panels and a water feature. Normal lunchroom style lunch tables were scattered about with only a couple of people sitting at any of them. I saw Rodney sitting with a guy. Rodney had a full plate already. It looked like Rodney had carried over a coffee for Jennifer and some kind of soda for me.

As we walked over, Jennifer whispered to me, "That guy with Rodney is John."

John stood, "You must be, Heather Burman. Jennifer said you were picture perfect! I'm John Sheppard; it's so wonderful to finally meet you."

"Hello Coronal. It's nice to meet you as well. Jennifer speaks very highly of you."

"Please, call me John."

"Of course, John."

Rodney asked, "Heather, I wasn't sure what you wanted but I know Jen mentioned you don't like coffee so I got you soda... that okay?" Jennifer sat down across from Rodney and reached eagerly for her coffee.

"That's fine Rodney, thank you." I said as sat next to her. "You still haven't kicked the coffee habit, I see."

Jennifer smiled, "It's one of the things in life to be thankful for."

"Absolutely..." John said, "Besides you should be Rodney without coffee. He's a nightmare. Jennifer here is a breeze compared to him. In fact..." John touched his ear and stopped talking. "Hmm... I'm sorry but I'm goanna have to cut this short. I'll see you guys for dinner, okay?"

Rodney looked up from his plate: "Need me?"

"No, it's just our friend. He wants to talk to me."

"Oh. I'll stay here then." Rodney said and started eating his pudding.

After John was far enough away so I was sure he wouldn't hear me, I asked: "That's Captain Kirk, right?" Rodney spit out his pudding as Jennifer started laughing.

Dinner went well. Not only was it delicious as promised, but I did enjoy spending time with them. I was laughing a joking with them like I'd known them for years. Even Rodney wasn't that bad. John did mention citrus a lot when Rodney started whining about one thing or another. It was funny to watch John, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon together. They were like some well oiled machine, a team. Through I still had no idea what the team did, I was sure I'd figured out the parts of the machine... mostly. Rodney was the brains. Ronon was the muscle. And John was the never say die leader. Teyla was still a mystery. I was going to have to spend more time with her to figure it out.

"So, what's there to do around here, Jennifer? No malls I suppose." I asked.

"Not really," Jennifer responded, "maybe next week we can get a bunch of the girls together and take a field trip."

"Sam and Vala have been bugging us to go shopping with them, Jennifer," Teyla said, "Maybe we should make an outing?"

"An outing?" I asked, "Not from America Teyla, are you?"

Everyone seemed to stop. John recovered first, "Nope, no she is not. I think you ladies should go shopping next week."

Ronon jumped in, "Why don't you join Teyla and I for a sparring session tomorrow Heather."

I looked at Jennifer and she smirked and said, "Ronon, Heather's not really a fighter."

"If I can teach Rodney then, I can teach anyone."

"Hey," Rodney whined.

"Rodney," I said, "if you want to get a good laugh, come watch... everybody on the planet fights better than I do."

Jennifer started laughing and then recounted my favorite story of my only ten minutes in Karate Class that resulted in two broken bones. "That was the worst summer..," Jennifer said.

"Yea," I agreed, "It was tough being the only kid in camp that wasn't allowed to swim."

"Hey, Jennifer said, "I stayed with you. I didn't swim that summer either."

"I know but you never liked to swim anyway... besides you still got to do the ropes course that year. I couldn't."

"Wow, I forgot about that..."

"I didn't. I mean, yea I got to do it the next summer. But, that was tough for me to sit out on. I had been looking forward to that for the whole year and then I wasn't allowed because of a little thing like a broken hand."

"Your parents let you go to camp with a broken hand?" Rodney asked surprised.

"I argued with them to allow me to, but yea they let me go. Even though I was eleven, I was determined. If Jen wasn't there, I'm not sure they would have relented. They knew she'd report me if I did something I wasn't supposed to..."

Jennifer smiled, "What are friends for? I remember hoping you'd slip up..."

"I know," I said, "That's why I waited to go into the pool while you were on the rope course."

"What?" she yelled, laughing.

"Yep, I did get caught though. Billy was driving by like 10 minutes after I went in. He saw me and pulled me out of the pool." I explained still laughing, "Made me promise not to do it again."

Rodney said, "I cannot imagine swimming in the pool with a broken hand... What were you thinking?"

"Rodney, the young don't always do as they are told. It was only broken in two places and it's not like I was on medication... It would have hurt like heck if I had moved it wrong. I was sure I could manage it."

John started laughing and touched my arm, "Heather, you don't understand... Rodney doesn't move if he's hurt... or if he thinks he's hurt... You might as well be speaking French..."

"I'm Canadian! Of course I speak French! And, John, I think you forget that some of the times when I've been hurt or when we were facing doom, I've come up with my most brilliant plans..."

"Rodney, looks like you've had too much to drink buddy..." John said, looking exasperated.

"What are you talking about?"

"Rodney," Jennifer said, as she smiled over at me.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just tell me what the big white elephant in the room is?"

The whole table answered with smiles, "No." Rodney and Jennifer started laughing and it seemed to be contagious.

"Darn, that always works on television." I replied and then joined in the laughter.

In the morning, I awoke to banging on my door. I put on my robe and walked to the door slowly. "Whoever you are, you better have a good reason for trying to wake the dead." Without me touching the control, the door's motion sensor must have activated. "Wow..," I said surprised.

"What?" Rodney was standing there looking at me like doors open on their own all the time.

"Jennifer told me that you have to hit the control for these doors to open... I didn't hit it."

"You had to."

"Rodney, I didn't. I swear."

"Hmm..." he said thinking.

Shaking off the creepy feeling, I asked, "Computer glitch, I guess. So, why are you at my door anyway? I thought Jennifer was going to show me around the base today."

"Well, she wanted too but Lt. Lorne's sister's kids came down with the flu. It's a bad case, so Jennifer offered to go with him to see what we can do. Jennifer should be finished around noon so I thought we'd meet her in town for lunch. I have a few hours free as the computers are running a simulation, so I thought I'd give you the tour. I know this place like the back of my hand, so you're in luck really."

"Hmm... Okay... But, you do realize it's like eight in the morning right?"

"Err... Right. Sorry, I guess... Even after six weeks I'm still not use to Pacific Standard Time yet."

"I thought I was bad. When I came back from Egypt it took me two weeks to get my internal time clock working right again. You have it worst."

"Is an hour long enough for you to get dressed? I'll go save a table for us to have breakfast."

"Good deal."

"Ohh, I almost forgot. This is for you to use while you're here," he said and handed a small ear bud with an attached mini-microphone to me.

"What is this?"

"It's how everyone communicates here. Just stuck it in your ear. It's voice activated, just say the name of the person you want to speak to and it will turn on their com. I doubt you'll use it, but General O'Neil wanted you to have one in case of an emergency."

"Almost like I'm one of the gang. Cool."

"Well, at least if you get lost on the way to the Caf you can call me."

"Yea, but I'm not going to be able to tell you where I am."

"Not a problem, we've got sensors...in the ear piece that we can track."

"That works."

"I'll see you in an hour, okay?"

"Roger," I said with a smile.

Getting to the cafeteria turned out to be fairly easily for me. I remembered the way perfectly and was door-to-door in just under ten minutes. Rodney was at the same table as yesterday with two plates in front of him. I walked over. Once I had sat down, I realized he was taking turns eating out of both.

"I have a fast metabolism."

Rodney looked so sheepish that I just nodded and said, "No problem... I'll just go get myself breakfast." Walking over to the buffet they had setup, I picked up some French Toast and apple juice. With a smile, I added more French Toast and an orange to my tray. Walking back to the table, I sat down again. "Rodney, how would you like an orange?"

He smirked. "Jennifer would kill you."

"John would save me."

"True, Kirk would save you..."

"For a cherry?"

Rodney spit his coffee all over the table as he laughed. "I don't believe you said that!"

Shrugging, I replied, "Just calling him as I see it."

"I'm glad you have more sense." He said as he chewed on a piece of bacon. We ate quickly. Rodney finished everything off of his two plates and then looked over at my remaining two slices of French Toast. "Are you going to eat that?"

"Ha! You're girlfriend warned me about you, Rodney. I got them just so you could snag them."

"I love Jennifer." He said as he speared them.

"You better. If you hurt her, there will be no where you can hide and no force in heaven or hell that will protect you... got that?"

"I do, and I won't." He said as he munched.

Once Rodney was finished, he looked at me, and said: "Okay, I'm a busy man you know... let's start the tour!" He showed me his lab, where the Mensa chapter meets (He is a proud member), another lab, and more hallways than I can count.

"So, this base... how big is it? It feels like we've been walking forever."

"It's big, we normally don't walk it."

"What do you mean you don't walk it?"

"Look, it's big! That's all."

"You guys have to let me in on something for goodness sake! I signed my life away!"

"Heather, the less you know the easier it will be when we leave." Rodney held up his hand and touched his ear, "Oh damn... Zelenka don't touch anything until I get there!" Rodney looked at me and started walked down another hallway, "Well don't just stare at me, keep up!" He sighed, "Ok, Heather... we need to get to my main lab fast before Zelenka screws anything else up...Now, I know this is going to scare the hell out of you, but it's safe I promise." We stopped in front of the door at the end of the hallway, it opened. It wasn't a room; it was more of a closet.

"Rodney, what the hell? I'm got going into a closet so you can run off and leave me here."

"Look, I'm not running off, I'm trying to be a gentleman for goodness sakes. Get in. I'm goanna get in too!"

"Rodney, I am not getting in a closet with you or Sheppard ever. Got it."

"I don't have time for this." He grabbed me and shoved me in. The panel on the back of the closet lit up when we entered and Rodney pressed the upper tour. Everything went dark. I felt weird and there was a flash of light. The doors opened and the hallway was different.

"A transporter? Are you kidding me? Oh my Goodness, Rodney!"

"Yea, yea, don't have time Heather. Follow me." We quickly walked down the hall and then I found myself in a lab again. A bigger one this time, it looked like five people could work here comfortably. There were several laptops just like in the other labs. But, there also seemed to be some other technology here, which I couldn't identify. Zelenka was sitting in front of a laptop, speaking in Czech and not sounding very happy. "What did you do?" Rodney asked him.

"I didn't do anything. I didn't even touch it. I came in and it was frozen." Zelenka answered, "I have my own work to do Rodney. The chair must be operational, so I came in to check the numbers that you gave me and found it like this... Good Morning Heather."

"The numbers were fine." Rodney said as he started typing into the laptop. It didn't seem to be SQL or any computer language I had seen before.

"Good Morning Radek. How are you?" I said once I could get a word in.

Rodney continued, "Don't you touch the chair, Zelenka. I've got it."

"I'm Fine, Heather. Thank you for asking."

"Rodney, what are you doing? That's not SQL. It looks vaguely like DOS... what is that?" I asked.

"Heather, no go." Rodney said.

Zelenka said, "The chair room is my job, Rodney."

"Your job is what I tell you. I'll take care of it; now go on... take care of the system upgrades to the Ga...game. I have important work to do here."

Zelenka answered, "Fine" and stormed away gesturing and yelling in Czech.

"Your bedside manner could use an upgrade Rodney," I said.

"Genius doesn't have time to waste. Now, I do need to figure out what he did here Heather. And quiet would be good, if you don't mind."

"Ok, no problem... I'll be as quiet as a mouse." After a few minutes of watching him type, I stopped looking at him (_he talks to himself when he works..._) and took a look at the laptop we was working on. And then looked at all of them around the room: all of them had stickers that said "Atlantis". "Rodney," I asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"The base... it's named Atlantis? After the city that sunk in ancient times?"

"Um... Basically... yes."

"With transporters, I assume this place has to be really big."

"Yes."

"Is there a cloak too?"

Rodney froze and looked up at me, "Why would you say that?"

"Because we seem to be within seeing distance of the Golden Gate Bridge, but no one in the USA seems to know about Atlantis. I couldn't see it from the Port... In fact, that's how you guys got us in yesterday, wasn't it? You used the Transporter... Can I transport from here to my room? How do I activate it?"

"It's a different kind of transporter than we used yesterday. Don't ask me anymore questions about that. On base, we cannot transport from point to point in every room, that's why we have the 'closet'. I'll show you later how to transport to the tower where the living quarters are... You'll have to walk a little bit as you cannot transport directly into your room. Heather, listen... Where you're quarters are located is the only tower you can explore on your own. It's really something that you have to stick too as you can tell them is a lot of technology and other things here that would be very dangerous. I'm going to lock you out of the transporter otherwise, but I want you to promise you won't go anywhere without one of us with you.

"Rodney, I'm not a child!"

"I know that, but believe me when I tell you there are things in the universe that you don't want to run into. Jennifer would never forgive herself if you go and get yourself killed."

About to give him a flippant answer, something made me paused. A feeling. It was the same feeling I got a year ago when Jennifer left for the mission. Rodney wasn't just saying this. _I need to take this request seriously. _"I hate this... mystery." I said.

"No, you don't. The transporter would be worth signing that paper from yesterday for a Star Trek fan, so you aren't doing that bad. Now then, this is fixed... as long as Zelenka stays away from it. Hmm... That reminds me, eh... General O'Neil wanted me to take you to the lab to get some blood drawn. Let's go get that done, eh?"

"Ohh, umm... could that wait? Jennifer can do it when she comes back, can't she? I don't really like needles."

"I'm not really a fan of them myself, but Dr. Biro is really good... you won't feel it... I promise."

I looked at my watch, "But, Rodney it's 11:45AM... we have to meet Jennifer in fifteen minutes."

He sighed, "Yea, okay... You're right..." Rodney didn't say anything else for a moment and I wondered if his ear piece had gone off, was someone talking to him? Would it be rude to remind him he just stopped in the middle of a sentence?

"Earth to Rodney," I said, "You aren't moving and now we only have thirteen minutes to get to Jen."

"I know that, Thank you... I'm thinking."

"What is there to think about? Let's transport like we did yesterday, only there no point to the blindfold anymore. So... let's go."

"Hm."

"Rodney, what's wrong?"

He touched his ear, "Col. Caldwell, this is McKay... Can we safely do a site to site transport to downtown San Francisco?... Yes both... Doesn't matter within five blocks of Fogs City Diner... Request the room to be cleared with five minute stopover... Thank you." He looked at me, "You asked for it."

There was an almost blinding bluish white flash of light accompanied by a deep metallic loud tone. We were no longer in Atlantis and instead I was looking out a window, overlooking Earth. From Space. "Oh my God."

"Yea."

"We have a secret military space shuttle with transporter technology."

"Um... yea."

"Oh my God." I just stared some more. I didn't think I would ever be tired of this view. "So, this is the million dollar toilet seats and the trillion dollar paperclips... unless... Rodney, is this our only space shuttle?"

"Um... I'm Canadian."

"Canadian! Our as in Earth not as in USA vs. the world, Rodney! Wait... you can't answer that question if we did anyway because I'm not authorized to know... okay, so that means 'yes' we do have more... A full fleet?"

"Heather..."

"No, that wouldn't make sense. It would be too hard to hide them when you built a big fleet... No more than 2, maybe 3 shuttles..." Rodney just looked at me like I was reading his mind and wanted me to stop. "I'm going with three... Wait, do we have weapons for the shuttles... You didn't balk when I said military so we must have weapons... Huh... I guess that means it's a ship not a shuttle, right?"

For once Rodney was silent. "Oh come on, you can answer that!" More Silence. "Okay. Hypothetically, if a space ship has weapon's than we would no longer classify it as a space shuttle, right?"

"Um... well, no, we wouldn't but that doesn't..."

"Oh my God... "I said, slightly panicked, "Rodney, why do we need an armed space fleet?"

The blinding bluish white flash of light came again with the same metallic tone. We were in a back alley with trash pushed up against the buildings. "Heather, everything is under control, okay. That's all you need to know."

"Rodney..." I started.

"No, listen... You're right, I cannot talk about this with you. I will say this: if Jen really thought Earth was in danger, do you think she would leave and let her father stay? Do you think she could leave you here? You know her better than that... if that was the case, she'd be staying here with you. So, no... That's it. We aren't having this conversation."

"You guys don't fight on Earth."

"Come on, we only have a minute to get there and we are a block away." Rodney started walking down the alley.

I followed at a slightly slower pace, thinking. People have always fought over land, religion, power, and many other things. Even now our military fights to protect us from terrorists, create human rights, and whatever else politicians and poets deem necessary for the greater good. On Earth. What does the galaxy fight for and about? Are they human? How do we decide who's good and whose evil? What 'side' are we on? "Oh God," I said.

"You okay?"

"No."

"Teyla or Jennifer would know what to say to you, but I'm Tec genius, not feeling's genius. So, can you keep it together until we get back to Atlantis? Or should I go in and tell Jennifer we're all going back right now?"

"I don't want to go back yet... I think I want normally for a little while longer."

"You sure?"

"Yea."

We went in. We sat down with Jennifer. We had lunch. I don't remember the conversation much and I don't even remember what I had to eat. I think there was a slice of Chocolate Chip Cheesecake involved, but I didn't really taste it. Jennifer asked me a lot if I was okay and I answered that I was. Afterwards, we walked back to the alley. Rodney said something. The blinding bluish white flash of light came again with the same metallic tone. We were back in Atlantis in my room. I heard my cell phone ringing; It must be Billy, I always called him around now. I didn't answer the phone or Jennifer.

"Heather!" Jennifer said. Turning to Rodney, Jennifer asked, "Rodney, what happened?" Words. More words. Back and forth. "Heather!" Jennifer said again, giving me a little shaking, "Come on. Snap out of it, please!"

Rodney touched his ear, "John, Jennifer and I are in Heather's quarter's why? Oh... right, Caldwell... I know but... I'm not sure... Heather's taking it fine... oh, you're coming... well then she not exactly taking it well..."

The door opened. John came in followed by Teyla and Ronon.

"Hi Heather," John said as Teyla said hello.

"Jennifer?" I asked.

"I'm right here, Heather. I know you've had a lot of shocks today. I'm sorry. I'm here now."

"I know you can't tell me anything. I'm not sure I want you too. Just tell me the truth... are we the good guys?"

"The good guys?" Jennifer asked, looking over at Rodney.

"Don't look at me. I don't have the slightest idea where that came from." He said with a shrug.

"In the war you're fighting, are we the good guys?" I asked again.

"Yea, Heather," John said.

"Your people have saved many lives," Teyla said.

"My people..." I said, "Teyla, you... you aren't from around here..."

"Neither Ronon or myself are... from around here."

"There are humans then out there..." I said quietly.

"You okay?" John asked me.

"No," I said, "But, I will be... I think I just need some time."

"Hey, no problem," John said, "Now Rodney..."

"Don't Rodney me... I had to take her to the lab... the ZMPs were about to explode. It was an emergency."

"And the Daedalus?"

"Well, it was either that or the jumper, so I figured she already knew about the transporters on Atlantis, so..."

"Why would she know about that?"

_Jumpers? Huh?_

"John, did you hear me? All of our ZMPs were about to explode! I had to get there quickly and I couldn't just lock her in a closet!"

"Fine, so blindfold her again."

"Why? Everyone knows about NASA's shuttles. We've been in space since 1949. That wasn't a big deal, really. Just one extra ship. How was I supposed to realize she'd start making pesky guesses on things that are classified?"

"McKay, sometimes I could kill you."

"I'm not the one that told her aliens exist!"

"John," Teyla said, "Heather has had a busy day. Perhaps she should allow her some time to rest."

"That's a good idea, Teyla," Jennifer said.

"I'm fine." I said, "It's only 1pm or so... I'm not going to rest anyway."

"Heather," Jennifer said, "I'm 8pm."

"8pm?"

"Yea."

I tried to joke, "No way. Rodney missed dinner?"

"You had us worried, Heather."

"And he stuffed his face a lunch, well... more than usual." Jennifer added, "You want me to stay here on the couch tonight? Have a sleep over in case if you need to talk."

"Nah, I'm good Jen. Really. I think I already worked through most of it."

"Okay. I'm just a phone call away, okay? Anytime. No matter what." Jennifer said.

"I know. Thank you. I'm sorry I scared all of you."

Ronon gave me a hesitant hug said goodnight and headed out the door.

Following Ronon, John stopped at the door and looked back, "If you need me, just call. 'night Heather."

"Sleep well." Teyla said and left.

"Go on you too. I promise I'm not going to freak out again."

Rodney looked at Jennifer, "Maybe you should hangout for a bit."

"If you don't mind Rodney..." Jennifer started.

"No. Both of you. OUT!" I said strongly. "I am fine. I was on a spaceship looking out a pretty window, not in enemy hands. Go... really."

Jennifer nodded to Rodney and said, "Ok, I'll go but call me if you need me."

"I will. Goodnight and thank you both."

"Goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite." Rodney said.

Giving Rodney a long look, Jennifer hugged me and said, "Really, call if you need anything. Night."

I was finally alone. I stood by the door without moving for a few seconds, just trying to remember to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. We were fighting a war with unknown enemies and unknown friends. Did we even have friends out there in the galaxy? What were we fighting for? Whose lives had we saved? Who were Teyla and Ronon? Alien diplomats? Alien spies? Aliens! My goodness I know two aliens. It didn't seem like it could be real. But, I used a working transporter, two really. I was on the Daedalus. Was that our ship? I looked like something from TV but it looked Earth-like in design. Not like Atlantis really. Atlantis is too pretty to be military. An alien base then given to us as an intergalactic station of some kind. Or...

My cell phone rang. Looking at the number, I answered on the second ring, "Hi Billy... Oh, I feel like I'm about to cry at any moment and I really can't explain why... It's a military secret, so just tell me about your nice normal day please..." I listened and listened as my tears silently fell.

After talking to Billy for a few hours, I was able to get a bit of sleep. Waking up, I called Ronon on the ear piece... he seemed like the type to sleep with it in his ear. "Ah, Heather to Ronon Dex, please come in..." I said.

"Yes?" a sleepy voice answered, "Heather?"

"Yes, I'm sorry to wake you Ronon... "

"I'll collect Jennifer and Teyla and come over. Give me two minutes."

"Ronon, I'm fine. Really. I just was wondering if you and Teyla were going to be sparing today. That's all."

"Um... yea, we are."

"Would it be okay if I joined you?"

"Sure. But, you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry I woke you up. I just wanted to make sure I didn't miss you."

"Don't worry about it, I'll come and pick you up at 7am okay."

"Thank you Ronon. See you in 3 hours."

"Try and get some rest."

The three hours passed and I dosed off and on. I wasn't sure what I wanted to know about this war. Since it was so far away, maybe it was best I know find anything else out. There was nothing I can do. At 6:45am, I called Jennifer to let her know where I would be. She wanted to join us. I was thrilled. A small part of me was thankful that maybe talking to known aliens would be as worrisome as it sounded in the early morning light. I told Jennifer that Ronon was coming in fifteen minutes. At 6:55am, Jennifer was dressed in her sweats and ringing my door bell. Exactly five minutes later, Ronon and Teyla arrived and we were off to the gym.

I spend a good hour just watching Teyla and Ronon practice. I was disturbed and mesmerized at the same time. Before my lone trip into Karate, I had watched the instructor fight against another instructor. It was nothing like this. Ronon and Teyla stuck hard and fast. As they were sparring, Ronon spoke to me pointing out what Teyla was doing. What they had said was practice had both of them bleeding but neither showed feeling the pain or seemed to be slowing down. Ronon was bleeding from a cut above his eye and a few small cuts on his hands from what I could see. Teyla had a nastily looking bruise that had formed on the outside of her right calf.

Jennifer was watching me more then she was paying attention to them. "Teyla, Ronon," I called, "can you guys take a breather please... I'm exhausted just watching you guys."

Jennifer threw them both bottles of water as they came over. "Ronon," Jennifer asked, "Do you want me to look at your eye?"

"Nah," he replied, "I'm fine."

"As am I," Teyla said.

"You guys could have done that forever huh?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No," Teyla replied with a laugh, "We are only human."

"Hmm. Good to know."

"That's not what you were wondering," Ronon stated.

I paused and then agreed, "No, it's not. Why would you practice like that? That hard, that fast, and that bloody"

"Heather, real fights aren't like what you see on TV," Jennifer said, "In a real fight, you have to be able to take hits and keep going."

"Just cause I've never been in a fight, Jennifer, doesn't mean I don't understand the concept. I just mean... I don't even know how to ask this!"

Ronon answered, "We train like this because we've known enemies that are not human."

"What kind of enemies?"

"No Ronon." Teyla said, just as Jennifer said 'No'.

"She has a right to know." Ronon told them both.

"John is right," Teyla told him, "As they will never come here, there is no point to telling her. And Heather has had enough surprises."

"One is..." Ronon began speaking to Teyla and cut himself off, "She has the right to know. It is better to train and never fight, than to never have trained at all."

"Yea!" I said with a smile, "but if you want to steal lines and use them for your own, don't take ones that everyone knows."

"Everyone knows that?"

"Yea, the quote's about love, not fight training. It's in a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson. Wait, does that mean you guys have been here since 1850?"

Jennifer laughed, "No, It means Ronon's been watches too many old TV shows."

"Oh."

"Come on Heather," Teyla said, "Enough talk. Let me show you some basic moves for self defense."

"Great..." I said, "Um... I know I need to be able to bleed in a fight and keep going... but, um... Since I'm not in the Air force or anything, let's keep my blood where it belongs. Ok?"

"Sure." Teyla and Ronon worked with me for two hours. Jennifer helped show me moves with Teyla. I cannot say it was fun, though I didn't bleed. I did break a nail. About half way through, Ronon claimed I was already better then Rodney. Even if it wasn't true, I filed it away in my mind to upset Rodney later on at dinner.

"Wow, it's 10AM already. Heather we have to go get dressed. I have to be in the office by 10:30 this morning. You can help me with organizing the new supplies that were dropped off yesterday. That way we'll be done by Dinner."

Ronon offered, "Heather, you're welcome to stay here and train with us. Teyla and I normally work until noon."

"Noon!" I screeched. Clearing my throat I continued, "Sorry, but wow. I'm already dead tired. There is no way I can spar for another two hours. But, would you mind if I just watched you guys? Pick up pointers that way?" I didn't have to look at Jennifer to know she wasn't going to like this idea. She had to know that I was staying as I fully expected Ronon to tell everything.

Teyla looked Jennifer in the eye and nodded. "Of course, Heather." Teyla said.

Once Jennifer left, I just watched them for another half hour. I know that they know I wanted more information and I knew that Teyla at least seemed to think that I didn't deserve this information. I was going to fix that. I hoped. "Teyla?"

She didn't even pause in her punch at Ronon as she answered, "Yes?"

"So, you are a soldier?"

"My people do not organize forces as you do. We are our own soldiers."

Without further prompting, Ronon answered my question: "I was a soldier."

"Was?"

"Sateda, my home planet, was destroyed by the..."

"Ronon!" Teyla said.

"I'm sorry Ronon, I didn't know. You aren't seemed to be allowed to finish that sentence so I'll assume it's the people we are at war with." At Teyla's dirty look to Ronon, I continued: "I just want to understand, Teyla. Why shouldn't I be allowed to know?"

"We might not be from Earth Heather, but we are part of the team. I believe that your people are trying to make sure that you don't worry about things you cannot change. Ronon, John gave us orders in regards to this."

"You once told me that we decide when we follow orders and when we don't." Ronon reminded her as he blocked a punch of hers.

"This is not one of those times."

"I don't want to get anyone in trouble," I said. "And I don't want you to be fighting. Well, arguing at least. You've been sparing for hours. How long have you guys been married?"

They were still exchanging blows as Teyla answered, "We aren't together."

"Teyla is like a sister to me," Ronon agreed, blocking her attack.

"Oh, I'm sorry..."

"Don't be. Many people have thought that."

"You both grew up on Sateda then."

"No. We met four years ago."

"Can I at least ask how?"

"No," Teyla answered with a smile.

"It's really not fair."

"I believe your expression is: life isn't fair."

I laughed. "I bet I can just what you were Teyla."

"I bet you can't." Ronon said.

"Oh, I get to ask twenty questions and then I have to say what you were, Teyla, before you joined the team."

"That just is not possible Heather."

"Oh come on, it's just a harmless little Earth game."

"Nothing seems to be harmless when it comes to you."

"That hurts!" I said with my hand over my heart. Teyla rolled her eyes with a smile.

"Teyla," Ronon said, "just play the game if she asks something that we cannot answer then she'll just have to ask a new question."

"Very well."

"Cool. Okay... How old are you when you first learned to fight?" I began.

"I do not know, but my father taught me when I was very young" she replied.

"Hmm... okay... What does your father do?"

"My father passed away years ago."

"Oh, goodness... Teyla, I'm sorry... I didn't know."

"It is alright, Heather." Teyla held up her hand to Ronon and touched her ear, "Yes Jennifer..." Silence and then she asked: "Heather do you have your communication device on?"

"Yep put it on this morning...Wait, it's not in my ear..." I realized, imaging the government bill that had to be heading my way for losing one of these things.

Ronon looked around. "I've got it," he said walking to the other end of the room. He retrieved it from the floor, shook it, and handed it back to me.

Putting it in my ear, I responded, "Sorry about that. You rang?"

"Rodney had an idea. He's going to the Daedalus. You'd have to stay with him..."

"Quietly!" I hear Rodney yell in the background.

"Yes, Rodney. You'd have to be relatively quiet as he's working, but you can stare out the window some more. I know how much you have to be enjoying practicing fighting and all, but... what do you say?"

"I'm having a pretty good time and I haven't hurt anyone yet." I said, somewhat proudly.

"Well, that's good." Jennifer said.

"Still, Teyla and Ronon probably want to get rid of me at this point."

"We do not," said Teyla as Ronon shook he's head 'no'.

"Hmm... Sit there and watch Rodney think he's the best thing in the universe or hang out with Teyla and Ronon..." I debated.

"Wait, if Jennifer asking you to go with Rodney perhaps Teyla and I should accompany you as well," Ronon said.

Looking at Ronon, I could help but think that was an odd thing for him to say. He seemed to like sparing more than anything else in the universe. Why would he want to stop to baby sit me around Rodney? _My friend's boyfriend who couldn't hurt a fly? _They seemed to forget I was there as they bickered.

"I don't believe that is necessary, Ronon." Teyla said.

"He is there." Ronon responded.

_He who?_

"Col. Carter is there working on the systems as well," Teyla continued, giving Ronon a very stern look, "with several teams of marines and John."

"Rodney would never hurt me, only talk my head off. What's the big deal? And why would John and Marines be on a space ship?" I asked, looking at Ronon.

Teyla answered, "No one will hurt you Heather. Ronon is concerned because... they are doing delicate repairs to the ship today."

_That couldn't be the only reason._ Ronon's reason had nothing to do with repairs, but I saw my opening to find out more information about the ship and figuring that was the more important issue, I asked: "To the weapons systems?"

"Yes. Along with the hyperdrive."

"We have hyperdrive!" I squealed in delight.

"Heather stop," Jennifer said in my ear, "Rodney, you should get on here before any other secrets are revealed" Jennifer called.

"I'm sorry. But, I'm going on that ship if they are testing a hyperdrive."

Rodney interrupted, "Heather, listen... we aren't testing anything. Col. Samantha Carter will be there...I'm sure Jen's talk about her to you."

"Yes, I said. She was the leader of Atlantis for about a year. Jen liked her."

"We all did... You know, Sam used to have a little crush on me..." Rodney started.

Jennifer laughed, "Heather, don't tell her that. Rodney, stay on topic!"

"Anyway," Rodney continued, "you'll need to be on your best behavior. You cannot know about weapon systems or hyper drive. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Alright. How long do you need to change?"

"Hmm.. Would an hour be okay? I'd like to take a shower."

"Well, I'm supposed to leave in ten minutes... let me talk to John. Call ya back." There was a click.

Jennifer said, "You should have Ronon or Teyla start walking you to your room. Rodney will count this time in your hour if he can get it cleared."

"Ok, thanks." I said and looking at Teyla, "Would you mind taking me back to my room so I can start changing. They don't want me walking around here on my own."

Ronon agreed, "You shouldn't ever walk around here without one of us. If you need someone to go with you, you can call Teyla or me. I don't care what time it is. Promise that you won't walk around by yourself?"

"Gee, what do you people have around here that's do dangerous? Everyone wants me to promise I won't go exploring. It's like you have a mad scientist or a man-eating Venus Fly Trap around every corner!"

"We have things that are far worst. What is this Venus Fly Trap? What do you mean by man-eating?" Ronon asked somberly.

"Heather, I will take you to your room," Teyla said.

"Thank you Teyla. Ronon, I'll explain when I get back." Teyla and I left. As we were walking, I said, "Teyla, I know you think Jen and everyone is doing the right thing my hiding everything from me. But, I honestly have this feeling that I need to figure this out. I won't say anything to Sam as I don't want to get anyone in trouble. But, I'm not just going to give up."

"Sometimes knowing only can make things worse."

"You mean when you guys go back to the war."

"Yes."

"I know. I've been thinking about that a lot. America doesn't always know the right way to do, sometimes we make mistakes. We put the wrong people in power or wait too long to enter wars. How much do you know about Earth history?"

Teyla smiled, "It's not something that is widely spoken over on Atlantis."

"Right."

"Heather, I will not go against John and Jennifer's wishes. I am sure they are doing what they think is right. John saved me and my people only days after getting to Atlantis. You can trust them to do the right thing."

"Wait," I said grabbing her arm and stopping dead, "Getting to... Atlantis wasn't on Earth then... It couldn't have been because you're an alien... So, what..."

Teyla sighed, "Heather, you mustn't ask such questions. Atlantis is quite hard to explain and you cannot jump to conclusions."

"Heather," I heard Rodney through my earpiece, "Okay, this is the plan. I'm going to go over and work on the Daedalus for an hour and a half. After that, I'll come back to pick you up. That way I can get the important stuff done first and then give you a mini tour. Sound good?"

"Yea! That sounds great Rodney. I'll see you then! Thank you!" We signed off. Teyla and I got to the transporter and I was soon back in my room.

Getting showered and changed quickly, I thought about what I'd learned so far. _This is big. Cool and big. I have to watch how I play this... With Col. Carter there... _Knowing that Jennifer really liked and respected this Col. Carter, I promised myself that I wouldn't cause any trouble for her while the brass was around. And I vaguely recalled that Sam and an O'Neil (How many O'Neil's could there be after all?) were rumored to be an item in one of Jen's emails so I really needed to keep a low profile with her. An hour after I got to my room, my door chimed. Walking towards the door, it opened to reveal Rodney looking at his iPad-like thing.

"Great... I'll need to get that from the lab so..." He looked up, "Hi. You ready yet, Heather?"

Slipping my lipstick into my purse, I said, "Ready."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Transporting to the lab, Rodney was talking so fast I could barely keep up as he rambled about how Jennifer and him had gotten together: He's loved her for awhile but wasn't sure how to handle it. For a while, he's been worried that Jennifer was falling for Ronon. But, then Rodney had contracted a disease that was similar to Alzheimer's and she'd saved him. And he got the girl. He said that he felt like she saved him twice that day. It was so sweet. I had heard most of it before, though the non-alien version, but it was great to see him tell it again. Rodney's love shined through and I was happy for them. Rodney's lab door opened and Rodney started to walk over to his desk. I looked up and saw six Marines with P-90s standing around the left side of the lab. That wasn't the shocking part. There was an alien sitting at a computer. A real alien: green with long white hair and what looked like viper pits on his face. He was just looking at me. He froze as if he didn't know what to do. I think he was almost as surprised as I was. "Oh My God," I whispered.

No one in the lab moved for another ten seconds and then everyone moved at once. The alien moved back into the corner with his hands behind his back. A Marine yelled something and all of them held up their guns at the alien. Rodney twisted around with a look of horror on his face.

"Todd, you stay in the corner... Do not even blink. Shoot him if he moves." Rodney said to the Marines. "Heather, I need you to turn around and wait for me outside, please. Lieutenant... whoever you are, why the hell would you bring him in my lab without my permission?"

"Lt. Hubbel, sir. Col. Sheppard authorized Todd to use the lab today while you were away."

"Of all the... "

The door shut behind me and I just stood there for a few seconds. The green guy, Todd, was what I thought aliens would look like. He had a ton of guards but he hadn't seemed dangerous. In fact, he's moved as far away from me as possible. Rodney seems to be afraid of his shadow so maybe that was why he had guards. He hasn't been here as long as Teyla and Ronon. Taking a breath, I hit the door sensor and the door opened.

"I'm sorry," I said walking into the room towards the green alien, "My name is Heather. I'm sorry, Todd, if my reaction wasn't polite, I've never met someone like you before. You just surprised me. I hope I didn't offend you..."

"Heather," Rodney yelled, "Stay the hell away from him!" Todd still hadn't moved and was just watching me. Rodney moved towards me, "Heather come on... we're leaving."

"Rodney, I need to apologize!"

Rodney took my arm, "No, you need to leave. It's not safe."

"I will not harm her." The Marine's guns seemed to all aim for his heart when the alien spoke. They wanted to pull the trigger; I could feel it in every fiber of my bones.

Rodney looked at Todd, "Sure, like any of us believe that."

"I believe him." I said.

"Heather, you don't count."

One of the marine's said, "Madam, leave with Dr. McKay, you have no idea what this thing is."

"He's an alien."

"Well, yes," Rodney replied, "But, not a good one. You can't ever trust this guy."

As we spoke, it felt like the Marines' wanted to shoot around me and take out their target: like they'd been waiting for an excuse to kill. It made my skin crawl. I'd never felt this way around any of these people before, but the feeling was so strong I couldn't control it. "Rodney, come on. Make them lower their weapons. They are making me nervous. And this isn't how we treat guests"

"Heather, your instincts are misdirected here. The Marines aren't the ones that should be making you nervous. I cannot tell you why, but you're just going to have to trust me."

"Rodney, you have six armed men guarding one guy. Even Ronon wouldn't need that many guards."

"Ronon, doesn't suck the life out of people!"

"Suck the life out of people." I gave a short bark of a laugh, "Vampires. Right."

"Umm... Dust-bunnies! Ok?"

"You do not get to Dust-bunnies this. I'm calling in the big guns. Jennifer," I said activating my ear piece, "I need you down in Rodney's lab. Rodney's being a pain."

"Security to McKay's Lab," John said, "Heather, stay out of there!"

"John?"

"Heather, I don't know what you think you are doing but you are NOT to walk in there. Understood?"

"Rodney and I are already in the lab. The Marines have Todd, the alien, at gunpoint; I need you to tell them to stand down."

"Does Todd have you as a hostage?"

"Of course not."

"Rodney?"

"No. Why?" I said, confused.

"Lt. Hubbel, once you have a clean shot, fire!"

Lt. Hubbel activated his ear piece, "To be honest Sir, Todd's made no move to harm her. She's the one that won't leave."

"Heather," Jennifer interrupted, "Sorry. I was in the ladies room, you called?"

"Jennifer," John said, "Please instruct your friend to leave Rodney's lab ASAP before she gets herself killed."

"Why?" Jennifer asked, "What's Rodney created now? Does he need medical attention?" As she spoke, I could hear her picking up her medical bag.

"No." I said calmly, "They are freaked out because I met a green alien. Just tell them to..."

"Todd? You met TODD?" she screamed.

"Eh..." Half my brain registered that she seemed terrorized by my meeting Todd and the other half of my brain kept taking note of him. He was watching me. He still had his hands behind his back and was leaning as far away from me as possible. He must know that they'd over react. He'd already learnt not to trust us. "Look, Rodney mentioned that he's a vampire..."

"Dust-bunnies! Dust-bunnies! Dust-bunnies! Go! Out! NOW!" Jennifer yelled into the ear piece.

"Ok, okay. I said. I'll go." I started walking to the door. Once I got pass the closest marines, I turned around and looked at Todd, "I don't know what you are. But, I'm sorry. They aren't normally like this."

Todd gave me a little smile, "They are human."

"Dust-bunnies, Heather." Rodney said.

"My god Rodney, I'm going, I just want to... Look, you might not care about our galactic reputation, but I do." I said. "Vampire or not, he has just as much right to common courtesy as we do."

"I am Wraith."

"Heather, Dust-bunnies!" Rodney said.

"I'm sorry I won't be able to learn more about your people, Todd." Rodney at that point had enough and literally pushed me out the door. John almost smacked into me as Jennifer and him were coming into the lab. John had his gun drawn.

"Are you alright?" John asked.

"Yes."

"Good," John said. Taking a deep breath, he continued: "What the hell were you thinking. If Rodney or I, or anyone for that matter, tell you to stay the hell away then you need to stay away. You could have gotten yourself killed..."

Jennifer pushed him out of the way and grabbed my arm, "I am taking you to the infirmary and you are getting checked out."

"Maybe you should exam her head, while you're at it." John said. "I have to report this to General O'Neil, Jennifer... I doubt she'll be allowed to stay."

"Hello, I am right here! What am I, a dog?"

"No," Rodney said, "Dog's do as they are told."

"I know John," Jennifer said. "I know."

"Heather, if you go near him again I'm going to give the Marines orders. They will kill him as soon as they see you. I'm not going to risk you being an idiot. Understood?" John said.

"I understand... perfectly." I said. If I go near him it's tantamount to my pulling the trigger myself. That's one way to stop me. I was sure I'd found the real demon.

Jennifer and I walked down to the infirmary is silence, Rodney trailing behind. Once we got there, she put my on a bed with a scanner above it: An odd looking MRI. Then she took blood. As she took out the needle, she didn't say anything. Either did Rodney. Rodney hadn't said a word.. for more than a few minutes. "I'm sorry," I said," I must have really scared you."

Jennifer didn't answer.

"Heather," Rodney said, "the wraith.. he could have killed you. They are..." He sighed.

"Oh. My. God. He's one of them... the enemy isn't he? They are what you guys are fighting?"

"Yes." Rodney said.

"They're vampires... Is that why Teyla learned how to fight at a really young age? To protect her from the Wraith?"

Rodney paused and said, "Yes."

"No Rodney," Jennifer said, quietly, "I don't want her to know. I don't want her to try and save the world. I want to know that my best friend is safe on Earth. I don't want..." She lost it then. She cried. I hadn't heard her cry since she'd lost her mother. Rodney held her as she cried and all I could do was sit there frozen.

"Jen, I'm sorry." I said, "I just.. something... something has been wrong with me..."

Rodney panicky looked over at me, "Something contagious?"

"I don't think so. It's just a feeling really... like if I don't figure something out, I'll go nuts."

"You are always like that and I just.. we just need you to not.. okay?" Jennifer took a few deep breaths as Rodney patted her back.

"I'll Try."

"Do or do not," Rodney said, "There is no try."

Jennifer smiled and Rodney light up like that was the most important thing in the world. I smiled seeing them like that. But, I couldn't help but compare one green alien to the Jedi master green alien. Luke didn't see what he was in the beginning either. I took a breath, silently vowed that I wouldn't think like that anymore. I'd try to talk to John and see if he could forget to report me. I'd turned over a new leaf.

"John," I said, into my ear piece.

"The words 'I'm sorry' doesn't begin to cover this, Heather," John said.

"I know. I just... I really am sorry. I was trying to be neighborly."

"Neighborly? Didn't you notice the guns pointed at him? Didn't that make you think, gee.. maybe this guy isn't a friend? Rodney said he even told you Todd was a vampire. Did you think Todd was one of the sparkly vegetarian types? He's not."

"What are you talking about..."

"Forget it. The point is I'm talking about Todd killing you. We are cows and you'd be an easy kill. Period."

"I'll stay far away from the wraith okay. I promise. "

"From now on, you don't leave your room without a guard. At all."

"Okay."

"And if someone tells you that you cannot do something..."

"Then I won't even think about doing it."

"The minute you do, I'm taking you home myself."

John kept his threat and assigned a marine, Lieutenant Ramiel Lyon, as my personal handler. After a week of Lyon constantly shadowing me, my patience's was warring thin. It didn't stop. I had an assortment of names for him and none of them were positive. When I went to spar with Teyla and Ronon, Lt. Annoying was there. When I hung out with Jennifer and Rodney, Lt. Killjoy was there. When I went to the pier to stare at the San Francisco skyline, Lt. Spoilsport was there. When I went to pee, Lt. Pervert was there. I understood the whole idea of not leaving me alone so the wraith couldn't eat me, but it's not like they were letting this killer walk around by himself. Todd had his own guards. What were they worried about, these were highly trained military personnel. It was going to be fine, especially in the women's restroom. I tried to state my case for privacy while in the bathroom, but John wouldn't budge. John said he trusted his personnel, but he wasn't taking chances. I'm sure he was just worried the toilet would suck the life out of me when I flushed, but I was willing to take my chances. He didn't seem to care. Vampire guy was dangerous and I was reckless even though I had been a little angel all week.

Jennifer seemed to think I was lucky John's report got lost so I should just be happy. I wasn't and was starting to think that the combat training from Teyla and Ronon should be used to kick some sense into John. Instead of my trying to desk John, I'd convinced Teyla to take me to Mr. Woolsey's office so I could talk to him about John's crazy ruling. Woolsey's office was in one of the towers I hadn't visited yet. This part of Atlantis had the same pale beige hues found all around the city. The transporter was halfway between another longer corridor and stairs leading down. We took the corridor and then went up two flights of stairs. This opened to more stairs this time leading down to an open area in front of a sculptor. It was beautiful metallic art piece. It was circler with engravings around it and nine darkened chevrons. The bridge and Woolsey's office overlooked this wonderful area. Woolsey's office was much like the man, plain and formal. The only personal item was a picture of a dog behind his desk. It was a quick conversation. Something called the IOA wasn't happy that General O'Neil was even allowing me to stay here so my personally marine guard was just a small price to pay. On the way back to the transporter, Teyla and I were walking through the corridor when I saw them up ahead: Todd and his guards. He saw me at the same time I saw him. He seemed to stand straighter as he walked towards us. Teyla moved to stand in front of me and I knew I had to do something before the marine's made good on John's threat. There was a woman's bathroom right where Teyla stopped, so I made a quick choice. "Eh, Teyla.. I'm gonna pee" I said as I grabbed Lt. pervert and pushed him into the bathroom first.

Shutting the door, I could hear Rodney talking to Todd as they got closer. Rodney was bragging about the time he helped Todd land a hive. I didn't hear Todd respond. But Rodney was louder now and therefore closer.

"Oh, Hi Teyla," Rodney said. "I didn't see you there."

"Hello Rodney." Teyla replied.

"My Queen." Todd said.

"Do not call me that."

"Come on Todd," Rodney said. I heard him start speaking again. "Did I ever tell you about the time I saved everyone from a super volcano..." Rodney's voice seemed to be moving down the corridor.

Lt. Hubbel said, "Move." I'd noticed Todd detail was normally the same people, so I'd tried to get their names. _Ummm_... _Lt. Hubbel on the right, Lt. __Fergman on the left and the others... what were their names? _

A few seconds later, the bathroom door opened and Teyla said, "It is safe. He is gone." We got to the transporter without further incident. Once we were back on my floor, Teyla asked, "Are you alright?"

"Yea. Thank you."

"I will tell Jennifer. I'm sure she will be happy you did the right thing and hid."

"Yes, I'm sure she will be." I replied. "Lieutenant, I have a female question for Teyla so she's going to come into my room and you will stay outside, right?"

"Of course." He replied.

Opening my door, I motioned for Teyla to go in first and then locked the door behind me with the controls on the side. "What is it, Heather?" Teyla asked sitting on the small sitting room couch.

"Did Todd call you 'My Queen'?" I asked.

"Yes, he did."

"Well, why? What does that mean?"

She sighed and answered, "It is a long story."

"Teyla, you cannot just let me toss that around my brain. You know I'll come up with reasons that will scare the heck out of me. Just tell me."

"I will tell you as much as I can. You know that Jennifer has been working on a way to correct Todd's people for some time?"

"Correct them?"

"Yes. A few months ago, Jennifer had thought she found the way. Todd looked over the researched and thought it was sound. In the wraith culture, the Wraith females are in control. So, Todd needed to convince a Wraith Queen to implement our treatment. But, a queen only speaks to another queen..."

"Wait, you didn't pose at a queen, did you? They can't possibly look like us."

"You are correct. They do not. But, with a little plastic surgery Dr. Keller was able to replicate their appearance."

"Oh." I said, "So you acted as Todd's Queen. Did the Wraith go for it?"

"Mostly."

"So, the treatment didn't work then? I mean, Todd's still a wraith."

"The treatment... was unsuccessful."

"That's a shame."

"Yes. Anyway, John will be happy to hear that you hid today. None of us with to see you hurt."

She was right. Everyone was happy I was scared of the big, bad alien. As had been my nightly routine, I met Jennifer and Rodney for dinner. Jennifer and Rodney spent most of dinner happily telling me how wonderful it was that I had come around. As Rodney went to get our deserts, Jennifer had a surprise for me. Jen booked us for some R&R in Vegas. Teyla was coming along with us as was Col. Samantha Carter. Even with some big wig like Sam Carter coming, I was thrilled and started counting down the hours. Lt. bane-of-my-existence was staying here. So, I just wanted to get through the last day of being followed and then precious freedom for three whole days. I slept well that night for the first time in over a week.

In the morning, I got up and headed to the gym as normal. Today, Teyla wasn't going to join Ronon and me. She was spending time watching some video's on earth customs before our big trip. Since this was the first time I'd been sparing alone with Ronon, I figured maybe Ronon would explain how many wraith we were fighting against. Lt. pain-in-the-butt was sitting on the sidelines watching us spar so I had to be careful. Normally while sparing with Teyla and Ronon, my guard was watching but felt comfortable enough to doze. Sure enough, after fifteen minutes, Lieutenant Lyon slumbered. Ronon was showing me a particularly complex sit of blocking techniques that I was having trouble getting. It seemed like this was the perfect time. Backing away from Ronon, I said: "I'm never going to get this."

"You will. Remember what I told you about looking into my eyes."

"Yea." I asked, "Ronon, you know this stuff so well. I was wondering, when you were in the army back home, did everyone know this stuff?"

Ronon answered slowly, "Every Satedan served in our army at one time or another."

"So, your people were always at war then... like Teyla's people."

"Yes," Ronon gave a small smile with his answer. He was on board then. Lovely.

"That must have been very hard on your people."

Ronon gave a short bark of laughter, "That's the norm where I come from Heather."

"Norm? Wait, you're saying your whole galaxy is at war?"

"There is no place that is safe."

"From the Wraith?" I asked quietly. Within a few seconds of meeting me in the lab, Todd had appeared to be doing everything in his power to assure me of my safety. I had to be misunderstanding Ronon as it didn't add up.

"Yes, they come to cull their herds. They are killers Heather. All of them."

"I see." I needed more info and it was time to try to play the fear card, "Ronon, Vampires of myth have special powers. Do the wraith?"

"Heather..."

"I can't protect myself if I don't know what I am guarding against. I need to know what Jennifer and you guys are up against. There is one here on my planet. I need to know what to look out for, just in case. Can they read minds, take control of your mind, are the superfast, have super human strength, can they fly, or change shape? Things like that?

"Heather, Jennifer wouldn't want.."

"Please Ronon. You know I'm right. There is one here. Please.

"Okay.. but don't get upset."

"I won't."

"Wraith's are well... immortal. They don't age like we do.."

"Why not?"

"I don't understand the science of it. But, you are right. They are quicker than us and much stronger if they feed regularly. The amount of food and their age influences everything. We don't know if they can read minds, I don't think they can at least. But, we know they can make humans see things. They can't change shape or fly."

"Make us see things? I don't understand."

"If a wraith is hunting you, they'll make you see black mist shapes around you... you fire at the mist or run and then they know where you are. They can't track you mentally. But they have great hearing and sight."

"If they hunt all over your galaxy, how much blood do they need?"

"Wraith don't feed on blood. They have... suckers on their hand and they feed on Human life force. Don't ask me to explain. Anyway, we don't know how many Wraith exist, but we think there were about 60 hives. They sleep for centuries and then wake to feed. If they didn't rotate cullings between worlds, they'd go through their food supply."

"But, you fought them?"

" Sateda tried to fight back. I tried to fight back. But they destroyed Sateda. The wraith don't allow human's technology to evolve past a certain point. The Wraith take them out before they can be a danger to them. Before your people came, people in my galaxy hadn't been able to take out any of the hives. With your help, we've taken a little more than twenty hives."

"So, they'll want revenge won't they?"

"Yea. But, they can't get to Earth, their ships don't go fast enough... it would take them a million years to get here and they don't even know where Earth is."

"Ronon, you didn't say they aren't looking for Earth."

"No, I didn't."

"Wonderful."

"We got it Heather." Ronon said turning as the door opened behind him. Even half asleep, Lt. jumpy had his P-90 brought to bear on the door a second after it had opened.

Teyla came in, "Good morning Heather." Lt. Jumpy sat back down.

"Hi Teyla. I thought you were spending studying Earth culture before our big trip tomorrow?"

"I am. I was thinking that maybe you'd come and help me pick out appropriate clothing for this weekend."

"Ohh... okay. Ronon, do you mind if I cut class a bit today?" I asked with a smile.

"You're ditching sparing, again huh? And you wonder why you need a guard protecting you."

I kissed his cheek, "As if you guys would let me fight even if I could." Lt. Lyon stood up and nodded to Teyla as he went to my right side.

"Heather?" Ronon started to ask me a question.

" I'm fine, really. No worries. See you later Ronon."

After spending an hour looking at Teyla's clothes, I realized we were going to have a problem. Teyla's stuff was most.. alien. Nothing looked like it had been made on Earth. Touching the ear piece, I called Jennifer in a fashion panic, "Jennifer! Fashion emergency"

"Heather? You okay... I've never heard you use the F word before."

"Very funny. Look, we need to talk. Teyla's clothing is all... alien! I only see one outfit we can use in Vegas! If we don't get some other stuff, she's going to stick out like a sore thumb."

"Hmm... I don't know... it is Los Vegas after all... it shouldn't be that big an issue."

"It will look out of place, trust me."

"Fine. Rodney should be in our room. Take her over there and raid my closet. I'm already packed so use whatever is in there.

"Okay. See you at dinner." Grabbing the suitcase off of Teyla's bed, I handed it to Lt. Lyon. Lt. Lyon unhappily wheeled the bag. I was glee full. He was finally good for something. "Hey Rodney," I called as we started out to the transporter.

"Yes, Heather?"

"Teyla and I are coming over. We need to get some appropriate civvies for Teyla."

"I always told Jennifer that she had a mall and not a closet."

"Well, Rodney that's something else you are wrong about. "

"Can this wait? I was heading out for a snack."

"Unless you want lemon juice to end up in your snack, I suggest you stay put."

"Alright. But, hurry up."

The technology had become so common place for me here that I didn't even notice it anymore when we transported around Atlantis. We were already walking down the stairs in the main personnel quarters. "We're five minutes away." I replied and signed out.

"You've started to tease him and he does not remind you that Jennifer wouldn't want you to kill him anymore. This is good."

"What do you mean?"

"In the beginning, I got the feeling you didn't like Rodney. He thought so as well though Jennifer tried to tell him otherwise"

"It wasn't Rodney."

"I know. I am glad you have realized that."

"Oh, I knew it. I knew that I was jealous that Jennifer managed to have her career and find her husband while I hadn't. I'm over it." Teyla looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Ok," I said, "I'm mostly over it."

Teyla smiled, "You will find the right guy, Heather. I too felt that I'd never meet my match when I was your age. He was right in front of me and I didn't realize it until a few years ago."

"Oh, that's one I didn't see coming. I didn't know you had a husband! Do I know him?"

She laughed, "He is not from your world. He is with our son in my galaxy."

"Teyla, can I ask you something? From what you've said and what others have said about you... I'm guessing you were the leader on your world."

"Yes."

"With them there and you here... are you worried the wraith will go after them?"

"The Wraith do not know where my people are. They are no longer on Athos. Your people moved them from there, when I joined the team. The Wraith do not know where New Athos is."

"I'm glad." We had arrived at Jen and Rodney's room. I hit the chime.

"Hey," Rodney said as the door opened, "You ladies have fun. I'm going for a snack."

"But, dinner is in three hours."

"I know... do you want me to bring you ladies back something? Afterwards, I'll head back to the lab to check something but I can stop here first."

"We will be fine Rodney," Teyla said.

"Thanks anyway." I added. Teyla and I spent about an hour going though Jen's clothes and picked out enough outfits. It was amazing how easily Teyla fit into Jennifer's clothes. They didn't seem to be the same body type, but it worked. With that done, Teyla took me back to my room. I spoke to my friend Billy for a little and then I decided to change for dinner.

My door chimed at one minute to 5pm. Opening the door, I smiled at Jen and Rodney. "Do not tell me your hungry again Rodney?" I barely saw Lt. Lyon standing to the side of my door, it was only one more night and then I could have a few days without him.

Jennifer answered, "Rodney's stomach is a black hole." I laughed.

"Great minds need a lot of fuel," Rodney said.

"Great minds aren't going to fit in your pants if you keep this up." I said.

"Ha! Ha! You ready... I'm really starving."

"Yes Rodney, I'm ready." We started walking to the transporter, "I have a slightly gross question that I want an answer too and it's the lawyer in me, I guess. Well, Todd... How often does he have to feed?"

"Depends on what a wraith's doing. Don't worry about it 'cause we aren't feeding him anyway."

"We aren't?"

"Of course not." Jennifer answered.

Rodney asked, "Heather, who would we feed to him?"

"Criminals?"

"Against the U.S. Constitution." Rodney replied.

"I didn't say our criminals. We could get some criminals from China. They aren't that big on human rights anyway."

"Would you really be okay with that?" Jennifer asked, surprised.

"No." I replied, "But, the Geneva Convention would seem to set the precedence that we have to feed him. He is a prisoner of war."

"John once said the Geneva Convention doesn't apply. The Wraith would have eaten everyone before anything was signed."

I laughed, "That's horrible."

"But, It's true," John said, walking up behind us, "Now, no more talking about the Wraith please. They make me lose my appetite." Rodney, Jennifer, John, and I met Teyla and Ronon in the cafeteria. I was back in my room by 7pm. After a call to Billy, I headed off to bed dreaming of my impending freedom.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

:: ring... ring::

Waking up out of a sound sleep, I immediately reached for the bedside phone. After my hand sliced through the air and made contact with a hard metal wall, I remember that I wasn't at home. I was still on Atlantis. Reaching to the left hand side of the bed, I felt around for my pocketbook. The cell phone wasn't in its place. :: ring... ring:: Silence. _Was that four rings?_ _Shoot I missed them. Eh, they'll leave a message._ I started dropping back off into blissful unconsciousness.

::Ring... Ring..::

Still looking for the phone, I realized I had falling asleep talking to Billy. The phone was in bed with me. Feeling around me, I finally found it mid-ring. "Hello?" I croaked.

"Up!" A vaguely familiar voice said.

"Who is this?" Silence was followed by a dial tone. Coming fully awake, I looked at my wristwatch. It was 10:30am. We were supposed to leave at 9am. _Oh my god. Why didn't someone wake me? I'm late!_ Jumping out of bed, I pulled the earpiece out from under the covers and put it in my ear. "Jennifer, I'm so.."

"Heather," Slightly out of breath but in full doctor mode, Jennifer continued, "Stay where you are. John's coming to get you as soon as he can." Jennifer Continued, "John, where are you?"

"I'm lockdown on the south pier." It sounded like he was in heavy weapons fire. "Heather, do not open the door till I get there."

"What the hell is going on?" I asked as I pulled on black jeans and searched through my luggage for my black long sleeve top. _Have the wraith come?_

John answered, "We are under attack. Stay put, Heather."

"Damn it, I figured that out already. Who's attacking? The Wraith?"

"No. Just stay in your room. John out."

"John..."

"Heather!" John yelled. I was barely able to hear him. The weapons fire was that loud. I heard Ronon say something to John. John continued, "Heather you'll be fine. Sit tight. John out."

_ Oh my God. Oh my God. _I looked at my door. Walking over to it, I went to check that it was locked from the inside. The control light was red so it was locked. _Everything is going to be fine._ _Everything is going to be fine._ I repeated that to myself a few times, hoping that would make it true. _Everything is fine. I'll just sit here and wait for them to rescue me. I'm far away from anything of value in the city, so I'm fine._ I didn't know who was here. I assumed the wraith would be attacking all of Earth and it didn't sound like John was lying. It wasn't the wraith. _Please god, not the wraith. I don't want to be a vampire... please, please. _"Lt. Lyon, come in please?"

"Heather, I'm outside your door. Lock it and stay in there. Mr. Woolsey wants me to get you out once John and Ronon get here."

"Okay... Do you know who's attacking us?"

"It's the Lucian Alliance. Smugglers mostly... Think Human-style Jabba the Hutt. Nothing to worry about."

"They attack here all the time?" I said alarmed.

"No, but they really aren't that big a deal. Sit tight."

"How long until John and Ronon arrive?"

"Sit tight, Heather. I'll call you when they come."

I checked in with Lt. Lyon every five minutes for a half hour. He kept telling me that they'll be here soon and I should sit tight. The more I heard that the more worried I became. I had already searched my room twice for something that I could use as a weapon. I had nothing. I didn't even own a pocketknife. "Lt. Lyon," I called.

"They will get you when they get here Heather."

"I know. That's not why I'm calling," I said, "You need to give me your holdout gun. I need some kind of weapon I can use, just in case."

"No, Heather. That's why I'm here. I'm the only weapon you'd need and it's not even going to come to that."

"But...," I started.

"Heather, just chill out. They'll be here soon. Lyon out."

I searched my room again, looking for something to use. There was nothing. No secret stash of weapons hidden in the closet like in the movies. Nothing. I thought I heard something in the distance in the corridor. "Lt. Lyon.." I asked?

" Heather, radio silence," He whispered.

_ Please be John. Please god... be John and Ronon. Oh God. _I heard nothing for one second. Then two. Three then four. Twenty seconds later, there was a short knock on the door. "Lt. Lyon?" Nothing. I tried louder this time, "Lt. Lyon?" Nothing. _Ok, time to call John on the ear piece. _"John, I think..."

:: ring... ring:: It was my cell phone.

"Please." a whispered voice said through the door. "Open the door."

I hit the control and the door opened. Lt. Lyon was standing in front of the door with men behind him. _Something is wrong._ " Lieutenant?" I said, "Where's John..." Lyon's uniform was dirty and red tinged the side of his shirt. "Oh my God." I said as I went to hit the control again.

Lyon fell into me as the man behind him let go of his body. "Jennifer they're h.." I yelled as the man in front hit me across the face. It was hard enough that I felt the ear piece fly out of my ear and I saw a black wave of spots. I fell to the ground with Lyon on top of me and the ear piece far away. The smuggler looked down at me. His gray uniform looked dirty, possible the brawn but not the brains of this group. He had short brown hair and a lopsided grin on his face. The one behind him to the left was young, possible 16 or so while the other man was blond and in his late 30s.

"What do we have here?" said the brawny smuggler as the other two men with him chuckled.

"Hello there pretty one..." Said the blond male, moving closer to me and stepping hard on the ear piece. I heard it crunch.

"Keep away from me. I'm a civilian." I said. _There is no way for me to muscle my way out of this, even if I was half good at this. Which I'm not. I'm screwed. Oh God. What do I do?_

The young one and the brawny guy laughed. The blond seemed to be thinking: trying to decide how much time they could waste with me. _Oh God. Oh God. Okay, I cannot panic. I don't know if Jen got my message and I don't know how long before they can get to me even if they did. I need to figure out a plan. _

"So, you're a scientist then. Lovely... You, my pretty, are going to take us to the Stargate. I'm so glad we.. bumped into you!" Blondie said with a sickeningly sweet smile. The smuggler sneakered.

_ Oh hell. Think. Think! Think! I'm on my own. I don't know where John or Ronon are. Or Teyla. Billy or the cops can't help me, even if I could get to my cell phone. There's nothing else.. no one... Oh my God, Todd! Can I get to him? Would he help? _"You want me to take you to the Stargate?" I asked, trying to think if anyone had ever mentioned that word near me before. _What the hell is a Stargate anyway? _

"If you take to it, I'll let you live." Blondiesaid and he pulled Lyon off me.

_ Live, not go. Not Good. This guy is full of crap. Okay... Plan's gonna have to be to get to Todd. Enemy or not, Vampire Wraith can knock them out until John and Ronon can get to us. Even if he saves me long enough to eat me, it's better than these guys. Blond guys already making some sick plans in his head... I can feel it. Damn it, Todd. I hope we don't take you by surprise... I wish you would hear thoughts... I don't even know where in the main tower your cell in once I get down those stairs. _

"O...okay. Please don't hurt me. I'll.. I'll take you to the Stargate. "

"You just be a good girl and I'll treat you right." Blondie said, looking me up and down.

"O..Okay." I said. I didn't have to fake the fear in my voice because I was deathly afraid. "Follow me." With one last look at Lt. Lyon's body, I walked out the door and down the hallway. I was moving as slowly as I could manage. I didn't know where I was going really and I didn't have anything more of a plan than getting to Todd. _I'm in trouble. This isn't going to work. God Todd, I really wish you could read my mind. You're black float-ey things would be good.. maybe I could run while they shot at them. Todd, I really could use you._

**_ "Heather," _**I heard in my mind,**_ "I hear you."_**

I stopped walking and Blondie spoke up angrily, "What are you doing?"

K**_eep walking, Heather._** Todd's sharp command moved my feet a step before I stopped again. "Sometimes my military uses a hiding spot up a head. Do you want me to go first?" I improvised out loud. _Todd, is it really you? I don't understand. They said you can't do this..._

With half an ear, I heard Blondie tell his men to go a little ahead and report back to make sure the area was secure.

_ **Normally, I would not. But I could feel your terror. You have been captured.**_

_ Yes. Three men. They have guns. Killed Lt. Lyon. _

Blondie was idly playing with my hair as we waited for his men to return. I felt my panic rising even as I spoke to Todd. Forcing myself to not move away was the hardest thing I ever had to do; I felt tears come to my eyes as I saw his men making their way back to us.

**_ Heather, remain calm. Bring them to me._**

_ I'm not sure where you are. _

**_ Get to the hall that you and Teyla were in where you hid in the Bathroom. Take the stairs down two levels and go to the right. My guards have gone to defend the Gate so no one is posted right now. _**

My capturers and I continued down the corridor to the transporter. I showed them what tower to press. The young man and smuggler went first. Leaving the Blondie with me. He smiled at me. The transporter doors opened again. I quickly stepped in.

Stepping out as soon as the transporter doors opened on my two other captures, I said, "This way." Following Todd's directions, I walked as quickly as I could.

**_ I'm in the first door. It's half way down the corridor. _**

I realized Blondie had just asked me a question but I hadn't been paying attention to him. "Ahh.."_ I don't know what to..._

Todd answered: **_Say 'Normally only a few men guard the gate. There are no more than twenty_** **_on base now.'_**

"There only a few men at the gate. There shouldn't be more than twenty on base now."

Blondie laughed, "Good, we can kill 20 men easily."

_ Oh God.. _"We are almost there."

**_ You are doing well, Heather. You are a few steps away from the last hallway. Remember I'm the first door on the right side. Halfway down the hall. Once you are in, walk through the second door, and keep going until you hit the wall. The cell is a circle. Do not turn around whatever you hear. Promise me._**

_ I can see the door. Todd, Shit. I don't know the code.. how do I open the door?_

**_ Wave your hand as always and will Atlantis to open the door. Trust yourself. It will listen. Heather, Promise me you will not look once my door opens... you must close your eye. _**

_ But, Todd... I cannot will a locked door to open! This isn't going to work._

**_ Trust me._**

I was at the door. Waiving my hand in front of the red sensor, It turned blue and opened on the first pass. I walked through the doorway and saw the second one. "We're here." I said, and closing my eyes, quickly ran through the door before blondie could stop me. At the same time that I ran into a metal wall, I heard a cracking sound behind me. I heard two thumps followed by screams. He wasn't knocking them out then, I realized with a start. _He's eating. _With tears running from my eyes,I kept my eyes closed. _Oh God. _I couldn't hear any sounds coming from Todd_._ Ronon had said Wraith enjoy their food. They moan when they eat and sigh. I wanted to cover my ears but I couldn't. It didn't seem right.One scream ended and the other went up in pitch. With my eyes closed, I somehow knew this last scream was blondie. Todd seemed to take longer this time. Blondie's screams seemed louder now as I heard Todd growl. Blondie's scream went up in pitch again. It didn't seem like he should have any air left to scream, but it went up and up. Then, it cut off mid-scream. I was still silently crying and I could feel myself shaking a little. After a few seconds, I heard something dragging against the floor. It sounded like it was moving away from me. "Todd?"

"Keep your eyes closed," he said, "I will return." The dragging continued for a few more seconds getting less pronounced. A second went by and dragging started again. Then there was silence. One second. Two seconds. "Heather," Todd said as he turned me away from the wall, "Are you injured?"

I opened my eyes. He was standing there looking at me with his hands by his sides again. Standing just like he was weeks ago when I first saw him. He was expecting me to recoil from him. So was I. But, I just stood there. Tears silently running down my cheeks, I just stood there and watched as the world started to shake all around me. The violently shake ground making my knees feel weak. _Oh, no... I think only I'm shaking. _

I was on the floor without knowing how I got there. I felt my head on Todd's lap. Todd was looking down at me. I could feel his hands around one of mine: one thumb stroking my palm. I felt my tears still rolling down my cheeks. _Got. To. Get. It. Together._

"Heather, you are safe." Todd said.

I wanted to say thank you to him. I felt like I should. But, I couldn't. He had killed them. _I can't thank him for that. This is my fought._ _I hadn't even thought of the possibility that he'd kill them. How could I have missed that? He didn't need to eat me, he'd already fed three times. John was right. No matter how bad those smugglers had been, no one deserved that. I'd heard them die: screaming as they died. I'd stood here and did nothing. Said nothing. I was just as evil as they had been. I'd exchanged their lives for mine. _Taking a deep breath, I sat up and moved my hand away from his. _I, at least, should cover the bodies with something. _

Todd said, "You were captured. They were going to rape and kill you. You know that. You did nothing wrong. You survived. You are not responsible for any deaths." He stretched out his right hand, palm facing up. "I am wraith. You did not cause me to feed. You could not have stopped me. Survival is our duty."

"I am not wraith, Todd."

"None would have wanted your death."

"I could have talked them out of taking me."

"You could not."

_I could have. I didn't even try._

**_ I can hear thoughts, Heather. I heard theirs. You could not have changed their actions._**

I stood up and moved away from him. "You don't understand. This is not our way. My way. I would have rather died than killed someone else. I get that you can't change your nature. I get that we are from different planets and different cultures. I get that humans are food to you. I appreciate you trying to make this okay for me. I do. But, it's not okay Todd. You know it's not. Ronon and Teyla will never forget me. My people will never forgive me. And they will all be right."

"Even Teyla and Ronon understand that you could not have stopped me."

Shaking my head, I started to say, "John would not just sit here and let you..."

"Yes, he would. He has."

"I don't believe you."

"Your people have done a lot that you would not approve of Heather Burman. Both our peoples are more alike than we are different. Ask John Sheppard. Ask Rodney McKay." He said, "Sometimes death is necessary to restore life. It is not the fault of the living."

"Teyla and Ronon told me how a wraith feeds; what happens to the human's body. They told me it's better for a wraith than any other sensation in the universe, that it's ecstasy for you. You can't understand. I don't expect you too. But, I heard their screams Todd and I'll never forget them."

Todd looked at me without replying for a long second. I was angry at myself and angry at him. I wanted him to hit me or kill me or something. He turned away from me and said, "There is a lot humans do not know about the wraith. The hunger is like fire burning through every cell. It is true wraith enjoy sustenance, as do humans. Jennifer Keller once told me that compassion is not a weakness. I did not express pleasure as I knew your compassion would feel my expressions to be wrong." Todd turned back around to me, "To feed is survival. But, I will not lie. I did feel pleasure from hurting those that hurt you. I did not need to feed for that pleasure but their deaths were necessary."

"This is why I hate the military," I said. Todd tilted his head, questioningly. _This isn't the time for him to know humans aren't all in the military. _"Umm.." I said, looking around "Wait.. where are the bodies?"

"I took them to the outer room."

_ So that's what he was dragging._ Turning to the cot in the corner, I gathered the sheets and started for the door.

Todd grabbed me before I walked two steps, "What are you doing?"

"I will not leave them there like that. I have to cover the bodies."

"No. You will not. You must stay here."

Jerking out of his grasp, I spun around, "Don't tell me what I can or cannot do. This is my... our... the human way!"

"I am Commander," Todd thundered back, "I will not allow you to carry something more in your memory to hurt you. You will stay here."

"I have too." Tears started falling again from my eyes. I knew this wasn't going to help my case. I knew it would just make someone like him think I was even weaker, but I couldn't seem to make the tears stop; the harder I tried, the harder I cried. "I need to do something."

"Heather," Todd said quietly as he took the sheets from me. " There are other attackers in Atlantis. Stay here. I will cover the bodies if that will make you feel better. Do not cry." Walking me back to the cot, he sat me down on the sheet-less mattress and walked out of the room.

A few seconds later, he walked back in and sat down next to me on the cot. I was still crying and he made no move to comfort me. _I'm sorry._

**_ Do not give apologies._**

_ I think they were right. I don't think I can handle this. I wish I never came here._

Todd turned his head to me and looked at me, grunted, and then held his palm upwards so I could see his feeding slit, "When I first met John Sheppard, he was food. I took his life-force in order to survive. We were prisoners and I was the jailers' torturer though I too was tortured."

Using the back of his hand, he wiped at my tears and continued, "He did not know the wraith was in the cell next to him. We spoke and he offered to have his friends rescue me when they arrived. I was tortured as I wasn't allowed to finish him. I was starving and had been for years. I had to feed. John Sheppard got weaker, but he still hoped. He didn't want to speak to me after he found out what I was. He believed his friends would come for him. I had not seen hope for so many years. So, I decided to try. He and I worked together. Escaped. But we were both badly hurt and dying. The Genii came for us, so I did what I had to do. I took his remaining life. He still would not die. I killed the Genii and fed on them. Then, I gave John Sheppard the gift of life." He pulled back his hand and put it on the cot.

"The gift of life?"

"Wraith can give back life that has been taken. It makes the receiver strong, for a time." He smiled at me, "In our culture, only a rare human would be considered for such an honor. A righteous worshipper might be given the gift but a human rarely attains that distinction in the eyes of a Wraith. On a hive, a wraith might give the gift of life to a brother or to his queen. John Sheppard is not a worshipper or a wraith yet I gave him the gift. Heather, I have found the humans from your galaxy to be different from the human's of my own. I do not consider any of them friends in your human terms. But, with our interactions and what I have seen of you... one day I hope you will call me friend."

I took a deep breath, "I don't know if I can handle being your friend."

He laughed, "I have been told that dealing with me can be troublesome."

"John or Ronon?"

"All of those on Atlantis and those from my hive. Other hives." I laughed and he smiled. "You are not hurt, correct?"

"I'm fine." 

"You should rest. They will come to check on me once Atlantis is secured."

"Todd, they will think I'd dead. They won't know where I am. Can we get a message to Jennifer?"

"The sensors will show that you are alive and well. Here."

I looked over at him quickly, feeling my fear start to climb, "Am I hostage again with a wraith for a jailer?"

He laughed, "They would not let me go. I need nothing to trade you for."

_ 'Cause now he's well fed... Three humans fill a guy up._

**_ Two._**

_ Stop listening._

**_ I cannot. Wraith always communicate through their mind._**

_ I am not a wraith!_

"Sleep, young one. I will watch over you."

"Oh. My. God." I said indignantly, "Men are condescending no matter what species!"

He looked down at me, "Sleep, Heather."

_ Fat chance. _Lying back on the cot, I knew he was right but there was no way I'd be able to sleep. _And since he can hear my thoughts, there's no point in closing my eyes and faking it to make him happy._ I sighed. I was trying to think of anything else in the universe rather than all that had happened today. It wasn't working. _I hope Jennifer's okay. And Rodney. John, Teyla, Ronon. Mr. Woolsey. I wonder if Sam is here. I hope she's alright too. Was she coming here or were we meeting them in Vegas?_ _Okay, this isn't good. Think of something else. Umm. Oh, I wish I had my cell phone. Then at least I could call Billy. _A few minutes passed of my worrying running in a circle. _Not good. Hmm... I know what I can do. _I sat up, and sat Indian style on the cot, "Todd, I cannot sleep anyway. So, I was thinking. I've got a few questions for you, if you wouldn't mind."

He nodded and said, "If it will allow you to sleep, ask your questions."

"Okay. Number one: Why do you always call everyone by their full names?"

He smiled, "Wraith do not give names as it gives our enemies a degree of power."

"So, you think it gives you power over us?" Todd didn't answer and I thought about what he said some more. _Wait.. _"We know your name, Todd."

"Todd was given to me by John Sheppard."

"I was wondering why alien and human names were the same. Well, can I know the real name of the guy who saved my life?"

Todd froze. Then, sitting down on the floor in front me, he inhaled slightly louder than normal before answering, "You are not my enemy but I cannot give you my name, Heather."

"Ok... I thought it was a long shot. What do your friends call you? Do you have a nickname or something?"

"Wraith do not have friends as you think of it."

"No one? That's sad. So, I should call you Todd even though it isn't even close to your really name?"

"You may. It is not sad. It is just that our culture is not like Earth culture."

"Teyla said that it wasn't. I just can't imagine... You're a commander of a Hive though, aren't you. I mean, don't they call you by a name?"

He smiled, "They call me Commander."

I rolled my eyes. "I cannot imagine only been called by your rank... What if your guys are having a meeting of hive commanders? You cannot all be called the same thing."

"We have not had meetings like that often for the last 10,000 years. But yes, then we have other ways of distinguishing oneself. We use mind-speak for one."

"10, 000 years... How old are you anyway?"

"I would be sure you want the answer before you ask me a question."

"So, you really are over 10,000... I mean, I know you guys don't die of natural causes and all. But, wow."

Todd smiled, "Does my being over 10,000 years old make you uncomfortable?"

"I don't even think I can have a grasp of how old that is. I'm speaking to a being that's lived even longer than that... Yea, I'm a little uncomfortable I guess."

"Understandable."

Leaning forward on the cot, I said: "It's almost a shame you aren't from my galaxy. There is so much I would want to know about Earth back then."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a long story... and... I'm not sure if there is stuff I cannot or shouldn't tell you," I said backing away from him a bit.

"Ah."

"Why do the Wraith want to come here anyway?"

"In order for you to understand, I must start at a time much more then 10,000 years ago. 100,000 years ago, the Lanteans had come from your world many years before and seeded many planets in many galaxies. Once they came to Pegasus, they seeded many human worlds as well. One of the planets had what your people call the Iratus bug. It feed on the humans left on its world and after many years the generations grew to be more like their food source. They grew to take on a more human-shaped appearance."

"Does that mean what I think that means... You're a product of a bug?"

Todd smiled, "Would you like me to continue?"

"Yea but wait a second... These Lanteans, they were from Earth?"

"Yes."

"And they look like me, right?" I said reversing my legs. Sitting on the cot was uncomfortable. No wonder he preferred the floor.

"It would be more proper to say you look like them."

"Right." I said, smiling at him, "But, from what the history we have on Earth says, humans didn't exist on Earth 10,000 years ago."

"I believe from what I have heard Rodney McKay and others say the Ancients are similar in appearance to your people but Human's as you know them are the second evolution of their people. The Lanteans put your people on Earth as well. This is not common knowledge on your world?"

"No."

"Hmm. Then they won't like me telling you this. What a shame." He said with a smirk.

I leaned forward again, I asked excitedly: "The Lanteans... Atlantis is their ship, isn't it?"

Todd paused, "Yes. You did not know?"

"I knew this wasn't an Earth Ship."

"My people believe that this is. The Lanteans took it to my galaxy when they came millions of years ago."

_ Keep him talking, you're never going to hear this stuff from John or Rodney. Umm.. People always like to talk about themselves. _"So, your people evolved from an Iratus Bug?"

"It is your name, not ours. But, yes."

"I guess they don't have names in your language either?"

"No."** They are not named in any way that can be spoken. **Then, I saw it in my mind. The bug was black with a hard back shell. It looked like beetle only much bigger and a little bit scarier. I smelled something musky and odd... It wasn't unpleasant but it wasn't a scent I could compare to anything I was used to.

_ Doesn't look anything like you. _

I thought I saw a smirk but it was gone in an instant. Out loud he continued, "Names are unimportant to us. The Iratus bus had lived on its home world for millennia. Once humans were introduced to their world, they fed off the life force and incorporated human DNA into themselves. The Ancients left them alone for a time. But, the Wraith population constantly multiplied and became stronger. Wraith had evolved to the point that they were living much longer than a normal human. Our bodies were stronger, faster, more agile, and more resilient than humans. With longer life spans and more Wraith, more humans were needed to sustain us. Our technology was advancing as well. So, we built Hives ships and went out into our galaxy. Wraith worked together; Hives were assigned worlds to sustain them. With better and greater food sources, other abilities were manifesting. We could speak to each other through a mind link and regeneration became easy. "

"What do you mean regeneration? You mean healing yourself, right?"

"Yes and even more. A human may shoot ten bullets into a well fed wraith without slowing us down. A human can shoot your palm and it will grow back, within moments. A human may cut off your arm and it will grow back within a day. As long as we are well fed and fed often, we are unstoppable."

"Oh." _Shit._

"The Lanteans were just as concerned when they realized what they had created. They wished us to leave their experiments alone. We could not without killing ourselves. So, we fought them for a hundred years. Their technology was superior to ours but the Lanteans had not fought in a long time. Our bodies were better equipped for war then the Lanteans. The Lanteans relied heavily on their technology and were slowly destroying hives. They started sending their ships deeper into our territory to weed us out. We managed to capture three Lanteans warships with their formable power source. Your people call them ZMPs."

"Yea, Rodney's mentioned a little about them."

"Three ZMPs are what is needed to run Atlantis. And with three ZMPs, we were able to power a massive joint Wraith project. Almost overnight, our army increased a hundredfold and then the Lanteans were vastly outnumbered."

"My goodness. Do your people still clone?"

"Our limited food supply makes cloning less... practical." Todd continued: "Towards the end, the Lanteans sent a delegation protected by their most powerful warships to litigate a peaceful agreement but they were there to wipe us out Heather. We steadily pushed back the Lanteans until only Atlantis remained under their control. Then they and Atlantis disappeared."

"That must have been good for you guys, right?"

"With so many Wraith without hives, there was in-fighting. Hives took on as many as they could but some hives had to be built so young commanders could get postings and soldiers would have hives. But now, more feeding grounds were needed. With such small numbers of humans on planets, there was not enough food to sustain us. Something had to be done. It was decided that Hives had to hibernate on a rotating schedule so that the Humans had time to repopulate. So, Keepers were created and charged to stay up to protect their hives. No hive would attack anther while they slept. It was assumed that the only danger was that the Lanteans might come back. If a keeper was killed, all hives promised to awaken and fight the Lanteans. "Todd stopped speaking.

"So a hive broke the rules?" I prompted him.

"No." Todd said, "It was outsiders."

"When did your people get their wakeup call?"

"Five years ago."

"Oh, thank god. For a second I thought you meant we did it."

"Heather, your people are responsible."

"Todd, we've only been there for a little more than a year."

"Dr. Keller had only been in my galaxy for a year, but your people had been in Pegasus for the past five years."

"How are you so sure of that?"

Todd smiled, "After my initial encounter with the strange humans from Atlantis, I went back to my hive. At that point, your people were well known to my kind. Five years ago, your people went to a hive to save some humans. Your people do not dress as our Pegasus humans do and your people didn't know to be afraid of us. After 10,000 years, we are feared by all in our galaxy. No world is safe. A human without that fear causes suspicion. The Keeper interrogated one of the strange humans and found out about Earth: a new feeding ground with billions of humans on it. With that many humans to cull, we would no longer need to hibernate so regularly. The interrogated human was killed. In anger at finding their comrade dead, a human killed the keeper. When that happened, the hive sent out a distress call to all hives and awoke all wraith."

"The hive is a sentient being? It knew the queen was killed?"

"Not the queen. A Keeper."

"I really don't understand the way a hive is managed."

"Of course." He answered shortly.**_ I cannot Heather._**

It still surprised me when I hear him speak to me in my mind. _It's not really fair that you can hear all of my thoughts and I can only hear some of yours._

**_ I believe I have heard John Sheppard say that life isn't fair._**

I shook my head as I rolled my eyes. "Okay. So, your society is based on your Iratus Bug heritage. So that's why you have queens and soldiers."

"Yes."

"I wish I would have paid more attention when we were studying bugs in school." I said with a smile.

"What is school?"

"It's... Wow.. okay... It's where children learn information to help them throughout their lives. I'm sorry, because you speak English so well I forget that you might not understand every word. Some things are hard to define without a shared general understanding."

Todd smiled and I saw the picture of the Iratus Bug again in my mind. Out loud Todd said, "I assume by English you mean the language we are currently speaking?"

"Yea. John taught you? Or Rodney?"

"No. Most of it I have learned by interacting with humans over the years."

"How is it possible that humans in a different galaxy speak the same language? Not even everyone on my planet speak the same language."

"Really? For a wraith, it is easy to learn human speech as it is based on the same ancient language. It took only a few minutes for me to learn John Sheppard's dialect when I met him."

"Oh. I didn't know that you thought all Earthlings spoke the same language. I probably wasn't supposed to say that."

Todd looked thoughtful as he said, "Militarily there would be no advantage to my knowing that."

"I might not be a commander, but even I can see advantages for you. "

Todd laughed. "Come now Heather... I haven't given you any reason to distrust me. I am here because I worked again my own people to save your planet."

"What are you talking about?"

"One of my underlings had a ZMP and was able to incorporate it into a hive. With a ZMP, a hive becomes unstoppable. While this Super Hive ship was on his way to Atlantis, he received a communication giving Earth's location. Atlantis was able to get here in time to save your planet because I gave them three ZMPs."

I laughed. "Todd, you just told me one of your underlings tried to destroy my world. If you had three ZMPs to give Atlantis, then it stands to reason he got the ZMP from you in the first place."

"I was not working against you or your people Heather. I am trying to save my race."

"In order to save the wraith, you need more food."

"More food would be a short term fix, yes. But, that will not help us to survive long term."

"So, what are you trying to do?"

"Unify the wraith."

"By?"

"Taking my rightful place."

"And that's all you going to say, isn't it?"

Todd smiled, "Yes." Tilting his head to the side, he asked, "May I ask you a question now?"

"Uh.." I answered, "I cannot promise I'll answer it. But, sure?"

"What are Dust-bunnies?"

I fell back on the cot laughing. Todd watched me. _A big bad scary wraith just said Dust-bunnies._ I laughed harder, tears started to leak out of my eyes. "I'm sorry, it's just.." I said, trying to catch my breath, "where did that come from?"

"It was said to you in the lab. I didn't understand it."

"Okay. Umm, see if this makes sense to you: Dust-bunnies are an earth saying that means... Wait, on Hives do you have furniture? Cots, chairs?" I said pointing to the cot and the chair in the room.

"No. But, I am aware of what furniture is."

"Ok. I suppose that it's not going to be easy to explain to you because your skin cells don't die and fall off like humans, right?"

"The ones that make up our hair do every fifty thousand years or so."

"Wow. Okay." I said shaking my head in disbelief, "Anyway, dust-bunnies are small clumps of... debris that form under furniture or in corners when you don't clean often enough. On Earth we call them Dust-bunnies because they are fuzzy and seem to multiply like rabbits if you don't clean. But, they are really made only of little bits of hair, lint, dead skin cells, and dust held together by static electricity. Did that part make sense at least?" He nodded yes. Taking a deep breath and sitting up a little straighter, I began, "I've known Jennifer since we were both very young. Human children sometimes make up a secret code to use with their friends. Most of the time, it's so their parents or other adults don't understand what they are saying to each other. Jennifer and I used to use normal words that we could say without arousing too much suspicion. Dust-bunnies is a secret word that meant something different then the widely accepted definition."

"Ah. Then, what does it mean then to you?"

"It depends on the situation. When Jennifer used it while I was in the lab, she meant I was in danger and I needed to leave."

"Yet you did not?"

"Jennifer's been using it a lot since she left to go to Atlantis. She also uses it when there's something that I don't have the security clearance to know." I changed position on the cot again, stretching my back and cracking my neck.

"You should try to sleep." Todd said.

"I'm fine."

"You are human. You should not be ashamed that you must sleep."

"Wait... you said that Wraith hibernate but you don't have cots. What do you sleep on?"

"The hive embraces us in our pods so there is no human-like bed."

_ Wow, they're pod people. How Sci-fi_. _Hmm. I wonder how they pee while hibernating?_

Todd continued, "We are not aware of time in the embrace of our pod. It gives us nourishment and takes waste from our system."

_ Oh, god... he heard that. I've got to learn to not think anything around him._ "Um... Do you sleep nightly when not hibernating?"

"We don't need to if we are able to eat properly. You are changing the subject. You are afraid I will hurt you as you sleep?"

"I doubt there would be a point to lying, so yes that thought had crossed my mind. But, it's more that I'm afraid of what I will see if I close my eyes." I looked at my hands as I answered him. I couldn't look at him to see his reaction. Instead, I sat looking under my nails and picked out the dirt that had somehow gotten jammed it. _Trying to not think of anything but my nails... la.. la.. la.. Nails... oh god.. is that dried blood? Oh god, oh god._

Todd took my hand in his, "Heather, you must stop this."

"I can't stop thinking about it."

"I had hoped if you did not see it would be easier on you."

"It didn't matter. Ronon told me."Without meaning to, my mind flashed the picture Ronon had described to me of the wraith's victims: old dried up bodies with mummy like skin and hair. _Oh no, please tell me he can't see that._

Todd growled, a low guttural sound, and said, "He should not have done that."

_ Is nothing safe? How the hell are any plans kept from him? _"I asked him."

"Why?"

"I assumed something different." I said purposing thinking about Vampire movies I had seen that showed just two bloody bite marks on the neck. I continued, "We have myths on Earth that hold similarities to Wraith. I was trying to determine if your species was the catalyst of the myth. I didn't think it would be a question that would pain such a disturbing picture...and I didn't think I'd really ever be near enough to you to have worry about it in any case."

"He should not have told you as he knew it would disturb you."

I smiled a bit, "I think that's why he told me. He doesn't like your people very much at all." A short exhale through Todd's nose was his only reply. "Were you part of the destruction of Sateda?"

"No, I had been captured by the Genii before that time." Todd answered, "Though that will not clear me in his eyes."

"I know." I said, "But, I wanted to know if you had... ordered it."

"What if I had?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. "When I was in school, I was in an animal rights group. When I was fourteen, they took us to an egg farm to see how the chickens were kept. It was horrible. There were ten chickens stuffed into these little cages that looked like they should only hold four chickens at most. They had no room to move. The chickens' feet were deformed from the cages and the whole place smelled. I cried most of the time because the chickens looked like they were in hell. I couldn't eat eggs for a year. It bothers me to this day. As a wraith commander, I know you have to have ordered cullings. You fed on people a few minutes ago. And I'm still talking to you. Listening as you tell me that your people think of humans as their herds. You don't seem like a monster, yet... I know you are from my point of view."

"You eat eggs now, do you not?"

Shaking my head slightly, I said, "I know where you're going with that. I know it's the same, but as a human I can't help but think it is not. You know that humans are sentient; while Humans have no proof that animals are."

"Humans have a choice, Wraith do not."

I sighed and said, "And that would be an impasse." He smiled at me and I found myself smiling back. _Oooh... Got him! _"I have to be right you know."

"And why do you say that?"

"Even by the limited knowledge I have of your people, I know women are always right in your culture."

He laughed. It was odd to watch a wraith laugh, I decided. It didn't seem normal yet it looked so decidedly giddy it was hard not to giggle myself.

"Heather, can you hear me?" I heard Rodney yell. It sounded like there was weapons fire in distance.

Looking up at the door, I expected to see Rodney standing in the doorway. The door was closed. Nothing had changed. "Rodney?" I called, "Todd, please tell me you heard that?" Todd pointed up at the ceiling.

"Thank god. She's really alive John." Rodney said.

I heard Jennifer in the background: "Oh my god. We're coming Heather! Teyla... Teyla, she's with Todd... No, she's speaking..."

Rodney called, "Heather, you okay? I swear Todd, if one hair on her head is even the slightest bit gray or a line is on her face, Ronon will..."

"Rodney, I'm fine. " I said strongly, "What the hell is going on? Where are you?"

"We're at your room. You okay?"

I looked over at Todd as I said, "I was captured. Todd saved me."

"What?" Rodney squeaked.

"It's a long story. How much longer before you guys get here?"

"The Gate room is where they are all holding out. So, figure two, maybe three, hours."

Jennifer chimed in, "No Rodney, that's not good enough. No way in hell she's staying in there for a second longer..."

"Jen," I said, "Feel free to open the door and get me... oh, wait, you can't because you're in a different tower! Todd protected me from the bad guys while you guys just left me and Lt. Lyon without backup. So, don't you dare..."

"Dr. Keller, your friend is safe." Todd interrupted my rant.

Rodney spoke to Jennifer, "If he really hasn't fed from her, she's probably safe for a few more hours."

"She's in shock!" Jennifer hissed at him, "She's not thinking straight."

"Jennifer, does my throat sound raw from screaming? No, it does not. Yea, Todd ate but that was the bad guys so it's not counting right now. I'm not thinking straight, you're damn right! I was almost raped today so give me a fucking break."

John called, "Rodney, get to work getting to the gate room."

"John!" Jennifer started.

John cut her off, "Not now Doc. Todd, I swear if you even think of hurting her, I will kill you. Understood?"

"The threat is not needed, John Sheppard. I will keep Heather safe."

"Right." John replied, "Heather, sit tight. We'll be there as soon as we can. Sheppard Out."

I took a deep breath and looked up at Todd. "I'm sorry if I shouldn't have mentioned that you...eh... ate. I figured they'd see the bodies when they got here anyway."

"John Sheppard has allowed me to feed before when one of his own was threatened. Do not concern yourself with it."

"Why would he do that?"

"Rodney McKay's sister had been infected by nanites. I created the program 10,000 years ago to alter Asurans nanite programming to protect my people. I was a prisoner on your people and the Replicators were our common enemy. As I was working on the program, my hunger compromised my ability to save her. John fed me so I was able to continue. I created the code to shut down the nanites and saved her."

_ 10,000 years ago.. so the Replicator nanites were another present from the Lanteans?_

**_ My people's name for Replicators are the _****_Asurans, but your premise is correct._**

_ Nanite technology that can infect a human... My god, they're the Borg! _I shivered.

"Are you cold, Heather?" Todd asked.

_ What, you cannot hear me anymore? _

Todd briefly looked to the ceiling. **Heather, we are watched. **

"I'm fine... thanks." I said out loud and then yawned. I realized that if I remained on this cot much longer I risked falling asleep. Getting up on the cot, I started to pace. Even with Todd standing by the cot, there wasn't much room in here. I felt cramped in here. Caged. Pacing didn't help but I needed to do something and there wasn't anything to do in this cell. I didn't know how he could stay in here and not go mad. _Maybe that's why he's talking to me. Something to do to pass the time. And by saving me, he got to eat and everyone will owe him. He won all around. _I could feel Todd watching me. I watched him in turn out of the corner of my eye. His eyes didn't blink and after a few minutes of my silently pacing he didn't seem to intend on looking anywhere else but me. I turned to look at him and said, "What, you've never seen a human pace before?"

"I do not understand why humans from your galaxy choose to deny what you need."

"What?"

"You are tired, yet will not rest. You move back and forward across the floor, wasting energy, when your body craves rest. Why?"

"Because I don't really shouldn't need to rest Todd. You did all the work. I'm in shock so my body screwy. Look, I was kidnapped today, saved by the enemy that I'm not even supposed to be near, and told that ancient space vampires know more about my history than I do. Oh, and they are a bug/human hybrids to boot. It's a lot to take in even with everyone telling me some of the history you expanded on it. I've only been up for what... three hours. I cannot possibly need to sleep yet." I turned away from him to start my pacing again. Without him saying it out loud or in my mind, I knew he must be thinking that I didn't really answer him. After a minute of silence, I said, "You know why I really don't want to sleep don't you. You just want me to say it out loud." He didn't reply. I paced from one side of the room to the other, thinking about what he was asking. Then, I said, "I cannot rest because I cannot trust you if I'm asleep. You fed on John when he was sleeping. Why would I be different to you? I'm much less valuable."

"I needed to feed in order to fight the Genii. That is not the case here. John Sheppard understood that."

"No, he made a military decision. They cannot come get me right now as they have to protect the base. I'm not the priority."

"It bothers you."

"Yes, of course it does. Even though I think it's the right call, I now have to hope you don't get hungry again."

"Ah." Todd replied.

I sighed, "I know you keep saying you won't hurt me and you've done nothing to make me think otherwise. But, you did eat two or three people who deserved jail, not the death penalty. I can't just ignore that, Todd. No matter how nice you seem to be, you're playing something here. From what Teyla said I knew you were a powerful wraith and from what you said, you have been for some time. You didn't get that way from being nice, not in your culture."

"I see." He said, obviously not going to give me any more information on his plan.

_ Oh come on, the bad guys always tell you their plan in the movies. _He continued watching me as I paced. A few minutes went by without either of us speaking. I felt too exposed with him being able to hear my thoughts but I didn't know if how to block him, if I even could. After his story, I couldn't help believe that I was missing something. _History is always one sided. The winner writes the history book and can bend the truth however he wants too. Todd was bending the truth, but I couldn't possibly know what was missing as I'd never really heard any of this history before. I need to speak to Teyla, Ronon, Jennifer, and anyone else that could help me figure what was going on. He had to be right that they must look at the surveillance footage of him in his cell normally. It would make sense that with me in here, Jennifer at least will look at the whole thing to make sure he didn't hurt me at all. She'll hear what he said to me: all of it. But, he knew that too. So, it's not something he expects them to know either. Wait, they won't hear what he said in my mind. But, none of that was really anything they should worry about. It was mostly comforting me. Why didn't he want them to hear that? Wouldn't that make him look good? If they trusted him a bit more, they might loosen security and he could escape. No, if he's stuck here that won't help him. Maybe he thinks it will assure him his continued survival and a trip home once they decide to go back to his galaxy. That makes sense. Okay. He's being nice so he can go home. Now, the question is, do I tell them that he can read minds. You didn't even have to be near him. That's a risk they don't seem to know of. And it's something that I should tell them. _I looked over at him, trying to see if he was reacting to this line of thought. He wasn't. He was still watching me, but he hadn't moved on bit. He seemed inhumanly frozen, "Okay, that's creepy," I said out loud, "Being frozen like that is weird. In fact the whole watching me as I pace thing is creepy too, so cut that out, please."

"In your culture, a male does not stand as a female stands. Watch as a female moves?"

_ I know you have a different culture then I do, so I think it's fair for me to tell you: you really can't say that to human females, they'll take it the wrong way._ Out loud, I said: "You are turning into a stalker, but no... human males don't watch... at least, not the way you are."

Todd tilted his head to the side and said, "As you wish". Then, he looked down at the floor. Not moving or fidgeting in any normal human way just stared at the floor.

_ Less creepy, but still creepy._ I thought as I rolled my eyes. I continued my pacing and quietly said, "What the hell is taking them so long anyway?" There was no reply.

After an hour of pacing, I had decided that Todd had been right to question me: wasting energy wasn't that smart. My feet hurt and I was sleepy. I still I walked back and forth, covering the same ground both literally and figuratively. I hadn't decided if I was telling John and Jennifer that Todd could hear thoughts. _Wraith had been able to do that for five years yet it didn't seem to have given them any advantage. John had known Todd for two years and they've worked together even. He must know much more about earthlings then he lets on, but it hadn't seemed to cause any problems. Rodney has mentioned in passing once that Todd had hacked into their computer system, yet they still let him come back here. John had let him into Rodney's lab without Rodney there even._ Besides making everyone more uncomfortable, I wasn't sure if his reading their minds would matter. It might make wraith scarier to them and I knew from history that being scared of something led to violence. _Humans killed what we don't understand or feared. We already feared his people, John already didn't trust him what if telling John and the others led to him killing Todd. From a military point of view, I could see that as being the safe route. Todd saved my life, regardless of his reasons, he still saved me. Can I stand by and led John kill him in order to protect my planet? Yes, if it was necessary. But, that's the problem... I don't think it is. So, where does that leave me? _Walking over to the cot, I sit down and rub my temples. _Chasing my tail is giving me a headache. _

**_ Your tail?_**

_ It's an expression._

**_ Ah._**

_ I could ask him more questions while I'm waiting. That will sure keep me awake. Hell, I won't get this chance again. But, what was the point of asking? I know enough to be afraid for Jennifer but won't know if she's alright once they leave again. I will know the Wraith are trying to come to eat us all but I won't know if they are coming. At least not until it's too late. _I inhaled deeply, trying to calm myself.

Todd was in front of me in an instant. Pulling me up off of the cot, he upended it. While he turned it on its side, he said, "Heather, stay behind the cot on the floor. Do not look."

"What's..." I started to ask as I went behind the cot and on my knees on the floor.

"They are coming. Do as I say."

_ Oh God._ I heard them now, it sounded like they were shooting at the first door. _And me again without a gun!_

Todd looked over at me and took something out from his jumpsuit. "Here", he said, throwing something at me, "Do not use this unless I am dead."

I looked down at what I caught. It was a small gun. "Where'd...?"_ He doesn't want me to shoot him by accident. Doesn't want to waste energy because I'm not that good a shot and he doesn't know how many are coming for us._

"Your attackers. You do not know how to use it. Do not fire unless you have no choice."

_ Unless if he's dead. _"Okay." I said swallowing back bile.

**_ Do not worry. If they get through the door, just stay down and close your eyes. _**

_ You mean when, not if. _I stayed behind the cot, knowing it wouldn't block much. _There is nothing else to be behind. Todd was going to be fighting. Hiding here is the best cover we've got. _

Todd stood motionless in front of me, facing the door. He was waiting. I heard a big bang and something hit the cell door hard. _The first door._ _Maybe John and Ronon will get here in time to help Todd._ I sent the thought out like a prayer. Then, a force field was up on our side of the door all of the sudden. It glowed blue but I hadn't seen Todd activate anything. _Wait, he wouldn't be able to. Who did that? Oh my god, Rodney!_ "Rodney must know we are under attack! They'll come help Todd."

Todd didn't look at me but answered, "It is not Rodney. Atlantis activated its security protocols."

"Oh... that works too. How long will it hold?"

"It seems they have weapons like your people. They are crude; it should hold for a while."

I could hear them shooting at the door now. After ten minutes of shooting, Todd was still looming with his back to me, facing the door. He hadn't moved. I hadn't moved either. Thought I really wanted to: my knees were bothering me. The floor was hard but I was too afraid to move. "Once they break through the door, how long will the force field last for?" I asked Todd again.

"I do not know. But, the Lanteans' technology is far superior to yours."

"It's superior to Wraith technology as well."

Todd turned to me, "Yes." he said raising an eyebrow.

_ Or where his eyebrow should be. _Out loud I said:"It's weird. Both our peoples' are descended from them yet neither species retained their technology."

"Though Lanteans's technology is formable, I'd prefer to pay attention to approaching enemies. Perhaps we should speak of this later."

"Right." I said. _I'll just sit here quietly while they shot at the door. Really this isn't driving me crazy or anything!_

**_ You have nothing to fear. They are human; I am Wraith._**

_ Just because you are harder to kill doesn't mean you can't be killed. Ronon told me he's killed a ton of Wraith. So has John. Hell, Rodney's killed them. If Rodney can do it..._

The loud speaker crackled overheard and then was silent.

_ "_Todd?" I started to squeak excited. Todd held out his hand as I'd seem military guys do all the time. The international symbol for quiet was now universal literally. _They are coming! They are coming! _

A minute pasted. Then, the firing at the door seemed to be changing. They were still firing but it didn't seem to be at the door and seemed to be less organized. Todd's stance changed too. Looking at him, he reminded me of a guy in school that always wanted to fight. He'd stand the same way when a fight broke out that he wasn't a part of. _It was almost like he wanted to go out there and fight, kill those that had been trying to kill him. Yet he didn't._ _Maybe he knows Ronon would shoot him by 'accident'. _

**_ I do not fear Ronon. If I open the door, you might join the fight._**

_ I won't._

**_ You would stand by as your friends were shot at? _**

_ Ah...yea. _Even I didn't believe that.

**_ The door will remain closed until it is over._**

_ But..._

_ **Enough.**_

****I went to tell him where he could stick his condescending holier than thou king of the universe attitude and then realized that it was quiet outside the door. There was a knocking on the door. I recognized it to be the first 12 seconds of "Fanfare for the Common Man" before the orchestra starts up. Jennifer and I had used it as a code when we were younger for my tree house. I saw Todd look at me, I nodded. "It's Jen. But why don't they just open the door?"

"They might have taken the room but that doesn't mean the gate is secure. They will leave guards here and the rest will go to take the gate room back."

"Gate room?"

"You have no knowledge of the Stargate."

I didn't respond right away. I already felt like this ancient being knew far more about us than I did. To be constantly reminded that I knew nothing of things outside my own world was humbling and scary. To know that the enemy of my people knew more than I did was terrifying. Whatever information he's gotten from me in these few hours might be enough for them to take Earth. I felt like I'd learned more than he did, but I knew from Teyla that this wraith was a master manipulator. With my people so close, I realized suddenly that it was possible that I'd sealed his fate. They might have to kill him to keep any information that he'd gleaned from me from getting back to the wraith. I slowly made my way to the door.

He continued, "A Stargate is a ring-shaped apparatus that creates a tube-like connection in space time between requested Stargates in two separate regions of the universe."

_Will they kill you?_ "Ring-shaped... it's the thing down the steps from Woolsey's office then?"

**_Nothing you have said or thought will betray your people Heather._** "It is."

****"How does it know which Stargate you want?" I asked turning away from the door and facing him.

"You must dial the Stargate that you want."

"Like a phone number."

"I am not sure what that means."

"It's a code, I guess: Nine digits that doesn't change and gets you a pre-determined person."

"I believe that your analogy is correct but a Stargate has 36 unique symbols used in many different six symbol addresses to mark different points in space. A seventh symbol is added to the end of the address to denote the point of origin. As the universe is always changing, the address does change slightly over millions of years."

"Oh." I said, "Do hives have Stargates too?"

"Some."

"So the wraith didn't create the Stargates?"

"No, the Lanteans put Stargates on worlds where they planted human life."

"So some wraith use Stargates to get to... their herds. That's why only some hives have Stargates on them? They pillaged them and took them back to their hives.

"Though some Wraith do travel to their herds that way, a hive captures a Stargate from space normally. You don't want to restrict travel between human worlds as that can affect population growth through marriages and food production," He said contemplating my question, "Frequently, Hives activate Stargates so the humans on the planet cannot use it to escape to another planet. For a big hive, it is therefore easier to have a Stargate on board."

"Oh.." I said. I heard the door open behind me. Turning around, I saw twelve marines with guns pointed at me. "Don't shoot! It's me." John was to the right of the door, already stepping in front of them.

"Heather!" I heard Jennifer exclaim and then saw her push her way around Ronon and John. She hit the blue force field and was stopped dead. "What the hell? Why isn't it letting me through?"

"Todd, did you do something to this?" John asked.

"I did not."

"It went on by itself, John. He didn't touch anything." I said. "Is everyone alright? Where's Rodney?" I asked Jennifer concerned.

"He's fine. He had to stay in the control room and figure out what they did. How are you?" Jennifer asked, while john talked quietly into his earpiece.

I shrugged, "I'm okay, I guess. Todd saved my life Jennifer... they wanted me to take them to the Stargate. Come with them... Who were they anyway? Is the rest of Earth okay?"

"Heather," John said, "They only attacked here. Let's get you out of there first so Jennifer can look at you, okay? Then we'll figure out what you can and can't know." John held his ear and listened. "Rodney, what do you mean it's not letting you release it?"

"Come on Rodney..." I said, "let us out of here already!" _I got to go, I got to go..._

The force field disappeared. "Thank you Rodney", I yelled as I passed John. Getting two steps away, I turned back to Todd. "Todd, thank you for...everything. I couldn't have made it if you hadn't..."

Todd nodded to me, "I hope you will come speak to me again, Heather Burman."

"I hope so too." I replied. _I doubt they will let me. I hope you make it home Todd. _He didn't reply. Jennifer took my arm and we started to walk out the door before Todd's voice stopped Jennifer in her tracks.

"Do you intend for her to see my meal?"

"He's got a point there," John said. "It's best if she doesn't walk to the infirmary anyway. She's had a long day."

"I'm fine" I said.

"Ronon," John said, "Sorry Heather."

**_You will be fine Heather._**

****I turned quickly towards Ronon, and saw an electronic bolt coming at me. It was like time slowed down as everything went dark.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I could almost see the little demon that had invaded my head and was banging on my brain. My head hurt and I felt like I was floating. I slowly opened my eyes, expecting the light to hurt. It didn't. Jennifer and Teyla were sitting next to me. Jennifer was on a laptop typing away and Teyla had fallen asleep. "I hate you all." I said.

Jennifer looked up, "Good morning Heather. It's not so bad, you don't even have a headache."

"Heather, how do you feel?" Teyla asked, waking up.

I answered, "I have a migraine thanks to you people. Who the hell shoots their friends!"

"It was for the best." Teyla said. "You needed rest anyway and it was better than you not see..."

Jennifer chimed in, "You always wanted to see what Ronon's fancy gun was like. Now you know."

I rolled my eyes. "I also want to step through a Stargate, but I'd live just fine without experiencing it... So, am I still human?"

"Why would you think you were not?" Teyla asked, concerned.

"It's a vampire thing." I told her, "Did you run your tests on me, I assume? You can tell John 100% that Todd didn't feed on me or anything?"

"I did." Jennifer replied, "Heather, John and Woolsey have been watching the footage for hours. Woolsey wanted you to come and see him once you were well enough."

"Oh." I said.

"You are not in trouble." Teyla said. "They just want to speak to you."

"Right. Where is Todd?" I asked.

Teyla looked at me oddly, "He is in his cell."

"Okay, good." I said out loud, "And the bad guys are all gone?" _Todd?_

"They are," Jennifer answered.

"Good." I said standing, "I'm going to go to Woolsey's office then. Teyla, would you come with me? I'm sure Jennifer has to stay here and I don't want to be by myself." _Todd? _

Jennifer stood, "I can come with you.. It's no problem.. I'll just have Doctor.."

"No, that's okay Jen. Teyla can do the whole protecting thing a bit better than you and I'm sure you have people to treat here since we were just attacked."

"I do not mind going with her Jennifer." Teyla said.

"Alright. But, Heather.. you call me if you need me, okay? No matter what?"

"I promise." Teyla and I started walking to the transporter. Teyla didn't say anything to me as we walked but she kept looking over at me. I know she must think it odd I'd asked about Todd. _I'm surprised that Jennifer hasn't suggested I have a weird case of Stockholm Syndrome._ We transported to the main tower where Todd was and where Woolsey's office was. _Todd? Can you hear me?_

_**I've been hearing you Heather Burman.**_

_Thank god. You okay?_

**_You do not trust your people?_**

_I do. I just wanted to make sure._

**_My status has not changed._**

"Heather," Teyla said, sounding like she had said it more than once.

"Sorry, Teyla. I guess I spaced out for a second. What did you say?"

"Since Col. Carter and General O'Neil seem to be in the office with Woolsey and John, we should wait out here until they come for you."

I looked into the office and saw the infamous, yet still never met, Col. Samantha Carter for the first time. Jen had been trying to get me to meet her twice and each time fate had interfered. I was about to find out if I liked her or hated her. General Jack O'Neil's rulings have been an annoyance since I'd come to Atlantis. And John and Woolsey both looked unhappy. This seems destined to be a bad thing. I took two deep breaths._ Worrying about it isn't going to help. _I turned around and looked at the Stargate. Counting the thirty-six symbols around the ring, I wondered what Earth's address was. _Oh my god, if I ever found that out and thought about it without thinking, Todd would know how to get to Earth... Oh damn... I still didn't pee yet. Oh, boy. _

Samantha stood up and motioned to me. Setting a friendly smile on my face, I felt Teyla give my hand a squeeze. "Be honest with them Heather." Teyla whispered without moving her lips.

"Interrogating me?" I asked quietly, also not moving my lips.

"Reviewing," she replied still not moving her lips, "footage is image and voice."

"I've got nothing to hide. All Todd did was save my life. I hope they don't forget that." I said and then walked to the office door. It slid open as I approached.

Sam, John, and General O'Neil stood as I got to the door. "Heather," Sam said, "I'm Samantha Carter and this is Jack O'Neil. I'm sorry we didn't get to meet under better events." As I shook her hand, she asked me to call her Sam.

General O'Neil smiled as he stuck out his hand, "It's nice to meet you Heather. Everyone has spoken quite highly of you."

"General," I replied. "You'll have to excuse my frankness, but I'm surprised to see you here. Jen.. Dr. Keller had indicated that you were in DC. I realize a civilian almost getting abducted is... unfortunate but I wouldn't think a general is needed to make apologies. In fact, besides the fact that I was supposed to be spending the weekend with Sam, I'm surprised she's here as well. So, what's really going on?"

"Heather!" Woolsey started to admonish me.

"No," General O'Neil interrupted him, "She's right, Woolsey. Heather, I need you to bear with us here."

Sam indicated I should sit in her seat and she went to lean on General O'Neil's chair, "Sit down Heather."

As I sat down, John worried his lip and then said, "Heather, you're gonna have to answer our questions before we'll answer yours. We need you to save your questions until the end."

Sam nodded and continued, "But, if you feel uncomfortable at any point just let us know. If you don't want to speak to us about some of it or if you'd rather just tell me, that's fine. Just let us know. We're all your friends here. Okay?"

I sat back in my chair as I answered, "I understand. What questions do you have for me?"

"You signed the confidentiality agreement before you arrived, right?" Sam asked.

"Yes, that was the only way General O'Neil would allow Jen to bring me here." I said looking over at him.

General O'Neil answered, "That's normal procedure, Heather. Do you intend to keep that agreement now that you know it's significance?"

"You mean that UFOs are military bases and little green men have been replaced by big green men-bugs who think of us as cattle." I said raising my eyebrows with every word.

General O'Neil smiled and said, "Nah, the little green guys weren't replaced. The little ones were good guys. Trust me."

Feeling confused by his reply, I pressed on: "Of course, I will honor the agreement. You all saw the tape, I'm sure. You heard what Todd's told me. I don't think Earth is ready for this information at this point. The Wraith threat worries me of course. But, since Todd saved my life for no other reason than he could, I hope that you're taking the threat seriously, but in diplomatic routes as well as military. To be honest, I haven't seen much evidence of any diplomacy. "

Sam smiled as Jack said, "Our questions first, Heather."

John asked, "When the attack started, you were in your room?"

"Yes, asleep. Lt. Lyon was stationed outside as always."

"Did Lt. Lyon wake you up because of the security breach?" Woolsey asked.

"What?" I turned to him. "No, I woke up and realized I'd overslept. We should have already left for Vegas and no one had called to check up on me. I called Jen to see what was going on. She told me that there was an issue and I was to stay in my room. Whoever your leak was, it wasn't Lt. Lyon."

Jack agreed, "Heather we don't think anyone on Atlantis, and I include you in this, compromised the security of this base. That's not an issue."

"I'm glad." I replied.

"After you talked to Jen," John continued, "You called Lt. Lyon a few times."

"I did. I was worried. You guys seemed to be taking a long time. I had no weapon. I was the red shirt and I knew it."

"Red shirt?" Woolsey asked.

"Yea. In Star Trek if you see a crew person with a red shirt, he's always the first one to die."

Woolsey considered, "You know, I never thought of that. You're right."

"Heather," Jack said rolling his eyes at Woolsey, "Why did you think they were coming after you?"

"I..." I started to say and then realized, I wasn't sure why. "I don't know General. John didn't seem concerned. No one else seemed to think they were. It's just... well.. I'd gotten a weird phone call so I guess I was just freaking out to begin with."

"What phone call?" Jack asked.

"Some wrong number on my cell. It's a good thing they had the wrong number or I wouldn't have been up. The Luke... what are they called again," I asked turning to John, "I refuse to call them 'bad guys' like a five year old."

"The Lucian Alliance," Sam said, "It was the Lucian Alliance."

"Thank you, Sam. When the Lucian Alliance came, I was still in my room like Lt. Lyon had ordered. Lt. Lyon had told me he needed radio silence. I heard a big bang and then it was quiet. I called for Lt. Lyon and I heard a pained whisper to open the door. I assumed he'd won but was hurt. I opened the door. And he was there... but... only... he wasn't. The three Lucian Alliance members were behind him. I tried to close the door but they stopped me." I looked down at my hands and realized they were shaking. I folded my hands in my lap hoping they hadn't seen.

"It's alright, Heather." Sam said, "It would be scary for anyone. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's not that. I don't know what I was thinking opening that door. I knew better but I wanted to see if I could help him. It was so stupid."

Jack leaned towards me and said, "Heather, I've seen seasoned veterans make the same choice. Go on. Then what?"

"They thought I was a scientist when I identified myself as a civilian. They told me that I had to take them to the Stargate. I didn't know what it was at that point. I didn't know what to do. My first thought was I needed to get them to John or Ronon but I didn't know where they were."

"So, what did you do?" Woolsey asked.

"Nothing really... I froze. They said I was coming with them. I realized that it was the same as being abducted on Earth... You never let them take you to the second crime scene. I couldn't fight them on my own. I was out numbered. But, I figured if I choose the place at least maybe I could take them out too. "

"That's when you decided to go to Todd!" John bellowed.

"I.. Yes, okay. Yes John. You don't get it do you? The Lucian Alliance guys... the leader was blond and... he made it sound like once I got them to the Stargate, I had two options: be raped or be raped and killed. That wasn't going to happen. He kept touching my hair, my arm. I knew he wasn't just saying it. I knew what he was going to do. And I knew I wasn't going to allow it."

"John." Jack said, silencing him. "Heather, why did you think Todd would help you?"

"I didn't. Not really. From what Rodney, Ronon and Teyla had said, I knew he had to be hungry. I didn't think he'd turn down food. It would be stupid for him to not want food if it makes them stronger."

Woolsey sputtered, "You knew you'd be making him a stronger wraith and that he's eat you too?"

"Yes." I answered, "But, I figured he wouldn't rape me. That's a human thing. At the time, I was thinking it would leave three less enemies for everyone else to handle. I was dead either way; it was the less evil of the two choices."

"When you ran into Todd's cell, you had your eyes closed." Sam said, "Why?"

"I really didn't want to see him. I was afraid I'd stop if I did."

"When you heard their screams, you still didn't look."

"Ronon had told me what bodies look like after a wraith fed on them. I didn't want to see that. I was sure I was the last one he'd go after. So, I didn't intend to look at anything but him once he was done."

"Why would you think he'd leave you for last?"

"He'd seen me with Rodney. I was hoping he'd try to get information from me before eating me. I was trying to come up with a reason he shouldn't eat me." I started to tear up as I said, "That's why I was surprised when I heard the dragging sound. I didn't expect him to do that. I think that's why I fell apart. I didn't think I'd live and all of the sudden he was saying I was safe."

"He's told you he wouldn't hurt you before." Jack stated.

"Yea, Rodney took me into the lab a few weeks ago and Todd was there. That's when I found out he existed. No one believed him. And hearing Teyla and Ronon's stories... I didn't believe him either. But, he kept his promise. He saved me."

"Why do you think he gave you so much information about the wraith?" Jack asked me.

"I don't know." I said truthfully. "I think he kept talking to keep me from losing it again."

Sam took a deep breath. "Heather, Atlantis can be a confusing place. The hallways all look the same. How did you know where Todd was? You've never been to his cell before. It was a shot in the dark that you could even find him."

"I wasn't sure. But, when I came to Mr. Woolsey's office with Teyla... on the way back... I saw Todd's guards take him down the stairs. I assumed he'd be down there somewhere and figured that six marines should be able to take out three mercenaries. That was the best case scenario that I'd considered. I'd look for his guards. They weren't there. But, there was only one door. I had to count on it being his. After the first door let to another, it looked jail-ish to me so I just hoped. I was committed at that point."

"What do you think of Todd?" Jack asked.

"What do you mean?"

"After spending that time listening to his version of history, what do you think?"

"Are you saying, all of that was true?" I countered.

"Jack," Woolsey said, "maybe we should let her rest.. she's had a long day."

"Woolsey, shut up will ya?" Jack said, "Heather, I want you to think about this. Do you believe what this Wraith told you? Are we related to them through bugs and ancients?"

"I don't know..." I answered slowing and honestly. "For Todd's general physical appearance and functionality to be so close to ours without some distant relation between the two species is honestly hard to believe. For two races in completely different galaxy to have evolved in such similar body structures seems... astronomically unlikely. Taking into account Teyla and Ronon's structure completely mirroring ours... I'd have to say that I believe Todd told me the truth though from his point of view."

Jack nodded and throwing Sam a look, said to me: "I'd love to hear what you think his point of view is then?"

"I think his point of view is purposely slanted to show how alike we are and how they are victims of biological circumstances beyond their control. For some reason, he wants me on his side. Some of what he said I've heard from members of our team like the wraith's physical abilities. Some information about Atlantis fits in quite easily from what I've been told. His versions of the stories might have been... slanted excessively to the side of Wraith self-serving-ness... but were really close to what I had already been told. It would make sense that he'd want to spin the stories in way that put them in the best light, especially since I haven't heard all of that information before. What Todd said about the Lanteans sure did sound like they are related to us. We are repeating a lot of their mistakes now... both on Earth and intergalactic-ly from what I can tell. "

"Really," Woolsey asked, "What intergalactic mistakes have you heard about?"

"Well, if my men went into hostile territory and killed a foreign diplomat without even trying any high level negotiations... I'd say that was an intergalactic mistake at the very least."

"Heather, they took our people... we couldn't just leave them there. You have no idea..." John said hotly.

"I didn't say you leave them there John. I'm not saying our people become food for some ancient bug race. All I'm saying is you didn't try speaking to them first. You took what Teyla said to be true and you acted on it. I'm not saying it was wrong, per say, because it did get them out. But, from a wider perspective, at what cost? We woke them all up. The people in Teyla and Ronon's galaxy are dealing with these killers because we woke them up early. Now, Atlantis is here and they are dealing with the Wraith on their own. I wouldn't think that many human populations in that galaxy would appreciate us leaving them the mess that we have."

"Heather, you don't know what..."

"John," Samantha interrupted him, "Heather hasn't read the mission reports so she is speaking without knowing anything but Todd's point of view. She seems quite capable. And I think she should be allowed to carefully pursue this. General, I suggest you allow her access to the mission reports before she speaks to Todd again if she's going to take on the mission."

"This is highly irregular, General!" Woolsey said, "Heather, you don't realize the danger you are in." Woolsey turned to General O'Neil, "We cannot just allow her to go in there with that monster. He almost killed me and a ship load of our people for no reason. You cannot trust Todd!"

"General, I think Heather's right for this. I've never seen Todd so open. My concern is only that she might not be able to handle it. He's had a lot more experience in manipulation than her and he's got a lot more years." John looked at me, " I hope she realizes that Todd will eat her alive if he thinks he can get away with it. Literally or figuratively, take your pick."

"What do you think about this, Heather?" General O'Neil asked.

"Tell me what this is and I'll let you know." I replied.

Jack smiled. "Your president needs you to serve your country, Heather."

"Oh great." I said under my breath.

Jack went on like he didn't hear my remark, "Todd's given you a more thorough explanation of wraith than anyone else has ever heard. We need to learn all we can for research purposes of course. But, more than that if a human was able to understand them, she could be an ambassador and we can all work together to change the feeding process to a more palatable situation."

_My god, how stupid to you think I am, people. _"Really? I'm sure he'd be... intrigued to hear that at the very least. To be honest General, I can't give you an answer until I read all the reports. I'm not going into this blind. I'll still be bound by the confidentiality agreement anyway. Let me see all the mission reports and I'll be able to tell you if I can do this or not."

"I'll have to take this to the President, Heather. I'll get back to you."

"Fine." I said standing. "Look, he should know that I want Earth to be safe but I don't want to walk into this and create more problems for us. If I'm not given the proper tools, I could get everyone killed. Not just me. The president needs to understand that, General."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you."

"Heather," Sam said, "Why don't we go for a walk?"

"Sure." I replied shaking hands with General O'Neil and nodding to Richard and John.

Sam and I walked out of Woolsey's office. Without saying a word, Sam led me to a balcony overlooking the ocean. "You know, the last time I was out here, Atlantis was on another planet. The ocean looked pretty much the same." Sam said facing the ocean. The breeze was spraying water softly on our faces.

I looked at the ocean before answering her, letting the water mingle with my forming tears, "Well, since the Lanteans seeded everything, I guess it's not too surprising."

"Heather, those mission reports... when you read them you need to treat them with a grain of salt. Just like Todd spins things so does each and every human that has ever lived."

"I know."

"You'll do fine. From what I've heard, you spin things pretty well yourself. I think Todd's met his match."

"What do you mean?"

"Rodney told me how much you love this stuff. You've been pumping everyone for information on Todd for weeks. And they really didn't see it for what it was."

"It was the only way I know how to deal with fear. How else was I supposed to stop fearing him?" I asked looking at her.

"Most people wouldn't try to stop fearing a being like him. Why do you need to?"

"I don't really know. I just know I need to understand what's going on. I feel so.. lost. How do you do it? How do you know that they are coming and we are so unprepared without pulling your hair out. When they get here, a handful of people on this planet will even know what hit them. You and I both know that even with the ships we have, we can't possibly have enough to protect Earth."

"We aren't brand new to this dance. We've faced destruction more times than I can count. We're still here. I've been doing this for more than ten years, you haven't. No one expects you to be comfortable with the idea."

"The whole time talking to him... I was afraid to tell him anything. What if what I tell him is the key to his plans? How do I protect against him getting information from me? How do I outsmart a man who has lived, fought, and lead his people for more than 10,000 years?"

"The simple answer is, you don't." She responded quietly. "Heather, all Jack asked you to do is get information. We realize that you could give him something, but it's a calculated risk. You won't know anything that he doesn't know already. You're only getting the Atlantis mission reports."

"There are others?" I asked and then held up my hand, "Never mind. I didn't just ask that."

Sam laughed. "You'll be fine. You have Jennifer, Rodney, Teyla, and John to help you. And I'm only a phone call away."

:: ring... ring..::

Sitting at the new computer terminal installed in my new room, I answered my cell phone on the second ring. "Hello, Heather speaking?"

"Hey, how are you doing?" Billy asked.

Sitting back in my chair, I sighed as I answered, "I don't really know. I feel like I'm lying to everyone."

"Heather, your parents understand."

"Yea. It's about time my dad saw it from the other side." I said giggling as Billy sighed. I could almost see him shaking his head at me. "Even with my dad enjoying Sci-Fi, this would be too much. Space Vampires are more than any parents should have to handle. He's use to normal stuff, not this." I said looking out the window in my new living room. After General O'Neil had gotten clearance for me to look at the reports and work with Todd, I had been transferred from the guest room to a bigger room in the main tower of Atlantis. Rodney swore it was bigger than his room, but I was sure it was just his imagination._ It was all about how you set things up. _As I was staying for the next few months, Jennifer had lobbied strongly for me to have normal accommodation on Atlantis. I kept telling myself that the fact it was closer to Rodney and Jennifer and right next to Ronon's was a coincidence. _Nope, they aren't worried about any more attacks, no way. _Once I had the bigger room, I'd enlisted Ronon and John to help me move furniture around so I had a nice desk area, bedroom, and living room. Hence Rodney's complaining.

"Did they install your computer in your new room yet?"

"They did and I'm working at my brand spanking new computer right now."

"Excellent. Did you speak to General O'Neil about my suggestion?"

"Yea, but I've spent the morning logging the PC into their network so I can access the mission reports from here. Rodney told me how and I'm determined that I'd going to set it up myself. I'm not calling him unless I get into launch codes or something. Writing in my diary is the last thing on my priority list."

"You should write in it. Since you cannot speak to me or any of your friends about what is going on, your diary will become more important than ever. The General confirmed it will be private?"

"Yes, unless I go postal or something."

"Good. Are you excited to be working on your top-secret project?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I hadn't seen Todd for a week. I had hoped that after reading the reports, I'd feel a little more distance from Todd. I didn't. "I got through year 2, 3, and half of four last night. Now, I only have about another year and a half worth of reports to go through." Todd's saved me and unlike what everyone assumed I'd think reading these reports wrote by humans, I still didn't see how he'd been evil. (_Year three -_ _'wraith with eye star' arrived on the scene. John hasn't used a name for him in the reports. Out of respect maybe?)_ I didn't like that wraith fed on us and think that they needed to learn that we are their equals not herds, but still didn't see the race as evil. From the wraith we captured, it sounded like they were condescending (_I know a Wraith like _that) and thought they were unstoppable (_yet we prove them wrong every time and yet each new wraith or queen thinks it judging by the reports. They didn't learn quickly, that's for sure._). The Michael character in the reports seemed crazy and evil. Between making hybrids and abducting Teyla, the Athosians, and trying to take Teyla's Baby (_A baby that is still in Pegasus, mind you. If I was her, I'd been going crazy myself with my child in harm's way._) Michael was an evil crazy guy, but we turned him crazy in the first place. "I'm not sure excited is the word I would choose." I responded to Billy.

"Ah," Billy answered. "You're scared then?"

"This isn't my thing Billy, of course I'm scared." I'm found out that a Wraith experimented on humans. Because of those experiment, Teyla had wraith DNA. She could control Wraith minds and hear them through their mind link. I hadn't spoken to Teyla about it, not directly. I was sure that's why Todd asked her to fake being Queen. I hadn't gotten to that mission report yet and I was looking forward to more information than the vague info that Teyla had given me before. _Teyla having Wraith DNA and the whole queen thing is a question I can't wait to pose to Todd._

"You can do anything you've put your mind to."

"I thought that reading these reports would make my job easier. It didn't." Woolsey had been sure that when I got to the reports about how Todd had commandeered the Daedalus, I'd realize that Wraith couldn't be trusted. Woolsey had a bet with Rodney that I'd change my tune about being near Todd. _Just because I'm scared, it doesn't mean that I'll run. Rodney won the bet, serves Woolsey right._ Reading Woolsey's own words, I could see how Todd would have reacted the way he did. The devise that had destroyed two hive support ships when they activated their hyperdrive would have killed every wraith if Todd hadn't stopped it.

I didn't blame Todd for taking the ship (_Woolsey's words made me wonder for a second if we did it and I was reading it from a report written by my own side. What I didn't understand was Todd's lack of action: Todd had every right to react by killing them, but he only took them hostage._) Half way through the report, I had to stopped reading long enough to go wake of Jennifer so I could yell at her for being so stupid to turn herself in (W_hy would she do that if she doesn't trust Todd? How could she trust him with her life but she freaked out when I was near him. If there's a next time she freaks, I'm gonna bring this up. It's nice to have stuff to use against people. Ha!_). It still make me laugh that she'd yelled right back at me that it was what I would have done too... she was right but my point was still last part of the report shocked me: I was shocked to read that Todd left the ship without taking a single of our humans with him. If I was in his place, I wasn't sure I wouldn't take the food; especially if they were about to die anyway as no one would ever know. I saw two reasons for him leaving them on the ship: either Todd didn't have enough room on his shuttle (_So then why didn't Todd and his men eat and run_) or Todd felt that he was giving them a quick death rather than a long painful dead by being fed on (_Todd was trying to be a nice guy?_). _It doesn't add up to evil and Woolsey don't get that. I wonder if anyone else does._

"Heather?" Billy called.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"Write in your diary please." Billy implored, "It will help you deal with everything. Figure things out. Hopeful that will make everything easier."

"Maybe you're right." I said.

After hanging up with Billy, I finished hooking my computer to the network and pulled up the next mission report. Atlantis sent a team to trade with_..bah, bah, bah. I bet Rodney ate all the food and we couldn't just wait for a shipment from earth because Rodney's whining was driving them nuts. _Smiling to myself, I finished reading that report and clicked on the next. After weeks of the same old drudgery of trading and giving out medicine, I click on the next report expecting more of the same. While it was coming up, I stretched my arms and my back. Looking back at the screen, the words "salvage a Wraith hive ship" jumped out at me. _Please give me details about hives ships and please god tell me we took pictures._ In all these reports I'd yet to have a picture of a hive ship_. If the whole mission was salvaging one, they had to take pictures or I'm gonna demand that they all get fired, I swear. _Stopping reading for now, I scrolled down to see if there were any pictures. _No pictures?_ Touching my ear piece, I called for Rodney, "Rodney McKay... come in?"

"Hi Heather. Still reading?"

"Yea. I'm on report.. ahh... SGA1-836747. You were salvaging a hive ship about 18 months ago? You remember that one?"

"Sure, why?"

"Well, I haven't gotten through the whole thing yet, but I was wondering... what kind of scientist doesn't document with pictures? You are killing me here. I want to see alien Tec, damn it!" I said half jokingly.

"Pictures, huh? Let me see what I can do, okay? I'll talk to John and let you know at dinner."

"So there are pictures!"

"Of course there are. We have them for all the reports. I didn't think you'd want to see every animal and planet we'd discovered, it's all boring stuff anyway."

"Well, I do... I want all the boring stuff. Please Rodney, get it cleared."

"I'll try. See you in twenty."

I looked at the clock. He was right, it was 5:40 already. _The trading report was longer than I thought._ Lest time I had looked at the clock, it was 3pm. _Time flies when you're having fun._ _Or Scientist are more long winded then I thought. Nope, definitely the Scientist fault. _Getting up from the desk, I hoped into the shower to change before dinner.

Jennifer arrived twenty-five minutes later with Rodney hot on her heels rushing her all the way down the hall. I could hear Rodney's hunger whining through the door as they got closer. I quickly threw a towel back over my hair and put my robe over my clothes. Hearing the knock, I opened the door with a sheepish look on my face. "Sorry guys, I'm running a bit late."

"Oh my goodness," Rodney moaned, "You girls are killing me! Jennifer's late, you're late... I'm wasting away here."

"Yea, yea..." I said, "Did you speak to John?"

"Yea, after all the begging I did on your behalf, you did this to me!"

"So, I have access to the pictures now?"

"Yea."

"Since I'm late, I guess you reserve something for your hard work Rodney." I said, slowly going to open the robe. It was annoying when I realized that Jennifer didn't even look scared; Rodney's shocked expression made up for her figuring out the plan so quickly. Throwing open the robe, I saw Rodney take in that I was fully dressed. "Let's eat!"

"Gee Heather! That was mean! I could be eating by now and you're playing jokes!"

Jennifer and I laughed. As we took off for the cafeteria, I looked at Jennifer, "What tipped you off?"

"Heather, you're little miss goody-two-shoes. There was no way you were doing that."

"Maybe Todd took control of my mind or something." I said.

"They can't do that." Jennifer said.

"Is not that big a jump for them to be doing that," I said playing my trump card, "If they can hear our thoughts why can't they take control of them?"

Jennifer laughed, "What mission reports are you reading? They can't hear out thoughts!"

**_Heather._** I hear Todd's voice in my head as I say to Jennifer, "Oh. So, Teyla's doing what?"

_Look, I'm not betraying you Todd; I'm not trying to get you killed. I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on. You are working for your people and I'm working for mine. Please Todd. I don't do things half assed. I don't want to hurt you but I need to protect my people as well. You have to understand that._

**_Heather, if they know we can communicate so easily, they will not allow this. I will never use your knowledge against you. I promised I would do you no harm. You must trust that._**

"Umm... Maybe we all should sit down tomorrow with you on that. I'll ask her to stop by your room in the morning and we can all talk. Would that help?" Jennifer asked me as we arrived at the cafeteria.

"Sounds great" I said to Jennifer. Standing in line, we all quietly picked out food from the buffet. Silently continuing to Todd, I thought: _I'm not speaking with you until I read all the reports. I don't need you hearing my thoughts as I do this either. Stay the hell out of my mind, Todd. Or I will tell them. I'll be in to see you when I'm ready but you have to let me process this._

**_I cannot do as you ask._**

_Yes, you can. Just do it Todd. You're commander, make it so._

**_I cannot. I am wraith._**

_So my feelings do not count to you because I am human? _

**_I am Wraith. I cannot stay out of you mind. I would teach you to compartmentalize your thoughts so that you may keep some things private if you wish. _**

_If you are teaching me, there is no way for me to know for sure you cannot hear. _

**_If I promise to stop listening, I would be lying to you. This is what I can do._**

"Okay, no more business for the rest of the night!" I said to Jennifer and hoped Todd got the message as well. Todd didn't respond. Jennifer, Rodney, and I had a wonderful meal. I sat at the table with my friends, knowing Todd was in his cell hungry and alone. I made sure to think how good my dinner tasted since he was listening anyway.

Afterwards, I went with Jennifer and Rodney to movie night on Atlantis. They were showing a movie on a big screen in the gate room. It was a slapstick comedy and it was weird watching fake movies with device that any writer would kill for in the background. The real life device like the Stargate opened up to so many worlds. Instead of watching the comedy, I found myself wishing I could step through the Stargate into a real alien world. I looked over at Teyla and Ronon. Ronon looked bored while Teyla looked confused. She laughed about 50% of the time at the jokes. Ronon had laughed at something Teyla whispered in response to a line, but after watching Ronon for twenty minutes I hadn't seen him laugh at the movie. Growing up in such a different world, it must be so horrible for them to be here. So, far away from home and so different. So, unsure if they will get home again. Even as two humans, they saw the differences. Our jokes weren't the same. They might speak English as we did, but there were some things that they might never understand as a Earthling did. _Todd's even more alone then they are. At least they have someone with similar experiences.. Todd..._ I turned to Jennifer, "Todd must be so bored. I'm think I'll go drop in and say Hi."

"Why? He's fine. And you're going to miss the best part." She said in a hushed voice.

Rodney whispered, "He knows you've been busy getting up to speed. I told him. He gets it."

"I'll just be a few minutes." I said getting up.

"Give me five seconds," Rodney said, "I'm sure Ronon will go with you."

"Rodney, I don't need..."

"Nonsense." He motioned to Ronon and Ronon walked over. "Hi Ronon. Heather wants to check in with Todd for a second? You'll go with her right?"

"Todd? Why?" Ronon asked looking at me.

"The movie is boring anyway. I've seen in twice." _Please don't ask me about it 'cause I'm lying through my teeth._ "If I'm going to be ambassador to the wraith I have to be... present. You can stay here and enjoy it. I'll have the six marines to protect me."

"Nah, I'll go." Ronon said and stood.

"Ronon," John said, "Where you going. You aren't getting out of movie night again. This is the best part. Sit!"

"Heather's going to see Todd." Ronon said fingering his gun.

"And she has six marines there already. Todd didn't eat her before. She'll be fine. He shouldn't even be hungry for another six months." John replied, still watching the movie.

"I'm going with her."

"Ronon, come on." John looked at me, "Heather, do you want someone to come with you?"

"Nah, I think I'm good." I said.

"See, Ronon. The girl's fine. Sit."

Ronon didn't look happy as I went out the door. I moved faster, hoping he wouldn't disobey John. Walking to Todd cell's outer door, I saw the six guards standing around. Making small talk with them for a few minutes, I told them I was going to speak to Todd briefly. I'd call if I needed them. I walked into the cell and the door closed behind me. Todd was sitting on the cot. He didn't look up as I walked in.

"Hi Todd." I said.

Todd's feline eyes looked at me. He did not answer my greeting. _I never noticed your eyes were so different._ No response. Knowing the marines had to be watching on the monitors, I needed to do something so they didn't think it was weird for me to be alone in a room with a silent wraith. "You mind if I hangout in here? They're watching a stupid movie and I just want some quiet. If I go back to my room, I'll be labeled as anti-social. If I'm here, I'm working."

_I want to talk to you about earlier. I was being cruel and I wanted you to know that I'm.. sorry. Reading everything has freaked me out more than I like to admit. That's not justification for my.. thinking things to hurt you. It's just.. the only way I could.. get you back, I guess. I know that our cultures are different. I know that hearing my thoughts is normal to you. But, you must understand it is downright terrorizing to me._ _Knowing what you could be learning to destroy my planet..._

"You may stay, Heather. What have you been reading now?" He said out loud.

Walking towards him, I waited until I was close enough to touch his right hand, his feeding hand. I bend down and picked up his hand. He didn't move, didn't breath, and just sat watching me. "I was reading that we found a wraith hand cut off once, it was still moving.."

Turning over his hand, I looked at his feeding slit and thought: _In my world, you being in my mind, listening to my thoughts, is like you feeding on me. It scares me. It hurts me. I understand that it is normal to wraith... but to me, it's like... mental rape or something. Oh.. you might not know what rape is.. ah..._

_**I know of rape. I do not wish for you to feel like this. You must understand that hearing your thoughts is natural. You have nothing to fear.**_

_Does a queen have the right to listen to her commander's thoughts? _

**_Yes. _**

_Do you like it when she does that to you?_

**_It is her right._**

_You know that's not an answer. How do you feel when she does that to you?_

Todd answered my out loud statement for the cameras, "Wraith must be completely destroyed upon death. Wraith are everlasting."

"Do you feel emotions like we do?"

"Emotions are a weakness."

_Weakness or not, humans feel them. I think they make us stronger. _

**_Wraith learn strength does not come from feelings. _**

_Before John came when you were a prisoner of the Genii, you were along. Without your brothers, you felt weak did you not?_

**_A commander is always alone without his queen._**

"Your queen was killed a few years ago while you were working with us to fix your replicator shutdown program."

"Yes."

"Did you mourn her passing?"

**_I mourn she who was my sister. _**"Wraith are everlasting."

_Todd, I'm sorry.. I didn't realize.. I'm being a real crappy person today, aren't I? I come in here to apologize for being a jerk earlier and I become an even bigger jerk._ "I'm sorry we lost your hive, just the same. It's late. I'll go and leave you along now."

"Sleep well, Heather." I was just about to hit the senor to open the door when he thought to me: **_Reading humans' reports on my people, I am not surprised that you feel anger and mistrust. When you are ready to speak of what you have read, I am here._**

_I just need time to get my thoughts together. _Walking back out to the marines, I taped my ear piece, "Jen, I'm gonna head to bed. See you in the morning, bring breakfast tomorrow."

"You okay?" Jennifer's voice asked over the communicator.

"Yea, just sleepy. Night."

"Night."

Walking back to my room, instead of going to sleep, I just wanted to get all the reading done so I could start figuring this out. I still hadn't told General O'Neil that I was even taking the mission. _As if I can walk away from this? But, what happens when Atlantis is fixed and is going home? Can I stay here and never know what happened with the wraith. _Unsure of the answer, I logged into my computer. Sitting down, I started reading: After we, along with the travelers and the Wraith, destroyed the Replicator home world, the Wraith didn't show up at the rendezvous coordinates. A little over a week later, McKay and Zelenka saw signs that there are too many Wraith to be fed with the current Human supply in the galaxy, so many Hives are creating alliances with other hives causing factions and civil war. (_As Todd told me before._) McKay notes that a Wraith tracker signal known to have been implanted in Todd is currently broadcasting. It is decided no action should be taken since we have no idea what the signal means (_Requesting help or waiting to ambush them_).

After a day without the signal moving, Sheppard's team (_minus Teyla_) along with Evan Lorne's team goes to investigate. I looked at the pictures of the hive. It was obviously organic and looked like the inside of us: pink tissue and blue vanes through walls. Looking at their bridge, it didn't look like there was a window or a view screen. (_How the heck do they see to fly the ship?_) No one is left a live on the ship and it has taken heavy damage. The tracking signal had been ripped out of Todd. _(Oh, that's when John named him.. oh, now he cares enough to name him. No more 'wraith with eye star' for these reports.) _Teyla is brought in from Atlantis to fly the hive, something else her Wraith DNA allows her to do as only a Wraith can fly the hive. Rodney figures out that there's a secret wraith outpost and they go to Teyla's report detailing that it was easier to fly the ship as her baby was able to help her, I shivered. _I can't imagine exposing my unborn child to a hive ship. Just because wraith can't get sick, doesn't mean we can't get sick from normal microorganisms on their ship. And can a baby's underdeveloped brain help driving a hive without hurting itself, how the heck does that work? The mental stress alone..._

Shaking off my concern, I continue reading the report. When they get just out of wraith senor range to the coordinates they found a hive ship already there. Lorne's team and Teyla stay on the captured hive ship and John's team go to the facility. (_Lots less pictures of this, I guess they'll be too busy running for their lives to take pictures._) Reading that there is a queen there, I scroll through the pictures, looking to see if they got any of her. They did, but it's dark. She's a bluer green than Todd. She has hard facial features and lots of tentacles attaching her to the throne-chair thingy. From what I can see in the picture, her clothes are leather looking and skimpy. _Apparently, men still want their woman half naked, even if they're green._ She can't see them... _At least I'd imagine if she did, she wouldn't have wanted her picture taken... _and must be hibernating. Looking back at the report, I read that they also found a... _Oh my god, a wraith being born._ Looking through the pictures, I don't see one. _Damn, I bet McKay hid the whole time so the account is going to be bare bones._ It was a soldier. Born fully grown and with noticeable muscular definition, the report also noted that their masks are grown in the same pod as the soldier. _Well, that's something to ask Todd about._ Cracking my back, I look over at my bed. _To sleep or not to sleep... That is the question. _I cancel out the report and the picture files are behind it. Going to shut that down as well, a picture catches my eye. _My god, is that Todd?_ Clicking on the picture, it expands to show a wraith with a star symbol around his eye. _It has to be him. The other hive must have captured him? You get captured a lot don't you._ Studying the picture, he's dressed in all leather. It looks almost like a trench coat with leather clothing underneath. It looks vaguely like the other commanders I'd seen pictures of only, more detailed and heavier. _Older style or designer made.._ _I wonder. _

_I'm not going to be able to sleep until I read this._ Opening up the report again, the team walking around the hive trying to figure out what is going on. Rodney suggests it's+ a cloning facility when they spot two soldiers traveling past them. The team hides and follows soldiers to a cell, Todd's. Ronon kills the soldiers and Todd tells them that he took the ZMPs to power this facility so he could create wraith himself for the wraith civil war. But, he was betrayed by someone on his hive. All they have to do is take the ZMP and it will be unusable. John speculates in the report that Todd must have outlived his usefulness so the soldiers were taking him to become wraith food. _So, you can eat wraith instead of humans. _I got no response from Todd. _Nothing to say to that either, huh?_

**_Do you wish me to listen to your thoughts or not?_**

_Why did you lie to me?_

**_Humans could survive on other humans, could you not? It is the same for wraith. We do not fed off of our own kind for the same reasons that you do not. _**

_But, if it would end the war between our peoples, why don't you..._

**_Heather, your view is human centered. Some wraith do rule by fear, but a wraith commander in control of his hive does not do such things. He does not need to. To a wraith, feeding on another of your kind is uncivilized. _**

_But, I've read that wraith feed on each other. The queen that led the attack on Atlantis 10,000 years ago did it. They encountered her the third year they were in Pegasus. She'd lived for 10,000 years like that._

_**If a hive is desperate, wraith will give up their lives so that the queen and commander may live. If only the two are left, the commander will give up his life so his queen may live. Would your people not die to save their... friends?**_

_But, you can give the gift of life to another wraith._

**_It is the ultimate expression loyalty and brotherhood. But, one cannot give it if one cannot replenish what one wishes to give. Instead, one allows himself to be feed on by those more important than oneself. _**

_That's horrible... I mean, I don't mean that._

**_You do. It is a different culture. I do not expect you to understand._**

_How can you be so cavalier about life and death?_

**_Ahh... To wraith it is not cavalier._**

_Is every wraith as annoying as you? _I could hear him laughing in my mind; it was just as clear as I'd heard him laughing in person. _Todd?_

**_Yes, Heather?_** His mental voice still had the sound of humor in it.

_When you were trying to clone new soldiers and were captured by a rival hive. John's team found you and recued you._

_**You were just reading about it.**_

_Yes. I'm about to ask you a girly question. _

_**Girly question? What does that mean?**_

_Lorne got a picture of you when you got back to the hive... your hive... I guess. _

_**I do not understand your question.**_

_The clothing you are wearing. It's similar to the clothing of other wraith commanders... yet not the same. If it's not an uniform..._

**_Ah. How a wraith covers oneself depends on his age, status, and hive. When you visit me tomorrow, we can speak of this out loud. You must get information from me so you may keep your position. _**I felt so shocked he knew that that my mind just went blank. **_Do not allow your human emotions to cloud your mind. I'd hoped that our speaking would create this position for you. It will be good for both of our peoples Heather. Do not worry. I will not answer you anymore tonight. You must rest._**

As with most humans, because he told me not to think about his statement, I could think of nothing else but that and it caused me to worry about what that meant. _Todd 'wanted me to get this position. It will be good for both our people...' He wanted this to happen. Why? He makes plans within plans. What is his plan?_ Nothing came to mind. Hoping I might be able to calm down enough to figure out his plan if I did some busy work, I opened the report file again:

Todd explained to them how the facility was used to turn the tide of the war 10,000 years ago and confirms that the Queen actually secreting genetic material into pods to create a new-born Wraith soldier. These soldiers are copied millions of times to make the numbers needed. On a hive, reproduction is in smaller numbers but the ZMP allow the normal amount of soldiers a queen can create to be cloned so that the army grows overnight. On the way to Todd taking them to the ZMP, the Wraith alarm sounds. The rival Wraith has discovered "Todd" is missing and the team is quickly surrounded. The team attempts to shoot their way through and is all stunned as a result. Lorne's report is indicated as the next read. John's report next opens with them in a cell. They are taken to see the queen, now awake and out of her chair. She threatens to feed on Rodney to get information. _Oh, I don't want to read that right now._

Clicking over to Lorne's report, he writes that the 'friendly wraith' escapes in a Dart to the team's Hive Ship. Once he was in communication range, he sent them a communiqué asking them to not shoot and to let him on board. Once on board, he explains that John, Ronon, and Rodney have been captured. Todd says that the other Hive will be able to track their dart to his hive, so they must leave. Teyla and Lorne refuse to leave without the rest of the team. Todd is angry as they cannot help the team. Teyla has an idea and goes to take over the queen. Teyla writes that she had hope that the child could help her as he did while flying the hive. With Todd looking on... _What must he have been thinking, watching a lowly human try to win against a wraith queen._... Teyla takes control of the queen when she is about to feed on Rodney. Teyla stops her and orders the commander to take them back to their cell. The queen and Teyla are battling for control. Teyla wins for a time and walks the queen to get the teams weapons and release them from their cell. _Todd must have been pissed that a lowly herd animal out thought a wraith queen._ The queen realizes that two minds are battling her and goes to kill the child. John kills the queen. Lorne starts speaking about what happens once John is back on board, so I switch back to John's report:

Once the queen comes and hands them their weapons, John knew Teyla had taken control of the Queen's mind. John noted that Teyla had tried to do to this to other queens in the past; and though it seemed to be working much better this time, Teyla seemed to be battling. John sees Teyla's losing control so John shoots the queen several times to release Teyla. John, Ronon, and Rodney cannot make it to the ZMP so they retreat back to Todd's hive. As they come in, Todd's shooting at the rival hive (_I thought commanders don't hurt fellow wraith._) but his hive cannot holdout for much longer, it is too damaged. They set a collision course for the facility; everyone evaluates: Atlantis' team return to the jumper, while Todd takes a dart. (_Hurting your fellow wraith again... you know I'm going ask you about this._)

Getting up from the computer, I started pacing. _Why does Todd want me to get information from him? He says he doesn't want to destroy Earth but... If that's true - and that's a big if - what the hell is his plan? I have to tell my people that he said this. I have too. But, what can I tell them? They have never known that wraith can read minds. He's been reading them for years. He hasn't won yet. Why? That doesn't make sense. Maybe he's playing me... what is his plan? _I looked at the clock and looked back at my bed. _I'm not getting anywhere thinking about this right now. Teyla and Jen will be here in four hours. Teyla has wraith DNA, maybe she can give me the insight that will allow me to figure out the plan. Sleep now and save the world later. Yea._

Waking up in the morning, I looked over at my clock. I had two hours until Jennifer's arrival with Teyla and food. Getting up, I walked into the bathroom to start getting dressed. After dressing, I sit down at my computer to go over some of the reports that I'd already read. This time, looking at the newly allowed pictures for mission reports I had already read. There are some good shots of wraith stunners, a subspace tracker (_It looked like a nasty bit of machinery to take out of a person... poor Ronon_), and even video of darts in motion with culling beams. I read the files on the wraith feeding enzyme and Lt. Ford several times. _So, the substance that wraith inject allow a human to stay alive for longer as the wraith feeds. That's why the __Lucian Alliance guys hung around for so long..._ Trying not to dwell on that, I started thinking about Todd's reaction to feeding on Blondie. _He growled. Why would he growl? __Maybe he... I don't have any idea. _

Opening my diary to a random page in the middle of the book, I wrote:

_Things to do_

_1. Why did Todd growl when eating Blondie? _

_2. Does Todd wish to no longer be a wraith? Can he be changed into a normal human?_

_3. How does Todd intend to save his race? How do I fit in?_

_4. How does the Stargate fit into this?_

Looking at the list, I wasn't sure if these were the questions that Jack wanted answered, but these were my questions. _He didn't give me any real goals, so him and the president will just have to deal with mine. _

There was a knock on the door. Getting up, I shut my diary and hit it back in my suitcase. Walking towards the door, I looked around. _I feel like James Bond!_ Waving my hand in front of the sensor, Jennifer and Teyla stood on the other side of the door bearing breakfast.

"I thought we'd be bad today." Jennifer said, walking in. She was carrying donuts and Teyla had a coffee pitcher and a pitcher of milk.

"Being bad sounds scrumptious right now... Please tell me you have a ton of chocolate in there?" I said, smiling.

"We do. Jennifer had to wrestle it away from Rodney on our behalf."

"Well that must have been easy," I said.

"Heather," Jennifer said, "Rodney's sensitive about that. Could you, please..."

"Yes, yes... I'm about to talk about Roswell experiments from what I read.. give me a break! Pass the chocolate.. ." We sat down on my couch with the drinks and donuts on the coffee table.

Taking a cup of coffee, Teyla said, "Heather, I will tell you what I know, but it is not much. What is Roswell?"

"Aliens landing on earth, it wasn't real but... well.. now I'm not sure what it was." I said taking a donut. "Anyway, I read the reports, Teyla. I know that some wraith scientist was trying to make their food supply more compatible to make the feeding process more efficient. I assume because there weren't enough humans to sustain the wraith population after the cloning to destroy the ancients." Taking a sip of milk, I thought to Todd: _You better not be the wraith scientist who thought up this plan, by the way._

**_I am not. He is dead._**

Putting my milk down, I continued, "So, the wraith scientist was experimenting on the humans by splicing in wraith DNA to the human genomes. The modified humans could hear wraith speaking and had other powers. Since that wasn't the wanted outcome, evil green scientist guy sent them back to their planet hoping that several generations of breeding would dilute their new-found abilities while still being better for wraith feeding. The humans who came back to their village are hearing voices, acting violently, and even committing murders. So, the villagers killed those they could find. The wraith found out what the wraith scientist had done and killed everyone on the planet because these special humans could hear the wraith and are too big of a risk. But, they missed some people. At least one of these special humans are in Teyla's peoples bloodline and are in you, Teyla. The ability to sense the Wraith among some Athosians is stronger in some than others but some in each generation have had this ability for as long as anyone remembers. Teyla, you can sense wraith and hear wraith on the wraith psychic network. It also allows you to use Wraith equipment like fly a hive and you can take control of queens."

"With practice, I have been able to do that. Before your people came, I only knew I could sense when the wraith were coming to cull. I knew before anyone else did."

"What did it feel like?"

"It feels like a deep cold that comes from within. It takes my breathe..."

"You once told me that you faked being Todd's queen?"

"Yes?"

"Could you speak to the wraith on the network? Control the soldiers like it says in the reports we believe wraith queens do?"

"I could not. It was too much at one time."

"Then, how?"

"Todd controlled the soldiers. I could speak to them on the network, but it was hard. Before leaving, Todd said the queen and I would speak out loud as we were from different hives. Once he killed the queen, he said many queens never directly speak to the hive so it wouldn't be unusual for him to speak for me. From what he said Commanders can speak to other hive's members, but queens never do."

"I'm surprised you're this far along in the reports" Jennifer said to me.

"I'm not.. I'm only on year four but Teyla had told me a little about that before. So, getting back to Dr. Beckett telling you that you had wraith DNA. Did you ever tell your people why you can sense wraith?"

"Some of them."

"Your husband, I assume."

"Yes, I felt that I needed to tell him. He also can sense them, so it would not have been fair to hide it from him."

"And your son can as well?"

"He is too young to know for sure."

"But, he helped you fly the hive."

"Yes."

"How far away are the wraith before you to start sensing them?"

"Many Light-years. Beyond that, we do not know how far the range is."

"Light-years?" I screeched thinking of how powerful their minds would have to be to pull that off. _Todd's being lying to me... I'll never be able to keep him out. _"So Todd can... read your mind because of your DNA?"

"As I told you, wraith can project images and compel action with their mental powers to both humans and their own kind. But, they cannot read our minds. Todd cannot get information from me."

_That's what you think. He's been doing it for years on all of you. We are all screwed! _Taking a second donut, I tried to calmly eat it. H_e's already got all the information that he needs. Why does he need me?_ "Teyla, why do you think Todd talked to me? Saved me?"

"I do not know. He doesn't do things without believing he will benefit from it."

"Hmm. I don't see how." I said, picking up my milk.

"Perhaps he feels you might be able to convince John to take him back with us when we return to Pegasus."

"What do you mean?" I asked, putting down the milk quickly. _If Jennifer and everyone are going back to that hell hole of a galaxy, I'll shut down the hyper drive myself. You people aren't going to become wraith food if I can help it._

"Some in the IOA believe that when we fix Atlantis, Todd should remain here."

"Why?"

"So, we can learn more about them. But, I think it is also so he cannot work against us. He's taken information from us before."

"Like the location of Earth?"I asked. Seeing Jennifer and Teyla exchange meaningful looks, I continued: "Oh, my god... you think he already got that. That's how his underling got here."

"No," Teyla said, "We think that if he has that information, he never shared it with his people...yet. The wraith that came after earth got the information through a communication that was leaked through a subspace rift from an alternate reality."

"You guys are kidding me?"

Jennifer shook her head and answered, "No... You'll get to that report too. Back to your original question, it's possible that Todd has the coordinates but has chosen to not use them. We don't understand why. Since a supposed rogue underling got onto midway station, we are sure he could have them."

"He has a lot of rogue underlings."

"It is the way of the wraith." Teyla said dismissively.

"Right." I said, "What is midway station?"

"Well, the Stargate takes up a lot of power to get from Earth to the Pegasus galaxy." Jennifer started to explain as she picked up her second cup of coffee, "Col. Carter and Rodney had made a system so that we could use many different Stargates to make smaller jumps along the gate system. That way we didn't have to use up a lot of power to travel back and forth. Midway was the midpoint between the two galaxies. There you rematerialized and went from one galaxies gate system to the other."

"Todd found out when Midway was?"

"No, he just got access to the programming macro. The rouge was able to dial into midway from one of the Stargates within the programs network."

"With time, Todd should be able to figure it out the end points of both networks."

"And he has plenty of time." I said into my milk. "You both think he knows?"

"No one knows."

"General O'Neil wants me to figure out if he knows where we are?"

"No," Jennifer said strongly, "Heather, you just need to learn as much about the wraith as you can. Get him to trust you."

I looked at Teyla, "Do you really believe that he'll trust me. His culture would seem to dictate otherwise."

"Heather, I have never seen or heard of a wraith that spoke so freely to anyone. Even John's bond with Todd does not equal the bond Todd seems to show you." Teyla smiled at me, "I have seen the tape from Todd's cell. Todd seemed to want to protect you above all else." Teyla put down her coffee and sighed, "While I played queen for Todd, he had to kill the commander of the queen's hive to protect me. He did it without pause, but he did it for his sake. For his plan. With you, he did not need to do anything."

"Sometimes... I feel like he can read my mind. I'm so worried that I could say something and get us all killed" I said to them, worrying my lip.

"When you're in that cell, someone is always watching. If you start speaking about something that he cannot know... we'll pull you out."

"Jennifer you know as well as I do, I could say something before you have enough time to pull me out."

Teyla answered, "From what I have seen, I believe you are smart enough to senor yourself."

"I'm only human Teyla."

"You'll do fine." Jennifer said, "General O'Neil knows your history Heather. I'm sure you were vetted once they saw Todd's reaction to you. You'll be fine."

Throwing her a dirty look, I said, "Right. Anyway, I wanted to ask you guys... do you think we can still do Vegas soon? After reading all these reports, I'd love to get out. I'm sick of staring at the four walls and that movie last night was so old it wasn't even funny."

"It's not old if you haven't been on Earth for a while, you know." Jennifer said with a laugh.

"I found it to be interesting." Teyla said.

"Even as chick flicks go, that wasn't that good." I said as my ear piece interrupted my train of thought.

"Heather," Rodney asked, "Is Jennifer's still with you?"

"Hi Rodney," I said touching my communicator, "She is. What's up?"

"General O'Neil authorized you to be in the control room when we dial out to one of our friends. I thought you might get a kick out of it. Why don't you ladies come up here and watch?"

"Oh.. Jennifer, Teyla.. let's go to the control room. I'm allowed to watch the Stargate being used!" We left my room and once we got to the control room, I saw Col. Carter was standing talking with Woolsey. Her back was to us. "Hello, Col. Carter."

"Hi Heather. How is your reading going? " Turning towards us, she continued: "Jennifer, Teyla good to see you!"

While the three of them caught up, I edged close to Rodney. "Hi Rodney.. Thanks for asking."

"Not a problem. I thought you'd want to see and since Todd told you how it works.. well, it wasn't too hard to get it cleared."

"Am I allowed to know who our friends are?"

"Teal'c is going back home. He worked on the Stargate team with Sam and General O'Neil for like ten years." Rodney pointed to a man standing quietly next to Col. Carter. The man had a gold symbol tattooed onto his head, but it was raised like a scar. Rodney continued, "He's not from Earth. He looks a lot like us but he's a Jaffa."

"They aren't in any of your mission reports."

"No, they are from our galaxy... Teal'c on the Jaffa High Council now so he doesn't get back to Earth often . Since Atlantis is on Earth, its gate takes precedence so he has to leave from here instead of the SGC."

"You aren't going to tell me about the Jaffa, are you?"

"Sorry Heather," Col. Carter says, standing directly behind me.

I sighed. I looked at Teal'c, "Nice to meet you, Teal'c. May I ask what your tattoo means?"

"Col. Carter and General O'Neil speak highly of you Heather Burman. General O'Neil explained that you are unfamiliar with the Gould. The symbol denotes my old rank as First Prime to the false god Apophis."

"Like the Apophis from Egypt mythology: the great adversary of Re and the embodiment of the powers of dissolution, darkness and non-being. Oh, I'm sorry... you wouldn't know Earth mythology. That was rude of me."

Teal'c tilted he head at me and said, "Are you related to Daniel Jackson?"

Col. Carter laughed, "I told Jack the same thing, Teal'c. He doesn't see it. Daniel and her would get along great , don't you think?"

"Indeed." Teal answered Carter, and turning to me said, "The Goa'uld pose as various gods and enslaved countless worlds. Until I met Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter, and Jack O'Neil, I served the Goa'uld Apophis."

"So these Gold...Goa'uld are shapeshiffters, actors, what?" I asked.

"No, Teal'c." Sam said to him, shaking her head, "She doesn't need to know. Heather, come on... you're here to watch the Stargate activate, not play twenty questions."

"This isn't playing twenty questions, this is galactic research. I need to know more about our galaxy and theirs to really be able to get inside of Todd's head."

Smiling, Col. Carter said, "That would be true if Todd knew anything about our galaxy. He doesn't and that's the best way for it to stay." Turing away from me, Col. Carter said, "Amelia, please dial Chulak."

"Yes Sir" responded Amelia who was sitting at a control board with keys.

I looked closer at the board in front of her as I was sure there was nothing like it on Earth. It had reflective crystal-like panels with blue lights highlighting the crystal panels. As she pressed the symbols on the keys, the Stargate's symbols lit up and went dark in quick succession circling around the gate. Once the lit symbol on the key matched the symbol on the gate, the chevron lit up as well. Once all six chevron and symbols were lit, Jennifer looked at me and said, "Watch."

Just then the seventh symbol locked in, there was a puddle of water overwhelmed by an ejection vortex of water. _Oh, god.. it's going to kill us. _As my jaw literally dropped to scream, the vortex folded in on itself and became just the water puddle within the gate.

"You know, hearing Todd said what it does doesn't do it justice." I said to Jennifer.

Walking up behind me, John took my hand and said, "Come on... I cannot take you through right now, but you can get closer than that."

"Go on... you know you want to." Jennifer said pointing at the gate with a smirk.

"If you insist," I said already trailing behind John towards the Stargate. Once he arrived within steps of the gate, John pulled me closer to him.

Standing next to the gate with John, I felt nothing. No heat. No cool. No water droplets hitting my face. It was like it wasn't really there, but the white blue shimmering water was there. "Todd didn't say how amazing the water portal looked either. How does it do this?"

"It's not water," John said with a smile as he took my hand and put it dead center in the gate.

Water or not, I expected to feel a pull from the wormhole or black hole or whatever it was. But, there was nothing. _No pain either_, I though relaxing my face that I had subconsciously tensed when he took my hand to put it into the gate. I laughed and waving my hand asked, "Teal'c, are your people on the other side looking at half of my hand?"

"They are not." Teal'c replied.

Rodney chimed in, "The wormhole doesn't send your molecules until you've completely entered the event horizon, Heather."

Ignoring, know-it-all Rodney, I asked: "Teal'c would it be a big deal if I came through with you and then came right back? You know, just so I can do it once?"

Rodney chimed in with his holier than thou voice to say, "Only if you want to die, Heather."

"Rodney!" Jennifer said exasperated.

"I'm sure the Jaffa would understand Rodney, I doubt our friends would kill me for stepping on their planet. Unless you did something to offend them?"

"I did not!"

Ignoring Rodney's outburst, Teal'c explained, "You can only travel one way through a Stargate. To return, I would need to dial Earth and..."

"And I cannot know the address of Earth... right." I said disappointed.

Teyla suggested, "Perhaps once Todd goes back to Pegasus, Col. Carter will get authorization for you to travel through Earth's Stargate."

"I would be happy to show you around Chulak when you are able." Teal'c said, nodding to me.

"Depending how things go, maybe Jack and I will come in a few months Teal'c. Maybe with a friend or two." Col. Carter told him smiling.

"I look forward to it." Teal'c said, bowing his head to her, he walked through the puddle and a second later it disappeared with a final sound.

I exhaled, "That was cool." Staring at the gate, had a million questions running threw my head: W_hat powers them? What is that vortex for? Why does it look like water? Why were they built? I wonder what if feels like to walk through one... Damn it Todd. If it wasn't for you.. I could!_

Jennifer walked up behind me, "Earth to Heather..."

"Hmm?"

"You look like you just found a new toy that you really have to play with right now." She said with a smile.

"I feel like I did. Who knew I'd want toys at twenty-eight?"

Arching his eyebrow, John quipped, "Who doesn't want toys?"

Jennifer rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "Come on Heather, let's get out of here."

"Umm.. I was thinking I'd spend the day with Todd. Start my job and all."

"You sure you're ready?" Jennifer asked.

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready," I answered honestly, "But, I want to get started."


	6. Chapter 6 Part 1

Chapter 6

It was odd walking into the cell this time. I felt like an actor on a stage with a room full of people watching, but having no idea what his lines were. I heard Todd greet me before I'd taken a step into his cell, forcing a smile, I said "Hi Todd." I started speaking to him about the weather outside, mindlessly. Impossibly, his towering over me seemed taller than before. Somehow it seemed like he'd turned into a monster without him changing at all. _It's just because you've read the reports. Ignore it._ As he listened to me ramble about the weather he could not see, he hadn't moved from his position of standing in front of the cot. Some part of me took note that Todd was still dressed in the same prison jumpsuit as I'd first seen him in. It's few wrinkles hadn't changed one bit nor had its lack of fashion. _He wanted us to speak about wraith fashion out loud. Does that mean I shouldn't ask?_

_ "_Perhaps you might speak to John Sheppard about allowing me to go and look at the night sky some time. I miss the stars."

_ Not bloody likely... you could escape. Wraith can swim in ridiculous depths. Read that report, thank you very much. Even without it even I realize that you might be able to match stars one day. Either way, not going to happen. _"I'm sure the sky is much more interesting where you come from. I can't imagine flying through the sky in those hive ships of yours. How many wraith live on them? They look huge." Though Todd had an amused glint in his eyes, he did not answer me. "How do you power such a big thing anyway?" No answer. _Why aren't you answering? Are you okay?_ He still didn't answer me.

_ Todd? _It was like he was frozen. I was half tempted to trying hitting him. _Maybe they sleep with their eyes open and he's asleep. _I waited another two beats without him moving. _Todd? Please answer me. _

**_ I told you that a wraith who has fed doesn't need to sleep._**

_ Well, then why aren't you..._ Trailing off, I realized he intended to remain silent on questions that he didn't want to answer. _You could just lie to me but you're not. You're just not going to answer?_

**_ I would not escape. I just wish to see the sky. _**

_ It's really not that special, I promise... _Pulling over the only chair in the room, I sat in it. "Please sit down, Todd." Without comment, Todd sat down on the cot... looking at it, I noticed the sheets had been replaced. I gulped thinking of the first time I'd been in this room: the reason his sheets had been replaced.

"Heather, " Todd said drawing me out of my thoughts, "You may ask me anything; but I will not betray my people as you will not betray yours."

"A wraith's hive is his first priority, right? In order to save your people you must work with us. Humans don't work with things they don't understand: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to war."

**_That was you speaking, Heather; you and not them I will only speak to you. _**"Perhaps. Your questions will not change the hate, it will only enhance the war." Todd replied.

_ Well, George Lucas came up with it first.. I just... er.. borrowed it. Really. _ "I'm not doing this to help the war effort Todd. If that's what you think, I might as well walk out of here right now."

"Heather," John said in my ear, "You are not leaving. You're not talking to him right. Think of a reason he should answer, don't give him an out!"

Ignoring John's instructions, I for once tried to project my thoughts into Todd mind. _I mean it, Todd. I'm not trying to hurt you. I know they have an agenda but so do you. I might not know what yours in exactly, but that doesn't mean I don't know it's there. Maybe I can change both of your agendas and the universe can be a better place._

**_ "_**I know what you want Heather." Todd leaned towards me, looking straight into my eyes. "I know you wish for us to be friends." Todd bent down towards me, if he had been a human I would have thought he was about to kiss me. Before I could say anything, my chair was push up against the furthest wall from the door and his feeding hand was on my chest. There was no pain. I didn't scream. I felt tears on my cheeks, but I didn't feel pain. I only felt fear and anger. They seemed to swill around inside of me rising through my body, a white hot electrical current seeking an escape. Without thinking, I smacked my hand against his chest with all my strength, as if it would stop him. He looked down at my hand and smiled. Knowing I would not smile if I looked, I looking down at my chest anyway. His palm wasn't touching me, only his fingertips. I heard him say: "Once a wraith gives a pledge, it cannot be broken. Human pledges mean nothing." I looked back up and froze.

Even though it felt like it had taken years for John and Ronon to come barreling in, only a few seconds had passed. "No," I yelled to them, still with his hand pinning me to wall behind the cot, "Stop! I'm fine. Go. Out!"

John seemed to hesitate expecting a different voice, before he said "You... You heard the lady. Go." He said Ronon and the marines. Ronon didn't move to leave; with his gun still aimed directly at Todd's back, I thought I could see him apply a tiny amount of pressure to the trigger. "Ronon, that's an order."

Ronon didn't move but didn't press the trigger any further. "Ronon," I said quickly, "Please... I need to do this. I need to see this through. Please, go."

"You can't reason with the wraith." Ronon said angrily as if speaking to a rebellious child.

"And if you kill him now, for this... fake out. How does it make you any different from them?"

"Ronon, out!" John said sharply, "You aren't helping." Looking at me, John said calmly, "Heather, I want you to step out with us for a few minutes. Give Todd some time to calm down."

I shook my head, "No, John. Not going to work."

"Heather," John said warningly.

"Leave... I'll be fine."

"Heather, please..."

"You made him not trust us. All of you did. I'm not you. I don't want to me you, John. Let me be me. Go... before Todd makes you leave and I get killed when the marine's open fire. If I'm wrong... well, you can write in the report he threaten me and you had to leave. You've lied about his feedings in reports before, you can do it again."

"John Sheppard, you will not need to do any paperwork."

Looking up at Todd at his odd statement, I felt Todd's fingers slowly flex once, rubbing slightly against my skin. I shivered. Ronon exhaled loudly, clearly wanting to shoot. "Ronon, he's doing this to get a rise out of you. Go." I said.

"Ronon, Come on... We will be watching Todd."

"I do not doubt it." Todd replied, still looking into my eyes.

I heard them leave. After they did, I expected Todd to move away. He did not. Swallowing, I said, "Todd, move, okay? I need some... space here." He dropped his hand away from my chest. I gulped, trying to wet my dry month. My tears hadn't stopped. _Why? Why would you do that?_

**_ You do not wish me to._** Tilting his head, Todd stated, "Tears shows weakness, Heather. Emotion is a weakness."

"I'm not the one who broke his own wraith rules. You told me a good commander doesn't rule by fear. Yet you did that to make me afraid."_ You do not get to cherish this meal. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back this time Todd. You can rot here forever for all I care._ I started to walk to the door, intending to leave and never come back.

"You are angry, young. Unfamiliar with wraith culture", When I heard him start to speak, I had stopped without turning to face him, he continued, " ... human. I did not break my rules, as you say.." I felt angry again, the urge to strike him as I would strike at a fly buzzing around my head. I couldn't see him allowing me to do that twice without retribution and a small part of me didn't care... **_Heather, what I did is equivalent to a human hug. _**"I could have fed, yet I choose not to. It is a sign of respect. Of honor. Of trust."****

"Bull, Todd."

"You do not believe me."

"Todd, do not presume to play this as you had no idea how my people would react to what you did. You had no idea how I'd react?"

**_I did not say that I expected those from the Atlantis expedition to react differently. _**"I will not harm you."

"Why not?"

"I do not understand."

"You keep saying that you will not harm me. But, Todd.. reading all those reports, talking to Rodney, John, and Teyla..." _I know you must be lying to me._

"Ah." Todd said, walking back towards me, "I must have a reason for my words. One, whose goal is to kill you and your world." Standing in front of my chair, Todd looked me in the eye as he said, "In this case, I do not. Your expedition has caused great aggravation to my people. Unlike the Lantans, your people have cultivated many things that are dangerous to wraith and humans alike. You readings have covered the plague your people call the Hoffen drug as well as the wraith they named Michael. More humans have died since your people came, than Wraith have culled in the last five hundred years. With an understanding, I hope that my people will be allowed to live without further interference."

"You still want to eat humans.. humans like me?"

"It is in my nature to eat as it is in your nature to eat. Can you not crave one animal but not wish to eat another?"

I didn't answer him. Instead, I tried pushing him away from me a little. He didn't move for a second and then on his own took three steps back from my seat without saying a word. Standing, I took a deep breath, "I've never tried to be friends with an animal that I could eat. But, I've never been friends with a lion or a wolf before. I want to trust you. I don't know why but I do feel like you're being honest with me. So, I'm going to be completely honest with you... you cannot do stuff like that ever again. Not to many of my people and not to me. I know your culture if different than ours but even if you didn't kill humans by sucking the life out of their chests you still wouldn't be allowed to touch me like that."

I could see the questions running threw his eyes. He had no idea what I was eluding too. _I've got to remember they're pod people... Oh damn, Todd is hearing this. Todd, like just do me a favor and don't ask. For the love of all that is good, Don't ask. Just Obey. I didn't mean that, I meant, please... Just don't go there._

"You are uncomfortable." Todd said clearly puzzled. "You humans from Earth are a perplexing species. Am I correct in assuming that this is some problem due to reproduction then?"

"Todd, just don't do that again."

"Hm. You seem more uncomfortable with this topic then you seemed with my nutritional requirements."

"Be that as it may, it has nothing to do with your people or the treaty we are trying to create. I did want to ask you about your clothing. I noticed in the pictures of you we have in the reports you're in a leather-like thing. Other wraith are in similar clothing but not even other commanders we know of seem to be dressed exactly as you are in the pictures. How does that work?"

Todd chuckled, "You are changing the subject." He gestured to the cot, seemingly indicating that I should sit. "Ask your questions then Heather."

_ I'll take the chair thanks. _Sitting down, I crossed my legs. "In the files, it said that soldier's masks are created in the pod. Does material come from the pods as well?"

Shaking his head slightly, Todd said, "No. The warrior masks are created in the pods as they need them from their first breaths. Warriors cannot function on their own. They do not know friend from foe. It is the commander's responsibility to direct them in all things. Clothing of warriors can vary from hive to hive depending on the queen's preferences but warriors' basic clothing is universal as I am sure you saw in the pictures. Those higher in the command structure have more freedom within the confines of status, age, and availability."

"What do you mean? Status, age, and availability?"

"Status is everything to a wraith. For a wraith born from a queen, he must fight everyday to raise higher in the ranks. There are different positions and methods but in the end, only a wraith worthy of command has achieved honor."

"A wraith born from a queen? You mean like the warrior in the pod?"

Taking his time, Todd walked methodically towards me smirking all the way. It was not bug-like at all but decidingly masculine. "Are human's from your planet so different from human's of my own galaxy then, Heather?"

I froze unsure if he understood what he'd just implied. Warring with myself, I wasn't sure if I wanted to take the carrot he's just baited in front of my face.

Stopping in front of the chair, he moved the cot across from my chair. Sitting down on the cot, Todd said slowly, "Heather, the wraith mating process is close to human mating. You should understand that a commander has both a procreator and a queen. In human terms, a commander is connected to two queens in his life: his mother and his wife. " "umm..." _But you said your Queen was your sister._ _The queen that died above Atlantis was my sister. _Closing his eyes, Todd continued, "A commander grows up on his mother's hive. Children made with a procreator and queen grow similarly to human children. They start off as babies and within seventeen years grow to adulthood. Only a wraith of the proper caste can become a commander. Once a queen's son and daughter is of age, the siblings create a new hive. The son serves as his sister's commander until she chooses to forges alliances of her own and receives a commander from another hive. If her brother is a capable commander, she may choose to spare his life and allow him to return to their mother. In that case, their mother closes an alliance with a rival hive by giving over her son a seasoned commander to the other hive's queen." "So, the son does not have a choice of who is marries?" "Often a sister does not return her brother and instead the new commander fights him for the right to bed his queen." "Wait, so it's more likely that the sister allows her husband to kill her brother?" "Yes. But, if the new commander cannot kill her brother then he is not strong enough to have the queen." "That's... Wow." "It is the brother's job to make sure that his sister is protected by an accomplished commander. It is our culture, Heather." "I know. It just seems so harsh. A commander that goes back to his mother and she picks out his new queen. Does he fight her brother for her?" "Yes. Though not all Queens have siblings for one reason or another, then the mother sets her son on a new hive so that he can mold his new queen." "Somehow I doubt the new queen likes that." "If he is truly a good commander, she never figures it out." He said with a small smile._ So, I guess your sister's commander allowed you on his ship and went along with your plan_. _ I was my sister's commander. None of her alliances' commanders had ever bested me. While I was a prisoner of the Genii, she did not take on a husband as I could not be there to confirm that he was worthy of her. __ So, you never got a chance to get married_? He didn't answer._ Sorry if that was too personal. I didn't mean to offend you. _"Wow, we did get a little able from your clothing, didn't we?" I said out loud. "It looks like wraith clothing is made from leather.. eh.. animal skin, I mean. Do you have animals on a hive? "No. When we cull for food, darts are also sent to pick up animals as needed for fabric. Those darts are the lowest wraith in a hive and normally are wraith that have displeased their queen. Since each hive has different feeding grounds, the animals can be different as well." Todd said. "As I explained to you before, the hive is home from the time a wraith is young. Everything that wraith need is created on the hive. This includes the making of animal hides into fabric." "And you said your age matters too?" "You dress differently than your mother, do you not? As with humans, styles change over times. But the young normally continue to dress as the style dictated when they arrived at their seventeenth birth day." "So, there would be no way for me to tell how old a wraith is by looking at his picture." "For you to tell?" "Yes." "I would think not." "But, you can." "Yes, though I see no point in it in this case. It might matter in negotiations with rival hives but the wraith you have pictures of are all dead." "All of them?" "You would have to ask your people, but I would assume so." "You say that like you don't care." "Wraith care about their hive. Your hive is connected to you through birth or adoption; it is your family. A wraith outside of that family is just a rival that needs to be controlled or killed."_ How can you say that if you are supposed to unite your people?__ Wraith do not think as you do. It is the way of the wraith._ "There really isn't such a thing as a pacifist wraith, is there?" "Some might say that you are looking at him." I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Within the last hour, you said that though you don't want to eat me, you'll take other humans for food without question and you will kill all your rivals. Yep, you are a peace loving guy, aren't you." "Hmm. There is nothing on your planet that is similar to me? Your vampires, perhaps?"

I rolled my eyes, and said, "In fiction, they feed off of humans. In a lot of ways, they are remarkably like you, I guess. Though, they do tell us their names."

"Tell me, when did these vampires appear on your planet?"

"They aren't real, Todd. No one knows where or when the myths started, but they appear in some form or another in nearly every culture around my world. They have a lot of different names."

"Your obsession with names is adorable." he said dryly. He continued, "Do you not think that these myths were from Leantans that returned to your world from my galaxy?"

"Oh course I've considered that. What's your point?"

"As all vampires aren't evil, neither are all wraith."

"The ancient myths paint all vampires as evil beings. Only in the last few hundred years have good vampires popped up in stories."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know... as our technology has evolved we feel more in control, I guess. We don't need monsters to explain nature anymore."

"You believe that beings can grow and change then. Is it so hard to believe that perhaps the monsters have changed as well."

"I walked right into that, didn't I?" I asked giggling. Instead of answering, Todd smirked at me. "Oh, don't look so smug. Outmaneuvering a 28 year old when your 10,000 years old isn't anything to be proud of, Todd!"

"I must be allowed some small joys."

"Not everyone here would agree with that." I said. "Speaking of small joys, what do wraith do for fun?"

"Fun?" Todd repeated as if I'd started speaking a different language.

"Don't tell me that you don't know what fun is; all through the reports you're popping jokes to us: wanting to shake hands with Col. Carter and all. You know how to have fun."

Tilting his head to the side, he coincided, "A wraith's idea of fun depends on the wraith and his status: a warrior finds battle fun, a scientist finds discovery fun, and a commander finds assuring his hive of their survival to be the ultimate fun."

"And what of a wraith commander who is all of those titles?"

"Ah... that is a good question." Todd agreed with a smile.

"So good, you have no intentions of answering." I said.

Sitting on the cot in front of me, Todd asked, "Why do you ask this?"

"If I was you, I'd be going stir crazy in here, I guess. I just want to know if we can do anything to make it more comfortable for you... without compromising Earth's security, of course."

"Your visits are welcomed, Heather."

"Even my questions?"

"They are intelligent at least." Todd said out loud. **_And your questions are always welcomed._**

_Answers just might not be given._

**_ Answers are not always needed._**

_ But, I like answers._ "Can I ask you something kind of random? I've been wanting to ask this since I read the report. You were on the Daedalus. When he hijacked, you piloted it right? What was it like flying in it? Was it like flying a hive?"

"It is not like a hive. It was less... thrilling. Even with all your technology, it was bulky and sloppy. Dr. Keller once told me that your people have video of a hive flying. A hive streaks through space like a droplet of water running down a leaf. Your ship was like pulling a square vine through a ring of ice. It wears away at the space around it, ruining the harmony and balance of space. Even the Lanteans's ships were not as bad."

"You were on one of their ships?"

"From your mission reports, no doubt you know I have traveled with John Sheppard in the ships they call jumpers."

"Oh." I said. Though I was getting hungry, his talking about the hive ship reminded of the other question I wanted to ask him, "It also said in the mission reports that Wraith control and fly hives using their minds. Can you explain how that works? The mission reports were kind of confusing to me."

**_Heather, if you are hungry, we may speak again later. _**"As the hive is organic, Wraith speak to the hive the same way we speak to one another, through our minds. Only a wraith or someone with wraith DNA can access any major systems."

"I get that but it seems like Hives can think, like you or I do. If you told a hive to blow itself up, would it refuse?"

"Your hive is your home, Heather. Only very rarely would you purposely destroy your home."

"I know, but I just am trying to understand... is a hive sentient?"

"A hive created from a wraith is sentient. But, there are cases where a hive will destroy itself against its own nature if it serves a higher purpose."

"Aren't all hives created by Wraith?"

"Yes. But, I was referring to the brain of the hive, not the originators of hives."

"The brain of the hive..." I repeated. Thinking about the pictures I'd seen of hives, I started thinking about how the first time I looked at it, I should it was made from organic tissue. _The way he said that, it was almost like... _"Oh. My. God. Are you saying to create a hive, a wraith must die? Their brain is then taken to be used as the central computer or something?"

"No, there is no need to separate the brain from the body. A wraith is used as the starting point for the hive. It grows from him. "

"Todd, I have to be misunderstanding you. A spaceship cannot be made from a thinking, living being. That would be hell for any being."

"You are not misunderstanding me Heather. You are thinking like a human. It is a high honor to become a hive ship. As with humans, not each wraith born is fit to be commander or a scientist. These are the highest position a male wraith can attain. For a wraith who is not skilled enough for those positions, there are few choices. It is the highest honor for a favored wraith who is unfit to contribute in other ways. Once his hive has grown, he safeguards a queen and her people. It fulfills him."

"I cannot imagine anyone chooses to be a ship for eternity." I said with my stomach clenching.

"A hive ship is everything to wraith. It is their home in space and hibernation. You who wish to do everything you can to protect your friends cannot see how wraith would want to do the same?"

"But, it's not like they can switch jobs Todd."

"Again, you are looking at this from your own culture. A wraith sees becoming a hive as important position as becoming commander."

"If you feel that way, why didn't you become a hive, Todd?" I said harshly.

"Because I already had a duty to my people, Heather." He replied vaguely. At that moment, my stomach chose to growl. Stepping closer to me, he said, "You are hungry, you should go eat."

"I'm fine." I said, looking at the cell door. Bringing my mind back to him, I asked, "What about darts?"

Instead of answering my question, Todd said, "Heather, hunger is undesirable. Please go eat. I will wait here." He smiled at his own joke as if he could just walk out of the cell at any time.

"I'm fine."

"I can feel your hunger. Go. Eat."

"Todd, I said I'm fine." _After what you did earlier they might not let me back. I'm fine, really. I want to know more about your people._

**_ You will learn much more. Do not worry. You have already gotten them more information that they had hoped for. You will be allowed to return. There is no need to cause yourself discomfort._**

I heard the cell door open and turned around. Jennifer was standing there with the marines in the background. "Hey Heather. I know you haven't looked at your watch lately, but Rodney's getting pissy because he hasn't eaten in five hours. Are you still coming to dinner with us?"

"Dinner?" I caroled, looking at my watch. It read 5:15pm. "Oh, wow. Time flies when you're having fun." Turning to Todd, I asked, "Are you sure there isn't anything I can bring you tomorrow?"

"I do not need anything, Heather."

Jennifer chimed in, "Todd, I know Heather. She's got doing to let this go until you have a crossword or something to do. Hmm." She said looking back through the door to John, "Though she's not going to be allowed to bring in anything like that. Umm..."

"Why not?" I asked, generally curious.

"Him learning to write English could be problematic." Jennifer answered.

"So, he can only speak English, no writing. Ok... tic-tac-toe maybe?" I said looking at Jennifer.

"Nah," she replied shaking her head, "He's got no one to play with."

"Oh boy... Um.." I said, scratching my head.

"Oh come on," Rodney called, "I have blood sugar issues. Can't we worry about the human instead of the wraith?"

"Coming Rodney," Jennifer called back. Jennifer quietly begged, "Heather, come on.. You know what Rodney is like when he gets like this. And I'm not in the best mood today so I can't handle his..."

"Whining." I finished for her. Moving closer to her, I whispered, "Jen, they will allow me to come back right... even with what happened this morning?"

"If it was up to Ronon, no. But, luckily everyone else is okay with you coming back tomorrow." Jennifer raised her voice as she continued, "So, when do you want to end for the day Heather?"

**_ Your hunger is great. Go eat with your friend. _**

"Come on guys, I'm starving here!" Rodney moaned for effect as he leaned on the door frame.

Sighing, I rolled my eyes as I looked Jennifer's way. "Your boy toy is annoying."

"I know, but he's a cute annoying." She answered me smiling.

I could hear Rodney's inhalation to gather enough air to whine some more as we were talking about him. Grabbing Jen's arm, I directed her towards the door. Hoping to avert Rodney's favorite pastime, I said, "Let's go eat Jen... Rodney looks like he's about to pass out."

"I do?" Rodney worried, "Maybe you should take a look at me Jen, take my temperatures or something? I've been feeling a little weak..."

"Heather, why did you say that?" Jennifer said smacking me on the arm, "Rodney you're fine. I promise." Jennifer and I met up to Rodney at the cell door.

"I'll see you tomorrow Todd." I threw my parting words over my shoulder as I left the cell with Jen and Rodney. _Try to think of something that you'd want to do in there, maybe there was some wraith fiction in the database Rodney has or something. Let me know._

**_ Sleep well._**

"Good morning Todd" I said walking into his cell early the next morning. I had stayed up all night reading through the remaining mission reports. And after that, I had tossed and turned in my bed. All night. Question burning through my mind prompted by the dinner conversation last night and the footage I'd uncovered. I'd borrowed a computer tablet from Rodney so that I could bring the footage into Todd to watch. He eyed the tablet like it was a scorpion with its tail ready to strike his child.

"Heather." Todd acknowledged me.

Todd was standing in the same spot I'd last seen him in last night. He was by the cot, facing away from the cameras. I couldn't imagine always knowing that my every move was being watched and scrutinized by my enemies. _It would drive me nuts. _

"Do you intend to torture me now by making me watch ridiculous stories your people mistakenly call entertainment?"

"Huh?" I asked.

"Do you intend to make me watch television, Heather?"

"No, it would give you insight into us and cause a ton of problems... wait, how do you know about television?"

"While we were a prisoner of the Genii, John Shepherd talked about your box that tells stories and events. Prior to him realizing what I was, of course."

"We really don't have a prime directive out there, do we?" I asked myself under my breath. Shaking my head, I continued, "I'm not showing you anything from TV. I want to show you security footage from the last time you were on Earth. You know, when you saved Rodney's sister from the Replicators...I mean Asurans... I don't know why we have to have different names for the same thing." I complained. "Anyway, the SGC has cameras and..."

**_ You think about my sister who I privately told you about. You wish to speak of her in front of them?_**

_ No. _I continued out loud, "After you were fed, it took you five minutes to finish the code. Do you want to explain that to me?" _We will talk about why you didn't automatically help him in the first place another time since you knew what it was like to lose a sister. Wraith or not, you should have seen that helping would help the greater cause of shutting down the Asurans and been able to help someone's sister. I don't see why you didn't jump at the chance._

"I did not fake my weakness, Heather. Wraith must eat approximately every six earth months. When my hive was destroyed, I hadn't eaten for six months. After weeks on Atlantis without food, I was weak with hunger. Because I was working in this state of hunger and death, I was not sure I could trust my calculations or my eyes. When I passed out I had just entered the last of the coding. I had not checked it and even if I had, I could make no assurances that it was up to my normal perfection. None of your friends understood what I was doing and could not have checked me. Rodney, in his emotional state, was not able to grasp the concepts, let alone save her." Todd paused as if imagining Rodney's outraged reaction.

_ Then again, he can read minds so I guess he's not imagining._

Todd continued, "After feeding, I was strong enough to check my work and found it to be satisfactory. You are correct that for my safety I should have prolonged it, but in order to save the girl, time was of the essence."

_ If they didn't feed you, you still would have been the one to save her._

**_ If they choose to use it, yes. Though I seemed unaffected by his speech, I was not. You must understand, for my people's sake, I had to assure my survival. With my collapse, I knew I had to feed within twelve hours or die. The program I created could have been wrong in the final coding as I was in impossible pain. Though I have a higher tolerance for starvation that most wraith because of my time with the Genii, I would not have gambled my own sister's life on my mind in that state. To use one of your peoples phases, I killed two birds with one stone._** Todd had been covering the distance between us during this mind speak. When he was standing a foot away from me he asked out loud, "You did not watch me feed on their recordings?"

"No, the camera had a... technical difficulty prior to your feeding. It didn't start working again until a few seconds after Rodney came in."

"Ah."**_ I am glad. You should not be troubled by such images._**

_ So, you didn't cause the camera to malfunction?_

**_ Wraith cannot do that. _**He seemed amused by my question. **_John Sheppard must have made sure that his written report wouldn't be in conflict with the image recording._**

_ Ok, that makes sense. When I asked John about it all he'll tell me was he'd presented a situation and your food volunteered. _

**_ And you find that hard to believe?_**

_ I honestly don't know. The guy you ate, he's daughter had just died. The nanites lost power and killed her. It was your meal's fault she was infected in the first place, and his fault that Rodney's sister was infected, too. I'm sure he felt guilty, even suicidal because he'd killed his own child. Adding to his guilt, he was facing criminal charges on my planet for kidnapping, false imprisonment, murder and god knows what else. But,.. I doubt John explained how much it hurts when a wraith feeds on you. We have rules on my planet Todd, even for how the government kills criminals.. I'm sure that your way isn't legal._

**_ Some human cultures in my galaxy have made agreements with wraith to protect the good people of their planet. Allowing wraith to feed on the bad people of their world, the good humans live in peace without fear of cullings._**

_ Todd, my people have encountered one such world. The wraith needed more humans so the supposed good people created more bad people with false criminal charges. That system isn't as good as you are trying to make it sound._

**_ Did the wraith tell the humans to change their rules to create more food in this report or did the humans come up with that plan on their own?_**

_ The report didn't say. Regardless, the wraith demanded more food and the humans were told to create more or face death themselves!_

**_ Ah. I am not saying that it was fair for wraith to change the agreement, only that not all humans share your same sense of self-sacrifice. You once me that you would rather die than kill. Not all humans share this belief. _**

_ And not all wraith will talk to me instead of eating me. _

Todd started laughing out loud. Spreading his hand wide, he said, "Sit with me. Let's not dwell on my actions on Earth the last time I was here. I am sure you have other questions..."

"A request, really." I said, tapping the pad a few times and calling up a file. "I found this in our database. I think it's wraith." I watched as Todd's slit pupils expanded as he looked into my eyes. I knew he'd see that I had this writing without Rodney's or John's knowledge. According to Rodney's records, it hadn't been translated fully. Dr. Elizabeth Weir had started to translate it years ago when they got it from the wraith database where the wraith scientist had been trying to splice human DNA to make better food for wraith. She'd only translated it long enough to realize it was a legend not his lab notes. It had no military value, so she'd moved on.

Knowing I only had a few more seconds before marine's with guns blazing came barreling in to stop me, I turning the pad so he could read it, and continued, "Will you teach me how to read it? So, I can understand what this means?" Todd expression warred between shock and anger for a split second before his face was a mask. He projected his calm but unbending façade; the one Teyla explained in her reports he carried with him on the wraith ship that she played queen for. _ I'm an idiot. A species that wouldn't give their names to friends certainly wouldn't teach an enemy their language. In fact, since I cannot teach him to read English, I really have no right to even ask him to teach me Wraith. I'm sorry, Todd... I shouldn't have asked._

"If you really desire to learn to read Wraith... I would make a few demands of my own. Our conversations must not be recorded and I will not teach you here. You may have guards with you from my normal detail to assure your safety. But, they are there to protect you, not listen. In order to properly teach you, we would meet in hologram room. "

"I...I don't know if they will agree to that Todd. I doubt they will let you teach me somewhere outside of this cell. It's too dangerous to the rest of my world." I said backing away from him.

"Escaping Atlantis would only allow for my death by your people's hands. The hologram room is protected in the main tower and would not put your planet in risk of my hunger."

The cell door that only seconds ago seemed to be ready to be forced open remained closed. _They must not know how to answer him anymore then I do. _"Holograms take a lot of power Todd. Atlantis needs that power to get you, Teyla, and Ronon home."

"I am quite sure we will not need to draw on any power. I pick that room not because I will call upon the Leantans images imbedded but because it is impossible for your people to record in that room. Atlantis will only record the playback in that room, not the beings in it. Even they cannot change that. It is the only way I can be sure that your people aren't recording us."

"I wouldn't lie to you..."

"But, they would lie to both of us. You must understand, I must deal as your people's actions warrant."**_ If you wish, I can also teach you how to block thoughts from wraith. We should work on your combat skills as well._**

"I would have to speak to my people. I am sure they will have to send this up through the chain of command to get your... proposal approved, if it will be."

"Of course."

I expected to feel the draft from the cell door opening, hitting my back and chilling me to the bone as no doubt there reception to the idea will be a frosty. Nothing happened. Taking a calming breath, I said, "Well, I did think of another question for you last night about the hives. It's..." Todd seemed to straighten up at that as his face went into mask mode. I could feel his discomfort and his distance when I said the word Hive. "Don't do that. I know we need to agree to disagree on the whole turning beings into ships thing. It's not about that."

"Agree to disagree? Is this a human saying?"

"Yea."

"It is probable that we will have to agree to disagree on a lot of topics. What is this question on Hives that you feel isn't a worthy question?"

_ I thought you don't want them knowing that you can read minds!_

**_ Your poster and bearing scream your opinion, your doubt. _**

"I was looking at the pictures of the hives. Every picture we have there's this weird mist all of the place. Why?"

"Hmm..." Todd held the sound as he stepped closer to me. Taking his hand, he brushed his warm fingertips against my cheek. I froze unsure of what he was doing. _And what wraith thingy is this? _

"Tell me Heather, what do you feel?"

"Feel?" I repeated confused.

"When I touch your cheek, what do you feel?" He repeated patiently.

_ Your hand, what else would I feel?_ _Why are you asking such a question? What answer do you want? _ Instead of replying he stroked my cheek again, the heat from his hand felt almost like a fever against my skin. It struck me how very human his hand felt. His skin felt like human skin against mine, I could even feel tiny ridge like indentations on his fingertips. _I wonder if wraith have fingerprints._ "Your skin's like a human's. Not like a bug's at all."

"It seems to bother you that wraith are from what you deem a bug. I am starting to think that you do not like bugs." He said, still stroking my cheek.

"Uh... I'm pleading the fifth on that." I answered.

Dropping his hand, Todd asked, "What does pleading the fifth mean?"

"Ah... oh, well, it's a legal term that also used in popular culture. In popular culture, you plead the fifth when you're averse to answering an embarrassing question."

"You are embarrassed that you do not like bugs. You feel this will bother me?"

"I...I don't dislike bugs."

"You are lying to me. You do not like bugs. You feel that your aversion to bugs should be a personal attack the wraith."

"No, no, no personal attacking here." I said, shaking my head.

Todd laughed his deep booming laugh. Gently cradling my cheek, Todd's eyes twinkled as he said, "Wraith do not deny our beginnings but no wraith feels that bugs equal us. We have evolved to be something more as humans have evolved from there beginnings. Have no fear, you may continue to kill bugs without remorse nor fear of wraith taking retribution for our bug brethren. Now..."

"You're not cold-blooded." I realized, "That's what you want me to feel. Your warm-blooded like me! You can regulate your temperature... Wait a second... you can make your temperature fluctuate at will, can't you?"

"I can. Normal wraith body temperature is higher than humans. The hive creates what you call a mist to help cool our bodies so that we do not need to closely monitor our temperature. To regulate constantly is a waste of resources. I am not dependant on my surroundings for my body temperature but..."

"The more you regulate, the more you must feed."

"Yes."

"So the mist is created on a hive so that you don't have to feed as often. Why is your body temperature higher than humans? Space isn't cold, per say, so... why would you need to be hotter and be able to control your temperature so specifically?"

"The planet where the Iratus bug formed has an extraordinary temperature pattern. It is quite cold but changes constantly with no warning from warm to freezing. Before wraith learned to use the Stargates to travel to other worlds, we would have needed to control our temperature in order to survive."

"Why would the ancients have planted humans on a world that was too cold for them to survive?"

"From my experience, the beings that you call ancients did many things for scientific research and to further their own aims."

I gave a bark of laughter and replied, "Are you saying that no wraith would ever do such a thing? Teyla would say that wraith did the same thing to her ancestor."

"The wraith that preformed those experiments was killed for his crime."

"Todd, his crime was allowing humans to have a more even playing field. Don't think I cannot see that."

"I do not deny that you give a correct assessment. But, it was not the only reason that he was stopped. Many felt that what he did reeked of the Lantans."

"What do you mean?"

"The Lantans claimed to have a code of honor. Most wraith feel the reality of the Lantans' actions were that because we did not bow to their will, wraith must be annihilated. The Lantans created replicators and gave them one purpose without choice: the destruction of the wraith. They made them so that they would be unable to become sentient beings on their own, Heather. When I stopped the Alterans from attacking my people, I corrected their programming to allow them the possibility to becoming sentient beings even though their mechanical nature was repugnant to wraith beliefs. After the Lantans left ten thousand years ago, wraith could have overwhelmed the human populations and taken away their free-will. By forcing breeding between humans as we saw fit, we could have created enough food to sustain us. Today, all humans my galaxy would serve the wraith and things would be much easier for us. We did not do that. Instead, we governed ourselves so that humans could live their lives as they saw fit."

"You don't allow them to fight back, Todd."

"Because no humans from my galaxy have successfully fought back, it does not mean we don't give them the chance. Wraith allow humans to advance. Once they get to a point where they have a chance at victory, we test their skill as we would do with others of our own kind. It is survival."

Looking at him, I could not tell if he really believed the propriety in that or if it was something he'd made up. "Right, it's just survival for wraith," I asked, "Wraith kill every man, woman, and child of those that oppose them. What can children do to you? Why kill them?"

Tilting his head, Todd answered, "Wrath children are not protected in war. Would one of your people protect a wraith child?"

"Yes!" I said, "We had one that was found on a planet..." trailing off, I started remembering that she had been killed as she took the retrovirus before it was fully tested. "She wanted so badly to be human, she took an untested treatment. They tried to save her, but they couldn't Todd."

"She?" Todd said, turning away from me and the camera. As he was walking away from me and towards the door, I heard him growling softly and his fingers curled almost like claws at his sides. I couldn't see his face but I could almost feel his anger: his desire to rip through the door and kill those who had killed a child. **_I fear you give them too much credit. _**Turning towards me, Todd held out his hand as if he was asking for my understanding, "If they had a female child, they could not teach her as she would need to know. But, she could not have hurt them. Wraith born through the old ways grow from children into adulthood. She would not need to feed until she became of age." **_I wish you to understand my anger at this Heather. The child they had was destined to become a queen. Queens are taught to respect and love the food that sustains us. A female wraith that grew up with humans would be conflicted. By keeping her, they caused her death. _**"You must ask yourself then why did she want to be human so badly Heather?"

"You are working with Jennifer to make it so wraith don't have to feed. Ella didn't want to kill anymore."

"No, Heather. This wraith child had been taught that wraith are evil. She wished to be human to deny what she was. The humans could not accept her as she was and that made her feel less than they were."

"No, she wanted a life. She wanted to love, Todd. She didn't want to kill to survive!"

"A life? How would she have lived with humans. Those she lived with would die within the first one hundred years of her life, if she was fortunate. Then what?" Todd asked me as he walked towards me, taking my hand in his, he asked, "How would humans accept her?"

"Humans from my world try to be accepting of other cultures. I'm sure humans in your galaxy, if wraith gave them the chance, would want to co-exist. You know, if you stopped eating them."

"This child was taught love through a humans eyes, not her own. You know as well as I do that humans fear what they do not understand. It is survival. Wraith know it well."

"So why are you working with us? If you really believe that things won't change..."

"I know Doctor Keller is your friend. Her work is well designed and the idea had merit. I worked with your people, but I do not think the destruction of my people is the only way for our peoples to come to an... understanding."

"You took the treatment. Why would you risk yourself if you don't have a problem with your food source being living humans?"

Todd smiled. "Even you would agree that a good commander is one that wouldn't ask those he commands to do something that he himself would not do."

_Yet, that's not why you did it. You know I believe that it's right, but that's not the wraith way. You are far too important to your hive to take that risk._

**_ Yet, I did. And lost my crew because I trusted. _**

_ Todd, they didn't have a choice. You're people were trying to kill them. _

**_ They would have tried to allow me to order them. To control them. They did not allow me to deal with it. They choose to act on their own and murder my crew._**

_ Even if you were able to control them while suffering the sickness yourself, you would be asking John to take a huge risk without knowing if it would even have saved them. You would have lost most of your crew when the hive broke up. If some would have survived that, would your crew of survived the treatment of having a queen bug feeding on them? You even told them that most wraith died during the process and that's why your people abandoned the practice. My people would say that you'd chosen to sacrifice our people first when destroying the Arto device, John just followed your example. _

_ **The Arto device, hmm... did you like my choice in that then?**_

_ Of course not. But, I think I get why you did it. You didn't have much room on your ship and would have had to figure out who lived and who died to begin with. Assuming you could take some humans with you, it would be hard to explain to the other wraith how they weren't food. It's the alliance's hive, not your own. It would have appeared quite weak to them to make the choice to spare their lives if you took them. Leaving them on the ship was the best death you could give them. _

Todd didn't send anymore thoughts to me in response. Instead he nodded slightly as he passed in front of me, blocking the camera's view, and briefly touched his hand to my chest again. "Huh," I said trying to cover up for our mental conversation, "A good commander understands that sometimes the choices made are only the lesser of two evils."

"Hmm." Todd seemed to agree. Taking the computer pad from my hands, Todd looked it over for a few seconds. "Your technology on Earth seems to be considerably less advanced then I would have thought."

"I'm not playing my gun is bigger than your gun Todd." At his confused look, I continued, "Why would they let me bring in our best? You've hacked our computers before."

"Rodney McKay must have been quite angered by my... information gathering skills. This is your best as I have seen it before. Rodney would not think to use anything but the best for his work."

Smirking, I said, "Perhaps. Perhaps your information wasn't as solid as you thought."

Todd laughed then, long and hard. "You are not this person, Heather. The game you play is too obvious."

"Game?"

"You are trying to imply that the information I have was planted. It was not. You're people's actions since then have only confirmed it for me. Have no fear, Earth will remain untouched as long as I am in control of the Wraith."

"You aren't in control now."

**_Am I not?_** "My alliance still works as instructed. My second in command, your people named him Kenny, was given orders. He will follow them."

"Why wouldn't he take your power and do as he sees fit?"

**_Because he knows I will return._** "He would not."

Shaking my head as I laughed lightly, I took back the computer pad. "Thank you for reminding me that men are full of themselves regardless of species."

"Even you would agree that confidence is warranted in a good commander, would you not?"

"Over confidence can be a weakness." 

Todd smiled and replied, "A commander who is over confidence would not be alive long enough to show his weakness."

"In your world,..." I said.

"Only my world matters." Todd said cupping my chin in his left hand. "Perhaps one day when our people are friends, I can show you around a hive. You will know the power of a commander on his hive. You can see how human commanders are lacking."

Pulling away from his hold, I replied, "Over confidence is also annoying. It makes humans want you to lose." Holding the computer pad, I keyed in my code so I could send a text to the lab. "It's almost noon so I should go have lunch. I have a meeting this afternoon, so I won't be back to see you until after dinner time. Hopefully by then, I'll know if they will let you teach me how to read wraith."

"Very well." ****

Jennifer answered my text saying she was heading to the lunchroom in five minutes. "Ok." I said to Todd, "I'll see you in a few hours then." Walking towards the cell door, I quipped, "Try to keep your head from exploding."

"Heather," Todd called, "What does this saying mean?"

"You have a swelled head, wraith." I replied with a smile as I walked out the door. It shut behind me. Walking to the control room, I walked in and walked to Woolsey. He was standing looking worried as always. Without any pleasantries that he'd just shut down in his anger at my presumption, I said, "I assume you heard all of that."

"What the hell do you think you are doing Heather! Why would you show him something that we got from that lab. We don't know what is says!"

"Dr. Weir looked at it, she confirmed it wasn't anything big. Having him teach me wraith will do many good things. Think of all the knowledge we'll get."

"You could get killed."

"Todd doesn't seem to want to hurt me; I doubt he'll kill me either."

"You don't know that."

"I know we need more information before you guys go back to Pegasus. I know you guys need help working together because if I leave it to you and John you'll kill our greatest ally."

"Heather, sometimes you have to kill the enemy before..."

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend, Richard."

"You're quoting Arab proverbs about an alien who eats humans for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!"

"Hmmm... That's a shame. I was hoping it was secretly an Ancient proverb to be honest, but the point is still valid." Turning towards the communications officer, I said, "Please ask General O'Neil to contact me at his earliest confidence. Express to him that I feel confident I can do this safely and effectively and would like his permission to proceed."

"Heather, listen to me. I don't want you to get hurt..." Woolsey began.

Cutting him off, I put my hand on his arm as I said, "I know Richard and I appreciate your concern. I do. But, I have to be able to go about this without being told it's too dangerous all the time. Todd is letting me in for some reason; we have to go along with this for as long as it lasts." Richard's concern was etched all over his face. It seemed like every line had been put there in the last few days, by me. "Richard, look... it I feel the slightest bit worried for my safety, I promise.. I'll get out of there."

"Sir?" The communications officer asked.

Richard sighed, "Transfer the message, Lieutenant."


	7. Chapter 6 Part 2

Walking back to my room with my belly full from lunch, I stopped at the pier to look out at the water. The sun was reflecting off of the water and off of the pier. Walking out for a better look, it was like a hallo was falling over the city, one that only I could see. The water lapping at the edge of the pier had its own song, relaxing and comforting. Turning back to look at Atlantis behind me, the city was lit up too. Smiling, I sat down on the edge of the pier facing the water. I didn't see any harm in just sit for a second, thinking about Richard's concerns and Jennifer's quiet questions over lunch. Here away from everybody, maybe I could understand how I was feeling. I knew I was taking risks. Risks that I hadn't been asked to take but I felt confident in my actions. That worried me more than anything else: As I'd told Todd, over confidence was the downfall of many people. Was it to be mine as well? Todd had lived for many more years then me. He had to be playing me. Knowing this, it didn't mean that we couldn't work together. It didn't mean that he'd destroy my world, but it certainly didn't mean he would protect it either. Taking off my shoes and socks, I longed to put my feet in the crisp cool water. Even though I was too far away from the water, I felt hopeful that some of the spray would reach my feet from the gentle waves. Dangling my feet off the pier, I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing trying to think. _If they meet his demands so I can learn Wraith, what is my goal? I'll never be able to use it if I'm here and they take him back to Pegasus. Why should I even bother to learn this? Why do I want to? I hate learning languages and I've never been any good at it. What am I doing?_

"Is this seat taken?"

My breathing stop as my eyes snapped open when I heard a male voice, close, behind me. Even though a part of me recognized Rodney's voice a second latter, I still jumped: "Rodney, don't sneak up on people like that. What are you doing out here anyway? You missed lunch, should you be stuffing your face right about now?" Spying the pad perched close to the edge of the pier, I moved it behind me. _Even if his feet hit it himself and it would have fallen in, Rodney would kill me. _

"I should. But, Woolsey came to visit me in my lab. He's worried about you."

"Jennifer's known me for a longtime and her harping didn't change my mind. Neither will yours; save your breath and go have lunch."

"See, this is the difference between you and me."

"Oh god..." I whined looking heavenwards, "What's the difference Rodney?"

"You think you know it all; But, I do know it all Heather. I'm not here to change your mind... though, you must tell Jennifer I was annoying the hell out of you to do just that. Truthfully, I think you should learn Wraith. There is plenty Todd won't explain to me and I think you've got a great shot of him feeling that he can explain it to you."

"What? Is this reserve psychology?"

"No, I mean it. Only I think you might want to be a little mindful of him, maybe use his feelings against him a little more too. See what else he'll spill to you."

"What are you talking about?"

Rodney sat down next to me with his feet hanging off the pier. Looking out at the ocean, he began, "Todd's always been really nice to Jennifer and Teyla. He has always treated them differently than the rest of us. Everyone says its because the queens rule in their society. But, I'd wondered... he's male and all so... maybe it wasn't just becasue of their queens... instead,... you know... male 101: thinking about sex a million times a day. You wouldn't believe it, but until I found Jen, I didn't know what it really meant to want to protect and be with your other half.. your better half..." Rodney seemed to remember he was speaking out loud and he continued, "Anyway, then Teyla came back from being queen. So I asked her what she thought about their sexual practices. Kiddingly.. mostly."

Not knowing what to think, I said, "You mean... Teyla and Todd?"

"No!" Rodney said, violently shaking his head, "God no. Teyla would never do that! Awww... Heather.. that's just gross!"

"So, what are you saying Rodney?"

"Just that Teyla was surprised by Todd's rules of wraith-human relationships. On his hive, he treated the worshippers on his ship like his soldiers. Not great still mind you, but not like slaves. Anyway, Teyla had assumed that wraith raped their way through the worshippers because they could. Todd told her that, under his command, any rapist - human or wraith - is punished with death so she didn't need to worry about seeing such things. When they were on the new hive, he kept the same rules ... as long as she was there at least."

"Why would he kill a wraith for... uh...playing with his food?"

"He wouldn't answer her about that. But, it confirms that wraith can have sex with humans Heather. I think he's proven that he likes you... ergo..."

"Rodney, you are nuts. There is no way..." _Unless...Is he picking up on some subconscious thought of mine and trying to use it to his advantage?_

"Heather, look... Honestly, I'm not telling you to sleep with him. But, he doesn't need to know that you never will. Use his desire to your advantage."

"Rodney, I'm not that kind of girl, okay?"

"I know you're not... but... He's opening up to you like nothing we've ever seen before. If he'll teach you to read wraith, then any intelligence we get we can send back to you for translation...And god knows what else you could get him to tell you..."

"Rodney, you don't know what you're talking..."

"Of course I do! Todd really wants you..." Rodney said, turning towards me.

He looked like he was actually serious and I had to fight my laughter. "Rodney, why would he? It must be a cultural difference you are seeing, he's not really thinking that way about me."

"As a man, let me tell you I am sure he's thought it. I don't think he's used to think that way though... "

"What does that mean?"

"Heather, before Jen I didn't know how to act with woman either... He's wanting to protect you is properly the only way he knows how to show his feelings."

"It's a cultural thing or it's because I'm a human that's all."

"He eats humans, Heather. It's not like they only eat males."

"Does anyone else believe this crazy idea of yours?"

"Eh... Well...Jen wouldn't even hear me out and I don't blame her for not wanting to even think about you being put in that situation. John..." Rodney trailed off, looking back at the ocean.

"John thinks what?"

"He doesn't think it's possible for Todd to be that stupid."

_Not stupid enough to fall for a girl like me... wow, I needed that._"He's right Rodney. If a wraith is going to fall for a human, it'd be.. Teyla or Jennifer or even Col. Carter. Not me." I said standing up, "Now, if you'll excuse me..." I trailed off as I heard them page me through my ear piece. "Rodney, I've got to go."

"What are you talk..." I heard Rodney start to say as I ran through the door back into Atlantis's tower. Taking the transporter to the control room, I walked over to John who was standing in front of the communication station, checking his watch.

"Good you're here... General O'Neil's on the terminal in Woolsey's office. He wants to talk to you about the rules of your wraith lead class. " John said pointing to the empty office, "I think the president's in the office with him, so keep that in mind."

"Oh.. okay." I said gulping. Walking towards the office, I wished I'd gone back to my room instead of the pier. Rodney's observations were wrong. _They have to be... unless I... _Slamming down on my thought process, I remembered Todd would hear me in the nick of time._ This is going to be hard. I can't talk about it, I can't think about it. Maybe... I can journal it out? This isn't fair! And now... I've got to deal with a president_ _and a general when I need to be figuring out if Rodney could be right. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this if I ask myself why I do this to myself at least once a day. Who needs this? I could be sitting by a pool on vacation, not battling the forces of the universe. _Instead of banging my head against the nearest wall, I walked into the office with my head held high. "General, I hope you've agreed to Todd's request as my learning wraith would greatly help us in our mission in Pegasus." Waiting two beats, I heard nothing but dead silence greeting me. "General?" Looking around the office, I expected to see a hologram free floating in the air like in the movies. There was nothing. Coming around Woolsey's deck, I saw the monitor's webcam was active and I could see General O'Neil but there was a crossed out microphone logo in the corner. "Oh, I'm just so great at this." Clicking on the microphone, I said, "General."

"Good Afternoon Heather. I've heard you're making waves already."

"No, sir. I'm trying to build a relationship with the Wraith..." _Oh my God. _

"I know and you've gone quite well so far. You've impressed a lot of people Heather. In fact, I've advised the President that we should allow this to proceed. But, I want to be clear.. if, at any time, you feel uncomfortable your duty is to get away from him. You are not to take risks with your life, Heather."

"I don't intend to get myself killed General."

"See that you don't. Now, I do have a request. After a few sessions, you are to tell Todd that you'd like to invite your friend to sit in. Say he's a jealous boyfriend or whatever other excuse you need to come up with."

"General, I'm sorry but... Todd specifically said my guards can only be those that have shadowed him from the beginning. I doubt he'd let anyone else into the sessions. He's expecting us to double cross him.. I think it would be better if..."

"Heather." General O'Neil said forcibly cutting me off. "Dr. Daniel Jackson is the most able linguist we have. He cracked the Stargate code to begin with and he was on my team for ten years. We want him in the sessions, period."

"I... I'll try... But, it might take a while to convince Todd. I will need to tread carefully."

"I'm sure you'll manage to do it within a week."

"A week?"

"A week. O'Neil out."

As the screen went black, I sat down in Woolesy's chair and put my head on his desk. _Oh God. What the f..reak am I...No, ...no,...Oh God, nooo..._

_**You are upset. Surely they haven't said no. **_

_Todd, I need a few minutes by myself please. I don't want you listening... it's personal. Please._

_**You know I can't ignore your thoughts and with you in such distress... Heather, they have not hurt you?**_

_No, of course not. _

_**Ah. Their plan has upset you then. Do not worry, Heather. I do not hold it against you, it does not surprise me. **_

_They just want to make sure that I'm learning it right. I'm not good at languages so they are worried I'll learn nothing. _

_**I will not lie to you, Heather. I ask that you never lie to me.**_

_I'm not lying. I do suck at languages. _

_**You will learn. **_

_You're still going to teach me?_

_**I am. And I will teach you the skills so you may hide thoughts from Wraith.**_

_I don't know what to say...__Thank you._

_**We will use the pad you brought to me today. You will learn to read it. Bring it.**_

Spinning around once in Woolsey's chair, I laughed. _I am like a child to you, so I must read children's stories? _He's silence made me think about the youngest age I knew him to be: I knew he was alive 10,000 years ago and 10,000 ago he was old enough to have his own command. I stopped spinning. _I guess I understand why you think of me as a child._

_**You are not a child to me. **_

_Baby then?_

_**You are neither a child nor a baby. I wish you to read the story to learn from it.**_

_You really are going to teach me? I mean.. if our positions were reversed... if I was trapped on your ship..Hive, I mean... I... I don't think I'd want to teach you to read English. I'd be scared you'd be able to use it against us._

_**There**_ _**are humans that can translate Wraith. Dr. McKay can translate Wraith. Not well.. but well enough. I teach you in the hopes that your knowledge will allow you to understand. **_

_You do have some kind of plan you are working here._

_**I will not lie to you. One should always have a plan. I am not working to destroy you or your people. **_

Not answering him, I stood up and walked out of Woolsey's office. Woolsey was standing looking out on the balcony, overlooking the Stargate. Standing next to him, I said, "You think this is a bad idea, don't you?"

Without looking at me, he answered, "He's tried to kill us before. Until I was in command of Atlantis, I couldn't even understand. Heather, the rule book.. it goes out the window there."

He's right. Rules don't apply to this. I'm thinking like a human. Good guys, bad guys.. it's all gray. Them. Us. It's all gray. "Out of all the other wraiths we encountered while you were there? How was Todd?"

"You read the reports. Screwing us every way he could."

"Not every way."

"Heather...He's taken over our ship and left us there to die, used us to take over an alliance, and Took ZPMs. God knows how many he still has. Trust me, he's screwing us somehow."

"This isn't about the ZPMs. He left you there Woolsey. He left you there to crash into a planet and you're upset. I get that. I understand you're upset about it.. I'm upset about it. But,... he didn't eat you himself. He didn't seem to take great satisfaction in killing you. He left you there to die quickly. I'm sorry, but from what I read.. he doesn't seem to be like every other wraith."

Woolsey looked over at me and answered, "He didn't find away to save us Heather. He could have figured out a way. He chose not to."

"Each second that passed was another hive destroyed. More deaths. We'd have done the same thing."

"They don't really think like that, Heather."

"Todd does. He was upset when Teyla was playing queen and was killing wraith by having the darts attack a hive. He cared for his own then. When he came to us to save his hive from the cancer and we lost all of his men. He cared then."

"And before that, he'd have eaten John if he could have. You can't trust him. We are at war. "

_ We'd just sentenced his men to death... again. Woolsey will never see. Everything's become gray. They are in a sea of gray and they can't see. What if I can't either?_ "You need to remember the words of another green alien: Wars not make one great."

"Qui-Gon's defiance I sense in you. Need that you do not. Mind what you have learned. Save you it can."

I laughed. "That's why it's important for me to learn more."

"Just watch yourself, Heather."

"I will."

"Are you starting your classes with him today?"

"I don't know. I'm going to go talk to him about that now." I saw Woolsey nod as I turned to walk to the stairwell. Walking down the steps to the level that contained Todd's cell, every step I took seemed to be loud in my ears. Trying to not think about Rodney's belief and my fear that Todd saw something in my mind that made him think he could manipulate me this way meant I'd be thinking about it for a good two minutes as I made this trek. _I am not falling in love with an alien. So, what is his game? _

When the cell door opened, I wasn't in a good mood. Todd was standing straight backed on the other side of the cell with his hands at his side. Neither of us said a word. The questions I had for him couldn't be asked out loud and I couldn't talk to him about this through mind speak. It seemed too intimate. Instead of speaking about what was uppermost in my mind, I went for queen bitch attitude and said, "You're allowed to teach me to read Wraith. Let's go. We can use the hologram room."

"Yet you did not bring your pad? Do you intend for me to draw the symbols on the floor?"

"The pad... Oh, damn it... I left the pad on the pier." Turning away from Todd, so I could fool myself into thinking it was a private conversation, I activated my ear piece. Rodney wasn't still on the pier, but he had taken the pad with him. Jokingly, Rodney implied that my pad is waiting in his lab for us to be given to enemy hands. Turning back towards Todd, I announced, "We'll take a detour to the lab to pick up the pad and then head to the hologram room."

"As you wish." Todd said inclining his head and indicating I should precede him through the door.

Without a backwards glance, I stepped through the door and quickly advised his guard detail of out plans. With them falling into formation around us, Todd moved silently next to me and matched my stride. His footfalls were soundless and his breathing seemed to be none existent. It was unnerving. If not for my looking for him every few steps, I wouldn't have known he was still next to me. _He's a predator, remember._

_** I am wraith.**_

"Do you breathe?" I asked out loud. I didn't want to encourage him to mind speak with me while I was so upset. It concerned me that my anger would lean to my thoughts giving too much away. I was angry at everyone: General O'Neil, Todd, Rodney, the President of the United States, take your pick. I wasn't sure what he could pick up but I was sure it was my duty to keep him in the dark as much as possible. _Not hard at all with a mindreading alien... oy._

"I breathe. Your hearing is not sensitive enough to pick it up easily. Our respiration is most like humans when we are speaking out loud."

"What does breathing do for you?

"Same as it does for you. The difference comes into play when the air has been compromised. With a normal diet, I can survive without air, or in air that would be toxic to you, for more than an hour without fear of death."

"Even in the vacuum of space?"

"You are trying to find out way of destroying me." Todd said amused.

"I am trying to understand our differences." I responded while wondering why the idea of my killing him should amuse him. _Granted you're hard to kill but a being that has survived so long and fought through being held captive and everything... you shouldn't find the idea of death so amusing, unless _y_ou don't think I would ever kill you... with the proper motivation Todd, I assure you I could and would._

"If you wish to destroy me, you only need to ask."

"Our people should be friends instead of enemies. By learning your people's language, I hope it will lead to some proper dialog."

_**Well said. **_

I didn't respond. We were a corridor away from Rodney's lab. Turning into the last hallway, I walked to the lab door. It opened as I walked near it so I walked in expecting to him Rodney waiting for us. Rodney was at the computer typing furiously and didn't look up from the computer even to greet me. "What's going on?" I asked Rodney as I heard Radek call out a greeting.

"Some of us have to work Heather." Rodney whined as he looked up, "Oh, I didn't realize you were bringing him."

"I figured you could take us straight to the hologram room once I had the pad. Since I've never seen the hologram room and have no idea where it even is..." I said to Rodney. I mouthed hi to Radek.

Rodney looked chastised and said, "Oh... I never showed it to you? Well, I'm sure we can let you see it run through once so you can hear it from Morgan La Fay.

"Wait...Morgan le Fay from Arthurian legend was real?"

"Yep. She's an ancient. So was Merlin." Rodney said.

"Merlin? Oh you're just playing with me now Rodney, aren't you?"

"I swear. I'm not."

Radek interrupted, "Rodney's not kidding Heather. They were in Ancients. Morgan le Fay's real name was Ganos Lal and Merlin's real name was Moros."

Rodney interrupted him, waving him back towards his computer station, "I've got this Rodek. Thank you."

Turning back toward his station, Radek hit the keyboard keys like they were Rodney's face. As Rodney continued, "Ganos Lal and Moros lived on Atlantis more than 10,000 years ago, during their war with the wraith. Ganos Lal created a database program to teach young Lantian children. She used her own image and created an interactive avatar to access the programs. I'll show it to you... it's really cool. Anyway, after they went back to Earth, the ancient's figured out how to ascend. When Moros returned to human form and became Merlin, Ganos Lal was sent to observe him to make sure he didn't break any of the ancient's rules. That's why Morgan Le Fay is known in history as Merlin's greatest rival."

"Oh my god...The legends are real then... They've been twisted in time with retelling and all, but real." Turning to Todd, I stopped myself from asking him if he had known them. Even if he had, he'd known them as his enemy. I doubted he'd have anything nice to say about the ancients and likewise I doubt they'd have anything nice to say about him. _But to have fought against Merlin and Morgan Le Fay... Oh god how cool is that? _I turned back to Rodney and asked, "So, magic is really just technology?"

"You could say that but then you'd be forgetting the cool powers I had when I was close to ascending..."

"Right," I said picking up the pad. "Levitating donuts, a power that made all the lesser people cower in your wake."

"I didn't just levitate donuts."

"Whatever." I replied, starting for the door, "If you could take us to the hologram room I'd appreciate it. I'd like to get started as quickly as possible."

"You just want to see the holodeck."

I smiled, "Well, the thought had crossed my mind." Todd looked puzzled as Rodney and I shared a laugh; I had to fight the urge to explain the reference to him. Lt. Hubbel and the marines quickly moved into formation covering Todd. Todd seemed to be walking quickly to catch up to me so we could walk together. So, I walked quicker with Rodney. Lt. Hubbel seemed to understand the budding issue and I could hear him fingering his gun as if he thought he'd have to use it. Seconds passed with all of us walking and waiting to see what was about to happen. Nothing did. Taking Rodney's arm to slow him down a bit, I relaxed. "Rodney?" I asked quietly, "Do we know if Todd ever had any direct interaction with any of the ancients?" I felt very conscious of the fact that Todd's supper hearing would still be able to hear my conversation even if I'd known how to mentally block him.

Rodney shook his head and said, "I don't know. I asked him once while we were working together in the lab and he didn't answer. He changed the subject to the replicator code." Wagging his eyebrows at me, Rodney continued, "Maybe he'd tell you though."

Hitting his arm, I said, "Stop... Seriously. It's not funny."

"Jennifer was right. You are a prude."

"Rodney!" I screeched.

"When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not." Rodney said in a prefect imitation of Yoda.

"Stop being an ass just to upset me, thank you very much," I responded, "and I'm not a prude. I'm just old fashioned." With his eyes twinkling, Rodney opened up his mouth to respond and I quickly said, "Rodney, I swear you say one more word about this... you'll know real pain." _I don't believe this. It's bad enough Todd's heard my concerns but to know he's hearing god-knows-what from Rodney's stupid fantasies is inexcusable. _Without really thinking it through, I smacked Rodney's arm again as hard as I could. This time I felt my nails curve to inflict damage.

"Oww.." Rodney howled.

"You deserved it."

"I'm bleeding!" Rodney whined, looking at a small scratch on his arm. It was just starting to have a drop of blood trickle out.

"Hmm.. my nails must have gotten you. I'm sorry Rodney." I said, patting his arm.

"That really hurts, Heather. I'm not sure if I'm well enough to activate the hologram program." Rodney said turned towards a door to our left.

I was a little ahead of him as it opened, so turning my head towards him I asked, "Was Morgan La Fey a vampire or something?" I asked. Then realizing a kind of vampire was behind me, I amended, "The I-want-to-suck-your-blood kind, not the I-want-to-suck-your-life-force kind. No offence Todd." Turning back towards the room, I saw the pedestal in the middle of the room.

Rodney answered, "No, she wasn't either. Ancients were like us..." Rodney started to walk towards the pedestal as he was checking his arm, " You know, with the blood loss I might not be strong enough to activate it. Thought since you don't have the gene, I guess I'll have to muddle through... even thought it wastes so much power... I don't believe I'm going to do..."

Getting to the pedestal first, I smile at Rodney and step on. The lights brightened and a woman appears seemingly standing in the center of the light. She has blackish brown hair and wore a white dress. Looking at me, she said, "Hello... You may enter your query verbally or enter it manually on the console before you."

"I have the gene!" I sing-songed, dancing slightly.

"That shouldn't have happened!" Rodney griped loudly.

"You did not think to check her," Todd says clearly amused to Rodney.

"We thought... we just hadn't had time yet." Rodney responds as he went to stand next to me.

Speaking to the hologram, I raised my voice to drown the two of them out and said, "Hello Ganos Lal. It's so nice to meet you!"

"Heather," Rodney patronizingly said, "You're not meeting her; it's a hologram!"

Looking over at Rodney, I protested, "It's called common courtesy Rodney! Besides this is as close as I'm going to get so to the legendary Morganna. Do you realize how cool she is? The woman kicked Merlin's butt. Just shut up and give me a break so I can enjoy this." Looking back at the hologram I said, "Um... okay... I want to know all you can tell me about you, the ancients, the round table, Merlin... everything!"

"I am not aware of the knowledge that you seek. Please enter your query verbally or enter it manually on the console before you. "

Rodney shook his head as he sighed and said, "Heather, get off.. let me show you."

As soon as I stepped off of the platform, Ganos Lol disappeared. "Rodney!" I said, alarmed, "What happened?"

"It's okay... It shut off." Rodney took my place on the platform and she reappeared.

"Hello... You may enter your query verbally or enter it manually on the console before you."

"Please show holographic lesson Lacun." Rodney said.

"Of Course," Ganos Lol said and disappeared, again.

Before I could comment, another woman appeared in a fancier white dress than Ganos Lal had been wearing. The dress almost looked like some medieval queen's gown. Without saying anything to Rodney, she started speaking and above her head a three dimensional holographic map of a galaxy appeared. "We came to this galaxy in the hopes of exchanging knowledge and friendship. In time, a thousand worlds bore the fruit of life in this form. Then, one day, our people stepped foot upon a dark world where a terrible enemy slept. Never before had we encountered beings with powers that rivaled our own."

"Hold," I said and the hologram stopped speaking and waited.

"How did you do that?" Rodney's eyes were wide.

"What do you mean?"

"I've never seen it pause for someone not standing on the pedestal."

"Maybe my gene's are stronger than yours." I said to Rodney. Looking at Todd, I said, "Look, no offence but maybe you should wait outside. I'm sure this isn't going to be a wraith love-fest."

"If you wish, but I doubt it will be anything I haven't heard. As with many cultures, the Lantian were not known to speak of their faults. Most assuredly, they did not teach them to their children. Though it will be one-sided, I am sure it is nothing you need to be... concerned about me hearing."

"He's right Heather." Rodney said, "There's no state secrets in this lesson. And you don't really have to worry about him looking through this on his own because he's a wraith, he won't be able to access anything. I'm showing you this so you don't feel the need to explore. Just learn Wraith in here with Todd."

"Right." I said. Turning towards the ancient woman's hologram, I said, "Please continue."

The hologram picked up where it had left off: "In our over-confidence, we were unprepared and outnumbered. The enemy fed upon defenseless human worlds like a great scourge, until finally, only Atlantis remained. This city's great shield was powerful enough to withstand their terrible weapons, but here we were besieged for many years. In an effort to save the last of our kind, we submerged our great city into the ocean. The Atlantis Stargate was the one and only link back to Earth from this galaxy, and those who remained used it to return to that world that was once home. There, the last survivors of Atlantis lived out the remainder of their lives. This city was left to slumber, in the hope that our kind would one day return."

Rodney stepped off the platform. Turning to me, he said, "That was set to play if anyone came back here. It played when we first arrived."

"How much of this have you guys looked through?"

"It takes up a lot of power, so we've only seen a small portion like this. It's all in the database though."

"Does Merlin or Morganna teach any lessons?"

"Heather, worry about your Wraith lessons and not this thing, please."

"I know.. I was just wondering."

Rodney looked at Lt. Hubbel and said, "Watch them both, will you."

"Yes, Sir."

"Oh, please." I said rolling my eyes.

"Call me if you need me.." Rodney said and then walked out the door.

Turning towards Todd, I said, "Well, I guess we should get started." My eyes were drawn to Lt. Hubbel who, along with his men, were taking up positions around us... guarding me. _The last soldier to guarding me died. Lt. Lyon used to sit the same way... _

_** Nothing will happen. I am here. **_

Not answering him, I turned on the pad hoping for some wraith symbols to boot up fast thereby trying to distract myself from the sad direction my thoughts were taking. It went on for a microsecond and then froze. Some symbols appeared on it and then the pad seemed to start to reboot. The hologram activated without my prompting and Ganos Lal spoke, "Recording devices may not be used in this room. The device has been disabled and reset." The hologram then shut down.

"Wonderful, let's get started then." Todd said.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_It feels like we've been going at this for hours. I need a break._

**_ Because wraith is a derivative of what your people call Ancient, it is possible for you to learn this, Heather. You do not need a break. You are doing better than I expected. Try it again._**

_It might be easier if you taught me to speak it first._

_ **As I've explained, my language is not spoken out loud. You cannot sit here silently with me doing nothing. Your guards would report that. Perhaps I may educate you further in regards to your fighting for a while, if you wish to have a change of pace.**_

****_I haven't even mentioned anything to them about that idea of yours. I don't intend for you to be able to scout my fighting tactics for a whole bunch of reasons._

_ **I know** **that you are not impressed with your physical abilities especially in regards to combat. Your training has been hampered by your fear of what you are capable of. You cannot hurt me easily. I am a good target for your practice. **_

****_No._

_ **Why?**_

****_Please, just let this go. I don't like violence... I don't want to learn. _I started seriously studying the pad again. _ Speaking to me in Wraith would be better. It's all blurring together for me here. If I hear your language, maybe it will help me to retain the symbol's meanings. _

**_Hmm... As you wish.._** The time flew by as I closed my eyes and listen to the music of his real voice. There is no other way to describe it. Though it almost sounded like Latin, that wasn't a fair way of describing what I was hearing. It was like Mozart himself had written an aria that expressed notes in colors, feelings, and sounds. It seemed dark somber with bright sweet undertones. It was like listening to an orchestra in concert, just for me; and it was performing the most moving song I'd ever heard: It stirred emotions in me that I couldn't even name.

When the music ended, I opening my eyes and realized that while I'd been engrossed in listening tears had flowed down my cheeks. _Todd, that was beautiful. _

**_ I am glad you liked it._**

****_What did you say to me?_

_ **My name.**_

****I didn't know what to say. I felt my tears start falling again and saw Lt. Hubbel get up and move towards me. "Todd, she needs to rest." Lt. Hubbel fumed, "You've been making her stare at this for five hours already!"

"I'm fine." I said, pulling myself together. "It's just.. with you guys watching over me.. I keep thinking of Lt. Lyon..."

"That won't happen again, we'll keep you safe from Todd or anything else." I saw the rest of the men shift to cover his back and Lt. Hubbel stooped down next to me, and said quietly, "You've still been doing at this for too long. You need to have dinner and rest Heather."

"Not yet." I said sharply, "I'm fine, Lieutenant." Seeing his concern at my obvious over emotional state, I softened my voice and said, "Please... I am okay. Really. I'm just not really to call it a night yet."

"Another few minutes, Heather... then Todd has to go back to his cell."

"It's fine.." I began.

I heard six P-90's shift position. Todd touched my arm and said, "You do need to rest and eat. Perhaps it is time for us to break."

"Not yet." I said looking back down at the computer pad, effectively telling from both to mind their own business. Exchanging a look with Todd, Lt. Hubbel sighed and went back to his seat. I started to tab through the pages of the kids story on the pad to see if I'd retained anything Todd has explained five hours earlier. "Todd," I said out loud. I was looking at a symbol that like an Egyptian hieroglyphic ankh but whereas the bottom should have been a solid black line it had two blocks taken out of it leaving a jagged bottom. "This symbol here... What does it mean?" I asked him. 

"It is too complicated for your first lesson." Todd said taking the pad from me, he thumbed it back to the first page. Handing it back to me, he said, "Find the character that symbolizes the wraith."

As I looked for it, I was annoyed at him. _What does the symbol mean in Wraith, Todd? _

_ **Sometimes one must wait to have all the answers that one seeks. **_Pointing to the symbol that Todd had taught me to identify as meaning Wraith, I saw him nod that I was correct. Though he'd asked me to identify another symbol, I wasn't really listening to him as I'd noticed something else that was distracting me that I'd missed before.

The characters that Todd's wraith story contained didn't seem to be appropriate for a children's story. The symbol's he's identified for me meant The Ancients, captive, mating, war, warship, Queen, unending, and alliance. It seemed like it was a record of the war with the ancients or something similar to that. _What was this really? Why would any wraith choose to translate it properly for them if they'd mistranslated it the first time? Todd, is this really a children's story?_

**_ It is. Wraith do not hid mating from children. Our young queens must understand that it is their duty to procreate to strengthen their hive and hives to come. They also must learn about War to protect their hives. These skills are not something that one hides from the young in my culture unless if one wishes them to perish._**

_ Dr. Weir had written in her notes that this is a fairytale. On Earth, fairytales are fun stories but have deeper means. Most of the time, they __teach little kids important lifelong lessons and have some kind of moral significance. Even if they are about war, they'd never talk directly about it._ I was amazed that he effortlessly kept up two conversations with me: one in our mind and one calling out symbols for me to find. While he seemed to easily be able to split his attention, I was barely sure that I was pointing to the right symbols. It was maddening.

**_ You humans put more value on staying young then you do on making sure that the young will be able to survive to grow old. _**

_ You think it's wrong that I know nothing of war then, don't you? _

**_ Though you have a keen mind, I would be concerned for you if you were to be on a Hive as you are._**

_ I'm a human. No matter how much I knew about war or your culture, I'd just be mere food to your hive._

**_ As you would be under my protection, you would not need to fear my people. You'd be viewed as weak not because of your species directly but because your knowledge of areas wraith consider to be basic is lacking. It is something I hope to correct. _**

_ It doesn't matter anyway; you promised you'd keep your hives well away from here._

**_ I am surprised that you would not wish to continue our lessons. You would not wish to visit my galaxy?_**

_ They aren't close to fixing the hyperdrive._

**_ Of course they are. Why do you think they wish to bring in this person who has you so bothered? They wish him to learn Wraith quickly before Atlantis leaves Earth again._**

Alarmed, I looked up from the pad. _You knows about Dr. Jackson? Todd, they weren't trying to trick you... I wasn't trying to trick you... _

**_ Calm yourself. I've seen in your mind that you felt their request was wrong. It was not. It was what a wraith would do if the situation was reversed. It is survival Heather. That is what you have yet to learn. It is a game and they play it well. _**

_ And you're playing me. _As I thought the accusation, I wanted to look him in the eye. Instead, keeping up the pretense of studying, I looked down at the pad for the symbol of the wraith word for ancients as Todd said out loud a moment before.

**_ Do you really believe that?_**

_ You have to be._

**_ So... What I suspected is true. War is not the only subject that you have not learned about._**

_ You heard Rodney's belief in my mind and are now trying to use it against me. It won't work._

"Lt. Hubbel," Todd said, "I require your trust."

Fingering his gun, Lt. Hubbel replied, "What are you talking about?"

Todd moved in front of me and knelt down so that he was at my eye level. Taking the pad from my hands and putting it on the floor, Todd slowly put his hand on my chest as he did before. "In my culture it is not believed a human would ever care to learn of wraith. You have and I honor you."

Lt. Hubbel crossed the room in two strides. Knocking Todd's feeding hand from my chest, Lt. Hubbel glared at Todd and grabbing my arms, Lt. Hubbel pulled me to my feet as he said, "Come on, I'm getting you out of here. Now."

Dropping his hand back to his side, Todd stood and said, "You should eat and rest. We will talk tomorrow." Turning towards the remaining guards, all of them had guns drawn and armed, he calmly said, "Gentlemen, take me back to my cell." Todd walked out of the hologram room with the five guards vigilantly around him.

Lt. Hubbel didn't relax after Todd left. He looked at me silently for a full minute, opening and closing his mouth several times without making a sound. Seemingly coming to some sort of decision, he took a deep breath and began speaking, "Heather, if this was happening to my sister... I'd kill who ever hadn't spoken up so you'll have to forgive me for this but... I see what's going on here. I think you know you like him but you believe you are controlling it. You aren't. You are falling so hard for him that you can't even see it. He's nothing but trouble."

"I'm not in love with him. He's a green alien that kills humans!" I said taking a step back from him.

"So what? Woman marry serial killers! It's not unheard of." He yelled throwing his arms wide.

Trying to keep my temper in check, I quietly answered, "I'm not one of those women."

"You aren't?" He said as he took a step closer to me, "You talking like you don't like him at all: a guy who's treating you like a queen.. literally. We all are worried and treating you like the civilian you are and he's treating you like his queen. He knows what he's doing. He's got 10,000 years of experience with human females behind him. I'm not saying he doesn't like you. I've been watching him for months. I think he likes you as far as he's able too but I know he's using you. He can only like you up to a point. Heather regardless of how he really feels, locked in a closed room for a long enough time and he will eat you.. He's a wraith commander, trust me... You can't trust therm."

"I don't trust him."

"He put his feeding hand on you again and you didn't even flinch."

Shaking my head at his denseness, I reminded him, "You all are here. You won't let him hurt me. Rodney wants me to act like I like him. He thinks Todd will give me more information."

"Before Jennifer, Rodney dated one other girl in five years. You can't take advise about this kind of stuff from him!" He roared.

"Lt. Hubbel, I appreciate your concern but I am perfectly unaffected by Todd. It is called acting." I said stepping around him and heading towards the door.

"Heather...Please, please.. think about this. Use your head."

"I know what I am doing." I said as I arrived at the door. It opened and looking over my shoulder, I said, "Please just sit here quietly and do your job instead of trying to figure out what's in my head. Protecting my physical body, Lt. Hubbel, is your job. Let me do mine." Walking through the door, I started for the transporter.

I heard him call out, "That's what I'm trying to do!"

Trying to keep my footfalls to nothing faster than a purposeful walking pace, I wished I could just run for my room. _This is crazy; he is crazy. So, why do I want to cry? I wish there was site to site transporting here... I need to be alone._

**_ Heather._**

_ Not now, please._

**_ I ...I am here if you wish to talk. _**

_ Well, I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I just want to be alone. _Taking the next right, I doubled my speed heading for the transporter. The doors opened and walking forward, I found myself on the floor staring up at John a second later.

"Whoa.. .You okay, Heather?" John asked helping me up. 

"I..I am just going to rest. It's been a long day."

"Oh... I was coming to get you... Jennifer needs to run a few more blood tests." John said looking at his watch, "It's only 6pm. Let me take you to the infirmary and then we'll have dinner."

"I don't know... I..." I started thinking to decline as spending time with Jennifer prattling on about the love of her life wasn't going to help matters.

"Come on... What kind of guy would let her take your blood and not make sure you've eaten!" He said jokingly, "Come on."

"Wait, she's taking my blood. Why?"

"Rodney wants to check your midichlorian count."

"What?" I shriek as I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Rodney said you'd laugh at that, boy, was he wrong. You have the ancient gene... Jennifer needs to check your rating. That's all."

"I hate having blood drawn, Jen knows that."

"That's why I'm here.. I'm your hand holder. Squeeze away!" He said with a smile.

"John..."

"I have my orders, Heather." He said, "We need to check. I can carry you if you'd like?"

Rolling my eyes, I answered, "Oh, you aren't going to shoot me this time?"

"Ronon shot you, not me."

"It was your orders!"

"Still, I didn't pull the trigger." He replied, pulling me into the transporter. A few minutes later we were in the infirmary. Tossing me a tight smile, Jennifer took me over to a bed. After I had sat down, John held out his hand for me to hold, "Do your worst!"

"Sorry about this... It's my fault... when you were unconscious I should have checked then.. but I didn't think..." Jennifer self-condemned as she was preparing the needle.

"What were the chances that I'd have the Ancient genes?"

"Real slim... but of course.. you do." She said taking my arm.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "Rodney looked like I'd just stolen his toy."

John laughed, "Because he doesn't like it when he gets bumped down the list. Don't take it personal."

Jennifer started taking my blood at that point. To avoid seeing the blood being drawn into the barrel of the needle, I focused on John as I asked, "There's a list?"

"Yep. General O'Neil's ATA genes are the strongest, followed by me, and then Dr. Beckett. Then Rodney and... well... you get the idea. The thing is General O'Neil can't stop the hologram if he's not on the platform, so Rodney's theorizing that you have a higher concentration of the ATA gene than even General O'Neil."

"Hopeful, Rodney's wrong." Jennifer said, taking the needle out and walking towards her work station.

"Jen, why would you say that?"

"I'd love you to come with us Heather, but I'd rather you be safe here... leading a normal life."

"My life has never been normal." I said, "Besides, even if my gene's are stronger than O'Neil's they can't make me leave Earth."

Jennifer snorted, "Oh please.. I know you.. You'll jump at the chance to travel off planet to seek out new life and civilizations..."

"To boldly go where no man has gone before." I said laughing.

"Is that where I heard it before? Star Trek?" Jennifer asked. I was laughing so hard that I could only affirmatively nod. "Well, it's true. I don't doubt that you'll say yes."

"Let's not jump the gun here," John said to Jennifer, "Let me know when the test comes back, Jennifer." Turning towards me, John held out his hand to help me off of the bed, "In the meantime, let's go for dinner."

"Oh...Jen isn't coming?" I asked.

"No," he responded, "She's running tests on your blood. It's just you and me."

"Rodney will wait for me and we'll go later. But, you go on, Heather. I'll call you both when the tests are through." Jennifer said turning back to her workstation.

Taking John's hand, I hoped off the bed and followed John to the dining room. It was already packed with people, so I grabbed a table while John went to get our food. Once he returned with my favorite meal of Chicken Marcela, I'd forgotten all about my blood and started to enjoy the meal. As our conversation flowed from one subject to another, I realized I was laughing more often than not. When Woolsey called John's earpiece to advise him he was late for night duty, I was shocked that it was nine O'clock already. "You might as well, head to bed, Heather. Jen might not have the results until the morning. She's got a lot to count, I'm sure."

Standing, I said, "You know.. I'm not that tired anymore. I might check in with Todd and see if he wants to teach me anymore tonight."

"I'd prefer to keep the day guards being the only watchers for your sessions," John replied as we started walking to the transporter.

"I really don't need them. Atlantis seems to be protecting me anyway."

"What do you... the force field when you were in Todd's cell."

"Yea... I must have activated it to protect us without knowing it."

"I don't know... Let's run some tests tomorrow before you test it." He replied mid-beaming.

"John, you know Todd's not going to hurt me.. at least not yet. Whatever the plan is, he needs me." I said stopping in front of the stairs that would take me to Todd's cell.

"Most of the time, I'm not sure what he's really going to do. That's the problem."

"I'll be fine, John."

"Jen's right you know... if this comes back that you could come with us.. I'm starting to worry what you'll do out there in the universe myself."

"Whatever I do, it can't be worse then you guys." I said under my breath. Speaking so John could hear me, I said, "It will be fine. I've got a lot to do and less than a week to do it. It's my duty."

"Come to the control room when you'd done with Todd, okay? That way I'll know you're safe."

"I will." I said and before he could change his mind, I went down the stairs. _If you're too hungry to hangout, you better be honest about it now. My life-force better stay where it belongs.. in me._

**_ Shouldn't you be sleeping?_**

_ Todd, you aren't my mother. Are you too hungry for company or not?_

**_ Do you wish to continue our discussion from earlier?_**

_ I...I..., uh... I guess._ I mentally answered his while I was standing with his night guards' right outside of his cell.

**_ Excellent. Let us proceed to the hologram room so we may speak freely._**

****_Not so fast flyboy._ For all my brave words to John, I'd nervously asked the guards for Todd's handcuffs before going in. _I trust him. But, if he was going to play mind games with me by acting like he liked me, as anything other than a friend..._ _I wouldn't feel comfortable alone at nine o'clock at night or later with a human male in a room out in the middle of nowhere, so this is what we are going to do._ "Todd, I was thinking he'd go to the hologram room and study... but since your day guards are off duty, if we go... you'll have to be handcuffed. It's up to you. Is this okay or should we meet again tomorrow morning when the guards can come?" It felt like I'd stopped breathing as I waited for his reply. He didn't move closer to me in anger or bewilderment as I'd feared while waiting for the guards to come back with the handcuffs. He didn't move at all. He stood there staring at the handcuffs in my hand as the seconds trickled by.

"If you feel the need, then I must consent to their usage." Todd said as he held out his hands. One of the guards took the cuffs from me and slowly approached him. Todd did not move as the night guard unsympathetically restrained him while seeming seemed happy to do so.

The guard checked that the cuffs were tight on him. Though they looked quite tight to me, the guard seemed to rethink the tautness and tightened them further. I felt Todd flinch through I hadn't seen any reaction with my eyes. Looking at the handcuffs, they were making severe indentations on his skin. _They look painful._ _Todd, are they too tight? _

**_ Too tight?_**

_ Yes, do they hurt?_

**_ The physical discomfort is manageable._**

"**Sergeant that will be all."**

** "Maybe, we should come with you anyway, in case he gets rowdy. These wraith love to feed on pretty little young things like you." The guard said as he fingered his rifle. **

** "**I will be fine, Sergeant." I said, turning towards the door, knowing that Todd would follow me. Taking a step, I saw Todd walking only a step behind me already. The guards standing outside the door looked like they too wanted to come along and I said, "Gentlemen, I will be fine. Col. Sheppard requested that you run drills while we are away."

"Yes, madam."

"Thank you." Walking with Todd, I didn't know what to say. Atlantis was quiet and our footsteps carried far. The lights were lower at night and the shadows were longer. I felt like a specter myself; chaining a being that had done nothing since I knew him but protect me. _What was wrong with me? _It was like the shadows could hide enemies for me and I'd handcuffed my only defense. I shivered as we entered the transporter. As I activated it, even the transporter seemed to be louder than normal.

"Atlantis is beautiful at night, is she not?"

"Wraith think of ships as females too?"

"Hmm... No, hives are males predominately. But, Atlantis is not a hive. Unlike your earth ships, she has a style and grace that as lasted through 10 millennia. I have not heard humans speak of males in the same way. Nor have I met many human males that think of those outside of their experience. Even when fighting Atlantis, she protected her crew above all else. Were you aware that the city changes it illumination level to reflect the solar day to make it more comfortable to its passengers."

"No. And though I'm sure it's more comfortable for your eyes..." I said with a little chuckle, "It's making me nervous. It's a little spooky." Before I'd completed the thought, the light level brightened slightly and some of the shadows reseeded. Grabbing Todd's arm, I looked at him and said, "Please tell me you saw that?"

"Of course." Todd said soothingly, "As we are close to the hologram room, Atlantis is activating the power needed to use it."

Indicating I should precede him, I walked towards the door and it opened. Once the door had closed behind him, I said, "Ok. It's just you and me. You knew I had the Ancient gene, didn't you? How did you know?"

"Atlantis responds to you as it has been doing from the beginning."

"Why did it let me walk into the lab the first time?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've been doing some reading in the Ancient database. Atlantis knows that you are a wraith and it should protect us from you. But, it doesn't. Since my people have been on this ship, Wraith can attack us and kill us without Atlantis activating its security protocols. According to the database, that shouldn't be happening. Now, it's turning on lights so you and I can speak privately. You know so much about Atlantis. So, I ask you, Todd, for the truth: What did you do 10,000 years ago to this ship?"

Todd smiled bitterly. "This is why you chained me. For all your talk and your high morals you look at the situation and assume that I have betrayed you!" While raising his voice, he physically took a step away from me on each word. "I did nothing to this ship. I have done everything to assure this alliance. For 10,000 years, I have worked to make sure your place and life was secure. And still you do not trust me!" Turning away from me, he threw his cuffed hands against the nearest wall. It shook but held. Breathing shallowly as I'd seen him do in the video when he was angry at John and had lost his crew, Todd's still hadn't moved to harm me. I could feel the anger radiating off of him but I could also feel his hurt.

Walking towards his turned back, I hesitantly touched his back, "Todd..."

"Do not." He said moving away from me.

"You won't hurt me."

"No. But, you will hurt me." He whispered as he walked to the other side of the room.

"I'm trying to understand. But, you aren't acting like the wraith I've heard about. You're acting like something out of a teen movie. I don't know what to think." He looked so confused and lost as to what that meant, I elaborated without being asked, "A teen movie is entertainment that.. is seen on Television. The hero's acts like every girl's... fantasy. He knows what to say and every word he says makes her melt."

Todd snicker, "You are not melting."

"Yes," I said moving towards him again, "Yes, I am. And it scares me Todd. I can't do this. I don't know how... on any level. You've been playing this game forever and I'm not competent to go head-to-head with you. If you are acting,... if you care for me at all, you need to just tell me to leave. I won't tell them. I'll just go away but I... I need to know."

"Once you translate the story, you will understand. Please. Do not go."

"You said that you've been working on this for 10,000 years."

"You must translate the story, Heather. It has held for this long. It will hold for a little longer."

"They are testing my blood."

"I assumed as much."

"If my genes are more powerful than General O'Neil's... they might want me to travel back with the expedition."

"Do you intend to come?"

"I don't know."

"Ah.. I see."

"I..." It was unsettling to realize that every fiber of my being felt uncomfortable with him now. It wasn't because I believed he'd eat me; it was because the way we were talking wasn't just friends. Even with Rodney's warnings, I felt like the conversation had taken a turn I wasn't really expecting. It was like with that one 'ah' he'd implied that he felt my mixed feelings had more to do with him and less to do with the millions of wraith that would feast on me upon my arrival. "Todd..." I started and realized that I really didn't know what to say to him. _If you are acting..._

**_ If I explain that I am not... would you believe me?_**

Laughing out loud at the craziness of the very valid question and at my complete and utter lack of knowing my true answer, I thought _I don't know_ before I started to cry. Turning away from him, I tried to remember to breathe so I could pull myself together. It wasn't working. I started to shake and the tears continued to fall. I felt him move next to me and his arms snaked their way around my waist: spooning with me while we were still standing. Hugging me to his chest, I barely heard little mewling noises coming from him. It seemed more like a cat than the bug he was related too. With a little laugh, my tears slowed and stopped after a few minutes. He didn't move away from him. And I didn't push him away, though I knew I should. "Todd..."

"Yes, Heather?"

"I'm sorry, I.. I got your shirt wet."

"My shirt does not matter. The wetness is not a bother to me physically, rather I am sorry I made you cry. It is not my intention."

"I know." I said and then against my better judgment I said, "I'm scared."

While keeping me in the circle of his arms, Todd turned me around to face him. "As I have said, you need not fear me."

"I can't know what you feed on and not be afraid. But, I'm not just scared of you, Todd. I'm scared of everything: I'm scared of your people, I'm scared of mine, I'm scared of me on a million different levels... I... I'm just scared. All the time."

"What do you mean? You are scared of you?" He asked as he seemed to go to stroke my cheek. His arms were stopped by the cuff, so he settled them back around my waist.

"Between my ancient super-genes and the fact that I trust you... an enemy of the ancients and realistically an enemy of Earth... This is crazy: aliens and wars with beings that eat us. I feel like it's a movie not real life. I'm here getting to learn these amazing things. And then... the commander of this alien race that eats humans doesn't want to eat me. My whole brain screams that the commander has to be using me for some dastardly plan to take over the world or something. And I'm choosing to ignore my head knowing it could mean the death of everything I hold dear. You know what scares me even more than that? What scares me more than your people showing up on our doorstep for a fucking BBQ?" I asked him without giving him a chance to answered, "Of all people here, Rodney's the one who told me I like you... and if that's not enough to make me think I've gone nuts... I don't know what is!" I vented feeling the waterworks start in again, "I mean... why the hell would you like me anyway... I'm not pretty. I'm not a warrior. I'm not good for anything wraith seem to value, so why me?"

I felt rather then heard Todd's chest bounce several times and then he was laughing deeply as he pulled me in for another hug. "You are not pretty? You have nothing I value? Where do these thoughts come from? Many on this base have noticed your beauty though you fail too. I do not understand why this haunts you so... I have heard you preparing for your day. I have heard your comments to yourself. I have kept silent as I know you do not want me listening. But, I hear your lies to yourself. I do not understand why you lie to yourself. If I were to hear others speak to you as you speak to yourself, I would kill them for their impudence. You are beautiful. If I must, I will tell you every day, several times a day until you believe it. You are beautiful. You have value to me." He said, smiling down at me. "You're people do not value you just for your blood. They gave you a position of honor before they realized your bloodline. They saw your value."

"They saw that you seemed to value me... they are using me as you are."

"Your human heart knows the truth. I value you for a selfish reason, it is true... but it is the same feeling you hold for me. I care for you, Heather. I hope, in time, you will see that." Todd told me quietly with his voice like a caress. Looking in my eyes, he seemed to become more serious and then holding my gaze, he stated, "I wish you to think on something for me. Your wish to know my people is more important that you recognize. But, because you wish to know about the wraith, I run the risk of clouding your vision. I am not your enemy but I do not fool myself into thinking that you might never see a reason to label me as such. Once you have translated the story, I hope you will listen. I feel apprehension as much as I hope for the time when you know all. "

"Why?"

"You must read it for yourself. Just know that my hope is that you speak to me about it without judgment."

_He's killed ancients. That must be what he means. He's might even have killed the Ancient that I'm related to... maybe it's the one in the story so that's why he wants me to read it...Or he's the wraith in the story that did the capturing. _While I had this mental argument with myself, I felt him start to move his fingers against my back soothingly. _But, why does he worry about my reaction.. I know he's killed humans, he's told me as such... Why is this different? It's personal? What could be so personal that he thinks... no, he knows I will be upset. That's why he's worried. What would upset me the most about something that happened 10,000 years ago? Worst case scenario would be... what?_

It was odd to stand there and know he was hearing my mental dialog. He's face didn't give any indication of what I was saying. _Something that I'd react too? The story.. it's about a captured ancient.. a female... she's related to me? My great-great-great... however many great it is... grandmother. _

"Heather," he whispered as he held up his hands like he was pleading with me, "I know you won't believe me...I know it is unfair for me to ask these things of you... To not give you answers but only more questions... but please... allow me to teach you wraith. Allow yourself to read the story before you try to puzzle it out. Please. I have not and will never betray you. Please... learn so you may know it. Learn for our people."

My mind was on a roll now and wasn't about to be shut down by his words: _He had my great grandmother... She was an ancient captured by the wraith.. he was a high up commander from what John's said and had a lot of power 10,000 years ago.. so maybe he had her.. and he.. he killed her... or.. oh, god.. was she raped? _"Oh God..." I panicking said. I moved to get out of his embrace and of course was stopped by the circle of his arms. It was like trying to push though steel walls. Realizing I was trying to move away from him, he raised his arms to let me go. _No... please no... _"Did you rape her?" I asked grieving for the answer I feared him voicing.

**_No. _**He turned away from me lost in thought, "I wish that I could tell you that your question wasn't a valid one. And though the idea that you think that of me causes me pain... I am glad I can at least answer this for you: She was not raped."

Angrily realizing that he could use point-of-view to change the answer, I asked harshly, "Would she answer my question the same way?"

"I believe so."

I felt cold. _He'd captured and slept with her. _It was like I was standing on the pier, looking down into the dark abyss of the ocean. Todd opened his mouth as if he could say something that would lessen the knowledge of what he'd just reveled._ He's attracted to me as he was attracted to her. I hated him. I hated me. _ I was thankful when my earpiece bussed and I heard Jennifer's voice, "Heather, I need you to come to Woolsey's office. Ok? Right now."

Un-muting my earpiece, I answered, "I'm in the hologram room with Todd.. I'll wait outside for his guards to arrive so they can take him back to his cell." I felt proud that my voice sounded strong even though all I wanted to do was weep. _Time enough for that outside, where he at least can't see. _Without looking back at him, I started walking towards the door.

Moving faster than I could see, Todd grabbed me from behind. Holding me snugly in his arms, he plucked the earpiece from my ear before I registered that it was even a target. He must have muted it because he tenderly said, "Heather, you must listen to me. Your thoughts... Please allow me to teach you wraith so you may learn the truth... please...trust me."

"Let go of me, Todd." I said my voice barely above a whisper.

"You must learn. It is our way. Please..."

"Todd, let go. I don't want to ever see you again. I'm not going to Pegasus. So, whatever your plan is... You can go to hell."

"Heather..." Todd's voice seemed to say my name with such force it was like a quiet shout. The hologram room door chimed.

"Let me go, Todd... now." I said.

Without a word, he yet again raised his arms so that I was free from his grasp. Though his stance screamed his anger, squaring my shoulders, I calmly walked to the door and let the guards in. They picked up on the tension right away and trained their rifles on him. "Take him back to his cell." I said to the nearest guard and walked from the room. Going down the hallway, I went in the opposite direction from when they'd head even though they were going to the same tower. I didn't want to walk with him. _Rodney was right, wraith are sick evil creatures. I was wrong. I am so wrong. _

**_ Heather, your mind is keen but it is wrong in these thoughts. Once you've calmed... _**

_I'm done._ _Trick me once, shame on you; Trick me twice, shame on me. _Starting to cry, I fumbled with my iPod to get it out of my pocket. I exchanged one ear bud for another and turned the music high. I couldn't hear myself think let alone anyone else. Walking to the main tower, I started to walk to Woolsey's office by the longest way possible. _John and Jennifer couldn't see me cry. They don't have to know how stupid I was to think... Todd's an asshole. I'm sure it would take much for John to... or I could tell Ronon.. he'd do it. He'd kill Todd without putting his military career on the line... much better plan. _Arriving at the control room, I stepped into Woolsey's room without really taking note of who was there.

"Hello, Heather."

Turning towards the voice, I was shocked to see Frank Lamberton, President of the United States. "Sir? What are you doing here?"

"I'm your godfather and last time I checked, as president I can go to any USA military bases I want."

"But, the ancient blood thing shouldn't warrant a visit from you... It's cool but nothing you need to be here for. I'm not leaving for Pegasus, so you can stop worrying..." His face reflected his anxiety like he had something to tell me and he'd just lost his nerve. I'd only seen this look once before, when I'd wanted to leave my job and work on his campaign. Once upon a time he'd thought he was running to make points but could never win the presidency. He couldn't say that out loud of course, but he'd wanted to protect me then too. I, along with my father, had made sure he'd been wrong. "What's going on?" _Todd raped my grandmother... _"Oh no... I have Wraith DNA in me too?"

"Heather," Jennifer said taking my hands and leading me over to a chair, "Teyla has it too and she's perfectly normal. Don't start worrying. Everything is going to be fine."

"No, oh god, no.." I mumbled.

"Heather," General O'Neil said sharply, "You need to keep it together. Nothing has changed. You've had this DNA your whole life.. everything's going to be fine."

"I hate him."

"You hate who?" Jennifer said, "Todd?"

"Yes, Todd. That good for nothing asshole, this is his fault!"

"Heather, your status gives us an advantage... I might be able to use your DNA to refine the treatment. Why would this be his fault?"

"No, no treatment. We need to kill them. Kill them all."

"Why is this his fault?" Frank asked picking up on my anger.

**_Heather, you are wrong. I am not your grandfather. Please.. trust me._**

****"Jennifer," I asked ignoring both Frank and Todd's voice, "Could you match the Wraith who's DNA I carry?"

"Maybe. It would be generations back when the Ancient's left Pegasus, so it might not be able to be spliced out and identified at this point."

"Heather," Frank said coming out of his chair and crossing the room to stand over me, "I'm asking you as the President of the United States of America, why do you think it's Todd's fault? Did he hurt you? Do something to you?"

**_You once asked me if I cared for you at all, to tell you to leave. Now, I ask you.. if you care for me, please... do not reveal this wrong information to them. You know their reaction. I will allow Jennifer to run her tests. If your technology is accurate enough, it will convince you I am not lying to you. Please Heather._**

****"He..." _I can make something up. They'd kill him. Jennifer could still run tests on his corpse. _"He..."I looked at John, sitting quietly in the corner. _I'm supposed to be the good guy. If I kill him without knowing what's going on, for sure... That's not how I've lived my life.. I'm not going to walk in all guns blazing and wake up the wraith... that's not me._ "He hasn't done anything... it's just that.. he'd be able to sense it right? Why hadn't he told us?"

"We don't know. But, he's not one for offering information normally so this is just par the course with Todd.." John said

General O'Neil interrupted, "It could explain why you've trusted him so easily. Commanders are able to control soldiers in their hives, it's possible Todd can play with your emotions as you aren't use to wraith's influence..."

"Because I grew up on Earth away from them."

"Yes." Jennifer agreed but followed up by stating, "We don't think he's able to control your mind, but.."

"You want to run tests."

"Yes," Jennifer said looking pensive.

"Okay." I said, "I think until we are sure.. You should put me somewhere secure.."

**_Why do you do this to yourself?_**

"I don't think that's necessary," Jennifer said.

"It should be standard military procedure." I said, looking at General O'Neil.

"Ah..." Jack said, looking towards the president.

"It is not needed." My godfather said while standing in the president's clothing.

"Frank," I said, "Until we are sure.. I'm a danger to your troops. You have to lock me up. I won't have special treatment. You know that."

"You won't hurt a fly." He said, dismissively.

"I'm part Wraith."

"Heather it's so far back in your bloodline, it's not that big a deal. Shocking yes, but nothing you need to be concerned about. You are over reacting."

****"I can hear Todd's thoughts and he can hear mine." No one moved. It came out in a rush, I continued speaking hoping they'd understand my concern and my omissions, "I thought it was because Wraith were able to hear all human thoughts and we just didn't know. But, now... that's how he's doing it. He can hear me because of my wraith DNA. Todd felt my fear and asked what was going on. He killed those men to save me: got to eat and gain my trust in one action. Because I figured he'd been able to hear your thoughts for three years, not telling you seemed like it wouldn't be a danger. I'm sorry, but at the time..."

"You don't know anything that is a security risk, right?" General O'Neil asked looking first to me and then to Frank. "Mr. President, perhaps we should speak without Heather in the room."

"In a minute... Heather.. do you think he'll continue to teach you wraith?"

"He would, but I don't think it's a good idea... I don't want to learn anymore.. I.."

"Heather, I know this is upsetting. I am so sorry it's you going through this... but... if we can make a real alliance with this man... we might be able to save thousands, even millions of lives. Can you honestly say that you'd walk away from that?"

"I don't know... I want Jen to run her tests first before I decide anything. I'm not seeing him until those tests come back and I'll give you my answer on what I am comfortable with then."

Frank nodded, "That's fair."

"Come on," Jennifer said as she stood up, "Let's start those tests, Heather."

Walking out of the door with Jennifer, I noticed that everyone in the control room was tracking us with their eyes as we walked by. _They all know I have Wraith DNA. They are tracking me, not us, me._

Jennifer didn't say anything to me until we'd transported to the infirmary level, "Heather, I'm your best friend... why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted too but.. if I told you I knew you have to report it. I'm a civilian.. they cannot do anything to me and if he'd been able to do it for three years already.. it didn't seem to give them any real tactical advantage anyway so..." I sighed, "I asked Teyla you know. She said they couldn't.. so I assumed he'd just never let her in on the secret. I was so scared... I just assumed he took pity on me and answered..."

"When Rodney said he thought you and Todd were getting too close... I assumed it was because he was the first alien you met that looked like an alien. You always have been too brave. What do you think is really going on?"

"I don't know."

"But, you're scared of something? What is it? Why do you want me to check your DNA to see if we can figure out what wraith you share DNA with... wait, you think it's Todd?"

"He was alive 10,000 years ago and was a powerful commander. He's protected me..."

"Heather, did you ask him?" Jennifer stopped walking. Not looking at me, she said my worst fear, "You think he raped an ancient and that's how you have both DNA, don't you?"

"Yes. He says he didn't but..."

"Okay, okay... Do you know who the ancient was?"

"No.. why?"

"Atlantis has the DNA of each ancient that were here in its database... if I knew what markers to look for, I'll be able to corroborate your bloodline. We can't tell if she was raped or not, but I should be able to tell if he's your great grandfather at least. What if you ask him who your great grandmother is?"

"No, I can't see him. I won't."

"Okay," Jennifer said, "Okay. I'll talk to him."

I felt like I'd been pacing in my room for days when it has only been hours. Jennifer had scanned me, poked me, prodded me, and generally checked everything imaginable. Teyla came in half way through and tried to take over my mind. Though we could speak to each other, she couldn't make me do anything. I'd gone back to my room to relax and had yet to sit down. I still had my iPod on loudly so I couldn't hear him if he called. I'd insisted they'd put me under guard just in case, so Ronon and Teyla were sitting in my room, watching me pace. I saw the worried looks they were throwing each other. Ronon grabbed me as I passed him and pulled out the iPod's ear buds, "Heather, sit."

"Give them back Ronon!"

"Look, I'm sure Todd will leave you alone for a bit."

"According to Rodney, Todd is worried about you just like the rest of us. He has promised to leave you alone while Jennifer runs all the tests." Teyla said, "Sit down. Relax. As soon as Jennifer knows anything, she will call."

"So, he gave her the name of the ancient?"

They both looked at each other. Teyla answered, "Yes. He also said your assumption is incorrect he is not the wraith who married the ancient."

"But, Jen's still checking, Heather." Ronon said, clearly not buy Todd's story.

"Married?" I asked Teyla.

"That is what he claims."

"Do you believe him?"

Teyla shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not sure. There have always been rumors of Wraith have raped humans... but marrying a wraith? I do not believe an ancestor would do such a thing."

"What was her name?"

"Ganos Lal."

_I've know that name. I've read that name! _I stood up and walked out of the room. _You came for Daniel Jackson, you sure as hell better come for me.. You came for Daniel Jackson; you sure as hell better come for me. You came for Daniel Jackson; you sure as hell better come for me. _

"Heather, what are you doing? Where are you going?" Teyla asked catching up to me.

"I'm going to the hologram room. I'm going to talk to my great grandmother."

"Hold on," Ronon said as he clutched my upper arm, "That's not possible."

"She came to talk to Daniel."

"How do you know that?"

"It was in the reports. If you guys feel weird about talking to them, I understand. You can wait here or outside the door or whatever. But, I'm going to try." I ran down the hall with them on my heels. It seemed to only take a few seconds to get there. Before I knew it I was standing at the door. I stopped. Ronon and Teyla seemed unsure of what to do. "You guys don't have to come with me." I said to them.

Swallowing hard, Teyla said, "You should not do this alone."

"I'm not facing a wraith.. I'm facing an ancient. I'll be fine. She might not even come."

"That would be why someone should be with you." Teyla said with a sad smile.

"I'll be fine. She might be more likely to come if I'm by myself anyway." I said without moving yet. I gave them a small smile and closing my eyes, walked into the room. I heard the door close behind me.

**_Heather. _**

****_If you want to revise your story this would be the time, Todd._

_ **I do not. I am sorry you didn't feel like you could come to me. I had hoped that you would master your emotions and come to me.**_

****_I need to be sure. The story that you want me to translate with you.. it can only give me one side. I need to know for sure from her side._

_ **Then, I hope she comes to you... or that your tests provide enough information to put your mind at ease. **_

****Opening my eyes, the room looked the same as it had last not when Todd and I were here. No hologram stood waiting for me and no ancient ghost did either. "Damn." Walking towards the platform, I eyed it wondering if it was even worth trying. I stepped on and the same hologram greeted me as normal.

"Hello... You may enter your query verbally or enter it manually on the console before you."

"Noo... " Looking up at the ceiling I yelled, "I'm your fucking granddaughter. I don't know what I'm fucking doing and I'm scared to death. I need you and you're up there sitting on your high fucking horse?" Turning around, I stepped off the platform. Ganos Lal was still there, blue glow and all. "What the..." I said. Hoping back on the platform, I looked up again at the ceiling like I was waiting for the ancients to rain lighting down on us.

" Hello... You may enter your query verbally or enter it manually on the console before you."

"Umm.."_ Maybe I imagined that.. maybe it's just the hologram..._

"Hello Heather, You may enter your query verbally or enter it manually on the console before you."

"Oh.. okay. Right.. Um.. wow. Verbally, then please... ah.. I'll have to learn Ancient next, I guess."

"Ancient is no longer in proper use. What is your query?"

"Oh my god.. It's really you." I said, "I know, I know.. you can't answer that... um.." I gave a nervous laugh, "Now, I don't even know what to ask you first... Okay... do I have to ask this like I'm taking to a hologram or may I... pretend I am speaking to a real person?"

"Your query may be asked in any way that is comfortable."

"Ok.. Um... sorry about the rant before. It's just that..." Her sad smile seemed to convey her understanding but her eyes seemed to want me to rush. _They could pull her away at any time. _ "Um.. Were you held captive by the wraith 10,000 years ago?"

"Ganos Lal was held captive by the wraith for a year and returned to Atlantis three years later."

"You were with the wraith then for four years."

"That is correct."

"During the four years you were away from Atlantis, were you... did any wraith... force you to.. um... sleep with them?"

"No." She answered, "Ganos Lal formed an alliance with the two most powerful wraith queens. She petitioned to married a commander. The alliance could not be completed and she returned to Atlantis."

"The wraith that held you captive for a year was the one that you married, correct? Is he still alive?" She didn't answer but I could see the glimmer in her eyes, he was.

"According to sensor information, a wraith currently resides on Atlantis. This wraith is not the same that Ganos Lal married 10,000 years ago."

"You're sure?" I asked, confused. She didn't answer out loud by I could see it in her eyes, she was thinking 'I married him and I'm an ancient, of course I'm sure.' _If you were wondering, she says the wraith didn't rape her. And she says it's not you she married._

**_I would prefer you learn to read the story, now that your fears are put to rest._**

****_I'll ask them to bring you here... I want to talk to my grandmother as much as I can._

**_Not about the story, I hope._**

"Do you have any further inquiries?"

"Yes! I'm sorry... I was talking to Todd.. he's the wraith that... never mind, you already know anyway. Um, oh... I'm sorry... I need one more second, please... " Touching my ear piece, I called John and asked him to bring Todd to the hologram room so we could continue my lessons. Looking back at Ganos Lal, I said, "Okay... sorry about that. Um... I can't ask you about Adria because the hologram you would have no clue what I'm talking about.. and since your here, I'm guessing you kicked her butt anyway... So.. We both know what I want to ask you, "I smiled, "I want to know if I'm doing the right thing? Oh, god.. This is harder than I thought... I don't want to destroy earth but.. I care for him. You are probably the only person I can tell this too... I... I think I've been falling in love with him. I know I shouldn't, but..."

"Ganos Lal never regretted her love and hoped..." She stopped speaking and looking to the side of me, she smiled for a second and dipped her head. Looking back and me, she said, "Granddaughter, you must make your own path. I cannot come always, but know I am around. And I am proud." She disappeared.

John, Teyla, Ronon, Todd, and six marines walked in to the hologram room. "Oh." I said, "That was fast."

"I am sorry she did not come, Heather," Teyla said.

"Oh, but she did come." I said. Teyla and Ronon looked shocked while John just looked angrily at me.

"Heather, you should have called for us..." John said.

"I'm sure the ancients were equally unhappy. But, she is my great grandmother. She didn't really tell me anything important other than Todd's not my grandfather and she wasn't raped."

"An ancestor married a wraith?" Ronon demanded.

"She did and... she loved him." I told Ronon. He opened and closed his mouth several times without forming a response.

"You may all go. I will continue Heather's lessons now." Todd stated.

"The guards stay." John said.

"No, John," I said, "I'm sure Jennifer's tests will come back showing that everything is fine. I've already been alone with Todd. He's not going to hurt me... I trust him."

"The ancient told you to do this?" John asked, raising his eyebrow.

Rolling my eyes without bothering to hide it, I responded, "John, I just had an ascended being tell me I had to follow my own path.. let me follow it please.."

"But she didn't even say to trust him! Maybe you're thinking of the wrong path!"

"She didn't say not too... And she knew about Todd being here. She didn't say anything to even hint that I shouldn't trust him. We all know Todd's had repeated opportunities to kill me and he's never taken them... in fact, he's done everything in his power to keep me alive. I'd say he's won my trust."

"Just because Teyla wasn't able to control your mind, doesn't mean Todd isn't."

"He's not. But, even if it comes back that he is, leaving him in here with me doesn't put Atlantis in additional danger. Post guards outside, lock me in here with him... whatever. I need to learn wraith so I can finish this story."

"John," Teyla said, "She is right. I cannot imagine an ancestor endangering her. If Todd wished to harm her, the ancestor would have said something to arouse Heather's concern."

"Teyla, trust me... Ancients' aren't perfect. And they don't interfere.. They have a nasty habit of not helping us on the lower plans out, especially ones from this galaxy."

" Rodney said Ganos Lal's tried to help us before so if she wanted to.. she would have told me." John seemed to be concerning leaving me alone with Todd again, it was time I pushed him over the edge: "She told me she was proud of me John... Go. Please."

"Fine." He said, "But, I'm leaving the guards outside this room... if they even think they hear you yell, I'm leaving them orders to come in and kill him."

"Fine." I answered looking pleadingly at Lt. Hubbel. Teyla, John, and Ronon left together, no doubt to talk about the fact that I'd spoken to an Ancient. _John will figure out that I'd called him to bring Todd while she was still here, I guess that means I'll hear about this later from General O'Neil or Frank._ Lt. Hubbel's look was scolding as he left with the other marines. _Who'd have thought all these guys wanting to protect me would be aggravating rather than charming._

"As I told you before, many find you attractive. They wish to protect you in the hopes that it will allow you to think of them in a different way."

"Something else wraith and human males have in common, eh?" I said with a small smile.

"Mmm," He said walking towards me, "You are not as calm as you wish to appear to be. You are still fear being alone with me and you aren't sure about your feelings on Ganos Lal."

"I'd hoped she'd tell me more about my great grandfather and the alliance."

"One you are able to translate the story, perhaps that will shed some light on your questions."

I laughed, "Vague while still intriguing... after all the hype, this story better be worth it."

"It is." He said with a small smirk. He looked troubled an instant later as he continued, "You still fear me."

Walking so I was standing an arm's length from him, I explained: "I am still mindful of you. Even with my wrong conclusion before, you didn't say to me that the story has nothing to do with you... you said you hadn't raped anyone. Until I know how you fit into the alliance and why you're so gung-ho about me learning this, I'm not going to stop being a little afraid. That's besides the whole sucking out human's life-force thing... I'm kind of attached to my life-force you know." I squeezed his hand as I said the last part, hoping to soften the teasing.

"That is not your only fear." He said capturing my hand in his and stroking my palm.

"Todd." I said, "Stop."

"It feels good to you... Why would I stop?"

"Because I told you to and because friends don't act like this."

"I see." Todd answered, dropping my hand.

Covering my need for some space, I walked to the platform. Turning to randomly activate keys on the platform, I asked: "Do wraith do something just because it feels good?"

"There are Wraith that do. Wraith do not deny themselves necessary pleasures as humans do."

"Necessary pleasures?" I repeated, striking a little harder at the keys. _Okay, well that confirms it... males are the same no matter what._ "Can you read Ancient, Todd?" I asked as the platform lights seemed to be reporting something. _Why are you blinking? Hello, can't you translate yourself into English for me? _

Todd joined me at the platform. "It is advising you that the room is secure as you requested."

"When did I request.. don't tell me I pushed the right buttons?"

"You did not. It responded to your mental command."

"Ancient is close enough to Wraith that you can read it or you learned it 10,000 years ago?"

"Both,"he replied casually, "By the way the necessary pleasures I was referring to was consuming our food as needed. Having our hunger satisfied is exceedingly pleasurable physically. It is one of the reasons why humans puzzle most wraith. In captivity, most humans will refuse food, but a wraith in captivity will eat rather than starve."

"So that you are strong enough so if you have the chance to escape, you can. But that's not why you ate my attackers, right?" I asked as my eyebrows rose.

"Your trust is encouraging." He said sarcastically. "I destroyed your attackers because they attacked you. I have not truly enjoyed a meal for a considerable amount of time. Even though I knew it bothered you, to be honest, I found their deaths to be... satisfying."

"You've been out of captivity for two years, why haven't you enjoyed a meal for a long time?"

"Wraith can be affected by a human's pleas for mercy; especially Wraith that have had frequent interaction with humans. Though it is compulsory for life, there is a part of me that regrets feeding."

"After Kolya I'd think you've think it was more of a revenge each time you fed." _Though it explains why he's working with Jen._

"I had interaction with humans long before Kolya."

"Like 10,000 years ago?" I asked with a smile.

"Yes, like then," Todd replied. "If you wish to know how," he said as he held out his hand to curb my questions, "we should get back to studying the account."

"Wait, you lied when you told me that you could read my attackers minds... You couldn't have known that they intended to rape me."

"No... I did not lie. Though you are correct in your assumption that I didn't read the thoughts in their minds, I can read strong emotions like hunger, anger, fear, and lust in humans. Trust me when I tell you, he intended to rape you as you did not feel equally lustful for him."

"It must be so nosy inside your head," I said as I turned to walk over to the tablet I'd left in the room last time. _Hearing human emotions, my constant inner prattle, I wonder if Wraith get headaches?_

"I am used to hearing my hive. Atlantis is quiet."

_Oh Todd... I didn't think before I said that... Forgive me; it was insensitive._

**_ For someone who is not used to communicating like this, what you said is a normal response. Regardless of what you say, I like it when you speak to me using mind-speak as you call it.. _**

****Smiling at him, I picked up the pad. _Sometimes I like it too._

_ **Hmm.**_

Opening up the program so I can see the wraith text only, I realized that we were doing this wrong, "Todd.. what if we tried this a little differently.. Instead of me only looking at the wraith text what if I ask the pad to show me the translation my people have and the wraith text together.. then I can learn as we correct it. Maybe it would be better for me to learn that way."

**_Wraith is a part of you. You should learn it, not just to translate the pages. _**"Hmm." he said with a definitely most unhappy inflection, "No."

_It annoys you that I want to know the full story? Todd, I think I've been really good here... I could have looked it up anytime on my own. I want to understand what's going on. Please._

"Do you not think that because learning this is hard for you it will be sweetest to conquer it on your own without looking at another's translation?" **_You want permission to feel as you do. Give yourself that permission; do not look for it in the chronicle. _**

****_I need to know if you act like this because you mean it or because you have too._

_ **Hmm.**_

_ I really hate that 'hmm' of yours._

_ **Your impatience reminds me of a young woman I once knew. With time, you will realize that learning to read the Wraith language on your own will be more fruitful than confusing yourself with improper translations.**_

****"I've had human teachers that weren't as annoying as you... I'd hate to see what your wraith classrooms are like."

He laughed, "You don't realize how correct you are. Wraith's education would horrify you. But, enough talk... you have a translation to do now."

_Okay, so we'll talk about it like this, just in case..._

_ **They cannot hear us... Start your translation. **_

_ Wait a second... You aren't my grandfather so I don't have to listen to you..._

_ **Yet, I am a still hive commander. **_

****_This isn't a Hive..._

**_ Heather. Translate it. _**

****_You are killing me here... never mind... I didn't just say that to you. See.. I'm so tired I'm not thinking right._

_ **You are fine. I would not force you to continue working if you were not. But, you are fine, so translate it.**_

****_Ha! See you want me to know it, so just tell me!_

_ **I cannot. You must learn it on your own.**_

****_Why?_

_ **It is our way.**_

****_Look, it doesn't even make sense to me. This is how I would translate it by what I found in the data base and what you've been teaching me. Maybe you'll see how bad I am at this and give up and just tell me. I'm getting that: Ancient's went to meet the wraith to speak of a treaty of some type. The Ancient betrayed the wraith by kills... whatever that means. An Ancient ship out...some-thinged the main hive but was captured by Queen Mother's hive... what the hell does that mean?_

_ **Your translation does not appear to be lacking. What were you studying?**_

****_While Jen was running the tests, I looked up Ancient. Wraith symbol's aren't the same but since Ancient is the base, it's helping... a lot. I don't know why Dr. Weir thought it was a fairytale. It's clearly not.._

_ **I met Dr. Weir was a good negotiator. Not as good as I, but competent for a human. Her translating skills do not appear to be up to her undertaking. Now then, betraying the Wraith by kill would be an idiom for what you would call a cease fire... They asked for a cease fire to negotiate and then fired on us. As to your question about the term Queen Mother, it would be a proper translation. The Queen Mother is what we call the first wraith, all wraith come from her.**_

****_What do you mean she's the first? I thought you came from the bugs?_

**_ The Queen Mother's offspring are the most important in the evolution of Wraith. A human was with child when she was attacked by an Iratus bug and the queens born from this human six months later are the first Wraith that appear as I do. Even though the Queens' mother did not survive past their birth, the twin queens she bore honored her by naming their hive Queen Mother. _**

_They named the hive after her or they turned her into a hive?_

**_ To become a hive is the utmost honor, Heather._**

_Oy. Instead of judging that through my human perception, I'm going to move on. _

Smiling at me, Todd answered, "Your translation seems to be progressing well."

"Is that the Wraith equivalent of 'I told you so?'"

Todd smiled, and stroking my cheek he simply answered, "Yes."

Stepping back from him, I said, "You shouldn't do that. It means something different to humans."

"Does it?" He asked as he moved closer to me.

I sighed, "You've been around Ancients... I can't imagine that certain things have changed all that much in relationships."

"Did you ask her?"

"No!" I answered, scandalized.

"Why would that upset you so?" He asked me and again stroked his finger down my cheek, slower this time.

I didn't answer him and instead I looked up at him. It felt like my skin was on fire, super charged and begging for him to touch me more. It was like with this one simple contact my body felt primed and ready for anything. _I'd never felt like this before. I'd always been a prude for god sakes._ _What the hell is wrong with me? _"Todd, are you doing anything to me?"

"Of course, I am stroking your cheek, Heather."

"Todd, are you doing anything else right now? Anything to my mind?"

"No."

_Then, why am I reacting so strongly to your touch?_

**_ It is nothing to worry about. It is normal between Pactum serva wraith._**

_ Hey, you weren't allowed to be listening to that... _Jerking away from his touch, I poured as much anger into my mind as I could. Backing away from him, I sent my next thought at him like an accusation: W_hat does Pactum serva wraith mean?_

_ **You should continue your translation. **_

_Todd! _

**_ If your grandmother choose to not revile it to you, perhaps you should honor her wish and mine. In order to fully understand what is going on, you must read and learn the story. _**

_ Those that snoop through girls minds don't get to play 'the learn' it yourself card._

Drawing himself up to his full height and looking every bit the powerful wraith commander he was, Todd's next question reverberated through my mind: **_Ten thousand years ago, I made a promise. Do you wish me to break my word?_**

Knowing I wanted to scream 'yes', and knowing he'd know what I was really thinking, I choose to answer: "Who did you give a promise too? Will you at least answer that?"

"Lal and my queen mother."

Stepping back away from him, I found myself backed up against the platform. _My Grandmother; you promised my grandmother? My grandmother that was captured by a wraith queen and married a wraith commander... it answers why I feel so weird with you.. __Ganos Lal said she never regretted her love and hoped..._ _hoped what? _

**_ Heather..._**

_ Pactum serva? Pactum serva? Like Latin... __Preserve the contract.. like we're betrothed? Todd, are we... _

****Without answering me, Todd walked over to the pad and picking it up, he walked to my side in two steps. Touching my cheek briefly this time, he put the pad in my hand. "Translate."

_Oh God... No wonder Lal ran like hell when you people came, John will love this... Todd..._

_ **Heather, you must understand.. please... do not think on this, read it.**_

****_Right... not like I can really stop thinking about this right now.. because that's not going to happen. Right, okay... Lal was captured by the Queen hive. She... was taken on board and brought before the queen for judgment? It doesn't say what her crime was?_

**_ When I gave you wraith history before, I eluded to it. Once the Lanteans system was reduced to only the one planet where Atlantis resided, in desperation, the Lanteans sent a delegation of three warships to meet with the Wraith and negotiate a truce. Or so they told us. Once they were within our territory, two warships engaged us. The wraith fought back and with our massive fleet, we destroyed their most powerful warships. Only one Lanteans ship did not fight: Lal's ship never fired a shot. She had not taken part in their betrayal. _**

_ Why wouldn't the Lanteans have told her about the plan? _

_ **Her husband believed that** **they knew she would not go along with it and assumed that as her ship was part of the attacking delegations, we would attack her ship so she'd be forced to defend it. **_

****_They really were as..._ _horrible. _

**_ In war, choices are always made. If it would have worked, she would have had to destroy the enemy or die. As we crushed them, their history forgot their part in it. But, it allowed for something that I hope you will decide is acceptable. _**He said stroking my cheek again. Dropping his hand, he continued: **_Lal_** **_surrendered to our queens, her one request was to only ask that her ship and its people be allowed to return to their space without harm. Your grandfather's mother was one of sisters who ruled on the Queen Mother and she convinced her sister that Lal could be trusted. Her Son, a commander, was sent to bring Lal to their hive and she came willingly. Continue reading._**

_ The ancient's betray forfeited her life? _I translated. Looking up at Todd in disbelief, I saw him pointing back to the pad. _The Queen's commander begged for his mother to spare the ancient's life. Oh. Thank god. He felt a connection to her unlike any other... What does the next symbol mean?_

_ **It is an wraith proverb:** **Omnia vincit amor.**_

_ Is that like Amor vincit omnia, _Love conquers all_?_

_ **I believe that would be accurate, yes.**_****

Todd's arms snaked around me, holding me with my back against his chest. Without comment, I went back to reading the story: _Recognizing her son's honest desires, the queen allowed the human to live. The human asked that she be allowed to live among them and learn their ways in the hopes of someday finding peace, an alliance. _

Kissing the top of my head, Todd whispered, "Sounds like someone else you know of?"

I smiled, "Hmm," I responded in the tone I'd heard him use so many times. Looking at the pad, I continued translating: _The queens soon realized that this ancient truly was not like those that had betrayed the cease fire: This human wished to understand the wraith instead of conquering them. After a year, the Son came to the Queens and asked to be allowed to...What does that mean?_

_ **Marry.**_

_Oh. Right. She said they were married within a year.. I don't know why that didn't click... Anyway, the son came to the queens and asked to be allowed to marry. The human further purposed that their marriage would seal an alliance. She did that on her own? Without talking to any of the other Ancients?_

_ **Yes. **_

****_Wow, sounds like something I would do. _

**_ I agree._**

****_Playfullys_lapping his hands where they rested around my waist, "Todd!" I turned and smiling at him said, "You weren't supposed to agree with me!"

"You human females are quite hard to figure out."

"You know, from what I can tell from this story, I'm not just a human with Wraith DNA. My grandfather was one of the original queen's sons.. he was wraith royalty right?"

Todd smiled, "Yes."

"Well, I am too.. aren't I?"

"You parentage makes you royalty even with the passage of time."

"So, shouldn't you be nicer to me?"

"Nicer?" He smirked, "When have I been anything but nice? Continue reading."

"The other queen had a son too, didn't she?" I asked, looking up at him.

His smile got wider and he answered, "Read, Heather."

_The ancient declared with the birth of their daughter, the ancients would accept the marriage. Their laws would require them to stop the war as the child would prove that the wraith were humans. Once married, the ancient intending to conceive a child with her husband. The Queens agreed and the son was given his own hive. It was decided that the daughter would be a suitable match for the commander's... what does that mean? _

**_ What would you call your father's mother's sister's son?_**

****_Um... I think that's second cousin._

**_ Then that is what that symbol means. _**

****_Okay... The betrothed son was marked with a star around... oh... _I said, looking up at him. "Todd..."

"Read. We will talk later... please finish reading it."

"The betrothed son was marked with a star around his eye. With the expected young queen's permission, his marriage would complete the alliance. Three human years passed without a child being created. In the fourth year of the marriage, the human and commander conceived a child. A male. The queens could not allow the child to be trained in the wraith way as he was overly human like and too easily killed. To protect the boy, mother and son returned to Atlantis." Turning around in his arms, I said, "I get it now. You've been acting like this the whole time because of this promise to my grandmother. The ancient's are all dead. You don't have to do this anymore."

"I see." Todd said dropping his arms from around me. Turning away from me, he walked towards the wall. "I thought by acting as I did, I would win your heart. I see that I was wrong. I am sorry." I felt his anger: his rage seemed to be rising like an angry sea. He slammed his hand against the wall.

"Todd," I said jumping towards him and grabbing his arm, "Look at me, you've been told for 10,000 years that you had to marry some human. You don't. You're free... aren't you happy?"

"While a captive, the thoughts of fulfilling our destiny sustained me. You do not think me worthy..."

"Todd, look... It's not that you are worthy... It's just... How do I explain this? You don't really love me. You've been told for 10,000 years that you are supposed to, so..."

"Before you came, I wondered if I could even love a human. Ten thousand years ago, I feared never being comfortable touching a human as a husband should. Humans are so breakable. I have heard worshipers speak of a spark between loved ones. Would you want me if you did not feel this spark? To a wraith, it is not necessary but to a human it seemed to be required. Commanders mate with queens but rarely does a commander or a queen have the honor of finding their Dilectissima. My mother's sister's son swore his human, his wife, was his Dilectissima. Long before they met, I'd sworn to myself that I would serve my sister until she wished to take a commander. I would fight to make sure she was well cared for but I never intended to live knowing I'd not find my Dilectissima. Few wraith had found them... Unlike them, I couldn't see how I could continue for all eternity only half alive. Lal knew this. She came to me before returning to Atlantis. She foresaw that my Dilectissima would be of wraith and human as she promised. She said I'd need to be patient. All these years, I did not take another human because they seemed... so unappealing. And then I saw you and I knew. It was not humans that were unappealing to me. It was because they were not my Dilectissima. I killed those that hurt you not because it was my job as your Dilectissima but because they touched what was mine." Before, I knew was aware of his moving, he was holding me again. He put his feeding hand on my chest again while his other arm held me, "You are my true queen. You and no other. You command my happiness, my body, and all that belongs to me."

Taking his hand off my chest, I didn't know what I was supposed to say to that. Turning over his palm, I traced his feeding slit. _That's very sweet... but you know that's not true. I'm a human, Todd. I'm food. _

**_ I keep forgetting that you do not know our ways. Our feelings will only grow, I promise you. The pledge I gave... it is binding. Regardless of what you decide, you are now my Queen. _**

****_Pledge? What do you mean it's binding? And what am I deciding?_

_ '**You are my true Queen. You and no other. You command my happiness, my body, and all that belongs to me' is the commander's pledge to his queen. His final queen until he is killed in her name. Even if you choose to stay here, I will still be bonded to you. Even if I cannot have you, then I choose to have no other...**_

****_Why... Why would you... Are you nuts? You can't just do that! Todd, forgetting about what I want or I feel... my people aren't going to just accept this and neither will yours._

**_From what I have seen, I do not expect the people of this planet to understand. But, you have your own destiny. It you wish to come home, they will not stop you. Our people already wait for you. _**

****_You said, if I wish to come home? You mean to Pegasus?_

_ **It is your grandfather's true home and yours. My mother and your grandmother wish to meet you, even if you choose to live on Earth. **_

_Oh shit... you mean they are still alive?_

_ **Of Course. Wraith are never ending.**_

****_When the boy and Lal went back to Earth when the Ancient's abandoned Pegasus... _

**_ Yes?_**

****_That must have been so hard on your cousin. He never knew his son.. Wait, he's still alive... can I meet him?_

****"Heather?" Rodney called through my earpiece, "Speak to me!"

"Rodney... what is it?"

****"I'm hungry... you done your lesson yet or do you want me to starve?"

"Rodney, you and Jen go on without me."

"Jen won't. She's worried about you."

"Why? Did the tests show something..." I asked looking up at Todd.

_Nothing to be alarmed about. And some say wraith have a hard time trusting. _Rolling his eyes at me as I'd seen Rodney do, he went on stroking my cheek again. 

"Well..." Rodney whined.

Jennifer interrupted him, "Rodney! You know for someone who always thinks he's sick with something, your being unbelievably dense. Geez! Men! All the tests came back clean, Heather. It's just you haven't eaten or slept for 17 hours. You need a break: at least eight hours sleep and a good meal. Doctor's orders."

****"Jen, I've been really translating here... I'm not ready to stop yet."

"I don't care if you're ready or not. I'm the doctor here."

"Todd's a wraith scientist.. does that count?"

"No! He does not count!" Jen responded.

**_ Heather, he would agree with Dr. Jennifer Keller. You have had a long day. _**

****"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What! What did you just say.." Jennifer laughed, "You who barely ever curses? See what lack of sleep is doing to you?"

"I was cursing at Todd. He agrees with you!"

****"He does?" She asked, confused, "um...I mean, two doctors telling you the same thing... You know I'm right. You need to sleep and eat Heather. Come on."

**_As Queen, your health is of the utmost priority._**

****_I'm fine._

**_ I can feel your body's cravings Heather. You need to eat and sleep. I will still be here in the morning._**

_ I'm part Wraith. I'm fine._

Todd picked up my right hand and turned my palm over. **_Yet without a feeding slit... _**With a wide grin, Todd, draw patterns on my palm as he thought: **_You inherited your biological needs from your grandmother. Though I wish you to stay, you must feed and rest._** Drawing me into his arms, his voice was steady and firm as he said, "Dr. Keller, Heather will be joining you shortly." 

"I don't like this tag-teaming thing you two are doing." I said into his chest.

"Yet, both of us only wish the best for you." Todd said.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I didn't want to open my eyes. I could feel the abrasive military fabric under my cheek, but more importantly I could feel Todd's strong arms circling around me. Even though I knew he'd be able to tell that I was awake, I kept my eyes closed. He favored holding my like this and I honestly enjoyed it far more than anyone should. He was so warm. I could feel his hard muscles against my body. This was perfect. This is where I belonged. It was like he was a drug to me. Yesterday, he's said we were Dilectissima and that's why it felt like this: When though we must be in my room, it was almost like I could hear the birds singing and could feel the sun shine. Knowing that no matter how much I wanted it, I couldn't keep him here forever so I gave myself permission to lay here with my eyes closed, faking sleep. One day, he'd leave and I'd stay behind never to feel like this again. Today, I would enjoy being held by the man I loved.

Sitting straight up in bed, I realized it was a dream. The fabric was still rough but Todd wasn't here holding me. I was alone in bed. Looking over at the clock, it was 5AM. _At least the Caf's open. I'll go get something to eat. _ With a yawn, I got up and went into the bathroom. After flushing, I debated taking a shower now or forgoing it until after I'd eaten breakfast. _I have plenty of time to kill. I'm not going to visit Todd until at least 8AM today. _

_** Good Morning, Heather.**_

Spinning around, it took me a second to realize Todd was in my head, not my bathroom. _Todd, you did that on purpose._ I thought to him as I started to brush my teeth. _Good morning._

_** I did not mean to frighten you. I simply wished to speak to you. **_

_ Hey, I can feel your mirth at my reaction... I'm sensing feelings from you too now... This is freaky._

_**The more you learn and the more time we spend together will allow stronger bonds to grow. You will soon be able to hear all of my thoughts. I realized last night that I hadn't advised you of this... it is normal though it might be scary for you as you are not used to it. **_

_Hear all your thoughts? Like plans?... Dream? Can you hear my dreams?_

_**Hm. I can sense emotions of dreams but I cannot see the dream. Though I can clearly sense your concern about this.. Where you dreaming of me Heather?**_

_I'm pleading the fifth._

_**Good dreams, I hope.**_

_When I plead the fifth you can't continue to question me!_

Todd's laugher filled my head but strangely it also seemed to fill my body. It was like a million bells were ringing just for me. I could feel it inside of me: a tickling down my back that felt wonderful while it begged me to join him. It was overwhelming and the sweetest feeling in the world to hear his laughter. _Have you always been able to hear and feel me like this? _

_**No. This is new to me as well.. very welcomed though. I've been waiting a long time for you.**_

_You once told me that you could teach me to block other wraith out. If I'm even thinking of going to Pegasus with Atlantis, I guess I should start learning._

_**Heather, you realize just as I will never be able to keep you out of my mind, so can you never keep me completely out of yours, correct?**_

_What do you mean?_

_**We are **__**Dilectissima**__** . Feelings can never be kept from each other.**_

_Thoughts can then?_

_**Somewhat... thoughts of little concern can be sometimes, but more often than not, nothing can be hidden. You will not be visiting me for a few hours...**_

_No, I was going to eat breakfast and do some normal stuff for a few hours... call my friends... check in with my parents... It's been a weird few days.. I need sometime to feel like my whole world isn't upsidedown._

_**Very well. Take all the time you need, Heather. **_

It was an hour of torture to be on the phone with my parents and not being able to fill them in on Todd. I felt as if I'd just fought a war. The next call looked like it was going to be just as hard. My voice always gave me away and with all that was going on right now, it seemed likely He'd guess most of what I was feeling without me saying a word. Even my mother picked up on there being a guy here I like... I just forgot to mention he's a green alien commander who eats humans. She'd never guess that; no parent in their right mind would. I'd worked in my computer for five minutes, trying to stall before my next call. After adding a 10AM meeting, I dialed Billy. Thinking about him made me realize that he was far more terrorizing than my parents when it came to him meeting my boyfriends. Because of his views on how men thought, Billy's protective streak was something I avoided at all cost. If it was kick into high gear, I'd learned at a young age that my boyfriends soon went running away. _It might be worth it to tell him, if only to see his reaction. _ I was sure Todd would give him a run for his money but since it was a meeting that could never happen; I needed to avoid it at all costs. _I can do this. _I chanted as the phone rang: _I can do this. Nothing going on here... nothing at all.. I can do this..._

"Hello?"

I heard Billy's voice and instantly felt calm. "Hi Billy. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. How are you? Everyone treating you well?"

"Yep." I answered, instantly realizing it was too quickly.

"Hmm." Billy said considering, "Military getting you down?"

"Y..yea, they are a pain. You know the type." I replied off handedly.

"That I do. I'm sure you are keeping them on their toes."

Smiling, I thought about all the drama I'd caused here and all the drama that would follow I told them what I'd learned. "More than they thought I would be, that's for sure."

"So, everything is normal then." He said and I could hear the smile in his voice. "You're job not so intimidating now, I assume?"

"No, it still is. But, I'm working on it. It's something new every day at least."

"That's good... Are you writing much?"

"umm..."

"Heather," I could hear the shaking of his head in exasperation in his voice, "I'm sure keeping a journal would help in whatever is going on. You used to write everyday in your diary..."

"Billy, I'm so tired at the end of the day I'm thrilled if I remember to change into my PJs before bed. I can't write."

"So, end your day a little earlier. I'm sure your co-workers would understand. They want you healthy and at your best."

"I like working."

"Really? That's wonderful to hear. I've never heard you so happy... San Francisco is agreeing with you then."

"Well, I'm so busy working, I really haven't been off base."

"Didn't you used to make fun of your friend Jennifer for that?"

"I still do." I replied with a laugh. "But, maybe she wasn't as crazy as I thought... I was even thinking that maybe I'd... try working with the military for a while..." Dead silences hung in the air. It was like a blackhole opened up through the phone and cut the line. "Billy?"

"You're thinking of it?"

"Maybe.. I don't know... I mean... I might be able to do some good, I guess..."

"That's something you need to decide for yourself, Heather.. but... whatever you do.. I'll support you."

"Thanks... um, if.. if I go, I'll probably have to be under the same restrictions that Jen had... No phone and I'll only be able to write sparingly... " I responded.

"I would assume so. I hope you're learning all you can..."

"I am...I can even fight better than Rodney."

"Rodney? From what you said, that's not all that comforting. You should work on that then.. strongly work on it, Heather. War isn't something you play around with..."

"Oh come on.. I don't like fighting, you know that..."

"Well, until everyone shares your opinion, you must know how to protect yourself. You haven't seriously practiced for years, you don't go over to war without being prepared. Any good commander knows that. You need to practice as if you life depended on it because it does. Promise me."

"Okay, okay... I'll add that into my much overbooked day."

"Heather," I could hear his anger as he said my name, "Listen to me..."

I said his name equally firmly, "Billy! Stop. You're right. I did start working with some of the guys here to improve my fighting aptitude, okay.. I'm working on it. Honestly."

"You should be working with an expert. Who really knows the enemy... Are you doing that?"

"Yea!" I said, thinking of Ronon.

"Good. It's the best way to learn... I hope your expert is the best man for the job. No matter what, you're survival and happiness is the most important thing to me."

_The best man for the job.. wonder what Billy would think if I told him the best man was the enemy. Bet he'd be okay with Ronon._ "I'll be fine."

"You see that you are. Don't close any door for knowledge though Heather... any bit of help can be an asset in a fight." He reminded me as he'd done my whole life, "Learning to fight doesn't mean you have to fight, Heather... but it means if you ever need to, you have an option."

"Yea. But, if you weren't even able to teach me how, why do you think they will be able too?" _I have a wraith that would love to teach me to fight and ... a whole load of things. I'm sure you wouldn't like that if I told you. One way to shut you up, Billy._

"You learned more than you think when you were a child. Before you realized what violence could lead too, you were a great fighter."

Before I could gather an answer to that, my iPod alarm went off. It was 9:55am. I'd added an appointment into Richard Woolsey's calendar for 10AM. I'd need to leave now to get there in time. "Billy, I've got to get to a meeting. I'll talk to you tonight, okay?"

"Sure. Have a good day."

_** Heather? **_Todd's mental voice quietly asked me.

_You've going to have to teach me how to block you Todd, I need to be able to speak to my friends without worrying what you are hearing._

_**I have no problem teaching you so you may have privacy. And I'm sure your friend would agree that learning from me in all ways would be invaluable... ask him. **_

"Thanks.. you too. Love ya." I said to Billy. I could feel that Todd was annoyed: not angry, just roll-your-eyes annoyed. _If I told him that I'd gone near a life-force sucking alien, he'd just want to kill you... not have you teach me anything._

"I love you too. Goodbye." Billy said and hung up.

_**You think your friend would prefer for you to be in the dark?**_

Hanging up, I had to smile. _If a wraith queen came to you and said she was fraternizing with the enemy, you'd just sit there and say that's great?_

_** I am not your enemy. I am your **__**Dilectissima**__**. **_

Starting my jog to Woosley's office, I thought to Todd: _As a military guy, you're telling me that you honestly think he'd believe that? You could be tricking me._

_**One cannot lie about such things.**_ _**And what about Lal?**_

_Maybe Ancients are really evil? Or..she's gone crazy or a million other excuses Billy would come up with. Look, if Billy had came to me and told me he was working with a lifeforce sucking green alien... I'd think he'd lost it. How can I expect him to be okay with my choice?_

_** If your friend came to you and said this I do not believe you would dismiss his feelings so easily. Once they see my loyalty to you as my queen, they will know that I will never allow anything to harm you. Don't you wish to tell them of us? **_

_I course I want to tell them. But, I can't. The Ancient's didn't understand Lal's choice. If anything, things are worse now. _

_**You feel your government will not allow you to make the choice.**_

_Of course!__They don't even have to know that I might stay there... I don't know if they really intend to take me or not. Even if they do,__no one here on Earth will ever know what happened to me. I don't even think Jen will understand... how would anyone else be able too?_

_**They can never understand if you choose to hide this from them.**__**If you chose to stay on Earth, I would understand. You must give your people the honor of showing that they care for you. **_

_Todd, that's all well and good... but you don't understand humans as well as you think you do. My family would have a problem with me going to Pegasus even if your people didn't eat humans. It's alien and therefore scary... not to mention a trip that takes a few lifetimes. It's too far and much to scary. It's human nature and if you toss in wraith and arranged marriages... they will never be okay with it. That's only my families concerns. My planet doesn't know me but wouldn't be comfortable with someone in a position to.. well.. give the enemy the location of Earth. _

_** Earth is not in danger...**_

_ Todd, if I told you my people would never kill another Wraith, would you believe me?_

_**No. But, you are not in the same position with your people as we are with mine.**_

_We?_

_**We. **_

Smiling, I arrived at Woolsey's office. He was sitting at his desk and staring down at something. Thinking to Todd that I'd come see him as soon as I was done with my meeting, I walked in without knocking. Woolsey hadn't noticed me yet. He was lost in thought as he stared down in his lap. It took a second for me to realize it was a picture frame. "Richard, who's picture are you holding?" I asked, expecting to remark on the beautiful wife or baby that had so captured his attention. When he turned it around and I saw a white Yorkie was pictured, I had to stop myself from laughing. _Oh my god.. why doesn't it surprise me that he's got a small little doggie._.. _instead of a wife or kid._

"My ex-wife got him in the divorce." He said, as he put the picture down on the table behind him. Spinning back to face me, he said, "What can I do for you, Heather?"

"Well, there is a few things.. I'd like to get permission to spar a bit with Todd. Maybe I can learn about how wraith defense and offence works... get into their mindset a bit more... oh.. and there is the Daniel Jackson issue. Even though I've been learning wraith exceedingly fast, I know Frank still wants Daniel involved...I've built a rapport with Todd and I don't want to ruin it We are learning far too much about their culture to risk... "

"Well, you don't have to worry much about that. Daniel's been reading your nightly reports to the president and they are both impressed. Daniel's working on something top secret, so you're free of him for a little longer."

_Yes! _"Oh...okay. My next question would be if we have a time frame on Atlantis returning to Pegasus?"

"We do."

"Well? What is it?"

"We can go at any time."

"Oh. Um... really?" _No, no, no.. I'm not ready to do this yet.. no..._

"Yes really. The president would like to have a few words with you after we're done here about that."

Frank's few words had to be asking me if I wanted to go and I could tell by Woolsey's tone that he didn't agree with my godfather's request. "You're not happy that I'll be allowed on the Expedition."

"No." Woolsey said, "I'm not. But, I serve at the pleasure of the president."

"Richard," I said with a small smile, "It's going to be fine."

"Staying here would be the safe thing to do, Heather." He responded with a frown.

"You didn't stay here when they asked you to serve on Atlantis."

"You're right. I thought I'd work by the book and everything would be fine. I was wrong. I don't want you to wake up one day on a hive ship and realize you were wrong too."

"Richard, I'm not going to lie, I've thought about that possibility. But, to be honest... I still want to go." Sighing deeply, I continued, "I need to know about the other half of my family, Richard. Can't you understand that?"

"You've spend days locked in with Todd without our taping it or anyone even being in the room. I'm sure he's told you all he intends to."

I felt my eyes narrow, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know you're acting, but sometimes I worry that you're tricking yourself as well as him."

"You aren't the first person on this base to wonder about that," I said, "But, then again.. I'm sure you knew that already."

"We want what is best for you, Heather."

"I know. But, this is something I have to do... "

Turning on the monitor and the camera, Woolsey told me that President Lamberton should be on the line shortly and getting up from his chair, he continued, "I'm not you father or your godfather, Heather, but I hope you'll think about this a bit more. It's far too dangerous to engage them like this."

Smiling, I said sarcastically, "And here I thought you were going to tell me to make it so?"

"Never.. besides I'll take Janeway over Picard any day. And secondly, the wraith are irrelevant. You are a human from Earth. You don't need to risk your life for a few pieces of DNA mixed into your history 10,000 years ago."

"The Wraith aren't irrelevant to me, nor Earth, nor the people who live in Pegasus. That quadrant of the universe is dealing with our mistakes every day. With the ancient's mistakes even. Maybe it's time for it to change and maybe Todd's the wraith to do it."

"Maybe.. but maybe not the way you think. You ever think what happens if he eats you? What do you think your godfather will do then? If you want a war, Heather keep going the way you are..."

_Great, he just taped into my biggest fear. _"Richard..."

"Yes, Richard... What are you speaking to my goddaughter about over there?" President Lamberton said appearing on the screen.

"Oh..I was just.. eh.. Hello Sir..." Richard began, nervously.

"Richard is always honest with me, sir. I appreciate he feels comfortable enough with me to be." I said with a little smile, I continued, "Richard, if you'd give us some privacy... we can speak about this again at another time."

"Of course. Thank you, Mr. President." Richard said, backing out of the camera shot, mouthing his thanks, he walked out of his office.

"Does he realize that I never dismissed him?" Frank asked with a wide smile.

"He's a good man, sir." I replied, "Even though half the time, I find him to be annoying."

"Does he have a reason to be worried?" Frank asked me, "Heather, I'm asking as your godfather, not your president... Is there something you aren't telling us that Todd's told you?"

"I..No, not that only Todd told me..." I answered, waiting for Todd's yelling to reverberate through my mind. I heard nothing. _Todd?_ _Lal? Someone tell me if I shouldn't go further? _It felt like I could feel Todd's amusement at that. Trying to gauge his mood, I reached out to him with my mind. I could feel him respond to my touch, but he still said nothing. It was like a mental stroke but he didn't respond to my question. Instead, it was a feeling. It was like having your best friend standing behind you and you knew that they had to be rolling their eyes, but you couldn't see them do it. But, you knew with every fiber of your being that they were in fact rolling their eyes at something you said.

Frank said slowly as if he'd already asked the question once without my answer, "Heather, what did the ancient tell you?"

"That I have to follow my path. And that she was proud of me."

"How could she not be? But, she never said to trust Todd..."

"She..." I stopped. _She said the wraith in Atlantis wasn't her husband. She said she wasn't raped. She never said to trust Todd.. but she never warned me not to either. _ "She never said not to trust him. She said to follow the path I was on..."

"And your gut tells you that you are doing the right thing?"

"Yes."

"I assume I can't convince you to stay on Earth when Atlantis leaves?"

"No, Sir." I said.

"I thought as much. I'm going to authorize you access to everything we have on the Ancients Heather. Listen, even though you don't know the gate address for Earth, you still need to realize that you are a danger to us. I know you think you can trust Todd. And maybe you're right, but need you to assume you are wrong. No matter what you think the ancient told you."

"My Great Grandmother, Uncle Frank. Not just an ancient. She's my great grandmother."

"I think you are missing a few greats' there, but I do realize that. I'm not even saying that I don't trust her... But, I care a bit too much for you and your family to sit here and just let you go off into enemy territory with the one wraith in the universe that has screwed us more times than I care to count. So, here are the rule: Before you do anything, you need to convince Woolsey, John, and Rodney that its the right thing to do. For anything you want to do, anything at all. And that includes getting all three of their okays to go off of Atlantis in general and especially to meet with Todd once he's back with his hive."

"All three of them?"

"Look, I could be making all sorts of rules here, don't complain. Until you get your great, great, great grandmother to come down here and spill her guts and the future to me, you need to follow my directives here. Understood?"

"But, Uncle Frank..."_ Todd's declared me his queen so really there is nothing to fear here... That sounds ridiculous to me even... If I say that, I'll be forced to stay behind won't I? _

_**You do not need me to answer that for you. With humans, I've found**__**the truth is easiest for them to accept once they see the physical proof. As long as I am the only wraith that they see with you, the less they will believe, and the less you will believe, that you are truly Queen.**_

Knowing that my thought was going to be slightly hurtful, I tried to soften it with a mental humor: _Even if you are manipulating me, I have to admit, that makes a lot of sense._ "Uncle Frank, I have no intention to get myself killed or bring the wraith down on Earth. In fact, I only want to keep everyone safe."

"I know that. But, I don't think I've ever heard of plans going the way we think they will go when Todd's involved."

_And if everything goes as you've told me, from their point of view it still won't have gone according to plan... Commander, care to advise me of the proper way to say this?_

_**Is that a rhetorical question?**_

"You know, maybe it's time I speak to this wraith."

Hearing Frank's statement reverberate through my brain, I felt my eyes widen, "What?" _Oh God, oh god... _"Mr. President, it would be far too dangerous to allow him in..." _the same room with you. Oh God, I can't say that! Think, Think... _ "the white house. He'd see too much of Earth."

"They did beam you around already didn't they? You know he'd see nothing... besides I'm thinking I'll come see Alantis off. I'll talk to him before and if I'm still comfortable, then you can go."

_Why don't you just invite my parents while you're at it._ Putting a smile on my face to cover the concern, I said, "Fine. When should I tell Richard we should expect you?"

"Hmm... Let's say Fifty hours from now..."

"Okay, I'll need to return to my apartment to gather a few more things before then. Can you authorize the use of the transporter for me?"

"Oh... I don't think so... They are using that to transfer the supplies and that's got to have first priority Heather... Why don't you take a shuttle?"

"Could I? Really? It'd be so cool to fly myself. Thanks Uncle Frank!"

He laughed, hard. "No.. no, not yourself. Ask Col. Sheppard or McKay to fly you. You are not authorized to fly the thing, just be a passenger, okay?"

"I'll right I'll ask John to take me."

"Wonderful. Heather, please keep in mind that normal personal are limited in what they can bring... keep it simple. You'll only be there for six months at the most."

_Six months. _"Of course. Thanks Uncle Frank."

"See you soon." Once the monitor turned black, I left Woolsey's office and gave him an update on the timeline and the new game plan. Woolsey didn't look surprised at news of Frank's visit, just determined. Woolsey turned to the communication's officer and passed the new timeframe on to Rodney, who I heard freaking out over the comm. As Woolsey looked like he was going to be speaking to Rodney for a while, I turned to go speak more privately to John. Between packing the items I wished to take from my apartment, turning off the utilities, and getting everything back here, I was sure twenty-six hours might be cutting it close. Keying the ear bud back on, I called John, "Hey John... you busy?"

"I'm always busy.. why... what do you need?" John answered.

"President Lamberton would like you to fly me to my apartment. I need to get a few things before we leave. He just gave us a day before Atlantis departs for Pegasus."

"So, he confirmed you are on the team?"

"Yep." _At least I better be. _

"Umm... okay... give me fifteen minutes to finish up my paper work here."

"Great.. When you're ready come pick me up from Todd's cell.. I don't know where the docking bay is."

John's laughter coated his voice, "Okay.. see you in fifteen. John Sheppard out."

With a wave to Woolsey, I quickly walked out of the command center and down to Todd's cell. I didn't stop moving until I closed the cell door behind me. I felt Todd's joy at seeing me. Turning towards him, I felt with all of my being a strong desire for him to hold me. I wanted his arms around me. Knowing the cameras were active here didn't stop the wish from coming to my mind.

At the thought, he gave me a small smile. "Hmm... Hello Heather."

"Hey.. I don't have much time. I wanted you to know that I'll be gone for about twenty-four hours... I need to get my stuff and bring it here. We're taking you home to Pegasus... I don't know how long it will take to get you there but we start the journey tomorrow."

_**Do not worry. You will be taking the journey as well.**_ "You are going to bring your belongings on board?"

"Yes." _Is there anything you can think of that I need? Formal gowns or anything? What's appropriate to wear to meet your great great great great wraith grandfather and his mother? _

_**How you're clothed will not affect their love for you. You are queen. You are heir. What you wear is unimportant. **_"How are you transporting your belongings?"

"John's taking me in the shuttle."

"You are going alone with him?"

"Yea. I'm hoping I can convince him to teach me how to drive."

"Heather." Todd said, moving towards me, "Is not Dr. Keller coming with you?"

"No. Jen's horrible at packing. She just throws things in boxes and prays that nothing breaks."

_**It is not appropriate for you to be alone with a male.**_

_I've been alone with you plenty of times._

_**Heather, I am your **__**Dilectissima. Our being alone is not an issue. John Sheppard desires you.**_

_I already asked him to take me, Todd. I'm sorry._ I could feel his anger and I saw his hands flex as his anger grew. It was like his hands were claws and he wished to use them. It didn't feel like he wanted to use them on me and I resisted the urge to step back from him. _I promise; nothing will happen between us. _

_**It is not you that I do not trust, Heather. **_Todd took my hand in his and turning it over, he stroked my palm as he said, "Though he does not have a feeding hand, John Sheppard is more dangerous to you than I am. Take your friend, Jennifer Keller, on the shuttle with you."

Ignoring his words, I concentrated on what he was doing to my body as he stroked my palm. _It's not really a good idea for you to do that right now, you know._ Gulping at what I just admitted to him with that thought, I took my other hand and placed it on his chest as he'd done to me. I heard him moan softly. Looking him in the eye, I said: "Thanks for your concern, but I'll be fine." _Missing you, though._

_**Heather, please. Human males... they think about their needs more than anything else.**_

_I've grown up on Earth with human males Todd. I know what they are like. I can handle him if I need to. _

_**If you express your concern to Jennifer Keller would she not go with you?**_

_Yes, but Todd... She'll think I'm nuts. And John will think I don't trust him. It's..._

"Heather," John said from the doorway before it even completely opened for him, "You ready to go?"

"Uhh...Yea..." I said, turning around to face him.

"John Sheppard," Todd intoned, "As Heather is part wraith, I must express my displeasure that she will be traveling alone with a male. It is unseemly for a queen."

"She's a queen?" John replied, looking oddly at me.

"Any wraith female is a queen with or without a hive."

Looking at me, John asked, "Heather, do you feel uncomfortable going alone with me?"

_Oh, don't ask me that you ass. _"Of course not John, I trust you."

"There you go." John said, smiling at Todd, "The queen has spoken."

_Ahh... great. _ John's choice to use my status against Todd while somehow cheapening that status at the same time annoyed me on several levels, so I found myself saying, "John, Todd does have a point though. Even some cultures on Earth now would think it inappropriate. I don't want my great grandmother looking down at us and thinking I'm... you know."

"Hey, if she's watching than we aren't really alone anyway!"

I laughed and answered, "I know Jen's busy getting everything ready to go. Maybe we can see if there's a female officer off duty that wouldn't mind a trip."

"Heather, I don't have time to sit here and wait around for you to find someone. I have stuff to do before we leave too."

"I know. I just..."

Just then my ear bud sparked to life, "Heather?"

Glad for the interruption, I answered, "Hey Amelia!"

"Hi. Ronon and I were just talking. We're going to get a snack in the caf. Do you want to come along?" Amelia Banks asked.

"Umm.. honestly... I'd love to but I'm having a mini crisis..."

"I'll kill him..." Ronon said in the background, "I'll kill him.. I'll be there in two minutes."

"Ronon!" I sharply answered while rolling my eyes, "Todd's not the crisis! I need to get stuff out of my apartment before Atlantis leaves and... I need help carrying boxes and stuff. We have such limited time... John's coming... can you guys come with us?"

"Sure," Amelia answered, "I'm off for a day anyway. Ronon's shaking his head yes too. We'll meet you at the upper bay in... five minutes?"

"Ha!" I said throwing a look at John, "That's perfect! Thank you guys so much!" _That work_

_**You must still be careful.**_

_You worry too much. But, I have to admit.. I like that you worry about me. I'll be careful. I promise. Ronon's like a big brother to me.. he'd kill you and he'll kill John if he gets out of line. Well, knock him out at least..._

_**If you need me I can hear you but I will be unable to come for you Heather.**_

_I won't need you. Ronon's just as good as carrying boxes as you... and he eats normal food. _

_**Hmm.**_ I smiled at his mental sigh. Walking back towards Todd figuring I'd hug him goodbye at least, I got half way there before Todd's thought pushed through my mental packing list. _**Heather, I'd like nothing more than to hold you but we are watched. If you get much closer I will not wish to stop myself. **_

_Oh... right... Um..._ Smiling at him, I said," Todd, I'll be back in a day. See you then. I won't say bye because I'm coing back at all.. So... instead... I'll say live long and prosper."

Shaking his head, John said, "Hey Geek.. you don't say that to a wraith! Hello! Earth to Heather.. if they prosper we die and they already live a long time! Geez!"

Laughing at his antics, I walked towards John and said, "Come on.. we better go." He followed me out of Todd's cell, with his hand on the small of my back. I didn't need to feel Todd's growl to know he'd seen it. With a mental plea for his calm and him to trust me, I felt Todd master his anger.

John's smirking face walking at my side convinced me that he'd touched me just to anger Todd. Mentally weighing the idea of acting like I had a crush to John so he'd really how stupid his actions could have been, I felt Todd's total rage. _Okay, okay.._ I mental said I was sorry for even bring it up and after swearing again that I'd be careful, I felt Todd's mental connection without reading any more anger from him. He was still worried but at least he wasn't on kill John mode anymore. We walked to the jumper bay without speaking. Once there, I waved to Ronon and Amelia who were waiting. John stepped over to the shuttle and following him in, I asked, "John... um... can you teach me how to drive this thing?"

"Umm...Well.. I'm not supposed too..." John answered.

"Oh come on... I'll use the clock and everything. Please?"

Compressing his lips in thought, John closed the rear hatch and said, "Okay... Look... I'll let you but.. don't tell anyone. It's something you should know how to do I guess if your coming with us and all so... alright. But, let me..."

"Great!" I said, practically flying into the pilot seat. Looking around at the controls, I was in heaven. _I'm about to fly! _I heard the engines start up could feel that they were moving away from the ship. Looking out the window, saw the puddle jumper was already hovering about a foot off the ground. "Oh.. cool... I can so do this! Amelia, Ronon, hang on!" I said with a laugh and concentrating on my desire to dash out of the hanger and into the air I felt the ship respond to my mental command.

"..get us out of the jumper bay." John finished his sentence and with a sigh sat down in the chair next to me.

Amelia and I were on packing duty while Ronon and John carry boxes to the puddle jumper. Half way through, I'd taken a part all of my clothes and started taking pictures of the pieces I was taking. So that I could have two copies: one to leave at home and one to take with me. S_ince I'm not going through an airport, this might be overkill but at least it will make choosing outfits easier... I'm such a girly girl! _ Working none stop, we got my apartment cleaned out in six hours. Breaking my lease, I also turned off the utilizes and gave back my keys. While walking back to the jumper, John explained that I might want to make an account that I could access from off world. "Just in case you want them to send you anything unimportant on the supply runs and even you just want to hook into the internet to download music you'll need an account that the military can tap into for you."

Nodding, I set the ship down in a park a block away from my bank. "I can go by myself." I said getting up.

"Nah," John said helpfully, "Setting up military accounts can be a pain. I'll come with you. Ronon... stay here will you?"

"Okay." Ropnon replied turning towards Amelia.

"Honey, I'm going to go too." Ameila said, "I want to transfer money into my military account... I was going to do it over the phone but I might as well do it now."

Nodding, Ronon sat down and put his feet up on the counsel. _Damn it! _

Silently cursing my luck all the way to the bank, I was happy to see the long time at the teller's window. Walking over to the customer service area while Amelia walked to the teller I silently prayed that I'd get in and out before she came back over. Ten minutes later, Ameila was back at my side as the bank manager ushered us into her office. After explaining what I wanted to go, I signed a mountain of papers and quietly turned most of my money back over to my parents. When the bank manager asked how much to apply to the military account, I answered, "One million for right now." John didn't flinch at the amount, while Ameila seemed to be boring holes in the back of my head as I signed papers. _There goes my wish of being normal on Atlantis Oh God... just wait until you see my parent's house! _Flying the puddle jumper high into the atmosphere to give myself time to clear my head, I concentrated on the joy of flying. While Ameila and Ronon were talking in the back of the jumper, I quietly asked John, "When everyone found out your family was wealthy... did they treat you any different?"

"Nah..." he answered, "Is that why you've been so quiet?"

"Ameila almost had a heart attack when I kept the million."

"So did I... Why are you only keeping a million if you'll be back in six months. You closed up your condo... you aren't coming back here are you?"

I laughed, "You noticed it was a condo, huh?"

"Heather, you know how I grew up.. don't change the topic."

"I know..." I answered honestly: "I might not survive Pegasus. Even if Todd's tries to protect me... there are no guarantees... So, I'd prefer to have everything dealt with just in case."

"Don't you think dealing with everything will cause your parents concern?"

"Yea... I was thinking maybe since we have time... well... I should see them. I know I can't tell them where I'm going or what I'm doing.. but..." It was odd having half of my mind flying the jumper while the other half spoke. Odder still to know that this might be the last time I ever saw my parents as Todd wanted me to stay with him in Pegasus. Knowing I didn't know what I really intended to do, so it seemed like I should make sure I see them. No matter what.

"Do you okay this with President Lamberton?"

"No." I answered with a grimace.

"Ahh..." He scowled, "Heather, you are killing me here. It's only six months... you can see them when you come home..."

Saying a silent prayer for my upcoming lie, I calling upon my acting ability and turned my tear filling eyes to him, I said, "But...but, what if I don't come back, John? What if I'm wrong and I never come home.. please.. can we see them.. just in case."

Looking confused, John said, "I thought you're sure you trust him, Heather."

"I do." I responded honestly, "But I'm only human... I could be wrong, John. If I am..."

"Then maybe you should stay here... there's no need for you to be in danger Heather."

O_h.. I gotta pull it back.. just a bit... Um... _"No, I need to do this. John, I need to see if I can make the alliance work." Turning to look out the window at the clouds soaring below us, I said, "I just... I'd feel better if I could see them... that's all."

Ronon walked up to the front of the puddle jumper. John looked over at him, obviously waiting for him to tell me that I should be staying here. "John," Ronon said, "If she wants to say goodbye to her parents... She should."

_That is a surprise._ He should be screaming at me to stay behind where it was safe. Ronon distrusts Todd more than anyone. Anything that even remotely smells like Wraith is evil to him. Taking a deep breath to calm my anger, I realized his angle. Ronon's remark wasn't kind. He honestly and literally expects me to be saying goodbye to my parents. Ronon was sure I am on a suicide mission and he'd given up on trying to save me from myself. Looking over at John, I was appeased by the fact that John looked outraged. _He must have come to the same conclusion that I had._

"Heather's coming back here, Ronon. We are going to make sure of it." John said tightly.

Shaking his head, Ronon replied, "You can't save someone who doesn't want to listen to reason."

"Reason? You think you're reasonable about this? You'd rather fight and kill a whole species... that makes you just as guilty as they are Ronon. Maybe more so. You don't think it's cowardly to kill first and ask questions later?" I thought I felt the jumper shiver.

"Cowardly! It's called survival Heather!" Ronon thundered, "You can't talk to them... They are Wraith. They'd been hunting my people for more millions of years! Todd's no different and he will kill you!"

"Maybe you'll kill me before he does." I shot back. A second later, I noticed that the jumper's shivering has increasing.

"Enough you too!" John ordered. "Ahh! I can't take control of this thing! Heather, if you are too emotional to fly this thing, give me control on the ship!"

"I'm fine!" I responded in the same tone as John's order. "You.. you were trying to take control?"

"Yes, you aren't even watching where you are flying!"

"It would warn me if we were in danger!" I confidently replied to him, "And in that case.. We are going to see my parents. If he asks, you can tell your commander-in-chief that I hijacked the jumper." I turned the jumper towards my parent's home. "Since we are going so fast, it should only take about 20 minutes to get there."

"Works for me." John replied as he closed his eyes and laid his head back on the headrest.

Throwing his hands up in the air, Ronon turned and stomped back to his seat. Watching his retreating back in the window, I wondered for the hundredth time if he was right.

_**Heather. **_

_Yea?_

_**I understand your fear. But, you are my **__**Dilectissima. My Queen and my life. I look forward to the day when you believe that. **_

_You can feel my thoughts... even this far away?_

_**You are my **__**Dilectissima.**_

Smiling, I watched as the clouds moved below the jumper. _It's great traveling like this... almost romantic._ Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Amelia lay her head on Ronon's shoulder and he bend down to kiss her forehead. _I will be as quick as I can, Todd.. _

_** Do not rush this time you have with your parents. I regret that I will be unable to meet your parents: to thank them for creating my **__**Dilectissima. I swear to you and them that you will be safe with me. Tell them as much as you can, Heather.**_

_If the alliance works... Do you think we can invite them to come visit for a few weeks?_

_** If your people would allow it, I would be honored.**_

Gulping down my tears, I took a few deep breaths. _Even if there was an alliance and if it was perfect, no one on Earth would even know about it. If I do as you wish... As Lal wishes... I'm never going to see them or my friends again. _I felt his mind try to send me comfort.

_**I will not lie to you: It is possible that you will not. Yet, you will gain family as well. Our people are your family. **_

"Heather," John said, "Any reason why we are circling around here?"

Looking out the window, I said, "We're here." Circling to my favorite area of my parent's property, I lowered the cloaked jumper to the ground about a mile away from the house. I could have parked closer but I wanted the time to think. Opening the hatch, I heard Ameila inhale at the sight of the lake and smiled looking out myself. It was just as beautiful as I remembered it. From here, you couldn't see my parent's hone. It felt like you were on the edge of the world. The trees reaching up around you, making you feel protected from the outside world. The dark blue waters didn't seem to be moving, instead they waited for the slightest wind to come long and ripple the water. Almost like the winds only purpose was to remind you that the planet is moving: was alive. _After only being gone for a few months, I already feel like I've been gone for years._

_**I understand your conflict; your desire to stay with those you love. You could choose to remain here. I will not force you**__**.**_

_I know, Todd. I want to come with you for a little bit at least... I want to meet my great grandfather and his mother. I want to be honest with you... But, I'd rather explain it to you face-to-face okay? Not like this. _Walkingto the back of the shuttle, I intended to grab the largestof the boxes that I'd marked to be handed over to my parents, seeing this John laughed and shook his head as he pulled it out of my hands. Ronon picked up the remaining box. "Thanks," I said. Turning towards the house, I said, "It's this way." Walking slowly, I made the trek to my childhood home. I felt Todd's misery at my sorrow and I felt guilty about that too. Neither of us spoke as he understood my wish for quiet. It didn't seem like Amelia intended to give me that quiet as she chatted away the closer we got to my parent's house.

John interrupted her fifth attempted to get me to tell her about my parent's home to ask, "You sure the jumper will be okay? Cloaking the ship works great unless if someone bumps into it."

"It's fine, John. The forest we're trekking through is thirty-nine miles inside the property line. Since I was little, I've never seen anyone exploring in here... well, besides me."

"Wow! Thirty-nine miles!" Ameila exclaimed. "Do you..."

Stopping, I rounded on her, "Alright, that's it. Yes, my parent's have a mansion; you'll drool over that in around ten minutes. What else do people ask when they see it.. um... yes, we have maids, a butler, a gardener, oh, and a cook. We've got five horse on the grounds and my dad has a race track too. No, you can't visit the horses or the racetrack today because according to your boyfriend, I've got to go back to Atlantis in a few hours and rush off to my death so I'd like to spend some time with my family, thank you. Do you think you could shut up now?"

"I.."

Not waiting for her to complete her thought, I spin around and continued on to the house. Ronon and Amelia walked a little behind as John jogged up to my side, "Heather, she didn't..."

"John, don't. You're lucky. Sometimes walking away from the money is better... at least you don't have to deal with this crap."

"Hey." John said, "I walked away because I had a falling out with my parents... I'd rather I would have had as close a relationship to my parents as Jen says you do with yours. She's always said your parents are wonderful down-to-Earth people..."

"They are."

"So, why are you so... tense?"

"I'm not tense. I just want her to shut the hell up. Is that too much to ask?" I saw John start to answer me and I wanted to scream. "John, I just want to be alone with my thoughts for a bit, okay?"

Giving me a hard look around the box, John said, "Heather, look... I know you're scared. You should be. Very Scared. Ronon's just worried about you. We all are. But, no matter what, we will protect you... you have to know that."

I didn't answer. I did know that and that's what worried me. _How will I ever get away from them to go with Todd to meet my great grandfather and his mother? How will we do that without starting a war? _

_** Do not worry about that now, Heather. These are not thoughts that you must entertain at this moment. Enjoy your time with your human family.**_

_It's hard not too. Ronon's spilling for a fight against you. _

_**Ronon is not a danger to me. Ignore him. **_

_Some wraith thought he was.. he was a runner._

Todd's laugher reverberated through my head. _**Heather, runners are humans that can survive the implantation of the tracking device and are fun to play with before killing... they are not humans we count as dangerous to us. They are a fun kill. Nothing more.**_

_ Fun to... that's why you goat him every change you get? _

_** I will not lie to you; he is stronger than most runners I've encountered. And his kill rate is... impressive but they are all young wraith compared to me. His kills would not have been able to survive the youngest wraith on my hive. I goat him as it is helpful on many levels. His respect of me is higher than for any other wraith. I am not a mindless killer to him... one day I might even be an ally though even then I am sure he will be waiting for the chance to kill me. Even for a human male, he does have a small one track mind, after all.**_

Smiling at Todd's comment, I noticed that his little talk had helped me calm down. I could see my parent's home now. I knew that security must have picked up our movement the moment we stepped out by the lake so I wasn't surprised to see James, our butler, standing outside watching us approach. Waving, I saw him lose his traditional English butler demeanor for only a second in surprise. Opening the door to the hall, he stepped inside no doubt to inform my parents of my arrival. He was back before I'd even gotten to the main door. "Miss Heather, your parent's were not expecting you.. nor your guests.."

"I know James.. I should have called, but.. well.. I'm sure Frank has communicated that we are on a tight military timetable. I had a few boxes I wanted to leave here instead of at my apartment, so... I figured I'd stop by."

"Of Course." He said as he easily took the box from Amelia. "I am glad to see you. Your parent's have been very concerned about your mission."

"How much have they been able to share with you, James?"

"Not much. Your father seemed quite concerned after President Lamberton's last call. He flew all the way to Washington to speak to him in person."

"So they aren't here?"

"Your mother stayed behind as she was sure you'd find a way to come home soon. She's shopping right now as she was sure you'd want some home cooking before you returned to your mission. Sam and your mother are shopping as we speak. I took the liberty of preparing rooms for your guests to ready themselves for dinner." He said, giving Ronon's clothing a once over, James continued, "And I will have suitable clothing sent up to them as well."

"Thank you, James. As always you've thought of everything." I replied, ignoring John's raised eyebrow and Ronon's stance telegraphing his seemingly endless distrust of everything in the universe.

"Why don't you go relax in your room while I escort your guests to their rooms."

"Thank you for the offer James, but as you can see.." I replied, "They have questions for me so I might as well answer them while I'm taking them to their rooms. I assume you readied the three guest rooms in the West Wing?"

"We don't need rooms, Heather." Ronon interrupted, "We aren't changing for dinner. But, we need to speak... now."

"Ronon," I patiently replied, "It won't be as bad as you think. It's not a suit or anything.. but.. well, no one wearing leather has even been at my mother's table and.. I promise James will find you something casual."

"Heather," Ronon began before John gave him a slow shake of his head and Ronon quieted while still obviously simmering unhappily.

Turning my attention back to James, I said, "Thank you James for your help. I will take them to the west wing.. if you would please call mother and let her know that we have three additional guests for dinner."

"Consider it done, Heather. Gentlemen, please leave your boxes here and I will have them moved to the appropriate locations."

"Thank you James." Giving James a quick peek on the cheek, I turned to my angry band of travels and with a false flourish stated, "This way please!" Walking towards the steps, I headed up the main staircase. I didn't need to pay attention to where I was going as my feet new this place by heart. It was my heart. So, I didn't look up. I just looked at my feet, concentrated on putting on feet in front of the other, and tried not to cry. I loved everyone here. Everything here screamed home and knowing that I might never see it again made even looking at the rug painful. _I wish you could have come here with me instead of Ronon. Not like my mother would approve of your prison uniform... or your wraith uniform, come to think of it..._

_**Your mother would not approve of her daughter's choice in a male because of the style of his clothing?**_

_ W_ith my inner turmoil I found it astonishing that Todd's question was enough to make me smile and it was enough to make me snap out of my funk. _Yes and no. Though I think your wraith uniform is cool, my mom would think it was a bit too.. alien. And no mother wants her daughter hanging out with prisoners. _

_**Hmm... I would think my feeding hand would cause her more concern than my clothing. **_

_I think she would see your tattoo first... you're tattoo and the prison uniform... That would be it. She'd lock me in my room. No Pegasus for me! _Imagining my mother throwing the biker wraith from the house, I wanted to laugh. _Wait... In Pegasus, a lot of the pictures show humans and wraith in leather! That's why Ronon's upset! He doesn't get that leather here is perceived as either scary or disgusting! _I could feel that Todd found the idea of a fabric causing fear or disgust to be amusing. _I'll explain later..._

_**There is no need.**__**I am glad that you do not hold these perceptions to be true. **_

_ You'd look kind of sexy as a biker, Todd. _I could tell he wanted to continue this conversation but I also knew I needed to speak to the people who couldn't read my mind. _I'm sorry, but I really need to speak to Ronon. My mom could be home any minute and I'd like him to look normal... well, normal to her._

_**You will need years for that. Atlantis leaves within hours.**_ With that laughable parting thought, Todd was present but silent in my mind.

Arriving at the first guest room, I waved John, Amelia, and Ronon inside. Once I followed them in and shut the door, I began, "On Earth, leather's are worn by only some people, Ronon... bad people ... well, supposedly bad people and...eh..."

John shook his head, "Heather, stop... What Heather is trying to say is that people here expect dinner guests to be dressed more... mainstream here. Think of it like dealing with an even more conservative IOA with much better food."

Insulted I repeated, "IOA". Even I could hear the anger and hurt in my voice, I geared up to give John a piece of my mind when I felt Todd's concern at my feelings. _I'm fine._ "John, my parents are nothing like the IOA and if you want to say such hateful things, you can just leave right now. Just because your parents' were as.."

"You're the one worried about how he's dressed Heather!" John said, his voice rising.

"From what I was told, you made him wear a suit!" I shot back.

"It was my father's funeral!" He yelled angrily.

"So... " I yelled back and taking a breath I realized what he'd just said. "His funeral? Jen never told me that." I finished more quietly, feeling quite stupid.

"Look," Amelia said, "let's calm down. Ronon's can wear a pair of jeans and a T-shirt... he'll be fine with that."

"John," I said meekly walking towards him, "I'm so sorry.. I didn't realize why you..." Sighing, I took a deep breath and looking him in the eyes, I said, "John, I'm sorry. I should have said that. Any of it. I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, John pated my hand as he said, "You didn't know. And considering what you know of my parents... I'm not surprised you thought that... hell, if it would have been a normal trip... I won't have subjected Ronon to them because he'd have to wear the monkey suit anyway."

There was a knock on the door and I heard James' voice call out, "Heather, may I come in?"

"Of course, James." I called out.

James opened the door and walking towards me, he said "My dear, I've brought a few opinions for your approval as I was unsure what the... gentleman would prefer." Walking past me, James put the three shirts and two pants on the bed. Looking back at me, his eyebrow raised when he noticed how close John was with me. "Heather, your mother should be arriving any minute."

Walking over to James, I quickly picked up the first black pants I saw and riffling through the shirt choices, I settled on the plain white button down shirt. "It's not jeans, Ronon... but it's not too bad, right?"

"Okay. Sure." Ronon answered.

"My dear, why don't you show your friend where she can clean up? I am sure she wishes to change as well before dinner. I had some clothes pulled for you as well, so you may change before your mother returns." Knowing James my whole life, I was sure he'd already looked at John as a potential husband for me and found him to be lacking. He didn't like my choice in friends and was sure my mother wouldn't either... _if he only knew how right he was._

"Thank you James." I replied, "Please have her things brought to Ronon's room as she'll be staying here with him."

"Nah," John said, "I'm sure your parents wouldn't approve of two unmarried people staying in the same room under their roof... Amelia, why don't you hang out with Heather and keep her company."

"Of course Col. Sheppard," Amelia replied.

_Oh, my god... _"John, there's no need to worry... my mother will be fine with it." I said tightly. _I'll be followed in my own home so I can't tell my mother anything! No way in hell. _

"Just the same," John said, "It is proper this way Heather. End of story."

"There is no need." I said taking a step towards him, I continued barely audibly: "You aren't the coronal here; this is my home!"

"I am still Amelia's commanding officer regardless if we are on base or not." He replied just as quietly.

_**Heather?**_

"It will be fun, Heather... I can help you pack up those things you wanted to take from here. Four hands are better than two." Amelia said with a smile.

_Todd, John's made it so that I won't ever be alone... there is no way for me to tell my mom anything now! Amelia's going to be with me every second.. I know it! Damn it!_

Even with all of my anger, I couldn't help my giggle as I heard Todd mental growl. Amelia joined in my giggling, glad that I'd seemed to come around and blissfully unaware of the danger she was in. _**I'd be happy to kill them upon your return for this betrayal. **_

_No, Todd. Don't. _His words stopped my laugher and I didn't bother to hide that fact from him. _Don't you even think about killing my friends... ever. _

_**They do not understand. They hurt you at every turn.**_

_ Yes, you are right. They do... but they hurt me in trying to protect me. Don't you see..._

_**If a wraith hurt me as they do you, I would kill him. **_

_Humans don't think as you do... we look at the reasons for actions and judge accordingly..._

Now, I heard Todd's laughter in my head. _**You are very young, My Queen. And why did your human friends then not look at my reasons for taking the **__**Daedalus? Why were you the first to understand that I left the crew to die on the Daedalus instead of as food for my crew because I care about our alliance?**_

_Let me ask you this...If I would have been there, would you have left me?_

_** Of course I would not... you are my **__**Dilectissima**__. _

_The same way that my death isn't something that is an option for you... It is as my people feel... Earthlings care about any human life. They are trying to keep me from getting killed by a wraith that they don't trust... Even if they are wrong, they are doing it out of love for me. _Calmed down now, I said the only thing I could control, "John, so I assume you will not be needing a room for yourself either... you'll stay here with Ronon."

"Sure", he said easily and with a huge smile._ Oh how sweet... John thinks he's won._

"You know..." I said returning John's smile while speaking to James, "James, I'm sure mom won't mind... I feel like getting dressed up tonight... could you find these fine Gentlemen some tuxs, please James?"

"Of course, Heather." James answered and smiling walked out the door.


	10. Chapter 9 Part 1

**Chapter 9**

_Who would have thought that Amelia Banks was worse than me?_ I asked myself for the millionth time as I watched her create the perfect updo for her hair. Jake, my favorite maid, had brought in three dresses for her to try on and Amelia had taken great pleasure in trying on each and every one of them, six times, before deciding on the white Reem Acra gown that I'd always called my Princess Leia gown. It's belt was very similar to Leia's costume in "A New Hope" yet its neckline and cut was different and far more flattering. Jake had pulled my favorite simple black gown for me. On seeing it, I knew it wasn't what I was going to wear as I knew I'd want to take it to Pegasus with me. Taking a picture of it to add to my growing pile, I went into my closet to see what else I could wear. Coming to the brand new bright pink Oscar de la Renta gown that gathered covered my upper half perfectly while showing a playful side with girly riffles layered across the bottom, I smiled. _Todd, I can't wait to see what you think of my clothing. I found a dress that I'd bet you hate..._ _Never worn it yet, so I'm breaking it out tonight to give it some Earth time before I take it half way across the galaxy._

_ **I find it to be acceptable. It is good that you do not dress as others on your planet.** **You should not be revealing in your dress, Heather. It is not...**_

****_Appropriate. It's funny you keep saying that... the pictures I've seen of Wraith Queens always seem to have them in reveling dresses. It doesn't look like wraith think of that as being inappropriate. _

_ **When I was a child, queens dressed more conservatively. The Queens that your people have encountered have all been young.** **Queens have seen how their dress can affect human males so wearing less fabric allows for easier information gathering. It is weak and now they do not even understand why they dress as they do.**_

****_The queen that led the original attack on Atlantis 10,000 years ago dressed as the queens I've seen pictures of._

_ **That would be correct. ** _

I felt something bled through our connection when he said that... _fear... maybe embarrassment? You don't want me to ask you how old you really are? Am I reading this right... you are embarrassed of your age?_

_ **I fear it will make you uncomfortable. I fear you will no longer find me... desirable.**_

****_You eat humans! If that didn't stop me from liking you, nothing will. _

_ **As a human, it would be natural to assume that a wraith of my age would be incapable of reproduction. I assure you, I am quite capable in that regard.**_

****Though I wanted to hide my shock, I could feel his disappointment in my thoughts. In the back of my mind, leaving Earth and my parents, also meant leaving behind human normalcy like marriage and children. _This is another conversation I'd prefer to have in person, Todd. _

**_Yes, my Queen._**

****Looking over at Amelia, I realized she'd started raiding my makeup vanity. Sighing in my head at the conversation with Todd and Amelia's raiding, I remembered that dinner with my mother was going to be another fun discussion... well, non-discussion. _I wish you were here._

_ **I am with you... always.**_

****_I meant physically here. _

**_Ah. I am here for you Heather, even when I am physically far from you. _**

_Unless you can give me a real hug right now, that's not going to fix this._

_ **A hug would not fix this, it might be a temporary balm to your soul but nothing will fix the pain you are in. I wish I could take it for you. I cannot. I can only add more doubt. I feel I must warn you: Wraith and Humans might never be friends, Heather. Even with our Alliance, I am confident it will correct the Wraith's course but humans must want to work side-by-side with us. Those on your world might not be ready to do so... **_

****_AndI'll be a traitor to them. Yes, I figured that out. _Seeing Amelia was talking, I went to answer her with an apology for my spacing out when I suddenly realized Ronon was next to her. He must have walked in while I'd been speaking with Todd. _Some already think I am. _

**_ The Satedan_** **_does not believe you betrayed your people... I am sure he believes the evil Wraith has once again led a human astray._**

_ In Pegasus, you once said there are female worshippers... that some wraith sleep with them?_

_ **Sometimes... Wraith indulge their urges, especially young wraith.**_

****_Young wraith... Those that have a long time to wait to become commander and have a queen of their own._

_ **Not every wraith male will or can become commander. **_

****_Soldiers... can they... um... Are they capable of reproduction? _I could feel his amusement at my discomfort with asking such a question.

**_They cannot reproduce with a Queen, but they are capable of having intercourse._**

****_Oh... And because they are mindless are they normally the wraith that rape on the hive?_

_ **A soldier is certainly more animalistic, but mindless would be an inaccurate human label. They are capable of controlling their urges even without a queen's or commander's intervention. As with humans, anyone can be a rapist. I have known many **_**sadist_ Commanders. Rape is not a crime reserved for only one portion of our society. _**

****_Teyla said that you had strong rules about rape on your hive... You wouldn't have had to instill that directive to protect your sister... so why did you?_

**_ I am surprised you need to ask that. One of my reasons should be obvious now that you know what you are. Heather, my _****_Dilectissima and my Queen... If you knew Wraith on my hive had done such things, would you ever truly feel comfortable there? _**

****_You could have lied to me._

_ **Wraith do not lie to their Queen.**_

_ I am glad... What was the additional reason? _

_ **We will speak about that another time. **_

****_Why not now?_

_ **When you ask to speak to me about things in person, do I question it?**_

****_I am Queen?_

_ **As queen, your commands are law but in some things... I require your indulgence.**_

****_You would never say that to a Wraith queen._

_ **You are my true Wraith Queen and my loyalties are to you and our people. Your logic that some things are better spoken of in person is quite correct. It is important that you never doubt your position and power. But, you must be aware that your loyalties are to both of your heritages. Do not think I fault you for that, your consciences of humans and Wraith alike will only strengthen the alliance. But, there will be times where I must speak to you, privately, as an equal.**_

****_And if we still disagree?_

_ **We will work it out together, my Queen.**_

****_Right. _

Amelia waved her hand in front of my face, impatiently. "Heather? Hello?"

_ Oops!_ "Sorry, Amelia... What were you saying?"

"Where were you just now?" Ronon asked stepping towards me and eyeing me closely.

_Ronon knows I was just speaking to you... _"No where... I was just thinking... worrying mostly." I answered, being careful to look him in the eye, "I'm going to another galaxy, Ronon where my species is food. Everyone is counting on me to do this right and I'm worried."

"Funny... you haven't seemed worried before."

"I'm human, Ronon, aren't I? Of course I'm worried..."

"So, don't do this. Stay here where it's safe."

"I won't run from fear Ronon... fear breeds hate... I understand where you are coming from... But, I won't hate them because I'm afraid... I won't cower in the shadows in fear, running from them. It's time to stop fearing them and start figuring out a way to make everything work..." Instantaneously, I felt Todd's concern that my thoughts and my words would cause Ronon to hurt me.

Todd's fear had me backing away before I'd realized that Ronon had moved. "I'm not afraid of them!" Ronon thundered and grabbing me, he shook me hard as he yelled, "I'm not afraid!"

"Ronon!" Amelia yelled, turning over my makeup table in her hurry to pull me out of his grasp. "Let her go!" Ronon's anger was so great that Amelia's strong hands and words weren't enough to break his hold on me.

_ Oh god. _I heard a door crash behind me. _Ronon's lost it... _Before the thought was fully formed, I was free. My instincts screamed for me to run for the door and turning towards it, I saw John coming up towards the door. _What the he.._. Spinning back around, I saw my savor.

James was standing over Ronon's unmoving body with his fists clenched. He wasn't looking at me, instead he was looking down at Ronon. Amelia was already at Ronon's side and checking that he was alright. Satisfied that he'd be alright, Amelia stood up. "Military, are you?" Amelia asked James.

As I'd expected, James only answer was an affirmative nod before he went to start cleaning up the mess: righting tables and picking my makeup up off the floor. Amelia looked to John for permission to ask some more. _What, no wraith here to interrogate, so you'll bother my staff after he saved me from your boyfriend? _ I'd barely been able to get James to talk to me about his Military service when I was a kid doing school projects. When I'd try to pin him down on it, my father had always stressed that service wasn't something that a child should hear about to begin with and that James must have his reasons for not wanting to talk about it. _No way. _"James..." I called. Realizing that I was slightly breathlessly calling him without honestly trying to be, it was sobering to realize that I was legitimately shaken up.

Crossing to my side in three strides, James carefully touched my right shoulder as he watched my face. "Does this hurt, Heather?" When James touched my left shoulder, my whole body shirked away from him in pain. James's expression darkened and looking down at Ronon. James looked positively ready to kill.

"James," I said softly, "Ronon... he lost it... But, he's not normally like that... things have been really tough... he's not himself right now."

"Perhaps you don't know these people as well as you think you do, Heather." James replied. "Perhaps, you should rethink your going with them into war. I worry about your safety with them." Giving John a hard look, James said: "The people under your command, Coronal, leave a lot to be desired."

Stepping into the room, John answered him stiffly, "My people are trying to save Heather. You don't have an idea what is going on, James, so back off." Walking towards me, John went to reach for my shoulder to check it out himself, when James intercepted his hand.

"James!" I said sharply, half worried that John would hurt him and half worried that James would hurt John.

"I will not allow another of your friends to cause you pain." James answered me just as sharply without letting go of John's hand.

Seeing John try to break out James grasp, I was briefly surprised to see that John couldn't seem to do it. Then, John broke free with a smile. "I'm not going to hurt her, James. I just want to check her myself..." Carefully touching my shoulder, I could see John calculating his chances of taking me back to base now so Jen could look at my shoulder.

"I'm staying here, John" I said, "I'll be fine."

"Heather, it's already bruising pretty bad..."

"I'm not leaving without spending time with my mother."

"Your mother would want you to get looked at." John retorted.

"Her mother," James said, "wouldn't want her around men that cannot control themselves."

"Don't you have a coat to hang up or something?" Amelia asked James.

"Amelia!" I screeched, "Don't you dare speak to anyone in my house like that. Ever."

"I don't see you defending Ronon!" she screamed back at me.

"He attacked me! Not Todd! Me!" I yelled throwing up my hands. The pain hit a second after I'd realized my mistake. James was at my side and with his supporting arm around my waist, as one, we turned and walked out of the room before either of them responded.

"James, private would be good while you look at my shoulder... I've had enough of them for awhile." Nodding, James helped me to my parent's room in the west wing of the third floor. Once we arrived there, he looked at my shoulder. Calling down to the kitchen for ice, he worked quietly stretching my shoulder this way and that. "Oww.." I groaned.

"I am sorry, Heather, but this must be done."

"It's that bad?"

"Yes."

"Damn. Todd's going to kill Ronon when he sees it." I felt my eyes go wide as I realized I'd made the mistake of naming a man that James didn't know. As if I was sixteen again, I found myself hoping that James wouldn't ask who Todd was. _Please don't ask.. I don't want to lie to you... oh, please don't ask... _James kept working on my shoulder. After a few more groans as he worked my shoulder muscle, I was comfortable enough to move without yelping or flinching. "It's starting to feel better, James. Thank you."

"Hmm." He responded, while getting up to answer the door. He came back with ice and applied it to my shoulder. "Perhaps this Todd would be correct in killing them. If this man hurt you once, he will hurt you again."

I have a short bark of laughter, "Ronon's upset because he thinks I'm putting myself in danger."

"Ronon's upset because he fears you."

"No...Maybe... Hell, I fear me right now. But, I need to do this. Please, don't try to stop me."

"I would not stop you from your course. You must trust your instincts Heather..."

I found myself smiling up at him, as I thought: _You'd think my instincts were crazy if you realized what's going on._ Instead I replied, "I've been working on it."

"This... mission of yours. You fear it?"

I sighed. "Yes. But, it's very important... and I think... if it is works... I might get everything I ever wanted."

"Yet, you fear it."

"Yes." I said looking away from him, I felt drawn to the pictures on my parent's dressing area. Walking over to them, I smiled at my smiling face as it stared back in all different ages and places. "When you went off to war, the first time... were you scared, James?"

"Yes." As he changed the ices position on my shoulder, he quietly continued, "It was my duty and I'd grown up wanting it. I wished to serve my people but... I was afraid, Heather: to be away from family, to fail, to change."

"But you still went... you worked through your fear?"

"Of course. It was my duty."

Nodding, mentally took a deep breath: "James, remember when I was younger... you said that I could tell you anything and you wouldn't tell my parents..."

"Of course I do."

"What if I were to tell you something now... that you couldn't tell them right away. Would you honor my request regardless of your personal feelings or thoughts on the matter?"

"You are an adult, Heather. You know your parents will support you. There is no need to hide from them."

"It's not them I'm wishing to hide it from... Col. Sheppard is under orders to stop me from telling. But, I need my parents to know... I need you and the staff to know. You're part of this family... you all are. I... I need you to do this for me James. I go on this mission if you don't."

"All right." Standing up, he walked to the bathroom suite and disappeared into it. Still inside, he said, "I promise to pass on your message, Heather."

"Thank you, James..." Closing my eyes, I tried to figure out what I was going to say before I said it. I needed to be careful. I wanted to tell him everything, tell my parents everything, but I couldn't. Everything was overwhelming. Everything was terrorizing. Everything would cause my parents too much pain. Opening my eyes, I saw James was standing by the bathroom door, watching me._ What's the most important thing I need them to know?_ "James, the mission I'm on... I... I might stay away for a long time. But, I want you guys to know that.. I'm.. safe and happy. Try not to worry about me. Tell my parents that I know the risks but I honestly believe.. he's a good... man."

James didn't answer me. Instead, he walked towards me and putting his hand under my chin, he tilted my head up. "Heather, I can see it in your eyes... you think he is your soul mate. This man the military is sending you to negotiate with?"

"Yes."

"And you fear him or your feelings for him?"

I paused thinking about the reports I'd read. The pictures I'd seen. The numbers of human killed as food for the wraith. The fear I felt just looking at him the first time without even knowing what he could do. I thought about the joy I felt when he touched my mind, the way he could make me smile, the way he was there for me and protected me, the way he said my name. "Both." I said with a smile, "I've never felt like this before James. My heart says to trust him and my head says to run as far away as I can."

"Yet, you are not running." James reminded me, "Even as a child, fear has not held you back. This is good. You will need to control your fear in order to complete your mission."

"How do you know that?"

"I have watched you grow up, Heather. Your fears weight on you. Your self-doubt holds you down. You fear this man, your Todd, because of who he is but also because of what he represents to you. You think of him with love and also with hate. You allow others fears to taint your own. Your instincts scream for you to go with him yet you fear losing yourself with him. I can tell. Those who have known you your whole life... you cannot hide these things from your mother."

"I don't want to... I just feel so... exposed with him. James, would you trust your feelings if... it was like someone was reading your mind?"

"Hmm... You have never been comfortable in your own head let alone with your body. It does not surprise me that such intimacy causes you concern. Even if he was reading your mind, what do you wish to hide from him if you feel so connected to him?"

I debated if I should risk tell him that the Wraith could come here and kill everyone: trying to foresee James and my parents' reactions to my trusting a monster while weighing my need to be truthful. _About _l_ife force sucking green aliens. _"It's a long high security clearance story."

"Ah. Very well." Tilting his head in question, James asked, "Knowing that you were coming to see your parents, I am surprised that he had nothing to say."

"No, he did.. he wanted me to assure my parents that he will take good care of me. That he will protect me."

"And does that comfort you?"

Realizing I'd never sat to think about it before I stumbled in my reply as pictures whipped through my head: His hiding his hands when we first met, the look of his face when he said he'd never harm me, the sound of him killing Lucian Alliance guys and him comforting me afterwards, the way he's looked at me and held me since... "I... I know he'll protect me James... I know he's telling the truth about that."

"I will tell your parents for you then." He replied with a nod.

"Thank you." I said stepping over to my mother's mirror. Fixing my hair, I'd just put the last piece back into place when Amelia opened the door.

"Heather, you okay?" She asked.

"Yes." I replied, "How is Ronon?"

"He'll be fine... He woke up a few minutes ago. He's sorry... really sorry, Heather." She said, looking around as she walked into the room, her eyes light up when she saw the partially opened door to my mother's closet. With the lights out in there, I knew it looked like it went on forever.

_No, you don't... you aren't going through my mother's things now too! _

Before I could step in front of her or open my mother to stop her thoughts, James moved in front of her, "Ladies, dinner was to be served five minutes ago. Heather, why don't you take your friend here to the dining room and I will escort the others to you."

"Thank you, James." I said with a grateful smile. Taking Amelia's arm, I herded her away from the closet she desperately wanted to check out. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her lost back at the closet as we started walking down the stairs.

Looking over at me, Amelia said, "Ronon's really upset that he hurt you... he can't believe he did that."

"I was scared of him, Amelia." I responded trailing my finger down the side banister, "I never thought he'd hurt me... Do you think he snapped like that because... because of my DNA?"

"No!" She responded instantly, seemingly truly horrified, "Heather, that's got nothing to do with it. He's just freaked out because it seems like... it seems like you might love Todd. Ronon can't imagine that... it's..."

"We're home, James! Heather... Heather, honey... Are you here?"

I was thrilled to hear my mother's voice drifting up through the staircase. "Mom!" I yelled back to her, "I'm coming!". Taking two stairs at a time, I ran down all three flights of steps and happily throw myself into her arms. "Oh, Mom..." I said tearing up as I hugged her, "I'm so glad your home..."

Hugging me just as fiercely as I hugged her, I couldn't help but think that I could never, would never, leave Earth. I felt Todd's apprehension at my thought but was relieved when he said nothing. I could feel my mother's smile in her arms, "Heather... honey...You're here." She whispered, "Thank God." I cried harder. Tightening her arms around me, she asked, "My dear... What's wrong?"

Looking wildly towards the stairs, I sew Amelia would be able to hear me in a few seconds, "James..." I whispered without moving my mouth, "Can't talk... James knows... Stupid rules." Louder, I straightened up and taking a deep claiming breath, I said, "Mom... I'm like you to meet Amelia Banks, she's part of the... base operations staff."

"Hello, Mrs. Burman... " Amelia said walking up to us, extending her hand.

Shaking Amelia's hand, my mother warmly said, "Welcome to our home Amelia." Looking at me, she continued, "Heather... I assume your guests have already been invited for dinner."

"Yes, mother." I answered and feeling Todd's thoughts of comfort I even managed a small smile. "James is bringing down the other two now."

"Jen and that guy... Rodney, is it?"

"No," I answered sadly, "Jen had work to do and she couldn't get away... It's Col. John Sheppard and... Ronon Dex."

"Ah..." She said, "Ronon's that guy who's been teaching you how to spar with Teyla?"

I saw Amelia's surprised look as if this was classified information. "Yes, Mom." I answered and looking over at Amelia, I said, "I talk to my mom every night."

"Heather," my mom asked, "Now, Col. Sheppard... He isn't that guy you've been working with a lot though... didn't you say his name was Todd?"

"She has been working with Todd, Ma'ma." John answered as he took the last few stairs. I wasn't surprised to see James walking next to Ronon, not letting him out of his sight. John continued, "But, I was happy to offer to bring your daughter for a visit. Todd's a bit.. um..."

"Green." I finished for him. "He's not feeling too well."

"Oh," my mother replied, "I'm so sorry to hear that... It's not serious I hope?"

"He'll be fine... Nothing a good meal wouldn't fix...Once the team gets underway I am sure he'll perk right back up."

"James please have a care package for Heather to bring back to him." My mother explained to John, "I've always found that a nice home cooked meal is always the best medicine when you're sick."

"Don't waste the food on him." Ronon responded under his breath but loud enough for me to hear.

"Ronon, I swear... if you don't shut the hell up..." I said, stepping towards him.

"Heather Michelle Burman!"

Not turning around to see my mother's disappointed face, I started to answer her outrage in the same tone as I had since I was sixteen, "Mom, I know he is a guest, but..." Turning towards my mother, I paused realizing I didn't want to fight with her on my last night on Earth in our home. _Priorities. _I turned back to Ronon and said, "Ronon, I'm sorry. I think what happened earlier must have scrambled some brain cells... Pardon me."_ Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Ohh... Todd, if there is anything you've heard about in my mind that you want to try, now would be the time to ask me. I'll have James pack it._

"What happened earlier?" My mother asked.

"Nothing big, Mom." I answered looking imploringly at James, silently begging him to keep quiet. "It's just been a long day, that's all." James silently turned and retreated to the kitchen. "I fell and... hurt my shoulder." ****

****"How did you fall? Are you alright?"

"It's sore but I'll live." I said as dismissively as possible, "Let's go have dinner... I'm hungry."

"You're all dressed quite formally for dinner."

Taking my mother's arm and starting for the dining room, I said, "You know me... any excuse to wear a gown."

"Heather, I am not going to be the only one at the table not dressed formally. It's your last night here for a little while... Let me go upstairs and change. We'll do this in style."

"Mom, it's okay... Everything will get cold."

As if on cue, James walked out of the kitchen and started towards me, "Heather, may we take a few minutes to show you the options that Sam has on hand to pack for Todd?" With a grin and a wave to me, my mother floated up the stairs to change. _Oy_... _Todd... This is so weird... I really wish my parents could meet you... I wish we could tell them everything. I wish they could give me their blessing. I wish... I wish things were... so different. _

_ ** I know, you do. We must build a better universe Heather. Together, we will.**_

****_You sound so sure of that._

_ **We must. I must. My queen wishes it... so I must create it for her. **_

****"John, Ronon, Amelia... pardon me for a few minutes. James, please take them into the dinner room while I go speak to Sam."

Shaking his head as if he could believe I'd said that, John said, "Ronon, you and Amelia go ahead... I'll keep Heather company."

_I hate this. I wish I could have come back here without John and everyone. I feel.. I feel..._

_ **I am sorry that my presence on Earth causes them to treat you this way. **_

****_It's not you..._

"I am sorry, Col. , but I cannot allow that." James told John, "She was assaulted by one of your men today... I will not allow Heather to be alone with any of you." Looking at me, he continued, "I will keep this from your mother, Heather, but if you go off alone with them again so soon after one lost his temper... I will be forced to tell your mother what happened so she may speak to the President about his men's actions."

"James!" I said silently thankful he was loyal to me even against the military. _I should get James a raise before I leave._

"I must insist, Heather."

Looking helplessly at John, I shrugged letting him believe he had to deal with James. I had to go back to Atlantis with these people so I would say nothing. Maybe Todd would count this as Ronon's time served for what had happened. It could be handled human to human: no blood, no death. John was weighting my parents and the President's wrathagainst his wishes. John was losing and he knew it. I could see that John wasn't happy and wasn't bothering to hide it. _Oh well. _Not bothering to hide my air of peacemaking, I said, "Why don't we all go to see Sam."

"Fine," John responded, "Let's go see to the doggie bag. Great."

With James walking in-between me and them, I was so thankful for the space I wanted to kiss him. Not everyone was happy with the arrangement. Ronon and Amelia both looked crestfallen while John just looked pissed, but I didn't care. Touching James' arm, I whispered, "Thanks." I didn't wait for a response. Walking to the kitchen, I was too happy to wait for anything and I couldn't help the warm fuzzy feeling that bubbled up inside of me. _I'm bringing back something for you to eat on my mother's orders... I know it's not going to make you feel any better but... Is there anything you want to try at least?_

_ **You have said you greatly enjoy your mother's chicken soup... I would like to taste that.**_

****_Roger that.. Oh... I'll get you some homemade bread too.. I hope Sam baked this morning._

_ **Heather, a commander cannot eat until his queen eats. You must bring back enough for you as well or I will not partake.**_

****_That's so.. sweet... _Seeing dueling feedings on hives in my mind's eye, I amended: _Well, it would be sweet if that didn't mean human deaths... never mind... I don't want to think about that right now._

_ **Then we will not. Heather,** **I'd like to try this sweet that you so love... Chocolate. I will remember the taste so I may replicate it for you once we return home. **_

_ You're worrying about my chocolate fix right now!_

_ **A commander's priority is always his queen... I cannot force your people to tell your parents the truth but I can bring as much of this Earth to you in my galaxy as is possible. **_

****_We're almost to the kitchen. I have to speak to the people in front of me now... _ Walking into the kitchen, I've never seen Sam so flustered in the kitchen, even when my parent's had throw dinner parties with heads of state and hundreds of people. For my homecoming, Sam had every burner cooking something and seemed to have all three ovens on and cooking. Sam looked like a man on a mission. Turning towards John and the team, I was shocked to see John looking bewildered and not at the amount of pots. "John, what's wrong?"****

"Sam's... a...g.. your cook?"

Rolling my eyes as I realized it was Sam's sex that he was reacting too, I answered, "Yes, Sam is and he's a master chef, John."

"Heather, welcome home." Sam said ignoring the others, "I am so happy to be able to prepare your favorite dishes for you before you go off. Please let me know if there is anything I may do to make it more special for you."

"I'm sure it will be perfect, as always, Sam." I said honestly.

James, as always, was all business with our staff: "Heather will be taking back food for her friend, Todd... Please make sure it is ready prior to her departure."

Nodding an affirmative, Sam went to answer James when I interrupted: "Um... Todd's a big guy.. ah... so pack for... like three people... oh... and I'm sure Jen would appreciate it if you happened to add in a few slices of your apple pie Sam. She's been missing it desperately. Oh and please add in a good bit of milk chocolate.. ."

"My pleasure, Heather." Sam responded turning towards the boiling pots.

As Sam lifted the cover to stir, I saw my mother's chicken soup boiling. "Mom cooked it today?"

"Of course. Your mother has been anticipating your arrival. As we all have. I baked your favorite bread this morning... should I pack them both for your friend?" Smiling, I nodded. " Wonderful, I shall pack a plethora of dishes for him to sample, Heather."

As I slowly became aware, I felt someone shaking my shoulder. I didn't recognize their touch. Eyes flying open, I finally recognized the voice: "Heather...wake up.. we're here." Amelia said.

"Here? Atlantis.. already?" I asked sitting up.

"It's been three hours.. you slept the whole way."

Sitting in the back of the shuttle I couldn't see anything but my bags. Rising, I stretched, and walked to the forward cabin. John was at the controls with open ocean ominously before us. _They didn't fucking leave without us! Where the hell's Atlantis?_ The display in front of John popped on showing Atlantis right in front of us.

"What the hell?" John asked surprised.

"Sorry," I said quickly, "I was just wondering where Atlantis was... I guess it read that as a command to show the map."

"I hate when you do that.." He said, "Now, allow it to close it please.. The maps in the way and it's hard enough to land under the cloak with no splashing."

"Fine." I answered closing the program. I was half tempted to take control of the puddle jumper and land it myself. Spying a mountain of bags in the corner, I realized Sam's packed for an army again. "Oh boy... I didn't look like so much when Sam brought it into the hall."

"You know.. to be honest, I'm really not sure Todd will even eat this Heather... I've never seen him try any human food. He wouldn't even try a Pegasus pear. It might even be an insult that you asked him too"

"John," I said shaking my head, "That is the most pitiful excuse I've ever heard... you want to eat it yourself!"

As John turned towards me, I heard the puddle jumper touch down. John replied, "That was the best dinner I've had in a long time and you're wasting it on Todd..." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ronon nod at John's words.

"Todd never tried to hurt me, Ronon; Todd didn't stand by and do nothing, John. Right now, he's a much better male than either of you. I can't feed Todd what he needs but I can at least let him try something new... something human."

"Heather, I..." Ronon started to say.

"Save it, Ronon."

"Heather, Ronon didn't mean to..." John said.

"Are you excusing what he did? John, if he'd have done that to a baby he would have killed it. Don't you dare sit there and..."

"He shouldn't have" John said placating, "And we all know it. Ronon's been trying to apologize a million different times in a million different ways..."

"Great, John... so I'll just forget about it then." I said pushing past Amelia to get to the back of the jumper. "I'm sure James will tell my mother and I'm sure the president will get a call about this incident... John you probably already have a message on this issue... I'll smooth it over with them for you because Ronon needs to stay on the team... but if I ever see you manhandle a woman like this again Ronon, the wraith will be nothing compared to what I do to you... Do you understand me?"

"I just want you to see him for who he is Heather." Ronon replied, "It kills me that you can't."

"Ronon, I repeat... Do you understand that you may not act like that again?"

"Yes. Of course... but..."

"Fine... I'll go make the call to Frank." I said hitting the door release, "Oh... by the way feel free to carry my stuff to my room while I head to the control room to make that call for you guys..." I didn't look back or wait for their response. Knowing I was pissed and only time would stop my anger didn't help me to be more calm about what had happened. Trying to remember that the important thing was that the anger didn't turn into action from the my godfather or Todd. Walking quickly to the transporter, I tried conveying to Todd that I was fine: _Todd, I need to make a stop first and then I'll be in to see you.. I know you must have read in my mind what happened... I know you're not happy... It happened but I'm fine... But, I won't remain fine if you try to do anything about this... okay?_

**_I understand your view. But..._**

****_No, no... Todd.. please... you can't do anything. You're not supposed to know what happened... You know as well as I do that you can't retaliate. I know you know that I am angry.. angry enough that I'm honestly happy that you want to do something about it... but we both know that for the alliances sake... you cannot. _

**_ If I do nothing it is as if I hurt you myself, Heather... I will not allow that..._**

****_You said before that I am your Queen... if I order you to stand down or something.. is that enough to a leave your guilt?_

_ **You do not understand... it is my duty to avenge you cannot release me from my duty.**_

****_I'm not dead Todd. There is nothing to avenge. I want you to let this go._

_ **Revenge is my right. He hurt you. You might feel it is unneeded but none of our people would agree. Your family would not agree. **_

****_My family would not wish you to kill Ronon... this is different than before... Ronon is not my enemy. _

_ **Are you sure?** **If Ronon met your grandmother he would kill her without question... would he still not be your enemy then?**_

_ If Ronon kills my grandmother, wraith or otherwise, that's different... I know what you are going to say... Ronon's killed plenty of wraith and their deaths should matter to me too... And they do Todd. They do, but you have killed wraith too from the reports I've read. _

_ ** What I have done has been in the service of our people... of you. It is the way of things. The strong must survive and feed on the weak: Wraith kill humans, Wraith kill Wraith, Humans kill humans. I do not understand your hesitation. Ronon committed a crime, even on your world, yet you do not wish him to be punished. **_

****_You perceive that as a weakness.. don't you... that's why you are so set on killing him for me... you are compensating for my inaction? Todd, I am choosing to leave him alone so that one day he will owe me... one day I will collect... _

_ **Heather... that is not why you wish me to take no action. You just thought of that. I wish to do what is right against someone whom did harm to you. It is right, Heather... you must not feel apprehension towards decisive action. **_

****_ Right isn't always right, Todd. The more we are together the easier it is for me to read your mind too, Todd. I know in your mind you want to proceed in the wraith way but you must understand that I have not grownup in that world... I will wish to do things differently from you even when dealing with the wraith... but I understand that while we are with your people my views won't be widely accepted and... and we'll work together on that so we are both comfortable with our people... But, when dealing with my peo... humans, I need you to honor my wishes above wraith procedures. Please, Todd... I need you to do this for me._

_ **We must speak right away. Face to Face... alone. Have them bring me to the hologram room and met me there.** _

I could feel his conviction and concern. This was bigger than Ronon's shaking me and bruising my shoulder. This was serious. Todd thought this could end our relationship and I could feel his fear._ Todd... _

_ **Please, my queen.**_

****I felt like I was in a daze. Walking into Woolsey's office, I told him that I needed to speak to the President alone and watched as he scrambled out of his own office to give me privacy. It should be funny. But, it didn't feel funny. I wanted this over as quickly as possible. I needed to speak to Todd. Activating my ear piece, I asked Rodney to take Todd to the hologram room some I could get in some wraith language practice. After waiting five minutes for Frank to activate his webcam, I'd come face-to-face with the highly angry leader of the United states of America. I was right: James had already told my parents and Frank what had happened. It seemed James had told them in graphic detail of how I had been abused as our military looked on and did nothing. Frank's assured me he was already starting the process to have them both court marshaled. Feeling like I'd already been though this discussion once today, I smoothed over Ronon's actions and made everything right in the world. I was in a hurry to get to Todd and see what had him so concerned, so I forgot to even thank Woolsey as I hurried out of his office and to the transporter.

Once I got to the hologram room, I found myself standing outside it but not entering it. _One more step and the city will open for me... so why can't I take the step... _

"Heather," Lieutenant Fergman asked, "You okay?"

"Hmm?" I asked turning toward him. Todd's marine detail, minus Lt. Hubbel, was lounging around the hall. "Lt. Fergman... I didn't see you guys there. I assume Lt. Hubbel is inside with Todd?"

"He is, Ma'am." Fergman replied and stepping closer to me he added, "Todd.. seems.. off Ma'am maybe you shouldn't see him just yet."

"Off?" I repeated, confused.

"Yea..." He started to answer but went quiet as Lt. Hubbel came over the ear piece, "Ah... Ma'am," Lt. Fergman continued, "Todd's felt your arrival and wishes to know if you indent to come in or not..."

Taking a deep breath, I walked to the door and watched as it opened. Lt. Hubbel was standing between me and Todd and was watching Todd carefully. Looking at Todd, I realized he was off. He was just as nervous as I was though he hid it better but I could feel it. I could feel the absolute joy and seeing me and the absolute fear. He was worried that I'd stay here on Earth. I could feel it. It was almost another presence in the room, he's fear was so strong. Lt. Hubbel and his men wouldn't be able to understand it but knowing that even they felt it made me realize that this conversation that Todd wanted to have... this could be the most important conversation we'd ever had. I wasn't to walk right back out the door, but I didn't. "Lt. Hubbel," I said formally, "Thank you for your assistance. Please wait outside."

"You sure?" He asked and at my nod, he left.

Todd didn't move any closer to me. He didn't move to hold me. He did nothing. "Todd?"

"You have not thought about this so I must ask you: When you say humans do you include all humans under your protection or only those from Earth?"

**_ "_**Ah.. where is this coming from?"

"Answer my question, Heather. Do you wish to protect all humans or only those from Earth?"

"Um... All... but what does this..."

_ ** Heather, you know that once we return to my galaxy, humans will still be food to our people. That will not change. **_

**"**Jen's treatment... she's sure she can fix that..."

_ **Heather, it will not change. I do not want you having false hope in this... You are not in danger from our people, but our people still feed on humans. Humans must die to feed our people. As your Commander, I can protect you from seeing it as much as possible but do not think that millions of years of evolution will be undone by our alliance. It will not. Wraith will feed on humans... always.**_

****_Oh... _I could feel my eyes tearing up. I wanted to stop them. I couldn't. "But, I thought...If.. if you really believe that Jen's treatment can't work... then... why.. why have you been helping her with it now?"

"In the beginning, I hoped that it might work. Not because I wish to be other than I am but because I hoped to make this easiest on you. I had hoped that Keller's work would make it so you would not have to choose between our worlds. 10,000 years ago , Lal had hoped that from her children wraith might be able to retain their heritage without needing to feed on humans."

"So, if an ancient wasn't able to do it, you don't think we can either?" I asked.

"Her son proved that it was impossible. Your family has not had a female born into it for ten thousand years. Before you, all females have died before their age of maturity... when they would have needed to feed. Males in your line have been able to survive as their systems are less complicated... and with exceedingly diminished power."

I gave a short laugh as I snapped back, "If my line is so weak, why would you wish to marry me? Alliance or not, why would you weaken your line like your cousin did?"

"Our line will not be weak, Heather. My cousin's line and mine is the strongest of the wraith. Even with its diminished nature, you are still more wraith than most of our brethren."

Though I couldn't hear all of his thoughts, I could tell he'd already dismissed my anger at the slight on my bloodline. I could read that he didn't think any less of me because of my humanity. _If I didn't know any better,_ I thought to myself_, I'd think he feared my humanity._ Todd seemed pensive as he slowly made his way closer to me.

I felt my heart quicken. Silently reminding myself that I was angry with him, I tried to look unresponsive to his closeness. Taking my hand in his, he turned my palm over and put it in his. Looking at our joined hands he said, "Heather, knowing that our alliance will not free the humans of my galaxy from their fate as food... you are not reconsidering coming with me."

"What? No..." I answered.

"I am glad." Todd answered, "I feared that I would lose you..."

"Is that why you are acting... distant?"

"I... I did not wish to make it harder for you if you choose to leave."

"As long as you don't break a promise to me, I am not going anywhere." _Is that why you wanted to speak about this in person?_

Snaking his arm around my waist, Todd radiated relief. _I felt it was important to be here with you when you realized that wraith will continue feeding on humans. _

_ Can... Can we talk about my friends for a second? Will you reframe from hurting Ronon, John, and Amelia? _

**_ Amelia Banks is a female and I will not harm her. John Sheppard did not touch you and therefore I will not harm him. As you wish, I promise to not touch Ronon without further provocation, my Queen. _**

_ Thank you. Further provocation isn't looking at you funny is it? _

_ **I will honor your orders. But, if anyone lays a hand on you again in anger, I will not hesitate to kill.**_

_ Can't we go with defend but not kill?_

_ **No, we cannot.**_

_ Todd..._ I turned in his embrace and looking up at him saw the determination in his eyes.

_ **My Queen, I will not sway on this. Anyone that harms you welcomes death.**_

_ It scares me when you say things like that._

_ **I am sorry that is scares you, but I will not ignore my duties. If it bothers you so, think of it as saving my life: what do you think your grandfather and grandmother will do to me if I allow you to be harmed?**_

****_Lal can't do anything to you... the other ancients won't allow her to interfere._

_ **Fine then... and your grandfather and my mother.. who will stop them?**_

****_Your mother would defend me over you?_

_ **Of course. You are Queen and her equal... And you are a Queen from her sister's line... You are surprised?**_

****_Yea... I'm a human._

_ **She already knows that you are human, Heather. **_

****_Oh come on...You can communicate with her too? We are galaxies away! I thought Wraith couldn't..._

_ **I am not currently communicating with her. She has known that you would be human for 10,000 years. I am sure that once she meets you, she will be quite pleased.**_

_ I hope so._

_ **You should not doubt it. My mother and her sister will be happy to finally welcome you, Heather. They have waited for you for a long time.**_ Briefly pulling me tightly against him, he quietly added: "As have I, Heather." Pushing me away only enough so he could look me in the eyes, he said: I am glad you came back."

****"I missed you." I said honestly, "I don't like it when I'm angry with you."

"As we have lived in two different cultures, it is quite likely that we will have heated debates."

"I know. I just didn't think it would be about others deaths..." I said trailing off in thought about Ronon. Fretting about his loose cannon mentality, Todd's mental concern shook me out of my revelry. "I want to speak to you about something... I need your help on." I pulled out the pictures I'd taken of the dresses and suits I had packed. "Can you look at these and tell me what you think would work for the hive and meeting my grandfather and all?"

"Wraith do not worry about clothing as you do. Whatever you wish to wear will be fine."

"Todd, could you not be a male for a second and just help me here!"

"The clothing that you have brought will be fine." At my outraged mental shriek, he continued: "If you wish for something more traditional, once we are within range of my hive, I will have them make the appropriate clothing for you. You have nothing to worry about Heather, you will present yourself well and you will be welcomed."

"You know... you might be okay with this... but it's quite possible that your hive will not be."

"They have anticipated your arrival for a very long time. The Queen Mothers' did not hide this from the wraith. The combining of our families is well known and has been expected."

"So, we are going to go back to Pegasus and we are all going to be one big happy family. Is that what you expect me to believe?"

"I know you to be too smart for that. But, I expect you to trust that I will protect you from all harm. You are my Queen and my Dilectissima., Heather. Trust me in this."

Moving out of his arms, I thought: _So, you are keeping something from me... _

**_Wraith do not lie to our queens. You must understand that as wraith culture is different from what you are used to, there will be adjustments. Until you know your heritage, there are some things that are best kept from bothering you. _**

****_You could tell me through mind-speak.. no one else needs to know. _

_ ** You have not lived in our culture, Heather. Explaining it to you would only cause you doubt and fear. Once we return to Pegasus, you will start to understand once you have further interaction with Wraith.**_

****_How do you intend to do that?_

**_ Leave that to me. _**

****_You want me to take a big leap of faith here, Todd. You say interaction with wraith and I hear attack. _

_ **That is a response Ronon would enjoy.**_

****_Todd!_

Putting his feeding hand over my heart, Todd said: "I swear to you... I will not attack nor will I instruct others to attack your people without your permission."

"I know that was a pledge and I know you mean it.. but... I'm still... worried.."

"We both have adjustments we must make. A long time ago, Lal mentioned that in human relationships mates must learn about each other as they go through life. Wraith relationships are different.. as we hear thoughts and feelings, we know the other instantly. With you, I know you yet it's not as easy for you to know me. I will not lie.. it upsets me that you do not trust me.. but... I do understand it Heather."

"Do you ever wish that I didn't read all those reports on wraith?"

"I do not wish to hide the truth from you, Heather. I would have preferred that you would have spoken to me as you read them.. that you didn't cut yourself off from me. I hope that meeting your hive and your wraith family will.. improve your trust level."

"My Hive?"

"You have several to be fair.. but one is normally partial to the hive of one's family."

"You mean my grandfather's hive."

"You are its queen, Heather. It is your hive.. he is your commander but it is your hive."

"So, he never got married again? In 10,000 years?"

"No. He never took another human or wraith after Lal."

"Heather," I heard Rodney say in the eye piece, "Atlantis is leaving in fifteen minutes.. If you want to see liftoff, it's time to make your way to the control room..." Looking at Todd, I bit my lip. I wanted to see it but I knew he wouldn't be allowed. "Ummm.."

"Go, Heather." Todd said, hugging me briefly before releasing me with a push towards the door. "I will allow the guards to take me back to my cell. Enjoy seeing Space again."

"And being one step closer to Pegasus." I said to him, "I'll be glad when we get you home and you... aren't in pain anymore."

Todd ducking his head said, "My hunger has been worth it as I return with you by my side."

"Heather," Rodney nagged, "Are you hearing me.. Twelve minutes until the big show..."

Activating my earpiece, I said, "I heard you Rodney.. I'm coming!"

"Good" Rodney responded, "The guards are outside waiting to take Todd off your hands.. move it! You don't want to miss this!"

Playfully pushing me towards the door once again, I could feel that Todd 's emotions were joyous. It wasn't just that he was going home... I could feel his excitement at taking me to Pegasus. Walking out of the hologram room, I saw the guards pick up on his happiness. They were watchful and waiting. Walking to the main tower, Todd and the guards went down while I went up the main staircase. Coming into the control room, I wondered for the hundredth time if I was going the right thing. _If I leave here, I might never come home. Or I might come home in a body bag. _Lookdown down at Earth, I asked myself the most important question of my life: _Am I ready for this? Am I okay with this? _

"You know," Jen said coming up next to me, "We can have them beam you out right before we go.. there is still time... If you want to change your mind... the time is now."

Looking down at Earth, I smiled and responded: "You want to hear something scary, Jen?"

"What?"

"There is no place I'd rather be right now, then on this ship... going to a distant galaxy with a whole bunch of unknowns waiting for me. I feel like I've been waiting for this my whole life."

"Heather, please..." Jennifer said, "The wraith... I know you think Todd's a nice guy and I'm not going to say he'd not relatively okay for a wraith, but..."

"Jen, you know what you are facing there yet all of you are going. Even Rodney's going back."

"Hey!" Rodney said, "I heard that!"

"That's different!" Jennifer said ignoring Rodney's outrage, "Todd's taken an interest in you that's... well, he wasn't this close with John, and Todd gave him the gift of life... there is something weird going on here, Heather. I don't like it."

Looking at Jennifer, I asked: "When we go to Pegasus... Can the ancients talk to us there? I mean... will my grandmother be able to reach me?" I could see the answer Jen wanted to give me in Jen's eyes. She wanted to say no. "The truth, Jen."

Taking a deep breath, Jennifer replied, "From what I understand they can go anywhere but they tend to stay in the Milky Way."

"Don't worry, Jen." I said, looking back to Earth, "If I need her.. she'll come... no matter where I am."

"Heather... please..." Jen started to say before the communications officer eyes bugged out.

"Sir, President Lamberton is asking for full comm?" He said turning towards Woolsey.

Woolsey nodded and upon Frank's image coming on the screens, Woolsey said, " Mr. President, Atlantis is ready for departure, Sir."

"Thank you Richard. In a moment. Heather?"

Stepping to the screen, I responded, "I'm here."

"Are you sure you are okay with this? You don't have to do this."

"I know, Frank. Really... I want to... Maybe I can do some good out there."

He sighed. "Your father is going to kill me..."

"It's my choice." I said, "Honestly."

"Make sure I see you back here in six months, Heather."

_Oh God. _"You will."

"Very well. All of you better watch yourselves out there. Richard, Atlantis has a go. Have a safe journey."

"Thank you, Mr. President..."

"Woolsey," I said turning towards him... "Would you mind if I lived a dream here?"

Looking strangely at me, Richard carefully asked, "What do you mean?" Smiling, I walked over to him and whispered my request to him. "But, Heather.. we don't say that..." Looking at my crestfallen face, he said, "Oh.. all right... John's in the chair... Go on. Tell him then."

With a wide grin, I took a breath and said, "John Sheppard?"

"Heather?" Came his confused reply through the communication system.

"Yes, John. Woolsey's been so kind to let me... Wait, why don't I drive?" I asked turning to Richard.

"No!" came the roar of replies: John and Woolsey's the most promenade with Rodney's voice being the highest. Frank's voice was just exasperated.

"Fine." I said with a sigh. Straighten up, I said: "John.. Let's see what's out there. Engage!" I said pointing towards the stars. The room was filled with laughter. With Rodney's outright laugher and Jen's giggles drowning out any sound around me that Atlantis was making. _Trekies must make up half of the program._ Smiling at the thought, I watched my universe go by. As I stood there watching the stars become a blur like something out of a movie, I realized something: _Whatever happens, I'm going to be part of history. _ I didn't know how much time had passed, but Rodney and Jen were inviting me to join them for dinner. "I'd love too but... umm... well, I brought back some foods for Todd to try. I thought I'd have dinner with him tonight."

"I don't know if he will, Heather," Jen cautioned, "When we were on his hive, he wouldn't even try a pear. Don't feel bad if he chooses not to try anything okay?"

"And make sure he knows you aren't dinner." Rodney added.

"Thanks guys." I said, "I'll keep that in mind. Enjoy your dinner." Walking down to Todd's cell, I was happy to see my dinner surprise being wheeled towards me from the opposite end of the hall. Taking it from the staffer, I checked that everything was there and then wheeled it into Todd's cell. _Geez, this thing is heavy. _ Todd was standing where he always was: by the cot facing away from the camera. "Hi Todd."

"Hello, Heather." He said. Turning towards me, he quickly took the cart from me and maneuvered it between the chair and the cot. "I see you brought an assortment of human food."

"Yea." I answered, "Since I was home, I wanted to bring you back something to try."

"By all means, then..." He asked, pulling out the chair for me, "If you will join me?"

"Wow." I remarked as I sat down. Sitting down across from me on the cot, Todd smiled as he put the napkin across his lap. "Ok, stop. How do you know what to do, Todd?"

"I have seen your friends eating, Heather. Jennifer Keller often enjoys a lunch at her desk while we are working. Rodney has pulled chairs out for her in the lab. It does not take much thought to understand Earth rules."

Smiling, I started to fill his plate. _Todd?_

**_Yes, Heather?_**

****_We are on our way to Pegasus_. Giving Todd his plate, I half watched him wanting to see his reaction to his first bite. He didn't move to start eating. Instead, he watched me. _What?_

Raising his eyebrow at my still empty plate, he thought: **_My Queen must eat before I may._**

_ Oh, right. _Putting a healthy portion on my own plate, I asked, "So, what's the first thing you're going to do once we get you back home?"

"I will return to my hive." **_ Sic is mos vado per astrum domum_**_. **Vestri prosapia specto, meus Dilectissima**_

_You can't say that so fast.. you know.. I'm still learning here! What does that mean?_

** _T_****_he prophecy says that_**** s****_he will go through the stars to home. Your family awaits, my _****_Dilectissima_**_. **It is only a matter of time before we return to our hive.**_

_ Right. _Looking down at my plate, I concentrated on putting my fork into the mashed potatoes and putting them to my lips. The little bit of home was enough to make my eyes water. The fear and doubt I'd worked so hard to hide bubbled up: I was angry that I felt like I was leaving my home; I was angry that I was going home; I was angry that being half Ancient and half Wraith seemed to feel like I really didn't belong to either. My angry seemed to be happy to make its presences known as weak tears. That didn't help my anger which caused more tears. I saw Todd get up from the cot and walk towards me. Felt his arms circle me and felt his soothing thoughts tickling mine. _I feel like such a mess._

**_Your emotions are understandable given the circumstances. You must trust in all of us: yourself, me, a wraith grandfather, and an ancient grandmother. I know that this is not easy for you, Heather, but you must trust your instincts. Your head doubts my words but your heart feels the truth. _**Laying his head against mine, he said, "Ego sum meus carus, quod meus carus est mei."

"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." I translated pulling back so I could look him in the eyes.

"Yes."

"Your beloved's scared."

"I know." He answered, sadly. Picking up my fork, he proceeded to feed me: "I cannot take your fear away, Heather. Not until you face what you fear... but I can take away your hunger. You must eat."

Swallowing, I put my hand over his, "Thank you but..."

The fork didn't stop its small journey to my mouth. Chuckling quietly, he replied, "It is an honor for me to feed you.. please... Let us enjoy this instead of allowing you the time to worry."

Swallowing, I felt his joy at allowing him this. _You really do consider this an honor, don't you?_

_ **Our culture is different... to a wraith making sure your queen has sustenance is of the upmost importance. **_Smiling, he started feeding me from the rest of my plate. Without asking him, he knew when a drink was appropriate. When I'd be half thinking it, I'd find that the straw was already at my lips. I knew he could see it in my mind, but it was still weird... yet sexy. I could feel how much he cared for me and I could also feel how much this meant to him.

_Does it bother me that I'll never be able to feed you like this.. I mean.. I can do it with human's food, but.. it seems that doesn't appeal to you at all. _As soon as I finished the though I fretted that he's misunderstand the type of human food: Human's food or human food.

Bend towards me, he sucked from the straw that I'd just let go of. **_As you know, human's food will not stop my need to feed. But, that does not mean I will not partake of it. My Queen must be satisfied before I may enjoy anything. _**The twinkle in his eye and his mental mood clued me in fast that he's meant to say that in a double entendre sexual way. Feeling my stomach do a dip, I looked down in my plate. **_It is okay Heather.. you are safe with me.. I will never harm you. _**

_ I know.. It's.. it's just that I've never really.. I mean.. I've never been in this situation before Todd... _

Gently lifting my chin, he met my eyes and said: **_Good. I am glad that we have both waited for each other. _**"Dr. Keller has often said chocolate is good. Did you bring any back?"

"I did..." I answered intrigued by where he could be going with this. _Leave it to Jen to say chocolate with better then sex or something in front of him._ Looking at my watch, I realized I was late, "Sorry Todd but we don't have time to try any right now."

"Why?"

"Rodney and Jen are meeting me on the exposed balcony outside the Gate room... Rodney's been bragging how you can walk out there and have nothing between you and space. I... I promised I'd meet them there at 9pm."

"Ah."

"Hmm..." I said thinking quickly, "Why don't you come with me... I mean... so you can see it too... Rodney said we'd be in the middle of an asteroid belt now... you won't be able to use it to track where we are really.. they all look the same right?"

"They do not, Heather." Todd replied, "You should go see it. I will remain here."

_I'll stay._

**_No. This is your galaxy and I can feel that you have always wanted to see it.. You should see it. Go. It will be fine. _**Todd continued,****"Perhaps though when we return to Pegasus, you will allow me to show you a few sights of my galaxy."

****"I would like that." Starting to clean up dinner, I smiled as Todd joined in. "A commander that cleans?"

"All food will spoil if left unattended."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Okay then..." Putting everything back on the cart, I said goodnight. Leaving the cart outside Todd's cell with the guards, I walked to the Gate room and out to the balcony. Jen and Rodney were already there. "Hi guys." I said joining them. Looking around, it did look like I was standing out in the middle of space. It was amazing yet strangle scary. After the initial coolness of the moment, I realized that I didn't see any big asteroids like in the movies. "What gives, Rodney? Where are my spinning asteroids?"

"We're in one of the Kirkwood Gaps. Give it a few minutes."

"Right." I answered, realizing we must have been further in the belt than I'd figured. "So.. outer space and really small pebbles for a bit... No problem. This is still cool... Got to love force fields!"

"Yep." Rodney said with a smile, "Did I ever tell you about the time..."

"Rodney, please focus..." Jen said quietly. "So, how was your dinner?"

"It was okay."

"We saw him feeding you, you know." She mentioned while looking in space.

"Jen, what's your point?"

"Just.. just be careful." She said, finally looking at me. It was a look I'd given her a hundred times. It was the look between friends that screamed 'you are making a mistake and I'm worried about you'.

She knew. Jen was sure I wasn't acting. _The only reason I could see for Jen not calling me out on it would be if... she was convinced Todd really like me too. Oh my god. Maybe there is one human that will accept this. _Turning towards star again, I felt my face getting wet as I saw asteroids come into view.

"Isn't that cool!" Rodney said, oblivious to what was going on around him, "They don't even look like they are spinning do they, Heather?"

"No..." I answered after a second, "But, that's okay. They're really great Rodney. Thanks for thinking of this."

"Yea, Rodney..." Jen said, "Really shows that Hollywood doesn't always have it right."

"Star Wars has sound in space too Jen... Hollywood normally gets it wrong"

"Yep." Jen said rolling her eyes. Coming over to me, she put her arm around my shoulder and said quietly said, "I just hope you know what you are doing."

Smiling at her as my silent tears fell, I whispered back, "I pray I do every night."

"You girls okay?" Rodney asked.

"Yep." I answered, "I...I just have a little bit of dust in my eye..."

"No way.. I always check the field before coming out here.. it should be fine.." Rodney said pulling out his pad that linked into Atlantis mainframe and started pushing buttons. "No.. that's all right.. Um... let me just check..."

"Rodney!" Jen said, "It's fine... go back to staring up at the asteroids will ya?" Thinking for a minute, I saw Rodney's eyes popped open and then nodding, he turned back around. Hearing him mumbling something about woman getting emotional with their periods, I smiled and found myself wondering if I should laugh or if I should hit him for assuming it was my period.

**_I have found that threatening him can be quite amusing._**

****_Is there anyone of my friend's you haven't threatened at one time or another?_

_ **I do not believe so. Ah... I never threatened Ganos Lal... Does that count? **_I couldn't help but laugh out loud as his reply. His happiness at my laughter filled me and as I saw both Rodney and Jen look over at me, I couldn't help but laugh harder.

"What's so funny?"

"You, Rodney." I said still half laughing. Regaining my composure, I asked: "So, how much longer will we be traveling?"

"The President d**_i_**dn't want us pushing the star drive, so we aren't going at max power. We should be back in a little until 5 weeks.. Why?"

"Five weeks?" I said, shrilly, "Oh my god... I didn't know it would take five weeks! I thought you can do it in two week?"

"We're doing it a bit more round about than that...umm..."

**_ Because of my presence, Heather... Do not be concerned. _**

****_I am going to go nuts caged up in this city for five weeks. _

_ **While Atlantis was sitting on your planet, you didn't seem to crave the outdoors.**_

_That's because it was my choice! This is different!_

_ **I am sure we can find something to occupy your time.**_

****_Hmm... Right. You guys are all the same... always thinking with your... Nevermind._

**_Careful, my Queen. _**Todd's chuckle echoed through our mental link. **_Jennifer Keller will wonder why you are blushing._**

****"So" Jennifer asked, "What are you doing for the rest of the night?"

_Quiet please! _"Don't know." I answered looking up into space, "What did you have in mind?" 

"Teyla mentioned that she'd help John and Ronon carry your things to your room. I think she got a look at the movies you brought from home... So, I was thinking... why don't we have a girl's only movie night. You know, chick flicks and ice-cream. What do you think?"

"Count me out." Rodney said, still "I'll be working."

Laughing I said, "Well, Rodney.. I didn't realize you were invited to a Girl's Night! Here I thought you were a guy!"

"Hey if Jennifer wants to watch something, I can suffer through it for her." He responded honestly.

"Not quietly though." Jennifer said laying her head against his arm. "Give him credit Heather, Rodney's sat through a few chick flicks for me. I almost had to make him sit through sparkling vampires and everything."

Opening my mouth with a perfect tease for Rodney, I saw Rodney's love for Jen shinning through his eyes as he looked down at her. "I don't get that movie...I mean, a seventeen year old dating a guy who is 109 is sick. I can't believe that Jen was okay with it." Rodney said, "What do you think Heather... if a 109 year old guy is watching a seventeen year old girl sleeping... isn't the pervert stalking her?"

"Rodney." Jennifer said toughing his arm.

_I was just as sickened as Rodney about that part of the movie._ _Well, I was before meeting Todd... before I fell in love with him. _I silently amended to myself. "I don't know Rodney... I guess... well, they are soul mates or something right? Age doesn't matter then."

"It's not like vampires in that movie look old and wrinkly, but it's not just ten years difference or something Heather. It's a long, long time!" Rodney continued, seemingly unaware of how close to the mark he was getting, "Between the age thing and the vampire thing..."

"Rodney!" Jennifer shouted. "Don't you have to get back to the control room. Check on the chair and all."

Looking down at his watch, Rodney said, "Yea... Thanks honey." Kissing her, he said goodbye to me and left. After that, neither Jennifer nor I spoke; we just looked up at the stars streaking past for a few minutes.

"Well," I said as I got up, "Maybe we should do the girl's night tomorrow... I'm beat."

"Heather..." Jen started, her concern creeping into her voice.

"I'm just tired, Jen. Nothing to worry about. See you tomorrow... Goodnight." Walking into the hallway outside the Gate room, I eyed the staircase. _You feel up for some company, Todd?_

**_ You are always welcome, Heather..._**

****_Do you thinkJen will check where I am?_

_ **I believe so. You are upset. What has happened?**_

****_Rodney was talking about a fictional character and... it doesn't matter. _Walking slowly to the transporter, I felt like going to him and being held by him would make everything alright somehow. Reassuring but stupid. It would seem too odd to the marines that guard him that I'd be back already and their report would encourage John and Woolsey to look at the footage. Telling myself that nothing good could come of me going to see him right now wasn't making me walk to the transporter any quicker.

_ **It matters to you. What is it?**_

****_Everything and nothing. I'll be fine, Todd. Really... I'm just a bit.. freaked out. _

_ **That is understandable. Perhaps I can help you relax. Sometimes, I have found that physical movement can...**_

Smiling at his thought, I mentally tried to send him my scorn at his very human male thought process. _Is that all you men ever think about? Sex is the fix all for everything? _As soon as I thought it, I could feel his honest confusion. _Oh god,_ _I misunderstood you didn't I?_

_ **I was not being improper, my queen. I was referring to us working on your combat skills and awareness. Since you wish to meet, this would be a good time for you to work on your technique and perhaps that would not be as concerning to them. **_

_ Oh God.. Todd... I'm sorry..._

_ **Do not apologize. I did not account for the filter of John Sheppard and your human friends. You should know, I wish to honor my promise to you in taking this slowly. I have been blocking your perceptions of my desires for your comfort since I realized who you were. **_

****_Blocking your desires from me? What do you mean?_

_ **Wraith sexual urges are quite vibrant to humans. Your... innocence warrants caution in this area. **_

_ Vibrant? Do you mean your urges... Wait... I thought you can't block anything from me? _

Todd's silence greeted my question. Realization dawned. _He lied to me. _Tearing down the hallway, I backtracked to the stairs. Taking them two at a time, I threw open the first door. Everyone came to attention and I could tell by their faces they were afraid. I didn't care. The shocked expression mirrored on each marines' face meant nothing to me, I moved forwarded fixating on the door on the other side of the room. I was barely conscious of myself speaking as I said, "Guys, take a walk will ya?" Grabbing a gun as I went past from the closest Marine's surprised fingers, I saw Lt. Hubbel come after me. 

"Heather!" Lt. Hubbel said, grabbing my arm, "What's going on? You can't go in there with that!"

Pulling out of his grasp easily, I responded, "Watch me." Mentally ordering the doors to allow me in, they opened. Marching into Todd's cell, I wasn't surprised to find him facing the door. "Todd..."

"Lt. Hubbel," Todd said speaking over me, "Leave us."

Spinning around, I was annoyed to see that Lt. Hubbel had followed me into the cell. "Get out."

"Heather," Lt. Hubbel said, "Look... I can see that you're angry. I'm sure he deserves it even... but... This isn't a good idea."

"It's a perfectly great idea. Go away... No, I order you to go away."

"I'm not going anywhere. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just need to speak to Todd and I'd like to have his... active attention."

"You're ordering everyone around like you own the place and you want to carry a gun. That's not like you... So, what's up?"

**_ You have a right to your anger. But, your questions should not be asked where they may watch. Please, _****_Dilectissima trust me in this._**

****_You lied to me. Don't you dare tell me to trust you._

**_Heather, it is my duty to protect you. We are _****_Dilectissima. With our bonding, you will rule over all wraith and fulfill the alliance made 10,000 years ago with Ganos Lal. I have told you that I must protect you from things that you do not yet understand... I did not lie to you. _**

_It is a lie, Todd! You can hide things from me... Thoughts... feelings... God knows what else! How can I ever know what's true and what is not? How can I trust you?_ Taking a deep breath, I knew I had to appear calm or I'd never get to work this out with Todd. Trying to stay as close to the truth as I could, I said, "Nothing really... Rodney was talking about something and.. I guess it reminded me that sometimes going into another species world isn't the most healthy thing to do for humans."

Lt. Hubbel raised an eyebrow, "So, you thought waving a gun in his face would help? Even if he doesn't feed on you, he's still a million times more likely to be able to take the gun from you. You know better. What made you take the gun?"

"I'm going to take Todd to the hologram room. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight anyway, so I might as well get some study time. I thought I'd take him myself for once, that's all. I do have other things on my mind. I'm sorry if I seemed..."

"Pissed and possessed?" Lt. Hubbel offered.

Forcing a smiling and a little giggle, I responded: "I'm sorry if worried you before... I'm a bit weird-ed out by leaving our galaxy, I guess.. This has become much more real to me and... I want to make sure I've covered everything."

"Jen was right; you do work too hard." Lt. Hubbel said, holding out his hand for the gun, "You're a civy.. so you can't have a gun Heather or take him around by yourself. You know that it's not safe, no matter what he claims." Looking at Todd, he said, "You heard the lady..."

Without responding, Todd silently walked out of the cell and into the room beyond. With Lt. Hubbel following behind him, I slowly brought up the rear. Watching Todd's ramrod straight back as he walked to the hologram room with the always present and diligently cautious marines, even after all this time, I asked myself for the millionth time: _Lal told me to trust him... to trust myself... How can I trust him if he's hiding things from me? John says all the time that dealing with Todd's like walking around with a live grenade in your pocket. That he always leaves out the important details. That's what he did... How can I trust him?_ _How can I trust you Todd, since I know you are listening to this anyway..._ For once, no witty response was given and no other hint of his true thoughts leaked through. I hadn't realized how use to his presences I'd become, it was terrifying to think that in such a short a period of time, I'd become okay with his knowing my every thought and feeling. _Grandmother Lal, it would be good if you came down now... Grandmother Lal, it would be good if you came down now... Grandmother Lal, it would be good if you came down now... _Following the marines to the hologram room, I saw Lt. Hubbel turn to me. Sending my wish to whoever was listening for her to be waiting for us in the hologram room, I put my biggest smile onto my face and hoping that my smile looked real, I said: "Thank you so much. As always, wait out here.. you know him and privacy." Mentally opening the door, I was relieved to see that she wasn't waiting where the marines could see her. Following Todd in, I heard the door close behind me and looked around for Lal's arrival. There was no blue hued being waiting for us. "What? Where is she?" Moving around a silent Todd, I stood on the pedestal. The lights brightened and Lal appeared standing in the center just as she had before. Looking at me, she said, "Hello... You may enter your query verbally or enter it manually on the console before you."

"Oh, Good... Look.. I need your help." I started to gather my thoughts so I could ask for her opinion and so she could tell Todd he was being an ass and as I did, I really looked at her. The being standing before me was my grandmother but the eyes were vacant, faked. "It's not you, is it... You're just a hologram of her." Feeling strong arms wrap around me, I wanted to lean into them, but I didn't. "She didn't come."

"No." Came Todd's soft reply.

"You're lying to me and she didn't come to help me..." I said feeling lost and confused.

Turning me around and lifting me off the pedestal, Todd looked me in the eyes as the hologram winked out of existence. Setting me down but still holding my waist, Todd soothingly said, "We must find our own way together, Heather. I am sure she sees your rightful angry over my omission and my rightful desire to not overwhelm you. My desire to protect you isn't something that your kin would want to discourage."

"But, how do I know you aren't lying about everything!"

"She told you that you must trust yourself. I am sure that Lal came to you before as she knew you needed her then. It was new and shocking. You needed to hear that she wasn't forced into the alliance. You needed to hear that a human can love a wraith and a wraith can love a human. Now, you know. You know what I feel for you. You know what you feel for me. All relationships are built on trust and respect. You cannot run to her even we are having a fight no more than I should run to your grandfather. We must find a way ourselves, Dilectissima."

"If you love me, you won't keep things from me."

Sighing irritably, Todd turned away from me. "You do not understand... To open myself up fully to you before you are ready... it would cause you physical pain and could even kill you. I can't. I will not harm you."

"Todd, if you already send me your feelings and I know you do.. it shouldn't be that big a problem. It won't kill or hurt me. If you aren't playing me for a fool, I need you to stop hiding things from me."

"You have not ever had to endure real pain heather. The emotions of wraith are like nothing on your planet. The anger, the hunger, the sadness, even joy... can be overwhelming even after all my years. On a hive, the Queen's and Commander's current feelings and thoughts cause massive changes and affect each member of the crew. Once you are used to being around many wraith, your mind will built a natural defense against the... noise. That takes time and practice. But, for you to be allowed to completely access my thoughts right now, it would only harm you. Because of my strong and sexual feelings for you, it will be impossible for you to process all of it at this point. I can send you small doses to get you used to such contact but I dare not open completely to you."

"If you aren't open with me, your Dilectissima will go home!" I answered. To soften the blow, I hoped, I purposely recalling my memory of his real name to sing through my mind. It didn't seem like this was a time I should be using a fake name, this was too important a discussion for us. I didn't need to hear into his mind to see his anger at my threat: His whole face darkened and his eyes narrowed and seemed to glow. It was like some demonic movie only hundred times more scary as it was real. Gulping, I realized maybe that wasn't a good idea to say that to him: "Look, I just.. I need you to be honest..."

Grabbing my arm, he pulled me towards him. "You have every right Heather to feel as you do," Todd's tone was more purring than angry yet his face screamed that I should be afraid. His eyes hadn't gone back to their normal yellow hue and his face hadn't cleared, if anything he looked more freighting as he seemed to be breathing rapidly and his cat eyes contracted to pinpricks while giving off an impossibly bright glow; he looked more crazed and evil. "You are my Dilectissima and your location in the universe will not change that, Heather. I will be yours for all time no matter what."

"Todd," I said softly, "Calm down... I.. I'm not going anywhere... Stop looking like you want to kill me. I know it's our first fight and all..."

Stepping away from me, he flexed his hands into a more claw-like shape several times before speaking, "Do not apologize. Do not be scared. You have done nothing wrong, in fact quite the opposite." Turning towards me, I saw his face and eyes start to clear. He continued, "Heather, you have nothing to fear from me. You must understand that you cannot judge my reactions to you by human terms. This has been what I have been trying to explain to you. The depth of my feelings cannot be judged fairly by you without more interaction. What you took for anger at what you said had nothing to do with your words. It was not anger." Looking completely normal now, he stepped closed to me and taking my hand in his right hand, I say his left hand slowing travel up to stroke my cheek, he said: "Saying my true name, even by repeating your dull memory of it, is enough to overpower me. I felt... I do not know the human term for it... a needing for you. That is what you saw, not hatred as you were thinking."

"Are.. are you trying to tell me that you... wanted me just now... I mean like a husband wants his wife? Lust?"

"It is stronger than that but basically accurate." Todd said, smiling at my shock. "I do not know why you think that... Why did you assume that you cannot create such feelings in anyone..."

"For god sakes, stop listening into my thoughts." I stressed. "And if you must know, it's just still odd to me that you want food for a wife."

"Hmm...If I couldn't read your thoughts perhaps I would believe you, but that is not the source of your true skepticism. You did not even believe that a human would want you..." Tilting my head up so he could look me in the eye, he asked, "That is why you feel so uncomfortable being unable to hear my thoughts... You fear that I am acting a part as I do with John Sheppard and the others?" Hugging me against him, he continued, "That is not true, Heather."

"Then show me." I ask thinking about what I'd read about Teyla being able to read Wraiths' minds.

As he hugged me, I could feel him shaking his head, "You are quite Wraith in your trust level. It pains me as much as it gladdens me."

"I can't change how I feel. If you won't let me in... I can't trust you."

"Your people do not really understand Teyla's abilities. She can't hear my thoughts nor overpower my mind. She can sloppily overpower the lesser of the wraith but she cannot truly hear us or influence any wraith of my standing. Even now, you would be easily able to complete Teyla's tasks without any training."

"But, if you were opening your mind to me, why wouldn't it work?"

"After many many years, Wraith build up a mental barrier to other wraith. Even the queen mothers' would have some difficult reading my mind. As my Dilectissima, it would be easier for you but as you are human... I am not sure that it would ever be possible or wise. Perhaps someday once you have had time to develop your own mental control further, we could test it." He seemed to be thinking out loud as he continued, "Though if we are in a controlled environment and I only gave you the briefest full access and if you had immediate care by Dr. Keller... it might be..." At my excited and enthusiastic nod, he stressed, "Understand me. It is far too dangerous to try it now. That is not up for discussion, Heather. Your brain doesn't process things as we do, so the contact causes humans great amounts of extreme pain. I can show Dr. Keller how to help you but I can't stop the pain from coming. You are not ready."

"I don't care about the pain. I need to know what you are thinking Todd... I need to know." I answered him, thankful for once that he could see into my thoughts and know that I really meant it.

"I do not doubt that you believe that you want this, but... Heather, you really cannot grasp what you are asking for. Even after months of living with your grandfather, Lal could not stand it for more than a second. Perhaps you should speak to your grandmother before we do this. Maybe if you hear it from her, you will believe me."

_We both know if it was so painful for her, I doubt she'll be any happier about this idea than you are. _"You want her to say no... is that it? You're too much of a coward to try this?"

He smiled. "I am old enough to know that words should not cause action. Calling me a coward will not spur me to do it, Heather."

"You can tell I want to do this regardless of the risks. Why are you arguing with me if I won't hate you for what I find?"

"It is not your hate that I fear; it is your death."

"Between Jen and you... and my own biology... I'll be fine. Please..."

"You don't know that. Your biology might help, but we are not sure that it will account for all of the differences. It will still be a hundred times more painful than anything else you have ever experienced or even feared. Not only with you be handling emotions and feelings of an adult wraith... I do not think in English, so you will have a hard time translating my language as fast as you'd need to. It will be so rapid that you might not be able to retain anything, Heather. It is not worth the risk to you."

_Wraith or not, I know when someone's trying to talk me out of something. _"I have to try." I could feel his annoyance at my pigheaded insistence. Watching his face, I realized the fact that we were still talking about this was significant. Turning the question of why over in my mind a few times, I put my arms around his waist and asked him, "You miss having others in your mind like on a hive... no matter how much you are trying to convince me not to do this... a small part of you, wants me too... Don't you?"

"A wraith is nothing if not selfish. Your safety outweighs any benefit I might feel at that intimacy." He answered dismissively.

"You think I cannot see the benefits this would be for both of us if I can handle it? Besides making me feel better, that is... Todd, you know the vampire stories of my planet... If you can read my mind and I can read yours.. then.. um... while we are being intimate wouldn't it be better?"

"I will not risk your life for better sex, Heather. That is a ridiculous reason."

"Yet, I'm still right about that." I didn't know if wraith blush, but I was sure I was red enough for the both of us. Holding his hand, I said, "I want to do this, Todd. We need to try it at least... I know you think you're right, but we need to try if only so that I know that I've tried."

"Hmm.." Todd angrily huffed and shaking his head at me, he continued, "You intend to try this regardless of what I say... So, I ask you for one promise to me. You must except that I will not do it without your being monitored properly. Tomorrow, we will speak to Dr. Keller to inform her of the necessary equipment and procedures to protect you as much as I am able."

"Okay... That's fair. Thank you, Todd. We'll talk to her tomorrow." I said, giving him a hug.

After a second, I heard him sigh. "I know you are happy about this, Heather, but I would like you to carefully consider this risk. I will not be offended if you change your mind."

Smiling up at him, I retorted, "You do realize that if I didn't take risks like this, I'd still be on Earth."

"Now that you have started on our journey, your responsibility is greater than before," Todd answered.

"Todd, I'm putting my whole planet at risk here: not to mention myself and every single person on this ship. I'm very aware of my responsibility."

"A Queen always bares the weight of her hive on her back." Stroking his hand down my back, he concentrated on my spine by slowly circling each vertebra. Smiling, I felt my eyes drifting closed and happily thought about how good his touch felt to me. "Before you were born, you bore the weight of humans and wraith." Between the combination of the timbre of Todd's voice and his soothing touch, I felt all my muscles release. Realizing that Todd seemed to have no problem supporting me even as he massaged, I didn't try to pull away or open my eyes and felt his answering happiness. Ever so slowly, Todd increased the pressure he was applying to my back as he continued: "I understand your desire to hear my mind without filter. But, you must accept that there are limits to what you can endure."

_Someone who has trust issues would ask if this is where you show me how weak I am compared to you? _

Keeping a steady pressure to his ministrations, Todd answered patiently, "Even to teach you such a important lesson, I would not cause you pain, Heather. Merely explaining your vulnerability while bringing you pleasure will be enough to make you think on this all night."

"Diabolical." I muttered.

"Sleep, my queen. You are safe."


	11. Chapter 9 Part 2

"You can't be serious Todd."

"I am, Dr. Keller. I do not wish to cause her harm, but she was resolute last night. If she were to present the option to your military, I feared they would take the risk without care for her wellbeing."

_ Todd, I don't believe you did this! _Opening my eyes, I quickly picked my head off of Todd's lap. "Woo," I said as black spots cloud my vision briefly.

"Not so quickly, Heather. Todd's said you fell asleep a few hours ago..." Jen said as she bent down and grabbed my wrist. Checking my pulse, she asked, "How do you feel? Are you hurting anywhere?"

"No, Jen. I'm fine." Realizing that Jennifer was rechecking her count to be sure, I took the opportunity to express my outrage at Todd's deceit: _I don't believe you did that! Do you realize what this looks like!_

_** You intended to speak to Jennifer Keller on your own. Fortunately, the guards became concerned when you did not leave last night and I allowed them to believe that you were fatigued and in need of a doctor. It does not look like you fear.**_

_Even so, they could have killed you._

_**Your safety outweighed the risk.**_

"Jen, look.. I'm fine.." I said, pulling my wrist out of her grasp. "You don't need to check it.. I'm fine. The three of us need to have a conversation and Todd cheated..."

"First things first, Heather.. I need you to corroborate how you fell asleep."

"What?" I asked, head spinning for the most likely excuse Todd would have used. "Umm... I don't know.. I don't remember. It didn't hurt or anything..." _Hello? What to help me here?_ "Um... Um... he... he did... the Vulcan nerve pinch thing-ing on me?' I finished lamely. "Though I'm really sure he didn't call it that... ummm..."

"He said that you feel asleep on your own. Are you saying he touched you?"

"No! He didn't touch me... I mean... I woke up on him so he touched me eventually I guess..." I could feel Todd's absolute joy at my being uncomfortable with this. _You think this is funny?_

_**I do not understand why pleasure should have you so uncomfortable, but yes... I believe that this is amusing. Dr. Keller knows that you have had a long couple of days, it will not surprise her that you are feeling fatigued.**__**You were sitting next to me and we were speaking about the wraith. You fell asleep as I as speaking. Or you could tell her what I was really doing...**_

"Umm... We were just talking.. I knew I should head off to bed, but he'd said something really interesting... in fact, I wanted to speak to you and John about it. I think it'd be a great and idea and he just gave me a hundred different reasons why it's not safe but... look, I heard the backend of Todd's little speech to you so I know he's must have given you the worst case scenario, but hear me out, okay?"

"Sure... shoot." Jen said, crossing her arms and completely stone faced.

Standing up, I grabbed Jen's arm and pulled her a little away from him. "I know that walking into wraith minds can be dangerous and that even if he doesn't try to hurt me it's quite possible that he could. But, the benefits outweighs the risk: if I do this we'll know if he's tricking us again, we'll know his real opinion on the alliance, and his real plans for Earth. The good of the many outweighs the good of the few or the one... I know you don't like this. But, I have to try, Jen."

"Of all the..." Jen began exasperatedly, "Forgetting about the danger for a moment, why would you even think for a second that you'll really be able to get into his thoughts? I mean, Teyla's been honing her skills for years and she can't do that yet, Heather..."

"Atlantis and the other ancient equipment responds to me like it was made for me.. if I retained that much from my grandmother than my DNA will protect me..." I said standing with my legs planted shoulder width apart, as straight as I could. It was a pose I'd seen Todd have in a few of the mission logs, hoping to look as imposing as Todd did in full command mode. Standing behind Jennifer, I saw Todd's eyes glow again as he watched me.

"This isn't the same thing! For all we know, it's programmed to respond to your DNA. That doesn't mean you are superwoman! Yes, Todd might not want you to do it because he's using you. Forget about that for a second," Jen said forestalling my objections with a wave of her hand, "I know... I know... Just think about this. Okay? You've read the reports: they can make humans see things, they can will us to bow or whatever, they speak to each other telepathically, they are faster than us... In every way, they are stronger than us. You've seen the brain scans I have, Heather. Their brains are 90% active all of the time... We aren't made like that. Your system can't handle that. If you could do what you propose, the pain would be unimaginable."

_**My Queen.**_ _**Someday, we should try. But not yet, Heather. Not yet.**_ Speaking out loud, Todd continued: "Even with Dr. Keller here to monitor you Heather, it is not safe."_** Amor patitur moras**_**. **

"Going to Pegasus isn't safe either and I'm doing that..." I shot back at him barely paying attention to anything other than Todd's thoughts. With his words, came a flash of feeling that I couldn't recognize. It was pleasurable, but so delightful that it was painful. I felt my muscles bunch in response to it and then it was gone. _Love is patient? This feeling you are sending? Is it how you feel love? _

_ "_You're right. I couldn't stop you from coming with us," Jen said, "But, I can do this." Speaking past me to Todd, she said, "Todd if you do this.. I swear... we'll kill you." Turning back towards me, Jen clarified, "I promise... you convince him to do this... We'll kill him no matter what happens to you. If you wouldn't drop it to save yourself, you will drop it to save him."

"Jen..." I said hotly and then realized that part of my anger had nothing to do with her words. I'd felt a migraine starting, the likes of which I hadn't experienced since I was twelve years old and had my hormones starts shifting. _Oh damn._

Todd's "Yes, Dr. Keller... I believe she understands perfectly." _**My love for you allowed me to be patient in waiting for you. Now, your love for me must allow you to be patient in waiting for a time where we may try this without fear of harm... for both of us. I dare not send you a taste of my love for you... that was only my hope at seeing the spark of command in your eyes. If only one small fraction of my feelings can cause you pain, you must understand that Dr. Keller's threat isn't what must bind my hands. It is what I can do to you if I allow myself to soften. **_

Shaking my head at them, I turned away from them both. "With friends like the two of you, who needs enemies?" I mumbled, putting my head in my hands.

"You're tired, Heather." Jen said, "Come on... let me give you something to help you sleep. You need a good night's rest."

"I'm not tired anymore." I replied, truthfully. Swallowing, I started trying to clear my mind as I'd always done when I was younger. Sometimes it would help; sometimes it wouldn't.

"Her head aches, Dr. Keller. Please help her."

I saw Jen arch her eyebrows at his comment briefly. Looking at me, she asked, "How bad is it?"

Knowing lying wouldn't convince Todd I was okay didn't make telling the truth any easier, "Um... It's... it's hasn't been this bad for a long time... almost as bad as when it first started."

"Damn it." She whispered, "Is your period due yet?"

Looking up quickly as her didn't help my head, but I couldn't believe she'd asked me such a thing in front of a guy. "Jen!" I yelled, only to stagger in my pain filled frustration.

"Come on..." Jen said, "Let's get you to the infirmary... I want to run some tests."

"I'm fine." I insisted, only to have Todd pick me up. Moaning in horror at being carried like a child in his arms, I whined, "Put me down, Todd."

"I will carry her, Dr. Keller. Please lead the way." _**Silence Heather.**_ Settling into his arms, I closed my eyes and tried to relax.

"Todd, um... I'm sorry, but I think it would be better if you didn't come." Jenifer told him, "I'll let you know as soon as I know anything if you want but..."

Todd's arms tightened around me. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel the predator in him come out, felt his muscles bunch ready to attack. I heard a low deadly sounding growl start in the base of Todd's chest. Opening my eyes slightly, I wasn't surprised to see Jenifer's expression of shock and fear. "Jen, it's fine..."

Putting my arms around Todd's neck, I sent calming thoughts to him. My headache intensified as soon as I opened my mind to him. With his growl growing tortured sounding, Todd looked down at me, "Heather!"

"Oh..." I moaned, "That wasn't my best idea."

All business now, Jen seemed to forget her fear of Todd as she reached for me. Checking my pulse again, she said: "My god... Heather... Your temperature is rocketing up... Todd, I need to take her now."

"I will carry her." Jen didn't argue. Walking out of the hologram room with Todd following only one step behind her, Jen was so worried she didn't even remark on his nearness. If a human had tried to walk as closely to another human as Todd was, the humans would have bumped. Todd's timing had him behind Jen but only as much as necessary to keep that from happening.

I heard Jen throwing orders to the marines to follow us to the infirmary. Neither her nor Todd stopped to allow them to stand. Turning my head towards them, I tried to smile a bit in reassurance that I was okay. I noticed Lt. Hubbel eyes narrowing as he saw my face. Realizing that I probably looked as bad as I felt, I moaned at my stupidity. Todd's arms briefly tightened around me again, comfortingly just as I saw Lt. Hubbel walking in line with Todd with the others flanking us. Closing my eyes to the bright lights of Atlantis, I realized I had felt anything feelings or thoughts from Todd since I'd opened my mind to him. Wetting my suddenly dry lips, I hoarsely called "Todd?"

"I will not leave you. Conserve your energy. Do not speak." Hearing the anger in his voice, I cracked my eyelids slightly to see him as I opened my mouth to tell him that everything would be fine. I winced instead as the light hit me, the pain in my head rising. Instantaneously, the hallway we were in darkened.

"What the hell?" Jen questioned as she froze. She went to activate her ear bud in her surprise.

Closing my eyes, again, I quickly replied: "Sorry... light hurting my eyes. Didn't mean to do that." The lights brightened to their normal level.

"It does not hurt you to speak to Atlantis currently." Todd stated.

"N..Not really... But, Atlantis' just does stuff that I need... sometimes... " I answered, "... I'm not speaking to it really... it just knows." I wanted to reassure him that it didn't matter; he was worth a little pain. Taking a deep breath, I accepted that I was afraid to try and open my mind to him again right now to tell him that. _Okay, not wanting to cause myself pain is normal... no guilt... How can I_? I could honestly admit that I could handle this, both of them needed me to reassure them of that: "Jen, when I was younger... it was worst than now."

"Okay. What number would you give it, Heather?" Jen asked.

"Doctor, are you sure..." Lt. Hubbel questioned. Opening my eyes to see where we were and what he was talking about, I noticed we were at the transporter already.

Scrunching my eyes in anticipation of the flash and the impending explosion of pain, I answered: "I'd say 15 out of 10." I felt Todd step in and heard the transporter room close. I was surprised to feel the transporter moving and with thoughts of my eyelids opening just in time for the flash, I instead kept my eyes closed and choose to add a question of my own, "We are moving right?"

Lt. Hubbel repeated my answer, "15 out of 10?"

Jen gave a sigh, "That's not too bad Mike. When Heather first started getting migraines she'd regularly get ones she'd rate at or beyond 20."

"Um... we are moving right?" I asked again.

"Sorry... Yea," Jen answered, "It must be avoiding transporting us because of your condition. Normally it only does this if the destination is within the same tower..."

"Oh." I answered. Smiling a bit, I added, "Thank you Atlantis." I felt Jen checking my pulse again and waited silently.

"Still too fast. You're not any better." Jen said, "Do you have any idea what triggered the migraine Heather?"

"No," I answered, willing Todd not to add his two cents on the subject.

"Heather, we must tell her everything if I am to work with her to help you." Todd shifted me a bit so most of my weight was supported by only one of his arms and his chest. With the other arm, he rubbed the back of my neck soothingly. Todd acknowledged, "Sending a spark of my feelings for her ignited the initial pain. Since then, her pain increases if she tries to speak to me mentally. I have seen this before a long time ago, with her grandmother. I need access to their equipment to help her."

I didn't need to open my eyes to feel Jen's stare on me. "I see" was Jen's only reply to Todd who seemed to think the matter was closed. _Men. _ Jen didn't say anything else in the time it took for us to arrive at the infirmary. I knew her long enough to know that when she spoke again, she'd be doing a lot of yelling. _Great._

Once we arrived at the infirmary, Todd carefully laid me on the bed. Motioning for Jen to follow him, I heard Todd start off by explaining that while this was not an unanticipated reaction, it was remarkable mild compared to what he'd seen before. _If this was mild, I shouldn't ask Lal about the pain she'd endured. _Laying my head back against the pillow, I felt Todd's hand stroke my cheek as he placed a cold compress on my head. "Thanks."

"Dr. Keller said it would help, though I believe it is more of a comfort than pain relief in your case."

"If it didn't hurt so much, I'd roll my eyes at you right now."

"My Queen, Dr. Keller is insisting to be involved in your treatment. Explaining it to her will undoubtedly take time. I assume you wish me to do as she asks in this matter, Dilectissima?"

"Yea... in a minute though..." Calling to her, I said, "Jen?"

"How do you feel?" She asked, all business.

"Crappy." I answered. "Between my head and the fact that my best friend's silently fuming I'm just waiting for my head to explode."

"Once you're better, we'll talk about it then."

"Nope. Todd's not going to do anything until we hash this out." I replied.

"I believe your human expression is 'Like hell'." Todd said.

Turning towards him, completely intending to order him to stop working until I was sure Jen wasn't going to make do on her promise, I was annoyed to realized that in that brief second he'd already made it to the other side of the room and seemed to have had time to start tinkering with some ancient machines already facing away from me. "Todd?" I called quietly, sure that he'd hear me anyway, "Get back over here." He didn't move towards me at all. Instead Todd moved over to the ancient version MRI and starting making adjustments to it as well. Looking back towards the marines for some support, I was disturbed to realize that Lt. Hubbel and company all felt the need to look everywhere but at me. "Lt. Hubbel?" I called quietly.

"I seem to have something in my ear... Sorry, Heather." he replied as the marines all stuck their fingers in their ears like they were children. It seemed they didn't see a need to make him listen to me either.

"Well.." Jen said, "Looks like selective hearing is common for males of all species."

"Yea... Great." Looking over at her, I added: "Though it does make this a bit easier... Jen... Todd's been sending me his feelings the whole time. It hadn't affected me before. This isn't his fault."

"Something was different this time. He did it on purpose."

Not wanting to argue with her when I knew she was right, I agreed, "Sometimes lessons suck... You have to understand... with Todd and me... If we are to make this alliance work, we must both overcome the instincts that define us."

"I've heard that before... who said that?"

"Umm... some wraith you guys named Michael." I answered, "I read it in the reports... Look, the point is: Todd knew I wouldn't let this go without seeing that he was right and I was wrong. Todd also knew that he could use the ancient stuff to cure me..." I said as Todd turned around and walk back towards us.

"Dr. Keller, please... the equipment is programmed properly now. Come. I do not wish to allow Heather to endure more than is necessary. Please." Todd said as he turned and walked back to the other side of the room. Jen followed and doctor talk ensued.

Trusting both Todd and Jen, I didn't bother listening in. Feeling my eyes water, I shut my eyes and tried concentrating on my breathing: _In. Out. In. Out. _

"I will need you to monitor her with this." Todd said. Picking up the nearest tool, Todd seemed perfectly at home with ancient medical technology.

I could tell by Jennifer's face that she had about as much knowledge on its function as I did. It was long, black, and dolphin shaped. To me, it looked like a phaser from Star Trek. I didn't have a clue what it was or what it did. "Todd? Are you sure this is it?"

Without missing a beat, Todd was at my side before Jen had even put down the piece of equipment he'd been showing her seconds before. Whispering in Wraith that I was his Dilectissima and his queen, he promised he would not take this chance if he had any doubt. Encouraging me to ask him any questions that I wanted, I paused. Shaking my head negatively, I answered that my wraith wasn't good enough for that... yet. Knowing that right now he couldn't read my mind, I fought the urge to tell him how I felt. _If the words I'm afraid come out of my mouth, will I insult you?_

Jen's eyes narrowed the longer Todd spoke to me in wraith. "English, please Heather." She said.

"You do not need to speak Wraith to see the fear and pain in her eyes, Dr. Keller. I was explaining that the wraith DNA in her line has been incorporated quite well. Heather may yet learn how to be in direct contact with wraith yet only suffer a fraction of discomfort. What I do here should not destroy her ability but will temporarily block Wraith thoughts." Activating the ancient tool, a beam of light scanned me. Trusting him, I didn't flinch. Jen's first reaction was to try to pull me out of the beam. The beam of light made me feel warm and stuffy, almost like it gave me a head cold. "It won't be long now, Heather."

Opening my mouth to ask him what he meant, I instead said, "What the..." The pain was lessening. _Oh thank god!_

_**Heather, do not react to my voice. It seems that your recovery time is also more wraith than human. **_

_It is not. More wraith like... huh? __Can I see your medical license? _I teased. "It's getting better," I said remembering at the last minute to speak to both of them instead of just Jen.

Jen looked relieved. "Thank god." Looking at some readouts, her smile got bigger with each new beep. "Everything is returning to normal." Jen looked at Todd and said, "Thank you." Inclining his head in acknowledgment, Todd also moved to look at the readouts.

_** License? **_Todd asked, _**What does this mean?**_

_It doesn't matter. God Todd, remind me to never whine about you hearing my thoughts again. I missed you. _

**I missed you as well. Though I'm sure your new found appreciation will disappear soon enough. But, my ****Dilectissima, we do not have time tease or to concentrate on pretty words and thoughts. **

_What's happened?_

_**I will not explain this to your people as I am sure their reaction would be upsetting to you. But, I will not lie to you.**__**The closer we get to Pegasus, the closer we get to the other hives. When I opened my mind to you so completely, your abilities were heightened. You did not react to me. You reacted to our people. Because you are unused to that many voices... to that many of our people... your brain reacted. With time, that will change. **_

"Heather," Jen said, "Even with you feeling better, I want you to stay here tonight. Just to make sure you are okay."

"Hmm?" I asked Jen.

"You're going to stay here for observation tonight."

Open my mouth to tell Jen that it was unnecessary, I heard Todd's gentle verbal nudge: "Dr. Keller, I do not believe that Heather will experience anymore pain but I appreciate your concern. We will monitor her tonight together."

"Todd... Jen, I'm fine. Thank you both for your concern, but I'll be fine in my own quarters tonight. I don't need babysitters."

Shaking her head, Jen responded, "Sorry... but this is standard practice. You gotta stay here tonight, you aren't being treated any differently than anyone else would be. Todd doesn't need to stay here though." Turning towards him, she continued, "I'm sorry, but the marines... they need to take you back to your cell... but if there is any change, I'll have them bring you back right away... I promise."

Todd nodded to her, saying "I understand Doctor Keller."

I wasn't going to be that gracious. If I was going to be irritated, so was Jen. "No way..." I said, "If something changes, you might need him, Jen. I know you can figure out any complications on your own, but he's done this before. If you honestly think I need to stay than so does he."

"If we need him, I could always have him brought back here..." Jen answered as she eyes the marines.

Lt. Hubbel cleared his throat, "Heather, we need to take Todd back to his cell. We've already been on duty for eighteen hours..."

"Wow, eighteen hours?" I asked as I looked down at my watch. "Umm... Look, to be honest... I'd still feel more comfortable if the 10,000 year old scientist who understood the ancient equipment was around, no offence Jen, but... I don't want to go through that again." _This is acting Todd, actin... _"As long as the infirmary door was locked, the rest of Atlantis would be safe. Todd could stay and you guys could go off duty... and if something happens Jen and Todd would be here. We'd all be happy." I finished.

"I'd have to put the infirmary out of commission..." Jen said trailing off in thought. I knew she was going through the list of things she'd have to do to pull this off.

After getting her five seconds to think about it, I added:"Or.. I mean.. I already slept in the hologram room without him harming me... maybe we don't have to pull the whole infirmary out of commission..."

"You want to stay with him again in the hologram room, don't you?" She asked, shaking her head. "No, I'm sorry Heather.. but Todd was only able to ask for help when Lt. Hubbel checked in on you... if you had another attack..."

"I was tired Jen; I wasn't dying!"

Calming placing his hand under my elbow, Todd turned me towards him as he said, "Heather, you will not need further medical treatment but it would be a risk for us to be cut off." _**I too wish I could hold you again tonight, but it is better for you to be here. Your biology is different from your grandmothers. It is prudent to take proper precautions,**__** Dilectissima**__**.**_

"I'll be fine." I told them both.

"Heather," Jen said, "If both of us are telling you the same thing... Come on... just listen, okay?" I could see the worry in her eyes. I could also see the conflict: Jen was willing to allow Todd to stay because it would make me feel better but, at the same time, the fact that I wanted a life-force-sucking alien scientist to stay hurt her. I could see the pain and doubt in her eyes: the 'my friend thinks he's a better doctor than me'.

"Jen," I started shaking my head in disbelief, "You are a great doctor and I trust you with my life. Hell, when I have kids I'll trust you with their lives..." I stopped internally groaning and trying not to think about little green children running around and being shot at by my friends on Atlantis. "The point is, you are an amazing doctor, Jen. I don't want you to think I don't think you can do this... I know you can.. its just... Todd's done this before at if he can do it just a little faster... well... you understand don't you?"

"Of course I do..." she answered giving me a brief hug. Turning to Lt. Hubbel, she said, "We'll be fine. You guys, go on... I'll lock down the infirmary."

"Um..." I said, "Would it be okay if I went to get something from my room... I don't want to be in a hospital gown, Jen. Oh.. and maybe I should bring back a few DVDs.. we can have a sleepover."

"Sure." Jen replied, smiling. "Todd and I will wait here. I'll make the necessary calls to lock down. It will take away anyway..." Moving into her office, I saw her sit down at her desk and start taping away at her laptop.

Lt. Hubbel spoke up, "Go on Heather... we'll wait until you return then."

Arching my eyebrow at him, I responded, "Well... if you guys are going to stay on duty anyway, why don't you all come with me? It would be interesting to see what movie Todd would pick out. He'll be stuck with all sorts of chick-flicks... I suppose we should let him pick out something too."

"Screw that, torture the wraith." I heard someone mumble.

Lt. Hubbel acted like the comment hadn't been made. "You guys are done for the night. Dismissed." He said to the other marines.

As they started to head towards the door to leave, I started to argue, "But..."

Lt. Hubbel held up his hand. Instead of talking to me, Lt. Hubbel waited until the door had closed on the last guy before he looked over at Todd, "Look, as one military man to another, you know I can't allow this."

"Oh come on..." I began.

_ "_Heather, we can't help him know the complete layout of Atlantis." Lt. Hubbel replied, "And if you don't mind me saying, you need to start taking this a bit more seriously. You're not a just a civy anymore, ambassador... act like it."

_**Heather, you should go and get your night things. **_

"You assume that he hasn't been on Atlantis before." I fired back ready to start verbally sparing with someone. Itching to fight out my doubts and my demons, I welcomed the chance to talk about this out loud. To have what my grandmother had denied me even as I knew Todd would rather me not. "Lal said to trust him." I fired at Lt. Hubbel as if that alone was the best reason for him to change his mind.

"Ancients have been wrong before. And you don't trust him because of what she said, that's just an excuse. You assume that he's love will override who and what he is." Lt. Hubbel calming replied, "This isn't a movie Heather. But, you don't seem to understand that locked in a closed room long enough with him... and he'll take you."

My brain flashed to Todd's massaging my back last night. _Guess he don't mean take in a good way... _My thoughts strayed to wondering along the path of Todd's taking me. At Todd's mental approval, I fought the urge to smile.

"Heather," Jen said apologetically yelling from her office, "You should go change. Woolsey wants us locked down within the next fifteen minutes. Get going quickly, okay? He's not happy about this... and neither is Rodney."

"Okay," I yelled back. Turning to Lt. Hubbel I said, "Stick around... we'll finish this later."

_** And what about me, **__**Dilectissima?**_

_Hmm... I wish we could finish my mental escapades later, but I think it would freak Jen out._ Todd's laughter followed me as I sped down the hall and across Atlantis to my room. I could practically feel his hum of happiness and Todd's laughter dancing through me lightened my outlook considerably. I was humming a tune as I ran, watching as random military types and scientist smiles greeted me as I came speeding by. Smiling widely, I mentally ordered the door to open and paused for a second in delight when it opened on command. _I love that! _Laughing out loud, I headed for my DVD collection and pulled some old reliable favorites. Taking stock of the DVDs, I hesitated wondering what would Todd like: _Action, Adventure, Drama? What?_

_**What about the stories that you quote? Star...**_

_Oh, Good idea! Now, let me just get some toiletries and a night gown and I'll head back... _Walking into my bathroom, I grabbed my overnight bag and then headed over to my closet. Pulling out a t-shirt and sweatpants, I paused considering.

_**Wear what you are comfortable in, Heather. You are desirable in any garment. **_

_Did Lal teach you what to say to me? Cause, you really are too perfect._

**It is troublesome that you always prefer to think that I am lying to you, Dilectissima. **

_ I... You're right... I'm sorry. It was a bad joke._

_**It was not a joke, though you try to hide your feelings behind it to make it appear as such. You can't lie to me, Heather. You must learn your value. **_

Rolling my eyes, I choose not to respond to him. Gathering my things, I took the return trip to the infirmary. Stopping in the mess to grab some pop-corm for Jennifer and myself, I arrived at the infirmary just a few seconds after my time limit. "I come late," I said as I walked through the doors, "but, I come baring salty buttery snacks Jen!"

Coming from the direction of the chief medical officer's office, I heard Jen's call of, "Ohhh... Cool." As she stepped out of her office, with Rodney moving to overtake her, Jen smiled at his back and continued: "How did you pull that off?"

Not answering her, I lifted an eyebrow as the popcorn bag was pulled out of my hand and several kernels had already been plucked into Rodney's mouth. "Rodney, what are you doing here?"

Through his chewing Rodney said, "Protecting you and Jen."

"Ah..." I replied, turning towards Todd as he took my bag from my shoulder. "Oh... Thank you, Todd." Turning my face toward Rodney, I asked, "You're worried we'll choke on a kernels, I suppose?"

"No, Heather." Rodney replied, "I'm protecting you from Todd. You think I'm letting you sleep in here with him without someone to watch over you two..."

I fought as big wide toothy grin threatened to spill out and destroy Rodney's guts. Cleaning my throat, I said, "Rodney, that's very... sweet of you."

"You're like Jen's sister... so you'll mine now too." His reply was so genuine that my mirth from before turned acidic in my mouth. _And now I feel guilty I wanted to laugh at him... I'm surprise he's willing to really protect us from you... I always assumed he'd be the first one to run if you ever got really hungry._

_**Dr. Rodney Mckay's courage shows itself frequently for Dr. Keller's benefit. He was able to walk onto a hive and helped her feel more comfortable with me when we started to work on the treatment.**_

"Thanks Rodney..." I said moving to give him a peak on the cheek. The sun seemed to explode inside my head and I sickeningly realized it was a flash of rage from Todd. Forcing my toes to extend the remaining inch, so I could reach Rodney's cheek, I kept my eyes locked on Todd as I did it. A _kiss on the cheek between friends is nothing you should be jealous of, Todd. _

_** A queen only touches her commander with such favors. **_

_And in front of your people, I can understand your wanting to enforce that but I am with my people. I can feel your anger; it is not for proprieties sake that you want to rip him to pieces._

_**Feeding on him is not ripping him to pieces, my dear.**_

_ Todd! _Moving away from Rodney, I crossed the room to stand in front of Todd, completely forgetting for the moment that not everyone could hear the conversation, "This is normal for me and normal for humans. Just like you can't stop eating humans, I can't stop being one. I won't stop being one!"

"I do not wish you to stop being a human. I do not believe you are doing these... actions out of malice. You have not been taught what is proper for your position, so you must learn our ways. Think of it as tempering your human habits."

"Kissing a friend on the cheek is not a crime!"

"What's going on?" Rodney asked.

"Nothing." I answered, barely sparing a look in Rodney's direction, "Todd, my humanity isn't something I intend to loss. Wraith blood or not... I'm not going to change who I am."

Stepping closer to me so we were almost touching, Todd looked into my eyes as he said, "You already have changed. Time changes everyone, Heather. You cannot stay the same. That is part of being alive... regardless of your species."

"Heather?" Jenifer asked appearing next to me. "What's going on?"

"I am concerned that sometimes Heather's actions could become an issue when she interacts with wraith." Todd answered. "I wish her to be safe so she must be more... reserved."

Looking suspiciously amused, Jen asked me, "Todd feels that kissing Rodney on the cheek was... what? Sexual?"

"What?" Rodney asked shocked. Eyes big and mouth forming a huge 'O' Rodney looked like he'd seen Todd writing out his death warrant. "But... it's not.. not like that, Todd... I... Jen..."

"Rodney, calm down." Seeing Todd's smirking at Rodney's fear, I added, "Rodney... come here... you look like you need a hug." Rodney's feet almost tripped him up as he backtracked.

Todd's arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me towards him. "That also would be frowned upon." Silently, I felt his anger again and his hurt that I'd said that just to hurt him.

_"_Todd, she's just joking... She's trying to upset you." Jen said shaking her head at me.

"I'm not trying to upset anyone. He needs to realize that humans touch each other without it being a big deal." I replied to her, "And you're not helping!" _Stop with the anger! The only being I ever think of in a sexual way is you Todd, you don't have to worry about that. A guy and girl can be friends without it being anything more, you know. _

_**Humans touch far too freely. It is not proper. Not all humans share your non-sexual centered view. You know that males are prone to indulge their fantasizes.**_

Throwing a look to Rodney, I wondered if Todd had picked up on something... Feeling Todd's triumph I realized he'd proven his point. He'd sensed nothing from Rodney, I'd walked into a trap. _ I will keep your... concerns in mind. But, you need to understand that when I'm with humans' from Earth... I'll act like an Earthling. _

_**You grew up on Earth Heather, but you are a daughter of a **__**Lantean**__** and a Wraith. **_

_But if I'm with my own people..._

_**You will be scrutinized, Heather. You must never act in a way that would lessen your effectiveness. As a wraith, you must be mindful at all times. As a human, you must be constantly on guard. This is the way of things. This is how we remain strong. **_

"Why do I feel like you two are talking about me?" Rodney asked, looking worried. "Like Todd's debating if I'm his next meal."

"Rodney, the universe doesn't revolve around you!" I said as I rolled my eyes, "Let's watch the movies before you eat all the pop-corn, oh brave savior." _If that really what it's going to be like? If I'm queen because my genes make me queen, why..._

_**Wraith want to be ruled, Heather, but they do not allow the weak to rule them. There is always another ready to take their place. It is how we remain strong.**_

_I don't want to always watch my back, Todd. How can you live like that?_

_**That is the way of things. You have nothing to fear. You will find that the strength to rule is inside you already... You must allow it to run free.**_

_If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will... _

_**No. You will not be consumed. You are strong, my Queen.**_

Not knowing how to answer that, I allowed Jen to lead me to the TV that Rodney had set up. "What do you want to watch first?" Jen asked me.

"Please, not a girly movie!" Rodney whined before I'd opened my mouth.

"Watch this..." I asked to Jen as I turned towards Todd, "Todd, would you mind if we watched a girlie movie that I would enjoy?"

"Oh, please!" Rodney said, "He doesn't know any better yet... Todd trust me.. your answer is YES, you mind!"

"Hmm." Todd answered, slowly walking towards me, "I wish to watch that movie, you enjoyed so much growing up... The Beauty and the Beast?" Smiling, I pushed play on the DVD player without comment.

Rodney's head was turned to Todd and his jaw dropped open, "I know we aren't on the same side, but Todd... seriously?"

Jen's cocked her eyebrow at him, "Rodney, you love Beauty and the Beast."

"I do not!" He said scandalized yet sitting down right in front of the TV, taking the best seat for himself. I looked to Todd allowing him to pick his seat since he was a guest while Todd extended his hand indicating that we should sit first. Rodney's eyes were only for the TV as his dislike seemed to melt away as soon as the narrator started speaking. With a goofy grin on his face, Rodney smiled as the prince turned into the beast. Looking over at Jen, we both cracked a smile at the same time. Freezing, like a child whose hand just got catch in the cookie jar, Rodney amended, "It's alright if that's what you ladies want, I'll suffer through it for you." Jen sat next to Rodney affectively separating Todd from me.

"It amuses me Dr. Keller that you chose to... consort with Rodney McKay." Todd said out loud. _I trust you realize it would be proper for you to sit next to Dr. Keller. _

"Well, Todd when a wraith is more of a gentleman than him... it does make me wonder."

"Ah."

Rolling my eyes, I sat next to Jen and said, "Leave Rodney alone..."

"Hmm?" Rodney said coming out of his tunnel vision and looking away from the television. Todd laughed and Jen and I joined in much to Rodney's confusion. "What?" Rodney asked again.


	12. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The trip was almost over. One night in the infirmary hadn't completely calmed Rodney and Jen's fears but I'd seen them both taking note of how Todd had acted. As the days turned into weeks, I'd also noticed them both getting quieter and more thoughtful. Jen seemed more nervous for me now than she had before and I'd only realized the cause recently. According to Rodney, we had about another hour before we dropped out of hyperspace. I was standing on the balcony next to the Gate room watching the stars streaking by and I couldn't enjoy it. I was scared to death. Thoughts flew around inside my head like a tornado. Feelings matched in and out of my conscious mind. And I understood what blinding panic really was. Todd didn't know. On the one hand, I was thrilled that I seemed to be blocking Todd from sensing my fear as he'd taught me; while on the other hand I longed for his assurances and wondered if privacy wasn't the gift I'd expected. I'd always liked to be alone in my mind before but now... I wanted everything to go back to the way it was. I just couldn't decide how far back in time I longed for.

My iPod alarm sounded reminding me I'd promised to have lunch with Jen just as John's voice came from beside me, "Heather, Rodney's said we just crossed into the outer reaches of Pegasus. We're going to stop for a few minutes so Teyla can gate to where Kanaan and the Athosians are. Jen's going with her and wanted to know if you felt like..."

"Yea." I answered turning away from the blurred stars, "Yea, I'd like to go."

"Great." John said as we walked into the gate room, "My team's going to go through first and make sure everything's okay and then they will radio back for you and Jen. Jen's waiting in the control room for you."

Walking into the control room, I saw Teyla and Jen speaking to Richard Woolsey. Coming up behind them, I heard Richard say, "You and the team should do a sweep before you call back for Heather."

"You know, my fight skills have gotten a lot better since Ronon and Todd have been teaching me. You don't need to baby me." I said, coming up behind Richard.

"Mr. Woolsey is right to be concerned, Heather. We have tried to radio them and are not getting a response. I will radio just as soon as I am sure it's safe."

"Teyla," I asked concerned, "You're sure that Michael is dead... aren't you?"

"I am sure that I killed him."

Rodney shook his head in agreement, "Even Todd's sure that Michael's dead..."

"It's possible it's a harmless reason..." Richard added.

John's familiar walk sounded on the stairs, "Maybe they aren't checking the radio every minute of every day or someone could just be on a bathroom break, Heather." John said while handing Teyla a vest, "As soon as we know, we'll let you ladies know... just sit tight." Looking at Teyla, he asked, "You ready?"

"Yes. Let's go." As Teyla, Rodney, and John joined Ronon at the embarkation area, the dialing sequence locked and the blue shimmery wormhole snapped into existence. Rodney turned to wave to us a second before they walked through and disappeared.

Looking over at me, Jen mentioned, "We won't have to wait long... the camp is quite close to the Stargate. The wraith don't know that humans are on the planet so there wasn't a need to make the camp hard to find."

"And if the Wraith happen to be flying by and read their life signs?"

"Wraith don't explore like we do. I'm sure everything is fine."

**_Heather, are you alright?_**

_Yea. I'm just worried. Teyla can't get a hold of her family or her people._

_ **And John and the others have gone to investigate.**_

****_Yes**. **Do you know what happened to Teyla's people? _

_ **Even if I knew what planet the Athosians had gone too, I would be unable to answer that. I have been on Earth. I cannot communicate with my people from that far away. You know that.**_

_We are closer now._

**_The Wraith are not one people yet. I cannot even assure you that my hive has stayed away from them as I was never told what planet Teyla's people were on. Heather, you cannot go regardless of what John Sheppard says. It is not safe for you to be on any planets until I have made the proper arrangements. You must remain here._**

_It will be fine._ _I'm going once John radios for Jen and me. _

**_Heather. Do not._**

****John's voice happily chimed in:****"Mr. Woolsey, I'm happy to report that everything is all clear. The Athosians****radio's batteries ran out. We gave them quite a shock but everyone is fine."

**_You must remain here. Without the proper introduction to our people, they will have no reason to think that you are their queen. You must not risk your life to satisfy your curiosity._**

****"Wonderful," Richard said giving Jen a nod, "Jen and Heather will be right through with the medical supplies."

"John, is Teyla there?" I asked.

"She's around somewhere... Why?"

"Can you all come back to Atlantis... I have a bad feeling about this."

**_I know of no attack. It is your safety I am concerned about. Until I speak to the Queen Mothers in person... You must remain on Atlantis. _**

****"Heather, the woman just got here... she's not leaving. She hasn't seen her husband or her kid for months."

"So bring them all back... Just get your ass back through the gate, John. That's an order."

"Heather," Richard stressed, "You don't give orders."

As John droned on about how I was overreacting and that everything was fine, I saw Richard nodding in agreement. I wanted to scream that we didn't have enough time for this. I wanted to scream that Todd didn't want me going and that had to mean something. I wanted to scream that they were all fools. Instead, I looked Richard Woolsey in the eye and calming said, "You're right. I... I just feel like something is wrong. Teyla can sense the wraith, can't she? Maybe I'm..."

"You're too far away from the planet for you to be picking up on anything, Heather. If you aren't ready to do this, you don't have to go." Richard said, not unkindly, "It's alright... Dr. Keller can..."

"No." I said much more confidently than I felt, "I'm fine. You're right, of course. I'm good to go."

"You sure," John asked, "Teyla would understand if you want to hang back..."

"No... This is just new yet... It's just a little odd to...find my space legs... there's different than sea legs by a bit. But, that's okay... the sharks are different too." Trying to reassure Todd that I'd be careful as I was vocal reassuring John and Richard was enough to make me smile a bit. _Look, my two families are agreeing! _My smile must have reassured Jen that I really was okay because she soon was seconding my diagnosis and was pushing for me to be allowed to join the mission.

I let Jen speak to Richard, while Todd's voice rebounded around my head. **_Heather, if I cannot convince you to stay behind, will you make me a promise?_**

****_What promise?_

_ **If wraith are there, you must return through the Stargate without waiting for your friends. They will tell you to go and you must listen. You will not try to reason with our people, you will not try to save anyone. You must return here. Do you promise this to me?**_

****_But, couldn't I... I mean if they know the story... Can't I just tell them who I am? They'd have to listen to me._

_ **If they believed you,** **they would take you, Heather. With you as their captive, your grandfather and his mother would give them anything to assure your safety. **_

****I knew he could feel my realization that that could be his plan. Trying to push that thought away, I thought _Okay, I promise. If John tells me to go back through the gate, I'll go. _

_ **Come back to me safely, **_**_Dilectissima._**

****"Heather?" Jen asked with a roll of her eyes.

"Sorry... Guess I was wondering if I should ask for a weapon or something?"

"No." Jen answered without even pausing, "Not a good idea. If there is any problem, John will just send us back through the gate. Don't worry, we'll be fine."

"Of course we will." Walking towards the gate, I eyed the blue shimmering puddle, "You have the special package right?"

"Sure do."

"Good. One last thing... going through this thing doesn't hurt right? I mean... no freezing cold or pain as we are hurtled through space?"

Jen stopped right before entering the puddle and looked over at me she said, "Not anymore," and stepped through.

"Great... Just great." **_Todd, I... I... I'll see you soon. Don't worry. _** Jumping into the gate, I felt like I was flying. The feeling was as amazing as it was terrorizing but it didn't last long enough for me to really decide if I liked it or not. Stumbling onto grass, I fell face first onto the ground. Opening my eyes, it was surprising to see normal green grass in my face. "Wow."

"You okay?" I heard John ask.

Looking up, I noticed he was standing off to the side by the M.A.L.P. Jen was trying not to laugh as she bent down next to me to help me up. Grabbing a fist full of grass, I threw it at her and said, "Jack..."

"Hey, kids around!" Jen chilled, looking to the left of me.

"I'm not a kid!" said a young brown haired boy in the same whine of everyday earth children in denial about their age. "I'm an adult, just like you. Now, as I was saying, my father asked me to come back to wait with Col. Sheppard to see you. His nose has been bothering him again. He wished to know if you brought the medicine that you'd given him before... he ran out weeks ago."

"I have it, Jinto." Jen replied smiling at the boy, "Jinto, this is my best friend from Earth. Her name is Heather." Looking at me, she continued, "You remember the reports with the Athosian representative Halling? That's Jinto's father. Halling has allergies on this world. Most of the other Athosians didn't have it as severely as he does, but it's nothing that a little over the counter remedies don't control."

"Are you a Colonel too?" Jinto asked looking at me in wonder.

"No." I answered, "I'm not military. I'm an ambassador to..."

"Heather," John said cutting me off, "We should move out. Jinto, why don't you help Heather with the case she's carrying, okay?" He said as he pointed to the medical supply case that I'd taken.

"That's not necessary, John." I said as I wondered why he's cut me off, "This is pretty heavy."

"And that is why my son should carry it for you, madam," said a male's voice coming up behind us. Turning around to face the new arrivals, I saw Teyla walking with a man and Ronon. The man was tall and his bone structure gave him the air of power. He walked next to Teyla and seemed to be comfortable there even with the time away from her.

"Halling, I presume?" I said, smiling at him.

"Yes. It is nice to meet you, Heather. Teyla speaks very highly of you."

"Halling," Teyla said walking towards me, "I would like to show Heather around a bit as she has never been off of their home world. Would you and Jinto help Dr. Keller to camp? Rodney will be there to help her setup so Jinto may return to class."

"Of course, we will help her, Teyla." Halling replied as he easily took the majority of boxes that Dr. Keller and I were carrying. Exchanging a look with Teyla and John, Jen followed Halling and Jinto behind the Stargate as Jinto's whined a bit to his father about having to go back to school.

Jen smiled at me as I saw her take the special box back from Jinto's distracted hands. In it were some simple Earth toys that Jen had slipped into the medical supplies that we had gotten for Teyla's son. I smiled back, knowing she'd wait to give it to Teyla's kid until we was there. Walking next to Teyla, she didn't say anything to me further as we walked in the opposite direction. Teyla spoke about some of the animal life that we might see soon as John and Ronon walked silently on either side of me. Looking at John's stern expression, I assumed they were leading me way from the Athosians' camp for some instructions. After Jen and the Athosians were out of ear shot, Teyla seemed to get less talkative and more silently reflective. After ten minutes of silence, Teyla turned to me: "Heather, it is important that you are mindful of what you say to my people. To us, the wraith..."

"Oh, my G-d. Teyla, you're right... I didn't even think of that! That's why John shut me up... Oh, wow."

"I should have mentioned it to you before; I was distracted."

"Of course. I should have thought of that on my own."

"It would be better if you didn't trust them to begin with," Ronon said only slightly under his breath.

"Ronon," Teyla chilled him, "Todd is not like other wraith when he is around Heather. You have said it yourself."

"Teyla, don't bother. Ronon can only see what he wants to see. If I grew up the way you guys have... I think I'd see it differently too... heck, sometimes I still wonder if I'm going to be wraith food one of these days." Turning back towards the way we'd come, I added, "Now that I've remembered the wraith are evil... can we go meet your people? I do so well with aliens, you know."

"You are the alien here, Heather." Teyla replied with a smile as we started walking back to the gate.

"Hey, we're all aliens here... You aren't originally from this planet anyway..." I teased. I faded off as I looked around. This alien planet on the other side of the universe looked to Earthlike. "It looks just like the pictures in the file."

"Isn't that the point of the files?" Ronon retorted.

"You don't understand... the chances of two planets evolving with similar plants and trees is... astronomically unlikely." Coming back on the Stargate, I paused. What looked to be a bee buzzed around the Stargate, it briefly landed on several flowers before continuing on and out of sight. "The ancients didn't just plant humans on world... they planted life. All of it: planets, animals, insects, everything. They created whole new worlds. Why? Setting aside their stupidity with playing god and screwing up... why did they do this? What was the purpose?"

"Gee," John said, "You are just as fun to hang out with as Rodney sometimes. You know that? Stop thinking and just enjoy the fresh air, will ya? We've been wondering why for the past 5 years and haven't figured it out. O'Neil's been wondering for 11 years. No one knows."

Sighing, I continued the walk in silence. _Going on off world missions is kind of tiring... I thought the camp was close to the gate? It feels like we've been walking forever. It's kinda hot out here too. God, I do sound like Rodney. _Looking ahead of us, I saw the settlement coming into focus. Smiling at Teyla, I asked, "Where's the tents?" The camp didn't have tents as I'd seen on their original planet's pictures, instead there were USA military grade structures made of cement and cinderblock. They had put fabric along the outside to make it their own, but I could see the cinderblocks as the fabric blew in the breeze.

"My people do not have to move around anymore as the wraith do not know we are here. It is very important..."

"...that it stays that way. I know. I didn't even watch them dial, Teyla. I want your people safe too..."

"Heather," Jen called walking out of the nearest structure with Rodney and Halling, "I know you don't like tea... but come try theirs..."

"It's that good?" I asked. Taking the cup from Halling, I said "Thanks" and took a sip. It tasted like coffee flavored medicine with an aftertaste of lemon and grapefruit. "Wow, that's good." I said calmly.

Her eyes sparking with amusement, Teyla said, "Thank you, ambassador," as she took my arm and led me behind the building. Setting my eyes on the market, I wondered how in the world I'd exchange money here. "Wow..."

"Oh no." John said, sounding alarmed, "Rodney, Ronon... Shopping alert! Let's get out of here." Laughing at Rodney's dejected expression, the three men walked away with Rodney complaining that now they'd have to deal with putting the medical supplies away by themselves. John's pained expression once Rodney started his whining made their retreat more comical than hurtful.

"As if they didn't get souvenirs from their first mission here!"

"They got survivors and souvenirs, Heather." Teyla replied.

"True..." I replied. Silently ad: _and a boat load of trouble... _ Walking around the market, I felt like I'd been transported back through time or maybe just an odd version of the renaissance fairs back on Earth. Going from stall to stall, I'd mental considered buying half of the market. Knifes were basic and deadly looking, yet strangely appealing. Paintings showing exotic fruits and vegetables were colorful and alien. Even pots and pans were handmade and sometimes even painted with such detail that I wanted to ask Teyla if there was some religious significance I was missing. A dress was what physically forced me to stop walking. Teyla explained it was a mixture of Athoisan style with other styles of Pegasus. To me, it just looked medieval with its long flowing sleeves and an intricate Bodice that seemed to sparkle. The color made the dress with its rich deep burgundy and gold highlights. It looked nothing like anything else in the market. Making a decision that the dress would be mine even if I had to spend a million dollars, I asked: "Teyla, I... I really would love to buy that dress. It's amazing... How does this work here?"

"That is a ceremonial dress, Heather," Teyla cautioned, "I don't think..."

"For what ceremony?" I asked, praying she said anything other than The Rings Ceremony as I'd read about that in Dr. Beckett's reports. _I'm not going to wait until I die of old age to wear that dress._

"It's for the Woman's Ceremony... to declare one's passage to adulthood."

"Think of it as a dress a débutante would wear to be presented at court," Jen added, "You know... without the queen part. The suitors desiring you part still applies though."

"Um... Oh... so, why can't I buy it? I mean... I don't have to wear it for that."

Jen smiled, "That's not the point. You can't wear it to dinner."

"Not a normal dinner, no." I replied, "But, I'll use it. I know I'm probably in the wrong galaxy for a ball, but hey... why not support the Athoisan economy and buy it anyway." Shaking her head my logic, Teyla walked over to merchant and spoke quietly to her. As they were speaking, my ear piece went off.

"Heather, It's John. Come in?"

"Hi John. Everything okay?" I asked, expecting to hear that millions of wraith were coming through the gate and we were all going to die.

"Everything's fine. Just looking for Teyla. She's not wearing her ear piece..."

"Oh... she's negotiating a price right now for me... I'll go tell her to check if it's on..."

"No, it can wait. Kannan sent a message that he has it. I figure she'll be spending the night here, so when you girls are done shopping we'll leave without her. Teyla can gate back to Atlantis tomorrow."

"Roger."

"Oh, aren't you cute."

Rolling my eyes, I said: "I'll let them know you are ready to go. Heather out."

"You sound pissed." Jen observed.

"John's ready to go."

Jen laughed, "And you think that means we have to leave?"

"Don't we?"

"No." Jen said, smiling, "I'm the chief medical officer and my patients still need me. I haven't nearly spent enough money yet..." Teyla waved us over as she and the merchant smiled at us. Without missing a beat, Jen continued, "Stat... get your credit card."

Walking over to the merchant, the dress was in my hands and she was pushing me over to a booth before my brain caught up with her words, "...fit it to you. Go on! Go on, try it!"

"Here?" I asked, looking around.

"Of course!" The merchant exclaimed. Raising her hand, a curtain fell down with a whoosh from over the door frame. "Try it on!"

"No one can see, Heather. It's okay." Teyla added.

"Okay." I replied still not convinced but firmly sure that my Earth-based fears of hidden cameras weren't a valid concern here. _Amazing how a bit of privacy no longer matters when the life can be sucked out of you. _ Realizing there was no mirror in the booth, I had no choice but to put on the dress and step out for Jen and Teyla's reaction. _Blind faith that this doesn't look stupid on me. Oh Boy._ Stepping out of the dressing booth, I looked to Jen, knowing that I'd read her reaction the quickest. She was smiling. She liked it. A lot.

"Oh my god." Jen gushed, "It's perfect!"

"It is." Teyla said, looking intently at me, "You want it?"

I hesitated, wondering if she wanted me to say I wasn't sure so she could knock the price down more or something. "Umm..."

"Um?" Jen said scandalized, "You have to get that. You love dresses like this... you always have... Why are you Um-ing?"

"Well, how much is it?"

"No friend of Teyla buys here. The dress is yours." The merchant said, drawing herself up to her full height. Before I could reply, she was by my side with pins. "Teyla, I'll need a bit of time to finish it." Pinning the neck so that it showed only the perfect amount of cleavage, she continued, "Are you able to stay until morning meal?"

"No, but I will return in seven days..." Teyla started to say.

"Um... Teyla" I interrupted, "Kannan called... he mentioned to John that you left your earpiece. So, John suggested that you go home to get it and you could meet up with Atlantis tomorrow."

Smiling, I watched Teyla unconsciously touch her ear checking for the earpiece. It wasn't there. Teyla looked slightly embarrassed as she said, "I...Very well. I will pick up the dress then before morning meal."

Coming through the Stargate, I opened my mind up to Todd as soon as I'd consciously registered that we'd returned: _Everything's okay, no wraith... just sunlight. You know, I missed the sun even if it's not the one I'm used to. _As Jen, Rodney, and John headed off to return to their duties, I started to walk to Todd's cell. Keeping up my mental chatter, I continued: _By the way, all these weeks I didn't realize how much I missed shopping! I bought the prettiest dress in this galaxy... _

_ **I am glad that you are safe. ** _His barely controlled tone screamed his anger but he didn't rage at me. Instead, he remained silent. He didn't ask about the dress or Teyla's family. He said nothing as he quietly fumed. 

_ I know you are angry with me. You even might have a right to be angry... I betrayed you... I didn't mean to but..._

_ **You think I am angry because you thought I knew of a trap and you tried to protect your people. I am not. If I knew of a trap, I would share that knowledge with you to protect those that you love, Heather. It is an issue, but it is acceptable while we are still growing to know each other. My anger with you comes at your constant disregard for your own safety. You are Queen. Your survival is paramount! Have you not been told that time and time again?**_

Pausing outside his cell, I sighed. _I cannot change what I am. How I am. _Stepping into the cell, I wasn't surprised to see that he was facing away from the camera but it was surprising to find him seated on the bed. The only other times I'd seen him sit was when I was seated in the room. He'd always keep himself on the same level as me. He wasn't fatigued and he wasn't starved to the point that he was in danger. Sitting shows weakness. _Why are you sitting? _ "What's wrong?_"_

"You left Atlantis. Do you realize what would have happened if you were to get taken prisoner by another hive or... killed by wraith or humans?"

"I've never been fed on but I have a pretty good idea what would happened." _I'm fine Todd. I won't get hurt. I can handle this. Really. _Time seemed to slow down and Todd was moving off the bed and towards me. He'd pulled back his arm as if he was about to feed on me. He had a wild look on his face and yet I did not allow myself to move away from him. I could feel the nature of his thoughts; I could feel his control and his intent to make contact with my cheat without feeding to make his point. His wild look was an act. My wild impulse was not. Catching his arm as he'd taught me to do, I positioned my hand a little below his feeding slit, and stroked it with my nail. When we had been practicing stopping a wraith who was trying to feed, I'd touched him like this by accident and he'd responded with a mental flood of lust. After he's calmed down, he'd explained that some areas were sexual on their hands. I knew he'd feel that I was purposefully using this knowledge against him. I felt confident he'd enjoy this betrayal.****

**_Dilectissima! _**Before I knew it, his lips met mine and all thoughts fled my mind. Backing me into the wall, he pushed me up against it. "You must not take risks, Heather. Promise me." Positioning his knee in between my legs as he kissed me, he moved against me. "Promise."

It felt like I was on fire. Like I was dying and living all at the same time. I couldn't think enough to form sentences, though I wanted to promise him anything in the universe if he'd continue. There didn't seem to be enough air and all I could murmur between kisses was his name. "Todd..." 

"What are you doing!" Rodney shrieked.

_Please Todd. _Was it a request for more or for him to desist, not even I knew for sure. I could feel Todd's absolute drive for me tampered by his knowledge that he couldn't do all he wished. He would make a point, one way or another. Todd didn't stop his kisses or his moving against me. Even through the haze, I watched Rodney's frozen astonishment turning into growing fear: "Heather! Todd! Stop! You! Let! Her! Go!"

The brain that had shut down in sexual overdrive slowly rebooted in fear of Rodney's bringing down the full military might against Todd. "Todd..." I grounded out through my panting.

"Promise me" was his simple answer as he stroked my hip and kissed my throat.

"Oh... oh, god... fine! No more away missions." I relented, moving my center against his leg. Smiling, his lips traveled back to mine as he moved with me. I sighed.

**_If you were to be hurt, it would not matter who hurt you. It would be war, Heather. Human blood would be spilled. I promise you. _**In my alarm, I stopped kissing him back. Kissing my forehead, Todd said: "You must protect yourself, Heather."

****"Let go of her Todd!" Rodney said again. Moving towards us, Rodney grabbed my arm and Todd allowed him to lead me away. Leading me out of the cell, Rodney harshly pulled me to a quiet corridor. "What the hell was that?"

"I...Rodney..." Looking at him, I realized two things: I had no idea what to say and I was so hot that I'd never be able to think my way out of this. "I... I think you were right... Todd likes me," I squeaked out.

**_ Heather._**

"You think?" Rodney thundered. Incensed, he continued: "What the hell was that? You weren't even trying to stop him!"

All I wanted to do right now was get my head together. It felt like I'd just ran a marathon and I needed to catch my breath. But, Rodney was in full big brother mode. I'd ridiculously wished I had a big brother when I was a child and looking at Rodney now, a part of me acknowledged that I'd have killed a big brother long ago if I'd really had one. "Not now, Rodney." I said as I pulled away from him and started done the hall.

"Heather!" He called out, "Either we talk about this or I'll have to go to John and tell him what just happened."

I stopped. Without turning around to face him, I called back: "Please Rodney, just keep this to yourself."

Rodney closed the gap between us and said in that careful tone reserved for walking up to a wild animal that could snap any second, "You're not acting anymore. You've fallen for him."

**_Heather, you must face him while you deny our feelings for each other. _**

****"I haven't." The lie came out so easily but I couldn't make myself turn to face Rodney. I knew what I'd see: pity. "It just... it's best if Todd thinks he got me and... and it felt good anyway, so..." I said trailing off. _I can't tell him the truth. I can't tell him that this is what Lal told me would happen. I can't tell him that I'm bringing peace to the galaxy. I can't tell him. _I repeated my thoughts like a mantra guarding the truth from my lips.

"It doesn't take the genius that I am to know that you are lying Heather. Jen's worried about you and... Well... I think it's best if you tell Woolsey that you're unable to continue with this. So, you can stay away from Todd."

_Fuck no!_

**_ Heather, remain calm. _**

****_Calm! I need to nip this in the butt and all I can think about it... what you just did!_

_ **Do not worry; it will not be the last time... When we return home, I will show you the true wonders...**_

****_Todd! Not helping right now! _"Rodney, you are right... I... I didn't expect it to feel... so good... I might have lost my head for a second, but I didn't lose sight of what I am doing. But, you are right... I should stay away from Todd for a few days..." _I have a ton of stuff to do before we arrive and this should look like I don't like you, right? _ "It will be good... He needs to wonder why I'm staying away."

Rodney didn't believe me. His pity was expressed all over his face and he didn't bother hiding it: "Heather, he's not going to just hurt you like normal guys... he will eat you and kill the rest of us just because he can. Do you get that?"

"I know what will happen if I'm wrong. I know you've been doing this a lot longer than me, Rodney, but I need you to trust my instincts. To trust Ganos Lal."

"Ancients have a habit of being wrong and their mistakes tend to be huge. They made the wraith to begin with..."

"I know that. And they understood how dangerous the wraith would be on Earth. They cut the wraith off from Earth 10,000 years ago. If Lal didn't trust Todd, she wouldn't have told me to trust my feelings." Rodney didn't look convinced. Knowing that I couldn't properly explain my feelings or the arranged marriage and impending peace, I found myself wishing for Lal to magically appear and make him see reason. She didn't, of course.

Rodney remained staring at me with pity in his eyes. "Even if you didn't misunderstand her, trusting him isn't the same as falling in love with him Heather. Jen and I are worried about you."

**_Dr. McKay needs to hear that you are aware of your feelings and that you can conquer them. _**

_I got that. _"Rodney, my priority will always be what's best for Earth and us."

"You're sure your heart can take this?"

"I'm sure." I said with a small smile, "He's like no one I've ever met before... not to mention what he just did to my body was amazing, but when it comes down to it Rodney, you don't need to be worried. There is no choice if he tries to hurt us... There will be no hesitation... he'll have to die." I said looking Rodney in the eye: "I won't say I won't regret his death, Rodney, but if it is necessary, I won't stand in the way." Rodney's ear bud went off and I could see Rodney adding up the amount of work he'd have to do as he listened to the person on the other end. Mouthing to him that he should go deal with it, he nodded and giving me a brief hug hurried away towards the east pier. Heading to the control room, I could feel Todd's pride and it unnerved me: _It doesn't bother you that I meant that?_

_ **Bother me? You are speaking as a queen. If a commander betrays you, the punishment is death. These feelings of shame are a human concept, Heather. My life is always yours to take. **_

****Knowing that I wanted to argue with him about how easy he seemed to accept my "right", I was startled to realize that I had no intention of arguing the point with him. Through a part of me that I'd always accepted as "good" screamed that no one should be willing to kill no matter what happened, I had secretly known that there was a part of me that would kill if someone threatened me or my family. I'd buried that knowledge. I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to think about it. But, a small part inside of me had always known I would kill with the proper motivation. To hear Todd's acceptance of my dark secret was magnificently freeing. _Thank you._

_ **I look forward to you returning, so we may finish.**_

****Walking down the hall, I silently wondered what those walking by thought of my apparent unnecessary beet red blush. _Todd. _

_ **I am sorry my queen, but you must understand... I have been waiting for you for 10,000 years. Wraith are a patient race, but we are not unfeeling.**_

_Perhaps you'd be less unfeeling right now if you hadn't taken it as far as you did._

_ **True, yet it was affective. I believe John Sheppard's saying applies: Live every act fully, as if it were your last.**_

**** _Number one, John says it but it's a quote by Buddha. John's not that deep. Number two, if it gets back to John it could be your last. _

**Do not be concerned, John Sheppard would only harm me if I'd hurt you... I am sure pain was not a result of our... encounter. **

_Oh boy. _Rolling my eyes, I stepped into the gate embarkation area and started walking up the stairs to the control room. _Humans can be tricky when it comes to... sexual encounters. _

I could feel his amusement as he asked:**_ What do you mean, my Queen?_**

Over 10,000 years old and I think he hasn't heard it all when it comes to human sex. _Oy._ _Somehow I think you know what I mean. Look, am about to speak to Woolsey and I don't need to clue him into our conversation okay? _

**_Another time then. _**

****Nodding my greetings to the officers and scientists on duty, I continued to Woolsey's office. Woolsey looked up before I'd even made it to the door and motioned that I should enter. Taking a deep breath, I walked through the doorframe and sat down across from him. "Richard, we need to speak about the arrangements to return Todd to his people."

"I've already had a conversation with him about it, Heather."

"Oh. When?"

"While you were visiting the Athosians... We'll drop him off at the crash site and he'll call them to him. Once he's resumed his position, we'll contact us. He expects it to take about four weeks."

"Richard, you can't just... we don't know what is going on. What if their loyalties have changed, he could be killed."

"That's his problem." Seeing my impending explosion, Woolsey continued: "He's looked at the Intel himself and he's confident that they've remained loyal. John's offered to follow in a cloaked jumper to make sure, but Todd was dead set against it. Since none of our people are in danger, I'm going to allow Todd to do this his way."

"Nonsense. We don't listen to wraith orders! I agree with John... we should be cloaked just to be sure and make sure they take him back."

"That would put our people in danger, Heather. There's no point. We'll drop him off tomorrow and do the plan his way."

"Tomorrow?" I asked my tone rising.

"Yea... that's the timeline he agreed too. His people should be there for him around 14 hours later. He's been known to talk his way out of trouble... I wouldn't worry too much."

"As Earth's ambassador to the Wraith," I began to say.

**_ Dilectissima, please. Do not interfere. I must have time to speak to the Queens and prepare our people._**

"Heather, Stop. Todd's a big boy and he's been doing this longer than either of us have been alive." Woolsey said as he came around the desk, "I know you... I know he's the first alien you met that looks like an alien and you think the rest of us don't understand him like you do. He's been kind to you but that doesn't make him your friend or even a trusted ally. I honestly think he'd eat any of us before laying a hand on you, but... if there was no one else left, you must realize that he'd eat you too."

"I do believe that Richard." I shot back, "He's fight for his people's survival just like we are. Just because we have to win, it doesn't mean that he has to lose. Winning isn't destroying his whole species..."

"That's great for the movies, but..."

"Richard, you were a lawyer... you know just as well as I do that a successful negotiation means that neither side is truly happy. I don't expect them to stop eating humans anymore than you do... But, I do intend to keep our people, and our allies, safe."

"And when you can't... then what?"

"Richard..."

"I just want you to think about this. I've said this before and I don't think you've listened. Once he goes back to his Hive Heather, he's not your friend anymore... he's trying to kill you."

Taking a deep breath, I told Woolsey,"Still, peace must be attempted if only to fail."

"Do you have some kind of death wish..."

**_ Things are about to change, Heather. Remember, you are my Queen, my Dilectissima, trust in me._** ****

"Mr. Woolsey," someone called from the control room, "We have a problem!"

Looking at each other, Woolsey and I stood up at the same time and headed to the control room. Rodney ran in and started hitting buttons and ordering others out of his way. "We have incoming!" Rodney called, "One wraith ship, heading right for us..." Looking at the sensors he paused, "What the hell... they haven't powered weapons?"

**_They are our people. All is well. Remember, I must go with them Heather and you must stay here until I come for you._**

****"Could they be Todd's people?" I asked Rodney.

"No way for us to tell. They don't broadcast transponders, Heather."

"Open a channel." I told the communications officer. Woolsey grumbled and then nodded. "Unidentified Hive ship, I am... What is your purpose here?"

"Wow, they are actually sending us a visual," the communications officer voice was hushed as much as it was surprised.

"On screen."

As the image came up on the screen, Rodney huffed. "That's Kenny Heather. Todd's second in command."

"Dr. Rodney McKay," Kenny curtly greeted him, "John Sheppard."

Touching Rodney's arm to silence him, I said: "Second in command, we have not been introduced but..."

Kenny tilted his head, "You are Heather."

"Yes." I answered wondering how much he knew.

"I meant no disrespect." He replied with a nod. I could read nothing but the formalness of his actions. It was no help to understanding if I was right or if Woolsey was.

"I understand. We intended to drop your commander off at his ship. Why have you come to us here?"

"The wraith have remained loyal to the Commander in his... absence... but, the hive will wait no longer for his return... Surely a woman in your position will return our leader to us without hesitation."

**_The Queen mother awaits word of you. They know you are close... yet... I must go to them Heather._**

****_But,I'm not ready! _

_ **And that is why you must remain here until I return for you, **_**_Dilectissima._******

**** I saw Richard's mouth open to throw Kenny's request back in his face so I cut him off, "We must speak of this privately, second in command. Hold your position until I contact you again." Looking at the communication's officer, I motioned slashing a hand across my neck. He cut the video and audio feed. "This is not your call, Richard. This is part of making a lasting peace. That is squarely under my jurisdiction"

**_Heather, you must allow me to return to our people._**

"You can't possibly be thinking about handing him over to them!"

"I'm not sure." I answered frankly. "Opinions? Rodney? John?"

**_Heather._**

"No way. They'll all know we are back..." Rodney began.

"True," John chimed in, "But, if we hand him over now he won't know where Atlantis settles. And we might just get lucky. Maybe his people will kill him this time thinking he compromised them. I'd say handing him over to them might be win-win for us. We are sure he doesn't know where Earth is... right Rodney?"

"Yea. Well, no more than he had the last time he hacked my computer..."

"Okay then." John said confidently, "Let's ship Todd off to the nearest Hive... oh look," He said pointing to the blinking dot on the screen, "Here's one."

"John, is it safe to dial the Stargate directly on their hive?"

"If it's the same ship Kenny had before than they don't have a Stargate..." Rodney answered quickly.

John rolled his eyes at Rodney's concerned tone and replied, "We drop Todd off on the nearest planet with a gate and go. We're not taking him over in a jumper."

**_Any planet will do Heather. I know this will be hard for you, but my return to you will be all the more sweet. _**

****"Why can't we use a jumper?"

Rodney looked alarmed while John looked like he was considering his answer. Shaking his head, John said: "Rodney, get the nearest planets coordinates, will you?" Rodney turned back to his keyboard as John answered, "It would take too much time and I have a feeling you'd want to go with us anyway... so I'm sure we aren't taking a jumper Heather."

Taking a deep breath and running through everything again in my mind I knew I couldn't say I was 100% sure that giving Todd back was the right thing to do right this instant. _Maybe his position isn't as secure as he thinks. Maybe he's taken the place of my real wraith husband-to-be. My heart could be wrong. Maybe this whole thing is a trick. And yet... _"Open a channel to the Hive."

"What are you going to tell them?" Woolsey asked outraged.

**_ Dilectissima you must be queen now. Not just yourself but queen to your hive and the humans of Earth._**

"No idea." Grimacing, I felt my stomach knot knowing that I was being honest with Woolsey. Far too soon, the view screen showed Kenny again, and turning away from Woolsey, I said: "Second in Command... I have considered your request." In my heart, I knew that I didn't have a choice. He'd need to feed again anyway at some point and if he leaves today or tomorrow the only difference would be time. _Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity._ Nodding to Rodney, I calmly said, "We are sending coordinates to you now where we will drop out your commander in..." Looking to Rodney for an ETA, I sighed as he just stared back at me blankly. "Rodney, how long will it take for us to get to this planet?"

"Ten minutes."

_Ten minutes! _"... We will drop off your commander there in ten minutes." _Okay, now I want to go talk to him so shut up and go away! _

"Understood. If I may say, we are pleased you...r people have returned." And the transmission ended.

"Oh sure you are... the food's back." Rodney grumbled.

I didn't bother to argue with Rodney normal pessimistic attitude. I knew with everything in me that Todd's second in command hadn't been talking about my people with his parting comment... he'd be talking about me. _He knew. Todd told him who I was... what I was_. I felt the urge to laugh when I suddenly realized that part of me wasn't mulling over that and its implications, instead my heart was crying over the knowledge that Todd wanted to leave.He'd known what was about to happen and he'd let it happened or worst caused it to happen: _Leaving me is your choice. _

**_ Heather, you must have faith. I am returning to our people and prepare them for your arrival, my queen. It is not choice but duty. Will you come to me so we may say goodbye, _****_Dilectissima?_**

****Answering was impossible: it felt like my head and my heart were about to tear themselves apart while they both screamed at him. I could feel his regret of my pain and my fears as his mind tried to calm the riptide of my soul's accusations. Todd's answering pain intensifying in response to mine. All I heard was a scream, a horrible soul splitting scream. Looking around in panic, I saw Rodney and John's faces as the calming talked to each other. I could see Rodney's lips moving. I couldn't hear him. Woolsey seemed to be listening to them. But, I couldn't hear anything over the screaming. Not understand their calm with such a horribly pained sound in the room, I opened my month to yell at them and make them do something to help. My jaw was locked and refused to function. Understanding dawned as I realized that the pained scream was mine. It was me in my own head. It was me locking my jaw, frightened of the scream being made real to human ears.

"...Coming Heather?"

John was in front of me looking exasperated. He looked like a teacher who'd asked a sleeping student a question more than once and had received a confused response upon the student's startled awakening. I was sure I hadn't responded to him yet. I wasn't sure what he'd asked but logic provided the answer: John must be going to say goodbye to Todd. Rodney and Jen stood with him, all three of them looking at me expectantly. Finally hearing something beyond my internal screaming, Jen's concerned tone reached my ears as she said, "Heather?"

"Um..." I winced as my voice sounded horse and ill used, "I..."

**_ Heather, I must go. I must prepare your place. I will be gone for weeks but I will return for you. _**

****"...I..."**** For the first time, my whole being recoiled at the idea of seeing him. _I won't sit there as you continue to lie to my face. _Knowing he could hear my pain, and yet he'd still go, assured me of his lies. Out loud, I cleared my throat and said, "I don't think I'll be saying goodbye to our guest. Go without me."

_ ** Heather, do not do this. **_

****At Jen's look, John and Rodney walked to the stairs while the rest of the control room seemed to instantaneously become busy looking at their stations. I turned and walked to the Gate room's outdoor balcony, knowing that Jen would be following. Sanding overlooking the Pacific, I felt Jen put her arm around my shoulder. "You okay?"

_ **Heather, please. Come to me.**_

****"No." I answered them both. Turning into her embrace, I felt the tears start to fall.

Jen's arms tightened around me. She didn't speak for a few minutes as I cried. She didn't say it was going to be okay. She just held me as I cried and my soul screamed its pain. Todd's mental voice was silent as his thoughts powerfully presented his love in his quest to sooth me. "I'm sure that he'll understand that you're worried about him... It might help for you to talk to him."

"What if it's not real, Jen?"

She didn't answer my question right away and by the serious look on her face I knew she understood my seemingly random question. Sighing, Jen said: "Look, Heather...I don't understand it. I don't like it. But, there is no part of me that doesn't believe that you are the one human in the universe that's truly safe with him."

"He could still be angling for Earth."

"He could... I know he'd got a plan somewhere in this Heather. I don't like that you're... involved... but he's different with you. Rodney said that even when Todd's queen died he didn't act like he was mourning... he didn't show emotions at all. But with you... it's like a blind man seeing his first sunrise. I don't know if Wraith can love but watching how he looks at you... I'm sure he does. "

**_Dilectissima... _**

Quietly to Jen, I said the words I'd feared out loud, knowing he'd hear it in my mind: "I love him Jen. I love him so much it scares me."

**_crede quod habes, et habes_****_...Believe that you have it, and you do._** **Te valde amo ac semper amabo.**

"Do you really want him to leave without being able to say goodbye?"

Touching my earpiece, I called, "Sheppard, I'm going to need a favor..." as I started to walk back inside of Atlantis.

"What's up?"

"I want to say goodbye to Todd. How long until Kenny expects Todd's arrival topside?"

"About another four minutes."

"Oh hell... I'm an idiot." I said as I took off running in earnest. "I...need...you... to... call ...Kenny... delay... the... drop off... or... something." I said as I ran down the stairs.

"Why?"

**_Dilectissima._**

****_I'm sorry I am such an idiot._

**_ Do not speak ill of my queen. Your concerns are... understandable. I am sorry that I have failed to convince you of the truth. _**

****_I... You've lived so long... you've seen so much... I just have a hard time believing that you're feelings for me are real... It's easier to imagine that your..._

_ **This is my fault. I choose to not say the human words because I feared you would think they are just words. I see I was wrong. The words make it real to humans. Hear me now my queen: I love you, Dilectissima**_. **_I love you with every beat of my heart. _**

****_Oh Todd, I love you too. I don't want you to go._

_ **I must my love... for now. **_

****"I don't know... make something up." I said to John. _Even though you can mentally command your second to be patience; my people won't be, will they? _

_ **No. They will not. You must not allow John Sheppard to know your true feelings. He will not accept it as Jennifer Keller does. **_

"What's going on Heather?" John asked.

"I was wrong... I need to say goodbye to Todd... Todd... needs to think that I'm still tricked." Knowing that Todd could hear both side of the conversation and would be able to act appropriately made the lie easier. "Don't answer me... just listen... I'm going to kiss him, John. I'm going to cry... If you're in there and you don't react badly, he'll know that something's wrong." I was at the outer door to the cell. Opening it, Lt. Hubbel was in the doorway, presumably about to open the door and make visual sure that transporting Todd to the jumper bay was cleared of personal. "Lieutenant, I'll be coming with you all to the shuttle." Stepping through to the antechamber outside of Todd's cell, I could see on the monitors that John and Rodney here on their way out. I paused.

"Ma'am?"

****"Wait out here while I bring Todd out."

"Heather," John said as soon as Todd's cell door closed, "You don't have to do this?"

"Do what?" Rodney asked.

"She's gonna kiss him." John answered Rodney in an aside, "Your job isn't to force yourself to kiss wraith, Heather."

Rodney looked over at me and I could see in his eyes that he'd already realized that the kiss wouldn't be the acting I was doing today. "John," Jen said, "She's an adult and she's doing her job. Let her be." I hadn't realized she'd followed me but I was grateful for Jen's backup.

"I hope you're right." Rodney said with a pained expression.

Knowing that Jen and Rodney both knew the truth and we willing to help me made it easier, even if they wouldn't sure they were doing the right thing. Looking at Jen and Rodney, I touch their arms as I passed them, "Thank you." Walking through the cell door, I froze once I was at the other side. I was completely sure that everyone was watching the monitors now. _I don't like audiences... now what?_

"Heather." Todd was on the other side of the room sending me visions of what he wanted to do warred with my visions of my horror that the whole base was watching us. His visions were affecting my body. I could feel every atom buzzing and coming to life inside me.

"Todd." I replied in greeting without allow myself to move closer to him.

He smiled, "I am returning to my people."

"Yes." I answered unsure of where he was leading.

"John Sheppard said I should thank you for this."

I didn't reply. I knew Todd knew I didn't feel happy that I had brought this about. Todd moved closer to me, "I wish to thank you for your... Kindnesses, Heather."

"Todd," I said in warning. He was holding me before I knew it. His mouth had descended on mine and my whole universe closed down into the feel of his arms around me and his mouth's interplay with mine. While we kissed, he hesitantly opened his mind to me. I felt his love for me and his hope. I felt his pleasure and his need. It didn't help my state of arousal but it did soothe my fears.

"I love you, Heather." He breathed into my ear minutes later. I start tearing up and he hugs me to his chest, as he said louder, "Perhaps when we meet again, your people will allow you to see my hive."

"I hope so." I answered simply.

He smiled and bent down to kiss me again. The universe seemed to slow down. I wanted to remember every feeling and thought. I felt annoyed that I was only human, that my memories would never do this justice. **_I will return to remind you, my Queen._**

My body responding to his kiss in a way that I was sure would never end. Replaying the memories of his true name through my mind, I smiled as his kiss grew more urgent. Soon my legs forgot how to stand, so he picked me up without breaking our kisses. Wrapping my legs around him, I could tell that he'd just thought of an idea he greatly enjoyed, so I wasn't surprised when his hand found its way in between us. Thoughts fled my mind then and I was content to just be for awhile. My heart soaring high above all concerns was short lived once I heard Todd's angry growl and he pulled me closer to him.

"It's time." Rodney's voice filtered through the pleasant haze.

Without breaking the kiss, I weaved my hands through Todd's hair as I stopped being passive in the kiss. _Promise me._

On my demand, Todd's kiss intensified as he again revealed the depth of his feelings for me. **_I swear to you, my Queen and _****_Dilectissima_**: **_when I return our treaty will be complete and you will take your rightful place among our people._** Together we ended the kiss, though we remained looking in each other's eyes.

"You'll be careful?"

"Yes." Todd said. Looking away from me, Todd's eyes sought out Jen's, "Dr. Keller, you will look after my queen, will you not?"

Jen's face was grave, "From anything or anyone that dares to hurt her. Always."

He smiled at her as he replied, "Excellent." Placing my left hand on his chest, he brought his feeding hand up and careful placed it on my chest as he'd done before, "My Queen."

"Commander... Live long and prosper." I replied with a small smile.

"Your Star Wars?"

"Star Trek."

"Ah. Of course." **_I love you, Heather. _**

_ I love you, too. Hurry back._

"John Sheppard," Todd said arrogantly the evil wraith commander again, "I am ready to return to my hive."


	13. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"John, come on... I need to get the hell out of Atlantis. Just let me go on one away mission. Just one!" I said feeling like I'd had this conversation at least a hundred times in the past two weeks. Between my non-exploring the galaxy and Todd's silence in my head, I needed to do something. Every morning since returning to Pegasus, Woolsey had insisted on staff meetings around his conference table. And after every meeting Rodney, John, Teyla, and Ronon traveled to some exotic location while I stayed behind. Sometimes Jen or even Woolsey would trek through the gate with them and I still was stuck here. Other teams went through the gate and I was still stuck here. It was maddening.

John looked like he wasn't enjoying the topic any more than he had the last ninety-nine times, but he was a soldier, so I was sure I had a few more wars with him before he'd relent. "First of all, don't call them away missions. We don't work for Starfleet. Secondly, this is first contact with these people. Civilians are staying here. Next Topic."

"They are human's John, not wraith."

"Human's can kill you too Heather."

Looking to Teyla for help, I begged saying, "I swear if I stay cooped up here for another minute I'll go mad. Please if you say run, I'll run. If you say hide, I'll hide... I just want to see the sun again."

"John." Ronon's voice, so seldom heard, seemed to freeze Teyla's reply. Since Ronon hadn't been helpful to me these past two weeks, I waited for his words to further destroy my chances of freedom. "I'd like to take Heather to see Sateda, if that's alright."

John looked confused for a moment and then he smiled. "That's a great idea. I'll tell Major Lorne that his team can take the first contact mission today."

_Oh yes, let me see what the evil Wraith have done. You guys aren't incredibly obvious or anything._ Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I comforted myself with the knowledge that I would at least have a sun beating down on me for the next few hours. I was right about two things: the sun felt wonderful and it was a day of hearing how evil the wraith was. It was odd. Hearing Ronon's experience with the Wraith bothered me. I felt real anger in how horribly humans of this galaxy were treated by the Wraith. But, unlike Ronon, I could hear the horrible tales and judge them from both very different points of view. Ronon saw my horror at cullings and seemed to be confident that I'd started to come around. Jen and Rodney watched me carefully and I could see their uncertainty as I looked at each story from both sides. I'd known Jen long enough to know that she was warring with herself: the desire to allow me to be happy and the desire to protect me from Todd. I wasn't sure which side would win in the end.

Ronon had led us to another bombed out building. His commentary had stopped. _Odd. _We were in a courtyard of some sort. When it was whole I could tell that it'd still been sectioned off from the rest of the street. Buildings had fallen into it when the Wraith had attacked. Walking towards the pieces of twisted metal in the middle of the courtyard, I bent down and picked half of a broken doll. "This was a playground, wasn't it? Of a school?" I asked looking over at Ronon.

He nodded, "It was."

Looking around, I saw some almost familiar equipment. _The twisted metal in the middle is that a Jungle Jim maybe? And that's a very swing-like contraption lying on its side a little bit behind the twisted medal. _Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I finally realized that with all this carnage I had yet to see a body. _All living things must eat._

It was a quiet walk back to the gate. I was sure Ronon was reliving past atrocities while we were here and yet I still found myself wishing for my Wraith to come. Through I felt guilty, I couldn't help it. It had been a little under two weeks since Todd and I had used mind-speak. Once he had returned to his Hive, he'd made sure to convey that he was safe, that he loved me, and then I'd heard nothing more from him. Total silence. He'd blocked me from entering his mind. He didn't respond to my thoughts. He didn't answer at all. The more untrusting part of me wondered what plans he was hatching that he wanted to keeping from me while the other part of me wondered if his debriefing with the queens would be so traumatic that he'd block me from experiencing it with him. It worried me which scenario would be better for us in the end.

Woolsey's voice added to my confusion: "Jumper 1, Heather has visitors. Heather and John, please report to the control room ASAP."

_Visitor, not friend. It couldn't be Todd. Does this mean he's dead? Todd's dead?_ I didn't respond to Ronon's groans or threats to their survival. Jogging from the Jumper Bay to the Control Room, I knew all five of them were following me. Stepping onto the landing prior to the control room level, I paused to take a breath and trying to sense Todd's presence. _No, not Todd... _ _This one is... different. _I felt the importance of acting like the Queen in front of this wraith, even if his presence felt familiar to me... _Kenny! It has to be Kenny!_ _If they'd hurt Todd, I'll allow Ronon to go into Kill-Wraith-Mode. Happily. _Taking a few deep breaths to calm my breathing into an almost normal pattern, I took the last two stairs onto the control level. No wraith. Opening my mouth to make a smart comment, I noticed Woolsey's face had light on it from the view screen. _Of course. _Joining him, I looked Kenny in the eye as I asked, "You bring news from your Commander, I assume?"

Kenny bowed his head briefly, "He sends his regards, Heather."

"What news do you bring, Second in Command." I saw Woolsey's eyebrows rise at my manner.

"He has made contact and assumed his place as High commander, Heather. He asked that you join him to speak about formalizing the peace between Wraith and the people of Earth."

"High Commander?" Woolsey questioned, "You mean commander of the Wraith Alliance?"

"As you say." I couldn't read Kenny's mind, but I knew from his body language that Kenny's thought Woolsey was an idiot. And he'd lying somehow with his answer. "Heather, what location would be acceptable for this meeting?"

Woolsey was brisling at Kenny's refusal to acknowledge Richard's command. _Todd, you around? _Nothing. "I will have to confer with my people. I will contact you in an hour."

Kenny wore a look of conflict that I'd come to know well from Todd. "Heather," Kenny said seeming to make a decision, "The Commander is required elsewhere but he will be where you request."

_Wait a second... Second in command, Can... Can you hear me?_

**_I am sorry my Queen. I can sense your calling... your hope... but I cannot hear your words yet. Yet, I must respond to my Queen. Understand me Heather: your Dilectissima is safe and looks forwards to seeing you soon._**

Kenny's face like Todd's didn't show that he'd pushed his thoughts into my head. It hurt a bit, but I was glad he'd done it. I tried to school my features into a blank response but internally my response wasn't blank. Thoughts flew through my head faster than I could count: _If he can't hear me why did he know what I asked? Will he never be able to hear my thoughts, or is Todd blocking him, or is there some other reason? He's calling me his Queen too. Todd's lie expanded or the truth? _

"Heather," Kenny continued, "I have also been instructed to send a file to you for your review."

"A file?" John asked, looking at me darkly.

"What kind of file?" I asked completely clueless to where this would be going. _Todd had to know that anything he sent me would be looked at by half of the base._

"A message from Ganos Lal's husband." Kenny responded.

I didn't look at anyone for permission as I commanded, "Rodney secure a computer behind a firewall for the file to be sent to. Now." Rodney didn't argue as he headed over to the nearest computer. After a flurry of key taping, Rodney said, "Kenny, I'm sending you the data link please transmit the file now." Kenny looked to his side and Rodney's screen showed the transmission rate. It was all too brief for my taste before Rodney said, "We got it."

"Second in command, I will contact you again in an hour to firm up plans for the summit." Kenny's affirmative barely registered with me. All I could think about was seeing my great grandfather. Moving over to the computer where Rodney had secured the file, I silently fumed. The necessity of having it on a secured and unconnected computer left the lone choice of watching it in this public place. Knowing that nothing would be personal enough to embarrass me didn't make it any easier to push the button. But, there was nothing that would stop me from pushing it.

I cursed as a text box popped up. I counted four lines as Woolsey's voice reminded me of my responsibility: "Heather, it's lunacy to meet with them."

"Richard," I said looking over at him, "This is my mission, straight from the commander-in-chief of the United States of America. Your boss. Stop whining and get over it." I saw every military eye roll at my childish response. Ignoring them, I continued: "John. I need you, Rodney, Ronon, and Teyla to come up with a list of safe summit locations. Let's start with a list of eight and we'll go over them from there. You think you guys can put something together within fifteen minutes?"

"We can." Nodding, John responded as he made his way over to the screen in front of me, "Rodney, Ronon, and Teyla can get started. I'll be over in a few minutes' guys."

Rodney hesitated, "I'd like to stay too."

Seeing my intention to tell them to find something else to do, Jen gently admonish, "Heather, it's not right for you to do through something like this without your friends around. Let us be here for you."

I wanted to say that John didn't and never could speak for my friends. "Jen..." I wondered for the hundredth time what Billy would say if he'd known the truth of my family. Ten thousand years of evolution had made my wraith genes mostly tame but I wondered. Knowing I was about to read a letter from the Wraith that had married my great to the 30th power grandmother, I realized I was afraid to meet him. What if I wasn't what he hoped for? What if he felt I was too weak? Too human? "I have no problem with you and Rodney staying Jen. I just think John will have a hard time looking at this outside a military context. I don't need that right now."

"Hey," John cautioned, "I'm human aren't I..." Seeing Jen's eyes narrowing, John redirected, "I can imagine how you feel... I want to be here for you Heather. Really."

I could hear the ghost of Todd's huff in response to that statement, knowing that my mind had conjured it on its own didn't make it any less valid a response to me. _It's not like I don't understand John's position. _ "Okay. Let's look at this note, then?" Looking back at the screen, I read:

Dearest Grand Daughter,

Words fail to express my elation as you reach this point. We await your arrival with love and hope.

Yours in Life and Death

"Well, that was short." I whined.

"I don't believe that's all he wrote."Jen scanned the letter again, "After 10,000 years of waiting for you, you'd think..."

"He wrote it in English." I said realizing it. Seeing everyone's eyes widen, I amended: "Unless Todd translated it for him."

"He must have. Through... How does Todd know English, Heather?" Rodney asked.

"Don't look at me." I answered hotly, "He knew that long before I met him!"

"It's true Rodney." John added, "He was able to read our computers, remember."

As Rodney came up with his theories on how that was possible, I reread the note again. The letter that my grandfather wrote wasn't just English. _How often now a-days do anyone use the word elation? _ I'd barely heard it as it wasn't a common used word. I certainly hadn't thought the word in front of Todd, so where had it come from?

"Enough Rodney." John said, "We need to figure out where we can set up this meeting? Someplace we can rescue her from easily."

"Rescue who?" I asked hearing his statement.

"You. From this wraith conference... Todd's dinner party."

"My goodness, don't even joke about that John." Jen said. I could hear the annoyance in her voice but I could also hear the fear. "Are we gating there or should it be someplace that's only accessible by Jumper?"

"I vote for gate." I answered, excited to get to walk through it again.

"No." John nixed the idea, "Jumper. And we tell Kenny that Todd's only to bring one other wraith with him... if he wants any there at all."

"No John, that's not fair." I said shaking my head, "He's already said my grandfather wants to come... They aren't part of the same Hive. You can't ask my grandfather to trust him anymore than we do! It should be four Wraith's in total... Todd and one of his people and my grandfather and one of his..." Seeing John's impending explosion, I added, "Lal trusted him... hell... still does... I don't need an army there guarding me. Your team and my grandfather are fine."

"If your grandfather is so wonderful, I'm sure he won't mind an army guarding you." John responded, "I want at least two teams with us..."

"Lt. Hubbel's team is surely..." I suggested since they were the most used to Wraith and used to Todd and my close behavior.

"No." John interrupted, "Lt. Hubbel's team is staying here and Lorne's team will be on standby here. We cannot allow Atlantis to be unprotected. We'll take two of the Marine units. "

It was odd. If I trusted the wraith so much, why did the fact that I'd have less experienced men guarding us set my stomach in knots. "Of course." I responded pushing my thoughts aside, "But, I think only one unit will be necessary... I'll have you, Teyla, and Ronon with me after all."

"You will. And you'll have two Marine teams with us as well." John said as he turned to Rodney and started having him pull up possible meeting locations.

Walking away from them for the moment, my feet walked to the balcony. Since being in space, I'd realized how calming looking at the different star fields could be. Looking out, I kept my mind blank of any real thoughts or emotions. For the first time since I'd realized what Todd was, I felt exposed. Kenny's range in reading my emotions was an unknown that I'd never even considered. It was one think for him to be able to report to Todd that I missed him but it would be quite another thing for him to realize how out of control I felt here. That wasn't good for a Wraith Queen after all. Allowing myself to wonder if I was Kenny's queen because of my Grandfather of because of Todd. With a flash of insight, I realized it was quite possible that Kenny was my grandfather. If I was in his position, I'd want to meet me as quickly as possible: to judge me and bring word of my worthiness back to the Queen mothers. Maybe that's why Todd had allowed Kenny and his Hive to come on their own; Todd know my grandfather wouldn't be a danger to me. Making an about face, I walked back into the Gate room and asked, "What options do we have Sheppard?"

Rodney answered, "We have a few options, but honestly... I think our best bet is to do the meeting on PS5359."

"Why?" I asked.

"It's only a day away. The weather is stable and nice. There's no settlement on the whole planet and the Gate's not too far away from a nice open field." Rodney answered.

"Wild life?" I asked.

"A bit. But the biggest are cute cats that are no bigger than a house cat."

"I'm sold." I responded with a smile, "Any objections?" Seeing none, I walked back of to Lt. Trumond, the on duty communications officer, and said, "Open a channel." I didn't try to hide my smirk at the stolen Star Trek line. Rodney coughed as he covered his laugh.

Kenny's face filled the screen, "Heather."

"Thank you for your patience Second in Command." I said fighting the urge to ask him directly if we were related, I continued, "If it is acceptable, we shall meet the commander and three others at the transmitted coordinates in one day's time." _A day... hours would be better... come on Kenny read my mind! _"I would ask that my grandfather be one of the three."

Kenny looked pensive as he said, "This planet... is in another Hive's territory."

"There are no humans present on the planet." I responded.

"Yet, four Wraith are not adequate protection for you. The commanders will not be pleased."

John's face darkened as he said, "If any more than four of you are there, Kenny, you can tell Todd that Heather won't be getting out of the jumper. We will leave... no matter what she says. Period."

"Her safety is paramount." Kenny spit back, "Your stipulations leave her under guarded. We only wish..."

I felt my shoulders straighten as I injected, "My orders are not to be taken lightly, second in command." I needlessly emphasized the first word of Kenny's title. Kenny didn't answer, instead bowed his head submissively. "John," I continued in the same scorching tone, "I will go as I please. Your council and concern is appreciated, John. But, I will carry out my position." I didn't bother to look at John's reaction; instead I took a step closer to the camera that was transmitting to Kenny's ship, "Tell the commander's that I will be bringing two human teams with me. They will guard me against all threats." I knew Kenny would report that I'd included Todd in that statement, but there was no way around it.

"Human guards."

"Yes."

Kenny didn't answer directly but he's huff was universally understood, "The commanders will join you tomorrow at your chosen location."

Instead of answering him, I reached my hand out and cut the signal. Spinning to face John, I warned: "John, if you undermined me again, I swear..."

"What the hell was that!" came a shriek to my left. It was Jennifer.

I'd never heard her voice so high and it took me a second to process her question, "What?"

"You just sounded like a... a..."

"Wraith Queen." Rodney calmly completing Jennifer's sentence for her. He reached for my arm and began guiding me from the room, "Good acting Heather. Now, let's get some dinner." Half turning back towards Jen as we walked, Rodney added, "Come on, Jen." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jen follow us from the room. We didn't head for the cafeteria.

Jen and Rodney weren't talking to each other or to me. Jen grave face sent chills up and down my spine. It was like someone had died, like her mother had died all over again. When we arrived at their quarters, Jen sat down on the chair nearest to the door. I sat on the couch. Rodney stood near Jen. Both of them were watching me. No one spoke.

After a few minutes, I couldn't stand her silence anymore. I still said nothing. A whisper in my head asked if I could stand losing my one true friend for Todd. I thought of all the stories I'd ever heard where the protagonist had to lose everything in order for the next chapter to happen. I told myself that real life wasn't like that, yet sitting here in the silence, I was sure I would leave without my friends: without understanding and support. _Todd, I need you. Please. _The silence of shut wraith mind link made me want to cry. I didn't. Through the window, I could see the stars slowly drifting. I watched that. Rodney and Jen watched me. The silence was deafening. _My friends back on Earth would never leave me... Billy would support me no matter what... and my parents would. I always thought Jen would to... but look at her. _

Jen's face was pale and drawn. She was shaking her head yet had yet to utter a word. Rodney's eyes had closed at some point. He looked like he was in pain. "What is it?" I asked needing to get this over with. It was like Band-Aid: one quick pull and it would be off.

"Do you know what Todd's doing?" Rodney asked, "Do you know his plan?"

I knew I should rage at the idea that I was in cahoots with Todd. That's what an innocent person would do. Yet, I didn't. I might not know what was going on but I knew that his plan did involve me: for good or for ill. I knew if I was really who Todd said I was he'd have to abduct me so that I could meet the Queen mother's. John and the crew would never be allowed near them. Instead I answered: "No, Rodney. I don't know his plan."

"But, you're not fighting your feelings about him anymore." Rodney's statement wasn't a question.

"I can't Rodney." Looking to Jen, I said, "Forgetting about Lal's okay... it feels so right. Even now."

"N...now?" Jen hesitantly asked.

"I can't feel him at all anymore... Since he rejoined the hive..."

Jen's panicked eyes turned to Rodney. I could read the pain on her face: the fear. Taking her hand, Rodney asked, "Heather, are you sure he's still alive?"

"No." I answered quietly. With their question, I couldn't stop my fears from running free in my mind. I saw flashes of my nightmares: Todd in a cocoon, Todd being fed upon by a Queen, Todd locked in a dark cell starving to death. Looking down, I realized my hands were shaking. As Jen came and put her arms around my shoulder, I realized that my whole body was shaking as I sobbed. She didn't tell me that it would be okay. She didn't say anything as she joined in my tears.

"Oh hell." Rodney said and I could feel Rodney awkwardly put his arms around us both. Several minutes later, we broke apart. Rodney's eyes were wet and he quickly turned away as he said, "Look, whatever is happening... you got to stay safe, Heather. You have to trust us. If any of them tells you to do something, you gotta be honest with us. Okay?"

Rodney had thought of Todd's options to allow me to meet my wraith family too. That could be a problem. Instead of answering Rodney's fear, I spoke about my biggest fear, Todd's death: "If... he's... gone... I'll... kill... them... myself."

Rodney shook he head, "Ronon would be much more effective."

I didn't argue with him. I'd thought the same thing earlier, but killing them myself would be so much more satisfying. _I am talking like a wraith queen. _"Rodney, you've dealt with Kenny before... do you think he's lying? Do you think Todd's..."

I didn't need to finish the sentence as Rodney answered confidently, "Kenny wasn't happy to be working with us but he was honest with us the whole time. And he seemed to have a lot of belief in Todd. I don't know why Todd would stop communicating with you though unless..." He trailed off.

"He was in pain or intended to betray me." I answered.

"Well... yea... ummm..." Rodney said thinking hard, "Or... well..."

"What?" I asked.

"It might because he intends to betray you and doesn't want you or your grandfather to have any warning. Or maybe Todd needs to cut you off so that your grandfather can't be in Todd's mind."

"What?" I asked again.

"If you can hear Todd it stands to reason that you and your wraith grandfather could also communicate through your minds. Todd might just want to make sure your grandfather doesn't know all his plans."

"Or..." I said piggy backing off Of Rodney's idea, "Maybe Todd's worried that too many wraith voices will hurt me again."

I could see in Rodney's face that he believed his scenarios far more than mine. He had the good sense to keep his opinions to himself, "Maybe."

"Regardless of the reason," Jen interjected, "You need to make sure that you're always safe, Heather."

"I know." I answered, "You... you're not upset Jen?"

"I'm terrified for you Heather. But, you have to make your own decisions." Jen answered, sounding like she mostly believed what she was saying.

Rodney piped in, "Just keep in mind, whatever happens since Jen's exposed you to this, she'll feel horribly guilty if you get yourself killed or hurt or... what?" He asked as Jen smacked his arm.

I smiled as I said, "Don't hit him Jen, he's right. I really think that Todd's plan, no matter how self serving, isn't going to hurt me or anyone else I can about." Getting up, I continued, "Come on... let's grab something to eat. And then you can help me figure out what to wear to meet my grandfather."

"Uh..." Rodney said, "After dinner, I gotto go... eh..."

Smiling, I hugged Rodney as I said, "It's okay Rodney... Your fashion sense isn't that helpful anyway." Dinner went by quickly. Afterwards, Jen and I found ourselves alone in my quarters staring into my closet. Taking a deep breath, I calming declared, "Ok... so... I need something I can wear to meet my long lost alien life-force sucking grandfather while negotiating a peace treaty with him, the alien I love, and the rest of their people who are also life-force sucking aliens... This should be easy." Jen swiveled her head and looked at me. Laughing so hard, my side started hurting me, Jen and I only laughed harder as we watched each other.

Sobering Jen asked, "Heather... What are you going to call him?"

I gave a short laugh, "What, you think he'd be offended by being called a life-force sucking alien?"

"Todd never was." Jen replied giggling again.

"He was when I thought it." I said, catching my breath. "I figured I'd call him grandfather. I'm not letting anyone make up a name for him... it's far too rude to them."

"Oh."

"I wish I knew what they except me to... wait a second... do you think there is a picture in the database of the ancient's diplomatic uniform or something?"

Jen looked horrified, "No Heather... That is not a good idea."

"But..."

"You already look at little like Lal... Do you want to weird out your grandfather?"

"But Earth fashion will be just as weird to them!" I argued, "Todd doesn't like it when I'm fashionable. It's inappropriate to him."

"You have to be kidding me." Jen said, "He doesn't like you hugging Rodney, he doesn't like how you dress... if this was any other man in the universe, you'd call him a controlling idiot and kick him to the curb."

"Yea." I murmured, "But, it's different with him."

"We could put you in leather... wraith like leather."

"Jen, be serious."

"What?" She asked giggling, "Wraith seriously like leather... They wear it all the time. In fact many controlling men like..."

"Jen!" Throwing a pillow at her as I giggled, I continued: "You aren't helping!" Walking over to my closet, I smiled as it opened without my prompting.

She smiled, "Calling it as I see it. I'm not sure if Todd's queen was even top dog in his hive... That man likes power."

"Did you ever meet his queen?" I asked fingering through my gowns, looking to see if anything struck me.

"Nah. She died before I got here. They didn't even know she was on the hive until after it was destroyed."

Pulling out a black suit, I asked: "What do you think? Too obvious?"

"I think looking like Woolsey is never a good thing when dealing with Todd."

"It's a skirt not slacks!" I pointed out. Putting it back in my closet, I continued to look through my suits. "My Red suit?"

"I'd stay away from suits... Any business black dress in there?" She says coming over.

"Little black dresses and business don't really mix well, Jen." I said with a smile, "Besides Todd's a bit old fashioned when it comes to clothes... I wish I could wear the dress I got on New Athos. It's so pretty."

"Yea but that's too fancy for this." Looking through my dresses, Jenifer pulls out a gray dress I have. The dress is grey tweed with puffy ruched shoulders and clasps running all the way down the front of the dress. The cut of the ruched shoulders makes it look like you're wearing a short jacket on top of the dress. "This is nice..."

"That could work..." Holding it up to me, I asked, "Do you think it's too short for this though?"

"It goes a little past your knees!" She chided, rolling her eyes. "I think it's perfect: professional with a little kick."

"It's the kick I'm worried about... I don't want my great grandfather to think I'm a slut."

Jen started laughing, "You could never be mistaken for a slut Heather... a prude... maybe... but never a slut."

"Rodney McKay," I called into the communication system, "You can have your girlfriend back now..."

"Huh? What did you say?" Replied Rodney's confused voice. Jen and I together burst out laughing much to his further confusion.

A day later, I was wearing the gray dress and standing in front of the mirror in my quarters. _Please let everything be okay._ I wanted a stronger, more concrete, wish but there were too many things that could be horribly wrong. I felt like I was standing on stage in a room full of people and I didn't know any of my lines. I wasn't even sure what the play was. It could be a tragedy or a romance. It could be both. My fears were plentiful while my knowledge seemed scarce. Todd's thoughts still were blocked from my consciousness and I'd heard and felt nothing from my great grandfather. My great grandmother, Ganos Lal, hadn't made any appearance to shed any light or even be a sympathetic ear. Meanwhile, the military of Atlantis was happily planning for the worst case scenario: our deaths or capture. Lt. Hubbel assured me frequently that though he felt Todd cared for me, should the need arise, he was fully prepared to take out a couple of hives. Woolsey was bemusing my choices every chance he got. Ronon was wishing that Todd does something that would allow for some wraith killing. He'd kindly elaborated that a wraith looking at me oddly would be grounds for death. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not and John wouldn't see reason when I tried to take Ronon of the away team. Teyla, on the other hand seemed, impressed with the knowledge of wraith culture I'd be taught by Todd and seemed the most comfortable with my intended mission of peace. Though even Teyla cautioned that she didn't think Todd was going to stick to it for long.

Anytime that Rodney was alone with me, he asked if I'd heard from Todd yet. His asking fifty times in twenty-four hours led me to believe that he thought Todd's silence meant that this wasn't going to go well for us. Though Rodney frequently tried to convince Jennifer that she should stay safely on Atlantis, Rodney's constant reiteration that he was coming to the peace treaty talks continued shock me. He'd grown so much from the scared man in the early SGA-1 reports. I wanted to hug him for it, but knowing Todd's views on such human contact, I resisted the temptation. _Everything is going to be okay. Please God let everything be okay._ The door of my room chimed.

"Yes?" I called moving towards the door. There was no answer. I tried again, "Who is it?" Getting to the door, it opened and no one was there. "Hmm." Looking down the hallway in both directions, I tried to laugh it off. In a few minutes I'd go off technically risking my life, so of course my brain would choose this time to be hearing things.

"Heather."

I turned at the female's voice and walked back into my quarters. Ganos Lal stood in the middle of the room, looking quite like her hologram but with no blue grow emanating from her. "You came!"

"There isn't much time..."

"I know, I know: you can't tell me if I am doing the right thing and you can't tell me how this will work out." She smiled but did not respond. "Ok so let me try this... you know the saying: amare et sapere vix deo conceditu?"

"Even a god finds it hard to love and be wise at the same time."

I nodded, "I feel like I'm failing all the time. Everyone seems sure of that. My Commander, Todd, wants me to trust him but it's so hard. If I wasn't the one feeling like this... if it was some other girl... I think I'd think she was crazy or stupid... maybe a little of both."

With a soft smile on her face, Lal answered, "It is hard to be so young and have the hope of so many. You must remember your power as well as your responsibility. You must control your fear."

"Control my fear, right." I said. I knew my sarcasm was unfair but I couldn't seem to drop it from my reply, "Todd's been most unimpressed with my ability on that matter."

She laughed quietly, "You know that is not true. You wish me to take all your fears from you, but you know I cannot interfere. That is my burden ... Once you are with your grandfather, I cannot appear."

"Why?"

She looked stricken as she answered, "As an ascended I cannot speak to my Dilectissima though he has remained my husband." She looked somewhere over my shoulder, "I risk much by coming to you, but they will not allow me to see him."

_I can't handle a few weeks without Todd... I can't imagine ten thousand years._ My heart broke for her, and tears slipped from my eyes as I realized how my new relationship with my grandfather would mean the end of my relationship with my grandmother. "No! That's not fair!" I cried out.

She nodded, "Do not cry. The rules of the ascended are clear on this. Your grandfather knows this. I shall always be with you Heather. _Omnia vincit amor_."

My iPod's alarm buzzed. I knew it was time to go to the jumper and leave for my meeting with my grandfather and Todd. "Love concurs all... I won't let you down. I'll make this work." I could feel my eyes filling with tears, without knowing my grandfather yet, I knew there was one thing I could do for them both though she couldn't ask of me, but I could offer: "So... I mean if I was to be so... bold to tell him that you still loved him... Well... that wouldn't be a lie, right?"

"It would not. Love is something we must never forget, granddaughter."

"I know... I wish I could speak to you longer... I've been practicing my Ancient and all... I thought we would have more time."

"All is as it was meant to be." Ganos Lal's smile reached her eyes as she continued, "Aveo, Amacuse. Ex uno disce omnes." Then, she disappeared.

Taking a few deep breaths to stop my crying, I allowed myself one look around at my quarters on Atlantis. I knew I'd come back here but something had changed. A part of me had always imagined that once I was back here, she'd be able to guide me more. Once I was dealing with the wraith, she and my grandfather were supposed to help me. That was my plan. Todd's help would be nice to, but I'd counted on my grandmother being there to guide me. I could trust her where I couldn't trust John and the others: she saw the whole picture. She would know what was right and what was wrong. The Ancients just stomped on my plan and forbid her to interact with me anymore. _That's still messing with the lower plains you know! This isn't helping anyone, you jerks! _There was no response. _Merlin? _No help there either. Knowing I had to leave, I picked up my suitcase. _Fine._ The door opened upon my command and I headed to the jumper bay. _Did I ever talk to myself this much before? _Once I got to the transporter, I choose to have it move me toward the jumper bay taking time to ponder Lal's parting words: _From one, all will learn. _I suspected what Earthlings had to learn: how to live in peace without destroying that which we feared. _But what must the wraith learn? What must I teach them? Can a 29 year old Earth girl teach them anything? In fact, how will I be able to make my people listen to me, let alone the Wraith listen..._

Getting into the jumper bay, I stopped and smiled. _This sight never get old. Space ships... Yahoo!_ Seeing Rodney outside one of the pods with a computer pad, I walked over. "Hi Rodney."

"Hey you." He answered not looking up from his pad, "You're late."

"I know." I replied, "We ready to go?"

"Yes, your majesty."

With all his sarcasm, I fought the urge to tell him that he'd finally used my proper title. Smirking instead, I answered, "Well good, we don't want to miss dinner." And started to walk into the jumper.

"Heather!"

Turning around slowly, I answered, "Yes, Rodney?" I allowed my smirk to fill my face and saw his face darken in response.

"Really. Not. Funny."

"You worry too much, Rodney."

"You've never seen them in action Heather." As I nodded in surrender, Rodney went back to work.

"Heather!" Once I turned back, Rodney continued, "Jen was right... That's a good outfit for you. It looks great."

"Thanks Rodney." Walking into the jumper, I could barely see John at the helm with Teyla sitting next to him. Jen was in the back area putting away supplies. "I'm here!" I called out.

Turning, she smiled at me, "You excited?"

"Yea. It will be good to finally start real negotiations for the treaty." Putting my suitcase down, I turned to sit down on the bench nearest her. Ronon was seated across from me on the other bench fiddling with his gun. He said nothing and didn't even look up at me in greeting.

"And to see Todd again." She added.

"Yea."

"Have you spoken to him?" She asked softly.

"No. Not yet." I answered just as quietly. Patting my arm in sympathy, she went back to work.

"We're about ready to go, Heather." John called, "Do you want to sit upfront again?"

Making a quick calculation that Ronon would have to stay in the back with the marines, I replied, "Sure." Walking to the front of the jumper, I saw John look me up and down.

"Wow." John said. "That's a nice dress."

Teyla nodded, "It suits you well."

"Thanks." I replied to both of them. Taking the sit behind John, I pulled out the book I had backed for the trip.

"Bored of me already?" John asked.

"No... It's not that. I read when I'm anxious... It calms me."

"I won't let anything happen to you." John said.

"I'm not worried about anything happening, John. I know Todd and my grandfather won't hurt us. I just hope I'm up to the task of making a great treaty. That's all that I'm worried about."

John continued with the preflight routine as he commented, "Right."

**Finally, t_he time draws near, Dilectissima... I await your arrival, my dearest Heather._**

****Hearing his voice in my head, finally, after all this time was like seeing a rainbow after forty days of rain. A pot of gold in the distance when all hope had been lost. Tears of joy came to my eyes and my body flooded with adrenaline. I wanted to jump and sing for joy. But, I also felt fury at his long silence. With a mighty rush of hostility and indignation at my treatment, my mind propelled him out of itself. As I'd slammed the door of my mind to him, I felt his crushing despair. Even with my echoing pain at his loss again, I relished my small victory: the human mind thrusting out the wraith. _I can do it then... with the proper motivation. Good._ My victory was short lived. As John took off for our journey, I was barely paying attention. The side effect of victory wasn't a headache as I expected. The force of my mental feat necessitated sleep and my eyes drifted closed in response.

I could feel myself slowly coming awake again. I think this was the second time I'd woken up. I remember eating and going back to sleep. I remembered mumbling that I had my period. Mortified at that thought, I dug through my memories struggling with a half remembered conversation. _Jen had asked me if I felt sick. She was worried that I'd slept for 20 hours. Hence my excuse. _ _Oh god, I don't want to wake up: Two teams of marines, Ronan, Rodney, John. My period. Eating with all male eyes firmly planted on their plates. Jen trying to make conversation as if nothing was wrong. And I..._

"Heather, we are a half hour away from touchdown. Come on, wake up." Jen's voice called to me. 

_ I'd begged off talking after we ate, saying I wanted to study treaty law. _It was dark. _My eyes must be closed. Why? _A familiar pressure begged for my attention. _Begged? _Concentrating on that pull to open my mind to Him, I contemplated: _Had my mind allowed him in while I slept? _The mental door was sealed still. _ No... My mental block had held even as I'd slept. My thoughts were my own. _I felt sure. Confident. _Everything is going to work out. Lal had said to follow my instincts. Needed more sleep to continue to keep him out. So I'd slept. Jen asking me to wake up. What to do? Do I have enough to keep him out during the negotiations? Do I want to?_

"I don't know John! Come on, Heather, wake up." Jen's voice shouted at me. 

"I... I'm up..." I stammered, forcing my eyes to open, "How long till we're there?"

"Thank goodness!" Rodney said. Teyla and Ronon we standing next to him, looking concerned.

Jen was in front of them, standing over me. She reached to check my pulse, "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, still... a bit tired." I said, watching as Ronon and Rodney looked away waiting for the impending unpleasant female deceptions. Going to move away from her hand, I added: "I'm not sick Jen."

"It's not your period either, Heather... What's really going on?" Jen asked. Ronon turned back around at her question, looking every bit ready to tear someone apart.

"Nothing is going on. I do have my period and I haven't been sleeping well. To top it all off, Todd's decided that he'd like to speak to me again. Mister silent's not to thrilled that I've been ignoring him." I answered.

"So, you're sleeping to avoid him?" Jen questioned.

"And because I need it." I answered, watching their reactions: Ronon's anger wasn't a surprise, while Teyla's understanding expression was. Jen and Rodney both looked concerned. _No surprise there. _John was still facing the jumper controls but I could see his reflection in the window. His face was blank. Unreadable.

"Is he hurting you?" Rodney asked kindly.

"No." I answered, looking him in the eye, "He's not. He wouldn't. It's just hard because I can feel his despair at my silence. And it's kind of tough to keep myself cut off from him anyway... his mind is so strong... but he's not fighting me."

"Is it like the headache from before?" Jen asked.

"No. Nothing like that..." I answered. While trying to figure out how to explain it, I sat back in my seat and allowed my head to drift back onto the headrest, "It's like a song that you only half remember and miss hearing. No pain, but a nagging thought in the back of your mind. His pain comes through like a pull on my heart. I can feel him. And I know he can feel my anger and it's like he's... he's... I don't know how to explain it. It's almost like I can feel an echo of his pain at my silence. It's draining."

"Can you feel any other wraith?" John asked without turning from the controls.

Now that I'd thought about it, I could. Their minds were happy but closed. "Three more on the planet with him." I answered. "How close are we?"

"Teyla?" John asked.

"I believe she is right, but we are still too far away. I cannot be sure."

"I'm right John." Rolling my eyes at his back, started to remind him that I could hear his distrust and that I was on their side, "John..." _How can I read these Wraith's emotions? _Realizing this odd turn of events, I was sure that there was a true familiarity with them all_. Kenny was there. But how had I'd felt the other two? When? _"Teyla, can you tell wraith apart? Mentally?"_ Maybe my grandfather had traveled with Kenny on the hive, he must have been right there next to Kenny out of view. _

"No." She answered, looking shocked, "Can you?"

"I think so. Besides Todd's presence, I can tell one's Kenny." Neither John nor Ronon looked impressed, in fact they both looked alarmed, so I didn't mention the others being familiar. "How close are we?"

"About ten minutes out," Rodney answered. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yea." I answered, stretching a little, I stood: "Rodney, could you hand me my bag please?"

Rodney reached behind his seat and passed my suitcase over to me. "What are you doing?"

"I'm fixing my face Rodney. I've been asleep for hours and between my hair and my makeup I must look..."

"You look fine." Rodney argued back, "I'd think it's more important for Jen to check you over than worry about your makeup! Todd doesn't..."

"Rodney," I began taking out my hair brush ad brushing my hair, "I'm fine."

Jen moved to take the brush from me, "Look, I get that you're stressed. But, that's no reason to take it out on Rodney. You had us all real worried, Heather. You aren't fine. It doesn't mean that Todd's hurting you, but it does mean that you are reacting to something... we need to figure..."

"I'm reacting to all of them." I said more to myself than to her, "Todd warned me about this. He said that being around wraith could be overwhelming mentally. That's why I'm so tired!"

"That might also explain why he had been cutting himself off from you," Jen added, "He knew he'd be a conduit. He was trying to protect you."

"Maybe." John didn't sound convinced but he pulled up the sensor readings of the landing site, "It looks like she's right... only four Wraith within sensor ranged."

Ronon's gruff voice held a note of happiness as he helpfully suggested, "They are already hurting her. We should go back to Atlantis."

"I appreciate your concern Ronon but I'll be fine." I tried to keep the annoyance out of my tone. _It's not Ronon's fault that he feels as he does... he has every right to hate them. _John circled over the landing site. After the second pass, I realized that Todd and Kenny were already standing out in the middle of the clearing. No other wraiths were in sight.

"Have you opened your mind to him?" Jen asked.

I shook my head, "No. I want him to be clear that I am pissed with him. The longer I don't mentally speak to him the angrier I am."

"Oh..." John mumbled, "Is that how it works."

Ignoring him, I moved closer to Rodney, "Can we tell where the two other wraiths are?"

****"Yea," Rodney pressed a few buttons on the console in front of him and red dots appeared superimposed on the image, "Todd's made sure that when we land he'd be between you and the other two Wraith. Almost like he doesn't trust them, isn't it?"

Feeling confused and unsure, I found myself agreeing with him: "I guess."

"Heather," John turned away from the controls and looked me in the eye, "Look, this isn't a game. These guys are dangerous and you have to seriously listen and follow orders. I know you think your grandmother wouldn't steer you wrong, but Ancient's notoriously forget that they can make mistakes. Todd's agenda is his own. Your grandfather... is the biggest unknown and I don't want to trust him either. This isn't like back on Earth or on Atlantis; this is not control circumstances by any stretch of your imagination. No playing around here with the rules."

"I get it, John. You say jump and I'll jump." Returning his hard stare, I added, "But, I was given a job John. And I'm going to get it done. If we run, we run because we have no choice, not because Todd's getting you a little nervous."

"No deal." Rodney answered.

"John." I stressed.

His internal debate played out in the worry lines across his face. "Done." He turned back to the controls and started to bring us down near Todd and Kenny's position. "E.T.A. 90 seconds."

"Oh great." Rodney whined.

Ignoring him once again, I took a few deep breaths while knowing it wouldn't calm me right now. Sitting back in my seat, I finished up checking and fixing my makeup. _We'll see if you honor your promise John. _Closing my hand mirror, I added:_ And if I honor mine. _

Looking out the front window as John landed the jumper, I saw a basic wood dining room table and benches about fifty feet away from Todd and Kenny's position_. _Rodney sighed when a table came into view, "Of course he brought the conference table. Those damn benches weren't comfortable at all... couldn't he have brought real chairs this time!"

"Wraith don't need chairs or tables Rodney" I reminded him, "You're lucky we aren't standing for this whole meeting. It could be hours."

"Hours!" He screeched as his stomach gave a rumple. Even as I rolled my eyes, I couldn't help but smile.

"Focus Rodney." He said as he shut off the jumpers systems. Everyone got up and collected equipment. Once the jumper doors opened, I hung back allowing the teams to do a sweep of the surrounding area before I left the safety of the Jumper. It was Ronon's idea. John contributed the idea of adding further security by John and rest of SGA-1 training their guns on our Wraith representatives. Though Todd greeted each person by name out loud, he didn't rush the process. It gave him plenty of time to call to me internally. I ignored him and used the time to study the two unknown Wraith. One was dressed similarly to Todd so I assumed he was a commander too. He's uniform was just as striking as Todd's. It was the same style that I'd seen Todd wear in the pictures, only the uniforms seemed crisper. Newer. _They both dressed up for me too? Wow. _Both wraith stood with their hands in plain sight and without being prompted or asking what was the hold up, they waited patiently too. I assumed Todd and them spoke to each other when Todd wasn't begging to speak to me. _Todd must talk really fast in Wraith._ Giggling to myself, I tried to look at them all objectively. Todd was the most handsome to me. His muscled body radiated power as much as his mental process. This other commander had the same affect on me but without any of the sexual attraction. It was like gazing at Billy's hard chiseled body. It was great to look at but I wouldn't want to sleep with it. They were family.

Mentally, my brain screamed my connection to them. My grandfather's presence was like a warm hand on my shoulder. I knew if I opened my mind, I'd be able to speak to him. I also felt that he understood why I was blocking them and accepted it without reservation. It was amazing to know that. I knew I'd been right about him. I could trust him. Even with ten thousand years of evolution, I tried to discover the family resemblance between myself and the other commander. I didn't. The commander was tall, while I was not. His companion was shorter but far taller than me. Both their hair was white like Todd's. My grandfather had his hair up in a half ponytail, the style I had favored all throughout my youth.

"All clear." John's voice drifted into the jumper. I stepped out of the jumper and touched the ground for the first time. Todd and my grandfather stepped closer to me as I came into view. "No. Stay back." John warned them.

"It's alright, John." I corrected him. At Rodney's concerned sound, I amended: "As long as there are no sudden moves it's alright."

"Heather." Todd's voice was as deep and welcoming as I'd remembered it. His mental state was what interested me though. I could feel the control he was exerting on his emotions. It was confusing.

_I wonder... is he afraid my human ways will offend my grandfather. Todd had act more like a fancy human man than the proper wraith male before. So... He doesn't want to look like a sentimental foolish human?_ Debating about opening my mind to him to ask what was going on, I verbally replied, "Hello Commander."

"You are well?"

"Yes." I answered him. My grandfather and the wraith he'd brought were watching our interaction closely. I wanted to say something to him, but no words came to mind for once. My brain felt frozen: happy but unbelievably concerned and unsure of my direction. "It is good to see your second-in-command again as well."

Kenny bowed his head, "My queen."

My grandfather's second growled as Rodney gasped. John and our military escorts trained their guns on different wraiths. Ronon's gun pointed straight at Todd while John and some of the others' weapons were pointed at my grandfather and his second. "Stop!" I exclaimed.

I could feel my grandfather's control beating back his second's anger. I could sense his command being issued to his second, but I couldn't hear my grandfather's words without opening my mind. Todd's focus was on me. The moment I allowed my grandfather into my mind, I could see Todd's intention to use my loss of focus to his advantage.

Ronon's voice rang out, "Why do you call her that?"

Speaking over him, I calmly pleaded, "I will not allow this meeting to be marred by violence. Lower your weapons." Looking directly at Ronon, I added, "Ronon... you too."

"Even he," Ronon gestured with his other hand at my grandfather's second, "Objected to what just happened. I don't need to calm down. I need to kill them."

"We are affronted at the breach of prodigal." My grandfather's voice was deep and rumbling. It was like quiet thunder and rang like a half remembered song through my ears, "Yet, only Heather may decide that wraith's faith. Her blood makes her queen in our eyes. It is the truth; if she can accept it, or not, remains to be seen."

"He only wishes to honor her position as she deserves," Todd added, "My apologies for making your protectors uncomfortable, Heather." He smirked at Ronon as he continued, "As to killing him, you are not enough."

"Ronon!" I snapped as his trigger finger started to constrict, "Stand down!" Going to move into his line of fire, I felt my grandfather's flame of anger at my impulsive disregard for safety simultaneously to Todd's mental push to take control of my legs. Stopping in my own shock, I turned to find my grandfather giving me a stern stare of reproach. I felt like I was two years old again and had tried to put my hand into a fire.

Todd's hand was out to me, "Heather, do not interfere."

"Ronon," John called, "Back off for now... that's an order." Ronon's eyes narrowed at John's command, but he lowered his gun. "So," John said looking at the other wraith's, "You're Heather's great grandfather?"

He nodded, "I am."

"You'll give us a sample of your blood for Dr. Keller to verify that?"

"Of course."

"John, that's unnecessary..." Feeling confident by my own feelings and how easily my grandfather had conceded his blood, it seemed pointless to run the test. "... I never asked for you to run a test."

"No," he replied, "You didn't." Motioning Jen forward, she moved towards my grandfather with Teyla following at her side.

"Hello." Jen said to him with a small smile, "I've drawn blood from Todd and other wraiths a few times. This will only hurt a little bit."

He nodded and said: "I will not harm you." His second moved a few feet back from him, giving Jen and Teyla plenty of room. Teyla seemed wary, but I knew she wouldn't shoot them unless provoked. Jen chatted on, seemingly trusting his words and the fact that they were being so cooperative.

"Oh... Thank you." Jen said brightly, "I'm glad to meet you... What would you prefer to be called anyway?" She smiled, "I don't know if Todd's mentioned it to you but we have to name everyone."

"That is not unusual for your kind. My granddaughter may give us any human names she desires." Jen was standing next to him now and started to prepare the needle. My grandfather continued, "Doctor, you care very much for my granddaughter."

She froze, "How do you know that?"

"You trust her feelings above all else. You have known her a long time?"

"Jen!" John called.

"It's alright, John." Looking up at the wraith that was my grandfather, she simply replied, "We grew up together."

"I am glad. She will need support. I hope you will continue to assist her through her task."

"Jen!" John's exasperated call made me roll my eyes.

"Yea, yea John." Jen called back, "I'm doing it." Pointing his feeding slit away from her, my grandfather turned to offer her his feeding arm. She carefully placed the needle and pushed it into his arm. Drawing out blood, she switched barrels three times before removing it and using gauze to cover the hole. Taking a Band-Aid out of her pocket, she went to put it on him and froze. "Oh... you've healed already."

_He feeds on humans. _Pushing the thought from my mind, I said, "Good. Now then, I would like to speak to you about how we will proceed in these talks."

"Excellent." Todd answered. "Come... Let us get more comfortable." He pointed to the area to the left of us where the table and benches were.

Without looking to John for permission, I moved first towards the setup he'd brought. Jen, Teyla, and Rodney followed without raising their guns while John, Ronon, and the teams took up positions around us. Todd separated from Kenny's side and careful made his way towards me. Nodding to Jen in greeting, he walked at my side for a bit before asking, "May I speak to you in private, Heather?"

I saw Ronon's answer in his eyes and I answered out loud before anyone else, "Very Well... as long as we are within eye sight of everyone else." I felt my grandfather's approval at my statement and smiled up at Todd.

Without commenting on my qualification, he moved us a little away from the group. I was sure he'd moved us out of earshot of the humans, but where all of the wraiths would still be able to hear our conversation. "Dilectissima, why do you refuse me?"

"You refused me first, Commander."

"For your protection only."

"And now it is safe? With three more wraith than I am used to being around?" I shot back. He paused; just long enough for me to realize that his pregnant pause wasn't a mistake. _What do you want me to realize? _

"Your Hive can never hurt you, Heather. Your grandfather's presence will not affect you nor will any from his hives. You are safe. I miss you, Dilectissima."

"Your second could not hear me before." I told him, wondering if Kenny had mentioned it.

"Do not be alarmed. Once you have taken your rightful place as my hive's queen the possibilities of you feeling pain will disappear as will you ability to speak to him and the others increases."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion as I answered, "I thought I am your queen already."

"You are, Dilectissima. But until you step onto my hive, you cannot control my people with your mind as a queen does. Once you are queen on my hive, you will be queen of all Wraith."

In anger and pain, I ripped through his mind screaming: _So you intend to abduct me. After all your talk of treaty. I will not allow it, Commander. _Through the red haze of my thoughts I saw Todd drop to one knee.

**_Heather! Temper your strength! _**It wasn't Todd's mental voice that echoed through my mind, but my grandfather's.

Todd's mental voice was submissive and hoarse. I could feel his pain at my attack: **_Dilectissima, I would never harm you. The treaty will be spoken of here as planned. I intend to ask to continue negotiations on my hive when we reconvene. You can come with your protectors without fear of attack. _**

Easing up on Todd, I looked over expecting to see Kenny incensed and Ronon amused at Todd's expense. Ronon's gun was pointed as Kenny yet his face radiated fear. Kenny's expression was unreadable as he was looking down on the ground as if something private was going on that was inappropriate to watch. My grandfather looked on calming with pride beaming from his eyes while he second just seemed to look at me like nothing odd was going on at all. _Amazing. _My teams weren't that calm, as one again all guns were trained on various wraiths. Like Ronon, I saw fear on their faces but it could be fear of what I seemingly did to Todd or fear of the response from it. _Either would make a lot of sense._ Drawing my attention back to Todd, I noticed he was still on the ground. Stoking my hand down his hair, he leaned into my touch.

"Heather?" Rodney squeaked.

"It's alright Rodney." I answered, "Give us a moment, won't you?" Still stroking Todd's hair, I quietly said to him, "I didn't realize I could do that."

"You are queen, Heather."

"Are you alright?"

"It does not matter."

"It does to me." Thinking his true name, I added: _I'm sorry._

Raising his eyes to meet mine, I saw the fire burning behind his eyes. I saw and felt what he wanted to do. I shivered in anticipation. "Dilectissima..." he growled, pulling me towards him and angling his mouth to meet mine.

"Enough!" My grandfather growled and shouted at the same time.

With a look of regret, Todd kissed my forehead and released me. Stepping back, he bowed and walked back over to Kenny's side. All human eyes followed him the whole way.

"Okay." Jen said, "Um... Heather, everything okay?"

"Yes." I answered walking back over to her. Continuing on to the table and seats, I said: "Let's sit." Everyone followed without comment. Jen kept shooting me worried glances. Rodney looked awed while Teyla looked concerned. John's face was again unreadable. Ronon's face was very readable: his trigger finger was itching to fire.

John, Jen, Ronon, Teyla and I took seats while the rest of the teams covered us from all sides. Todd, Kenny, my grandfather and his second sat on the opposing side. Everyone looked to me. _Great. _"SinceI'm the youngest, so why don't you guys start, hmm?" I directed the quip to Todd only because I knew he'd take no offence.

My grandfather's raised his eyebrow area at my remark even as Todd smiled, "The treaty is the same as was reached with Ganos Lal 10,000 years ago. All that is needed is for you to sign it."

I smiled back at him, "Is it? I am sorry to say I will not sign a 10,000 year old Treaty Commander. It was made at a different time and with different people. You and my grandfather might remain the same, but I am not Ganos Lal nor are the Lanteans my people."

"They are your blood," Kenny said.

"As are you, since my grandfather is cousin to Todd, but we both have different views on many subjects. Surely you did not think I would just blindly sign?"

Looking around the table, I noticed many things: where Kenny looked unhappy at this turn of events, Todd, my grandfather, and my grandfather's second looked equally proud. John looked relieved. _Thanks for the confidence John._ Jen and Teyla looked like it was just another day at the office. Rodney had his head on the table. _Rodney has his head on the table? _"Rodney are you okay?" I asked him.

"I thought we'd be home in time for dinner."

Todd ignored his whining, "We can negotiate****the terms if it pleases you..."

Seven hours later, we still were around the table talking. Both commanders had been stunningly calm throughout the talks, while Ronon kept losing his temper at their terms. John's diplomatic skills hadn't been much more helpful but I'd been surprised at how helpful Teyla's insights had been. Until we had gotten to the current stipulation:

"We cannot reveal the current location of Atlantis." Teyla stressed, "nor will I reveal the location of my people."

"And how may I assure you of their safety if I cannot give the wraith strict locations to leave alone!" Todd stressed just as convincingly.

"If you would agree to leave the humans of this galaxy alone..."

"Enough," my grandfather interrupted, "Wraith are never ending as is our need to feed. It is as it always has been. We cannot change what we are; we can only change how we interact."

"Dr. Keller..."

"Failed." He finished for her. Ronon got up at that to do "another" security sweep and left the table. My grandfather continued, "Thought I understand your desire to protect humans, we cannot be changed in that way. Your hopes for humans' treatment to be improved will only happen through this alliance."

"What do you mean?" Teyla asked.

**_You have not shared your position with them, granddaughter. _**

Todd growled quietly at my fear. Reaching out with his mind, I felt him slip into mine. **_He will not tell them of our union Heather. But, it is in the treaty... They will find out soon enough. That is why it is important that we continue this on my hive. Please. _**

_I am unsure that they will accept my choice. That is why I have not told them, Grandfather._

_ **Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.**_

_You've been to Earth, haven't you?_

My grandfather smiled. "With this alliance, specific planets can be protected with valid reasons... Enough for today. My granddaughter is tired. Return to Atlantis. We will talk again."

"No." I said. Turning to him, I added: "I wish to speak to you... alone."

"Your people have been most patient granddaughter, but they do not trust me yet. We will talk another time. Go. Rest."

"I order it." I said sitting up a little straighter in my chair.

"Do you?" He responded, clearly amused. Todd shook his head as Kenny looked scandalized. My grandfather's second seemed more exasperated than scandalized. "Well," he said rising, "I will do as my queen wishes, of course." Standing, he indicated that I should come with him. I stood. John stood with me.

"Stay here." I whispered.

"Hell no." He answered, "He's up to something."

"Clearly!" I responded, "He's counting on me not getting any answers because you're not family. He can't respond to me in front of you. He wants you to come so... so stay behind!"

"Sorry, not happening... " John retorted.

_Unbelievable! _

_ **It is most annoying, is it not?**_

****_My Grandfather's been to Earth. Lately. How?_

_ ** That is between you and your grandfather. There is work to be done Heather. We must make arrangements for the next meeting. **_

****_He's been on Earth Commander! You can't expect me to just let it go!_

_ **Heather, your duty is clear. You must take your place and activate the treaty. Your first priority is to get onto the other Hive and connect to your people. **_

****_I must protect Earth._

_ **The treaty protects Earth, Heather. **_

_You're lying to me! _Both commanders were hurt by the accusation, I could feel it. Looking between them, I had to force myself to not use my new found mental strength at them. With these bizarre thoughts running through my head, I asked: _I am turning into a Wraith?_

**_No, my dear. Once you are used to us, you will be able to function without the white noise of a Hive affecting you. H_**e sat back down at the table and looked calmly at me as if he didn't have a care in the world.

It seemed a lot of the human movements that I'd figured Todd adopted for my sake might have been normal for Wraiths. _Just great._

With a wave of his hand, Todd indicated that I should sit as well. I didn't sit, so Todd remained standing alongside me as he said, "Heather, it has been a long session..."

_Did you speak to the queens?_

I could feel my grandfather's annoyance at Todd and Todd's equal annoyance about my question. **_Of course I did. _**

_ What did they say? Are they okay with this? _

My grandfather tapped the table top once as he interrupted, _"_Before you go, we should speak of the next meeting. Sit."

"But..." I began to reply.

Quickly, Teyla quietly added: "You know they are right. By insisting on proceeding, you make mistakes more likely. You must rest Heather."

"Very well." I answered her. "For our next meeting, we... um... could... meet..." I trailed off knowing that the right answer wasn't on my lips. My heart and my mind battled for control while my lips sat back waiting for a decision. Standing and thinking, I again reminded myself that animals and humans did weird things for food. Morals changed when food became scarce. Todd had been honest about that much: too many Wraith with too few humans to feed on. Realistically, I had few reasons to trust these space vampires that I'd come to love and call family. Tears pooled in my eyes as I looked again at my two commanders. _I want to believe, but... I... I need more time._ _Dilectissima, I'm sorry... forgive me..._

**_Amor patitur moras._**

****"Would it be acceptable to you to meet back here in two days?" Todd asked.

Surprised Todd accepted my rejection so easily, I wilting down into the chair near without answering. In that moment, I craved his touch so much it was a physical pain. Reaching out to take his hand in mine, I curled my hand around his much larger one. Thinking of his multilayered name he'd told me, I added: _I love you. _

His body reacted violently in its passion, yet with my grandfather's flash of mental anger, Todd reframed from his normal expression of desire. **_My queen, you are my love and my life._**

"We will meet back here in two days." I replied. Pulling my hand back from his, I turned to my grandfather, "I wanted to tell you: Your wife... she loved you. She loves you still..."

He stood, "And I her. She is my Dilectissima granddaughter." Looking down at me, he lowered his voice as he spoke, "You must be Queen as well as Dilectissima, Heather. You must be Queen to all. Aveo, Amacuse." At that, a dart appeared coming fast towards us from the west. John and his men fired at it. It weaved through their hail of bullets. The blue beam sweep towards me and I saw John take off towards my position. Ronon was right behind him with Teyla moving to overtake them. Knowing internally that they were too far away to reach me in time, I decided to face my fate. Whatever it was to be. I held my ground and looked up as the beam went over me.

The blinding blue light obscured my vision for a few seconds and then it was gone. I was surprised to find myself still on the planet. Looking back to ask Todd and my grandfather what happened, I realized. They were gone. "Oh my god," Jen said breathlessly, "I... I thought... I didn't know they could do that."

Reaching my side, Rodney pulled me around and into his arms, "You okay?" He was as pale as Jen and hugging me so hard it hurt.

Teyla and Ronon circled looking up at the sky. "The dart's gone," Teyla called.

With his gun trained on the empty sky, Ronon added, "We should leave. Now."

"Heather?" Rodney asked releasing me.

"Yea." I said feeling breathless myself, "If that hadn't been so frightening it would have been kind of cool."

John and Ronon exchanged equally infuriated looks. Signaling to the marines, John said: "Come on. We're going." With the marine's and their guns in a wide formation around us, we made a beeline for the jumper. Once safely inside and in the air, John asked me the question I assumed they'd all be thinking, "Why didn't you run?"

I snorted, "Because it wouldn't have helped." Laying my head back on the headrest I continued, "I'm quite aware that it's important that one never appears weak to the wraith. Running like a little child would only hurt me and it wouldn't have saved me. I never was that fast a runner."

"So you were just going to go willingly?" Ronon roared.

"No." Leaning forward I answered, "I wasn't willing Ronon, but they didn't seem to be considering my opinion. Running scared wasn't going to save me, my courage might."

Ronon's eyes narrowed, "Courage didn't save my people; neither did standing our ground."

I stood, "Fighting a war you can't win is different than standing your ground."

Ronon stood, turning angrily towards me. His eyes were vacant; he seemed to forget our friendship for a second. He wasn't seeing me anymore. He was seeing red. I stepped back.

"Ronon, come on..." Jen exclaimed, "Heather didn't mean anything by that. We are all a bit shook up. Go calm down."

Turning away from us, Ronon didn't reply but went to the back of the shuttle. "You shouldn't have said that to him." Teyla said quietly, "You know how much he blames..."

"I know... I just feel so..." Trailing of, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Fear was a big part of it. Anger too. Energized and drained at the same time. Confused. Every emotion battling for control so that none could dominate. Looking out the window, I confessed, "When I saw that dart, I was sure they had lied to me. I was sure we were dead."

"No." Teyla said, "Not dead. Not initially. You were working to make sure you'd take your place as queen."

I didn't bother denying it, "I wasn't sure I could save any of you."

Rodney's whimper reverberated throughout the cabin. "It did not come to pass Rodney," Teyla's voice gently reminded him. "You did really well Heather."

"You did." Jen confirmed, "You really are good at this Heather. You're negotiating skills were amazing to watch. I've never seen you so focused and..."

"Cunning. It was nice to finally see you remember which side you were on." John added with a small smile.

I laughed, "Thanks John. I needed that."

"No problem." The time pasted quickly and soon John had started the landing process. Ronon had stayed in the back with the marines as the rest of us continued talking.

"Your grandfather looked... well... proud." Rodney added, "It was really weird."

"Rodney!" Jen chastised him.

"What?" He answered, "I just meant that it was weird to see a wraith looking proud of a human killing their butts, that's all."

"What did you think of him, John?"

"He's a wraith Heather. I don't think we can trust them. Look, I want to warn you about something, don't go getting all bend out of shape, okay?"

"Okay..."

"His second worried me... He kept looking at you funny." John said looking up from the controls for an instant.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Just a feeling I had. Your grandfather was watching you too but Kenny seemed to be watching his second much too hard. I'm guessing Todd doesn't trust him."

"He didn't mention anything." I replied. _Todd?_

"Todd didn't?"

**_Yes, my love?_**

_ I can still hear you! _Looking John in the eye, I answered, "No. He didn't say anything about the other wraiths at all. Only that he'd missed me and he was sorry for having to stay silent."

_ **I would not risk staying silent again, my queen.**_

_Good. _

_ **We were all proud of your reaction to our departure. You did well.**_

****_I don't understand why though._

_ **The Wraith need to know that their queen fears nothing. Knowing that you are human, it is important that you never show fear. It was a test to be sure you are ready. If you... were not we'd made arrangements to protect your position. **_

_ The Dart's driver was someone from your hive?_

**_ No. It was the true second of your grandfather's hive. _**

_He wasn't the guy with my grandfather? He lied to me._

_ **No one ever told you that he'd brought his second. You assumed and we did not correct.**_

****_So who was that guy?_

_ **His position is not translatable. It would be equal to head of security of the Hive.**_

_ John thinks that you had a problem with him. Did you?_

_ **Did you detect a feeling of objection to his presence?**_

"Heather!" John called; his annoying suggested that he'd been calling me for a little while.

"Sorry," I said injecting a touch of embarrassment into my tone, "I guess I was daydreaming... Todd looked well, don't you think?" I directed the question to Jen, knowing she would have been watching him when I couldn't. And knowing I could count on her to gush and cover my half listening.

"He never stopped looking at you." Jen said with a secretive little smile, "Not even for a second."

John rolled his eyes, "Once we return to base, you should go straight into Woolsey to report. We send the transmission to Earth in five hours... You'll need the written report to be completed before then."

I smiled and, taking a tablet from Rodney, started imputing my report for transmission. "Good." _Why don't you like my grandfather's security chef?_

_ **I have no issue with him. Your humans expect rival hives to object to working together. **_

_ You want to prove to them that my grandfather isn't working with you. So when he doesn't object to us... you think John and the others will care?_

**_Your friends will be in a... difficult situation. I am giving them every reason to trust your judgment._**

_Jen knows that there is something between us you know... she's worried for me, but she's accepted it. _

_ **It is not over yet, Heather.**_

****_I know._ Staying silent for a bit, I was content to feel his comforting presence in my mind. He was like a ghost who haunted me with his love. When the report was mostly done, I felt his desire to understand my feelings while he'd been gone from my mind. I hesitated, fretting that my desire to show him was more about revenge than healing.

**_ Please Dilectissima... It is not revenge if I ask._**

_Isn't it?_

_ **We must be honest with each other, Dilectissima.**_

****I felt my anger flare a bit at that. _I've been nothing but honest with you, Commander. _Opening my mind, I felt him start to drift through my memories as well as my feelings. He didn't push to enter any memories I would consider private and instead concentrated on feelings and the memories they evoked. Every time he came across a moment of doubt and pain, I felt his sorrow. I didn't keep him from those bits and pieces though a part of me felt guilt for admitting it to him. My guilt was stopped short by a revelation: _You did it again, didn't you? Angered me so I'd give you what you wanted._

**_Did I? _**Skimming his thoughts, I was sure he believed himself to be fully justified**_. _**It was like a game of cat and mouse to him. Part of life. He didn't think that manipulating someone was wrong.****

****Even as I felt livid with him for manipulating me, I stopped to consider his answering confidence that his actions were correct. _Wait a second... Is this how you were raised? This is the wraith way... manipulate actions and strengthen your position. This is normal to you..._

_ **It is the way of the world. Even on your world.**_

****_Perhaps for some, but as humans we hope to do better for our children. Give them a better world when we leave it... you don't create a better world by manipulation._

**_ A commander only has very limited options when needed to convince his queen of her proper course. It is a necessary part of live, Heather. It is done for a Queens and the Hive's best interest, so it is not wrong. _**

****_You talk about what you believe is correct Todd, you don't trick her._

_ **Queens are not like...**_

****_Is this what you'll teach our children!_

Todd's piercing joy was like the cold water shock of going into the ocean in the dead of winter. **_You intend to have my young? You would allow me to teach our children? _**

_ I don't know if it's possible. I want to... If you want, I mean... I assume we can since my grandparents did... And I can't raise them on my own, I mean... I don't know anything about wraith children but any children of yours I'm guessing will be a hand full. _I rapidly answered, wondering at his reaction.

**_You honor me, Dilectissima. My Queen. _**His sexual need mounted. I was starting to get the handle of his emotions when it came to lust. He went from a normal level of 10 to 10 million in milliseconds, but unlike before, I'd learned to hear it in the husky timber of his voice and prepare myself for the inferno of emotion. Even in my head with him a thousand miles away, I knew his physical reaction looked something like rage and I was concerned at once that some wraith woman would think his need was related them**_._** His feelings were as attuned to mine as I was to his:**_ My Queen is across the galaxy from me Heather. No one will fill my need but you._**

_You know I want to be your wife... why would you think I wouldn't want to bare your children?_

_ **As Queen, you may take anyone as a mate. **_

**_ That's ridiculous... I only want you. _**His answering need went up by a few million more and I smiled. _Todd, why is it so shocking to you that I'd want us to have children together?_

**** I could feel his reluctance to continue. **_You will think the wraith way barbaric. It assures strength and is best for the hive._**

_ Tell me._

_ **It is something better spoken about in person. **_

_ You can't start a conversation like this and then stop! I'm not going to judge it, okay... but don't leave me here imagining the worst. _

_ **Very well. Wraith children are brought up to rule as their parents do. A hive is not given over to a daughter; instead it is taken when she deems it best for the hive. A son takes his father's place when the queen deems it time.** **To make sure they are prepared for this... transition, Queens raise the royal young away from the commander and teach them as they see fit. **_

_They'll kill us one day. And here I thought I'd imagine worst things than the truth._ Even as I said it, I realized that he wasn't telling me the whole truth: _But your mother and my grandfather's mother... the Queen mothers... They're still alive?_

**_They are. It cannot be explained. When you meet them, you will understand. _**

****_So, if we have children, one day they will kill us?_ I couldn't imagine a universe without him. _When you die, I'll beg our daughter to take my place... I don't think I can do this without you._

**_ It is the way of things, Heather. It assures our races survival, our children's survival. Lal felt as you do. There is precedence Heather. .. a hive can be created for our children._**

****_With one of us as the brain of the hive?_

**_ He smiled. Not if you don't wish it. The Queen mothers' will be able to help you cause our children's coronation to come to pass without our deaths. _**

_That's the most information I'll get out of you about that... isn't it?_

_ **Yes.**_

****_So I better not get pregnant anytime soon. _My mind flashed to an episode of TV I'd watched where aliens impregnated a man because he stuck his hands in a bowl of rice_. _

At that picture, Todd's confusion was strangely comforting: **_Our method of procreation will be familiar to you, Dilectissima. It will not be so... _**

_Stupid? _Sharing a laugh with him, I finished the report. Watching as Rodney transmitted my report to Atlantis, I asked: _Queens don't take their children from the hive... just from the commander? So... You never knew your father?_

**_ I knew him briefly._**

****_When you took the hive from him, you mean._

_ **No... he died when I was young. His second took his place in my thirtieth year of life. **_

_ What happened?_

_ **I was never told. I did not see the second again until I took his place. **_

_I want our children to know you._

His amusement matched his lust. **_We are not even married yet, Heather. As far as I am aware we must marry before you will allow us to create children. Let us complete the treaty prior to arguing about child rearing. _**

_Okay, I guess we have enough to argue about on that front to keep us busy for a while. _I could feel his amusement as well as his pride in my constant nip picking on wording. It was odd. His acceptance of my doubt was wholehearted but it didn't seem to bother him. _It bothered him before, so what's changed? _Realizing he'd hear that thought as well as the flippant remark I intended, I added: _That was a rhetorical question._

_ **I know Dilectissima. The bigger question lies in your comfort level with the answer.**_

****Laying my head back against the headrest, I thought: _It's okay now because my actions are more... wraith like. Right?_

**_It is interesting to me that you think that I do not accept your human emotions. _**

_I know you accept it, but you don't like it. It bothers you._

_ **Your mistrust of yourself bothers me. Your human emotions are not the issue. Wraith emotions are not that unlike yours, after all. But, as Queen you must be confident in your actions and your commander. **_

****_I'm getting more comfortable with all of this. And I know you are a good commander, I've seen it in the reports I've read..._

_ **The reports. Lovely.**_

I could feel his annoyance and knew he'd be changing the subject soon. He felt that my appreciation of his command wouldn't come until he'd gotten me on his Hive. I could feel how absolute that need was but, for once, no part of me really wanted to give into that need. Being on a hive was too risky and too reckless. Even if a small part of me wanted to see a Hive, the reports knocked down that desire with cold hard facts of doom for humans.

_Cold hard facts. Speaking of which, tell me the truth: What did my grandfather say anything about me_?

**_He had much to say about you._**

****_Like? _Asking it, I realized that it wasn't amusement that I sensed from him, he was uncomfortable. Extremely uncomfortable. _What's wrong?_

_ ** It is... complicated. But, he is quite proud of you, Heather. **_

_ Complicated? So, how didn't I live up to his expectations? _I could feel the overflow of Todd's anger battling with annoyance at that question.

**_ Your trust in yourself is sometimes so lacking... it is upsetting. He is proud Heather: to see you so ready for your position and so accepting of it; To know that the agreement is about to be completed; that the wraith will once again be united._**

_ Why do you feel so uncomfortable then?_

_ ** It is complicated. **_

****_Life is complicated. Tell me what's going on._

_ **Life is not complicated yet, Heather. That is what you do not yet understand. You assume that everything will be easy. I have worked with your people for many years... I assure you, it will not be easy. Their love of you will encourage their rage and their resolve. **_

****_So, it will take some time before... Oh... I see. _John and Woolsey would do everything in their power to rescue me from my wraith captor. After all, The President would order them too, not that they'd need much prompting. Ronon would fight to get me back, to save me. He's kill me if he had to... all to save me from my stupidity. Jennifer wouldn't let him, of course, but she and Rodney would assume that I'd been brainwashed; that they needed to save me. If Todd's read of the situation was correct, it would end one way. He'd have to kill them all to keep me. _And then... Then what? Will I be okay with it? Will I hate you? _

** _ I do not know._**_ **Let us not dwell on it now. You must rest, Dilectissima.**_

****_Like that's possible, now. _He's answering mental grunt, helped me to smile a bit: _I'm sure we'll come up with something._

_ **It is my job to protect you from all pain, Dilectissima... I will not fail you. Let it be my burden alone.**_

****_For now, Commander. _Hours later, I woke up as John was landing the jumper in Atlantis_. _I noticed Lt. Hubbel standing a bit away from our jumper. While everyone disembarked, I watched Lt. Hubbel as his eyes followed Ronon. When Ronon stomped past him to the transporter, it was clear that fury was Ronon's best friend right now. I couldn't tell if Ronon's anger was all directed at me or just most of it, but Hubbel's body language screamed that he objected to Ronon's attitude. Lt. Hubbel face darkened and his hands landed on his hips as he shook his head in exasperation over some comment Ronon made. _Since when aren't they getting along? _ I saw John speak briefly to Lt. Hubbel before he too left the jumper bay. Lt. Hubbel answer to John was punctuated with a salute. _John' interact seemed normal while Ronon's was not... okay, what am I missing? John's not any happier with my actions than Ronon. What's going on? _

I heard Jen's placating tone and started to listen into her and Rodney's conversation. As always, Rodney was lobbying for a trip to the Caf and Jen was willing to indulge him. There was a pause in the conversation and, as they both turned to me, I found myself declining their invitation saying I wanted to rest up in my quarters for a bit. Walking out of the jumper and past Lt. Hubbel, I was surprised that he kept pace with me as I made my way to the transporter: "Heather, how are you?"

"Good. Thank you."

"I... I was wondering...You feel like meeting me for dinner later?"

I felt my eyebrow lift in surprise. _What! _Willing myself to keep walking at the same pace as before, I calming answered, "I'm really tired Michael."

"Well then, it's better if I come with it to your quarters later... you need to eat Heather."

I didn't need to feel Todd's presence in my mind to know he'd already started to pay attention to my emotional state. My mental cry of alarm before pulled his interest and I could feel his anger mounting. "Lt. Hubbel, that is not necessary. Thank you for your... concern, but I am not hungry. Really."

"Heather..."

"No... Lieutenant." Stopping, I turned towards him: "The offer is much appreciated, but it is not..." _Appropriate... proper... needed... "_a good idea. You know my feelings for Todd..."

"I know." He continued, "All I'm asking for is dinner with you."

Major Evan Lorne stepped up just then. Nodding to each of us: "Lieutenant Hubbel. Heather," he continued, "Mr. Woolsey would like some calcification on some points... now."

"Of course," I responded and, saying nothing more to Lt. Hubbel, I followed Lorne to the transporter.

Once we were in and the door closed, he looked over at me, "You okay?"

"Of course." I went to press the area for the Gate room.

"Heather..." Evan cautioned as he stilled my hand, "Um... Woolsey doesn't need to talk to you... the report you sent was fine from what I heard..."

Turning around to him, I started, "But, you said..."

"I know... You...You looked like you needed a rescue."

Sighing, I smiled sadly, "Yea... I guess I did... He... I think he was asking me on a date."

"Oh!" He looked back at the control panel and he pushed the tower where my quarters were. "Oh."

_ No instantaneous travel here, Atlantis! _I smiled as it started to glide to our destination."Oh what?" I probed.

Evan looked uncomfortable as he answered, "It's just that... you see..." Sighing, he tried again, "Look, I'll just say this: He's a good guy."

Arching my brow, I kept my tone light as I answered: "He's not my guy."

"By your guy, you mean he's not green and life sucking."

"From what I have seen, all guys are life sucking. To some degree."

The doors opened as Lorne commented, "Can't argue with you there."

_Odd. _I asked, "So, you walking me to my room?"

"If you want..." He responded, "Though I can only save you from lovesick men once a day, so we better not meet anymore of your admirers."

"Hmm." I replied, seemingly thinking about it, "I think we should be safe here." He smiled and gestured grandly as if inviting me to precede him into a ball.

"Very well, my lady." Reaching for my arm, he held my hand in the crook of his elbow. Without further comment other than a low voiced joke: "Watch the zombie!" to warn me away from a half asleep scientist weaving back to his room, Lorne's off work hours behavior was funny and welcomed. As we walked down the hall, I wished I'd spent more time with him earlier. He seemed comfortable with the silence and, as it stretched between us, I realized I was comfortable too. It was nice to not have to worry over every word and try to plan every detail.

_My comfort looks to be short-lived._ As my door started to come into sight, I waited for Todd's apprehension. Even before I knew his preference for less me-to-male contact, I'd always felt a little confused about platonic door-drop-off etiquette. Turning towards Evan, I saw his growing apprehension as he too looked towards the door. Just as he turned to say something to me, our eyes locked. I'd seen the reports where he went again wraith and knew he'd fought in countless wars. He hadn't seemed scared in the pictures I'd seen or the stories I heard. But, now I could see real fear growing in his eyes. _He's afraid of me._ The preposterous thought made me laugh out loud, "Lorne, why do you look like..." Todd's calmness combined with Lorne's fear and I closed my eyes in understanding: "Evan... You're gay, aren't you?" His fear subsided for a second and then his anger blazed on his face.

"Heather..."

_Don't ask, don't tell... _"I didn't mean that... I mean... I... I know you can't... I wouldn't want to make anything difficult for you; I just wanted you to know that... I wasn't thinking of you like that... That's all. Nothing to tell here, okay? I promise."

He looked uncomfortable for a second longer and then he gruffly nodded, "I...Thanks." Continuing down the hallway to my door, I saw him look over at me a few times more without saying anything.

"Now what's up?"

He didn't answer for a few minutes. Coming up to my door, he looked at me again and opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again, "I need you to be honest, Heather." At my nod, he continued, "How did you..."

"Oh!" Looking down for a moment at my feet, I considered my answer: "No one else suspects... It's just that... Well, I didn't until a moment ago and then it all clicked. I mean... this whole time, Todd never objected to you. I mean when I'm just you know acting like a normal human, Todd's reaction to every other man who comes near me... Todd doesn't like men touching me, even for a handshake, but when you took my arm... nothing: Todd's wasn't worried for a second that you were going to make a pass at me."

His confusion played across his face: "How would Todd know?"

"I don't know."_That's a valid point. How did you know? _

**_I can read human desire, my love. It is exposed in every mannerism: in ever action and reaction. Watching humans has been a fascinating experience, Dilectissima_**.

****"Ask him."

Surprised to feel my rage flare at the obvious answer, I asked: _He desired you?_

His pride and laughter echoed through my mind. **_I am yours alone my love. Jealousy is becoming, but unnecessary my Queen. He desire is directed towards Lt. Hubbel and as he was my guard... _**

****"Lt. Hubbel!" I repeated, shocked.

At my outburst, Lorne looked chagrined: "Damn it."

_Does anyone else know?_

_ **Why does it matter?**_

****_It does. Please Todd, does anymore else know? _At Todd's negative, I tried to reassure Lorne: "Todd said you hid it well, Evan... No one else suspects." _You thought it might come in handy one day, didn't you? Kill Hubbel to distract Lorne. _Todd's amusement at my assumptions came across our link loud and clear. He wasn't denying my assumptions, just was honestly amused at my disapproval.

"No one can know Heather."

"I won't say anything." We continued to my door. Down the hall from us a door opened and one of the other Lieutenants walk out of his room. Knowing he'd have to walk past my door to get to the transporter, I turned to say good night.

"Look... if you need someone to talk to... You know where I am right?"

Smiling at him, I nodded, "I appreciate that. Good night, Evan."

"Goodnight Heather."

Jan 1, 2011 : Thank you all for your comments. It is amazing to see how many people have marked this as a favorite story. Thank you SO much! I am already hard at work on the next chapter and I will post it as soon as I am happy with it.

Please note I have updated the chapters as I realized I uploaded an older version. Nothing has changed in the storyline, but some basic mistakes were cleaned up.

Thank you again for your support and Happy New Year to everyone!


	14. Chapter 12  Part 1

Jan 2, 2011:

Once again, I have updated the chapters as I realized I uploaded an older version. Nothing has changed in the storyline, but some basic mistakes were cleaned up. Thank you all for your comments. It is amazing to see how many people have marked this as a favorite story. Thank you SO much!

This one is a short one (10 pages), but the next ones are goodies. I am already hard at work on the next chapter and will post it as soon as I am happy with it.

Thank you again for your support and happy new year to everyone!

_**Chapter 12**_

:: Beep, Beep::

My iPod's thirty minute warning confirmed my feelings of urgency but didn't help solve the problem. Just like staring at the empty computer screen for the hundredth time didn't inspire a letter to Billy to flow onto the page. I had come up with letters to my parents, my godfather, and other friends; but, Billy's letter just wouldn't come. Sighing, I sat back in my chair and rubbed my temples. _I have to get this done before we head off. _

Looking over at the print out of the email I'd sent to my parents, it struck me how short it was compared to my childhood overnight camp letters or college emails. I'd told them I was fine, I had friends, and I was enjoying my mission without giving away that I was dealing with space vampires. They had no clue I could die out here, be kidnapped or otherwise ruin the rest of my life. I couldn't even tell them about most of the positive current events. Sure, I'd written a ten page email. Once I deleted all of the observations about the grandfather they'd never meet and my husband they'd never know, I was left with one page that would be allowed to be read by them. I'd mentioned all my human's friends but without the wraith; events it seemed less wonderful.

Sighing, I toggled over to my email to the White House. I'd decided to write a casual email to godfather a.k.a. Mr. President even though he'd already gotten my formal report. I'd penned a page to send to him, letting him know that I was happy I was in Pegasus and thanking him again for his allowing me to serve our country. I allowed myself to include some extra observation about my grandfather that hadn't been in my formal report. Reading it again, I smiled:

_Even though they aren't from the same hive, Todd and my grandfather seem to be trying to get _

_along, for my sake. By the way, it's odd: my dad's walk is quite similar to my wraith grandfather's. _

_Added bonus is that my grandfather is nice and over protective, just like my dad. I think they'd get_

_along well. I couldn't say this before with all the military types around, but I know you liked Todd _

_when you meet him or you wouldn't have let me come out here. Frank, I know this is the right_

_choice for me and I think it will be the right choice for Earth too. Don't worry, I won't go to any_

_dinner parties with them._

_ Good enough. _Sending all of my emails, I got up from my desk and walked over to my closet. Feeling like I was entitled to allow myself some Earthling levity, I pulled out a simple white long sundress and started braiding my hair.

Twenty minutes later, I headed for the transporter to join John and the others in the jumper bay. "I'm telling you, John," Rodney was speaking to John but he was facing away from the door and hadn't seen me come in yet. He continued, "I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Hey, I agree with you. You try convincing her to stay behind." John replied.

With her hands on her hips, Jennifer reminded them, "Guys', she's handling this entire situation quite well. I agree she takes risks I would rather her not, but she hasn't been wrong yet. And her grandfather seems to be looking out for her..."

"He's a wraith, Jen! We can't trust him to really be on our side..."

"Perhaps, he is not on our side but he can still be on hers." Teyla amended, "If she really is Queen and his granddaughter..."

"That's a big if," Lt. Hubbel commented.

"I ran the tests myself, Lieutenant. He is her grandfather."

"Tests can be wrong." Ronon quietly reminded them.

"DNA does not lie, Ronon."

Squaring my shoulders, I called, "My grandmother agrees with the DNA, as do I. Enough... Let's depart..." Teyla, Jen, and Rodney all looked guilt for having been caught talking about me behind my back. I didn't blame any of them of course, but it seemed wrong to inform them of that when they looked so guilty, so I continued purposely walking towards the jumper. Rodney's eyes seemed to rapidly expand in an unhealthy way as I stepped into the light. _My outfit and hair has been revealed undoubtedly._ Realizing that what I took to be a cute joke for my own amusement would serve to make me more childish in their eyes, I cursed myself for my stupidity. _It's too late to change now. Move on._

Rodney recovered first. With a goofy grin on his face, he came up the ramp and joined me in the front of the ship. "Sorry about that."

"I understand, Rodney."

"Ummm... so... I think your outfit looks really good on you... very senate worthy."

"Right."

Jen joined us in the forward section, "Rodney, leave her alone."

"I'm serious! I think it looks good as long as she realizes that the coolness will be lost of the wraith. "

"Oh, I wouldn't say that, "Jen said with a smile, "The dress really looks good... I bet he doesn't even notice her hair is different."

"Jen, he's not going to get the symbolism of her hair style. Nor will he understand the Imperial Senate tie-in or..."

"Enough Rodney," John said as he entered the cabin and sat in the pilot's chair. "I'm starting up. Start pre-flight." Rodney turned to his pad and they went through checking the systems.

As Jen finished up the report she was typing, I watched as Lt. Hubbel quietly walked in with Ronon. Neither of them came to the front to join us. I hadn't seen Lt. Hubbel for the past two days; I'd been avoiding him. The few times I'd seen him in the cafeteria I'd been with Jen, Teyla, Lorne, Rodney or a combination of them. He wasn't happy with me. _Maybe he thought Todd wasn't the only reason I hung around him so much. _I felt bad about avoiding him, but he hadn't given me much choice. He's been emailing me to hang out all of the sudden. He had to realize how obvious he was being; Evan didn't get it either. I'd spoken to him about it a few times and he was just as puzzled. Between Lorne, Jen, and Rodney I'd had fun for the past two days. I'd realized that there were several good reasons to expand my friend base, more people to come with me while I was working. I'd spent so much time with Lorne lately that I'd convinced John to let him come with us. Looking around, I realized he was missing. "John," I asked, "Where's Evan?"

"He's coming." John answered, "He'll be here before I seal the shuttle, don't worry."

Jen took the opportunity to hand me interesting simulations Rodney had run on the power of my ancient/wraith genes. I felt real relieve that though both gene's were powerful, Atlantis recognized me as an ancient and gave me priority. We'd tossed the idea around at dinner the night before and Rodney it seemed had been intrigued enough to check. It was weird. Jen showed me data that proved that Atlantis had reacted to my wishes on numerous occasions. Doors were opened in reaction to my thoughts. The hologram room incidents. Rodney proved that Atlantis really had activated security periodicals on its own when the Genii were trying to break the door down to Todd's cell. Rodney had found proof that it recognized my fear and acted to protect me. It opened doors to get me to Todd even though I didn't have the security clearance in the system. Though it kept a record of its actions, Atlantis found a way around all the periodicals that Rodney had imputed.

Remembering Atlantis's reaction to the Ancient's returning, I asked: "But the thing in the Gate room, doesn't respond to me... if it recognizes me as an Ancient..."

"Ah, silly me." Rodney questioned, "So, you tried to shut us all down?"

"No, of course not!"

With a roll of his eyes, Rodney answered: "Well, maybe that's why that console hasn't appeared for you. Now, if you pardon me, I have work to do."

As he went back to his tablet, Jen mimicked playing a pinky sized violin. Evan walked in just in time to see Jen's impression. "What is Rodney whining about now?" He asked.

"Oh for... I am not whining!"

Evan laughed. John turned around, "Come on people, we are ready to go here."

"Yes, Sir." Lorne replied, taking a seat. With that said, everyone sat down in their seats for takeoff and we were on the move again.

Choosing to make it a point to talk to those in the jumper rather than to Todd through our mind link was something I shared with him as soon as I communicated to him that we were underway. My grandfather's flash of pride in my choice concerned me and Lal's assurances of my choice in Todd seemed less steady with each of his actions. My mental questions to my grandfather went unanswered. John's comment about Ancients being wrong 99% of the time flashed through my mind. Neither Todd nor my grandfather responded to the thought. _I am able to block off a corner of my mind, from both of them. Maybe. _"So, Rodney honestly... do you think I should take my hair down?"

"It looks a ton better on you than it did on her... but I don't know... It's kind of hard to look at you like that and not... laugh... a little."

Lorne shook his head, "You don't laugh to Darth Vader's daughter Rodney... that's not a good idea."

"Wait... he has a daughter too? When did that happen" Teyla asked.

"You remember the movie Teyla," Rodney answered, "Return of the Jedi. Kenobi tells Luke and Luke tells Leia at the Ewok camp..."

"Rodney plays episodes 4, 5, or 6 at least every four months on movie night." Jen told me.

"It's not my fault that Lucas was smart enough to give the military the rights to play it on bases whenever they want. I'm just making sure your government got its money worth!"

"As a tax payer, I thank you Rodney." I said smirking.

"You're wel... You're making fun of me, aren't you?"

"Oh yea."

"Have you looked at your hair lately?" Jen smacked Rodney arm. "All I'm saying is well, not who she should be emulating..."

"Emulating..." _Leia... part of the rebel alliance and a traitor to the Empire... Oh. _"Well, I wasn't thinking of it that way!"

Rodney gave a tight smile, as he replied: "I should hope not."

Lorne sighed, "Rodney. The girl isn't as big a nerd as you, I'm sure that never entered her mind."

"No, it didn't cross my mind." I said as I started to take down my hair, "But, it should have."

"We aren't the empire Heather." Evan reminded me.

"No." _Not the Empire yet. It's all shades of gray anyway. _

_** Who is this Empire, you speak of?**_

_ A movie, Todd. Nothing more._ As I brushed out my hair, I shivered. The puddle jumper is climate controlled and I'd felt a chill that couldn't possibly exist. _Unless..._ "Is there anything wrong?"

"No," John answered, "Why?"

"I... it feels a bit cold in here." I said wrapping my arms around my chest. John pulled up the proper screen and Rodney confirmed that nothing seemed to be odd. No one else admitted to feeling cold, but me. "It must be me then..." I saw Jen's head whip around and the doctor look came to her eyes. _Great._

_** Are you alright**_ _**Dilectissima**_?

_ I think I'm coming down with something... a cold maybe. Nothing to worry about._

_** A Cold? You are unwell. Can Jennifer Keller not heal you?**_

_ Human's get colds all the time Todd. It's not a big deal. Really. _He concern didn't seem to lessen, instead I felt it rising. _Todd, really! It might not even be a cold, it might just be nothing. Please stop worrying. _

Rodney moved slightly away from me, angling himself as to avoid the germs, while Jen moved to get her medical bag. "Anything else bothering you?" She asked.

"No." I answered resigning myself to going through the drill. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"Heather, if you are sick we aren't going to continue on... you need to be resting."

"Please. I've gone to work with 104 degree temperatures before Jen, I'm fine."

Jen's eyes narrowed, "When the hell did you do something so stupid?"

"I run high temperatures when I'm sick... that's like 99 degrees to me. In college, I got a perfect score on a test with a temperature of 103.5." I said as she stuck the thermometer in my ear. Seconds later it beeped, and as she looked at it I knew it was normal.

"Normal. She's fine." She said to John. As she took her seat, she continued: "Heather, if you feel the slightest bit off you need to tell me."

"Ah huh." I said noncommittally, knowing I'd have to be half dead before I'd say anything._ Jen checked me out and I'm fine. You can stop worrying now._

_** I sensed your thoughts my dear. If you will not protect yourself, you leave me no choice. I will monitor you, and if your condition changes, I will stop the negotiations. Because of your bloodlines, I understand that you have a higher tolerance than most other humans. But, we cannot proceed if you are feeling unwell.**_

Knowing it was pointless to argue with either of them, I bit my tongue and didn't reply. Instead I pulled out my iPod intending to drown out both pessimistic voices with music. I saw Jen roll her eyes as I put in the ear buds. _You won't sense anything amiss because I really am fine._ Todd's mental projection of his total disbelief was no less childish than Jen's eye roll. Smiling to myself, I continued: _If I was sick enough that it was compromising me I wouldn't risk Earth. _

_** See that you do not. You must remember that the alliance depends on you alone to be completed. **_

_ Trust me Todd, I remember than constantly. _Turning on the music, I laughed out loud when Rod Stewart's Forever Young started right up. "Sorry," I sheepishly told Jen, "Forever Young started up and... well you know who gave that to me." She smiled and nodded. I heard Rodney's question. He didn't like being out of the loop even if it was a childhood story. Knowing Jen would explain it to him; I kept silent and listened in as she fielded the questions for me.

"Every year on her birthday at noon, Billy pays someone at the local radio station to play Rod Stewart's Forever Young dedicated to her. He's been doing it since it came out." Jen told him.

"You're kidding?" Rodney asked.

"Nope. It came out when she was seven and he still does it now... though... I guess she'll miss it this year."

_ I hadn't even thought about that. Oh my god, it's my birthday tomorrow. I completely forgot. _

"Forever Young... Isn't that the one with the court case?" John asked over his shoulder.

"Yep," Jen confirmed sounding impressed. "I didn't realize you were a fan John." Looking at Teyla, she explained: "There was some question if the song's lyrics were copied from someone else's work but it was straightened out." As the conversation turned to an explanation on sharing royalties and copyright law, I tuned them out.

_ Todd, do Wraith celebrate births?_

_** They do. Why do you wish to ignore your birthday?**_

_ I'm thirty. I'm too old to bother with it. _

_** A queen at thirty years is required to celebrate; she is finally ready to take her husband. **_

I didn't answer him right away. I felt every muscle in my body tense and every fiber of my being felt alive with my anger. Trying to take a few steadying breaths, I worked to harness my suspicions. _Todd, how did you know I'd turn thirty this year?_

_** I did not know Dilectissima. You're people brought me to your world; I had no idea that you'd even been born yet. The contract with your grandmother allowed for my wife to have thirty years before she was bound to do her duty. I willingly admit: I decided you must come back to Pegasus with Atlantis when I realized who you were. **_I knew he felt my surprise.

Y_ou broke the contract. _

_** Nothing in the contract prevented you from traveling to Pegasus before your thirtieth year. **_

_ You know full well that I feel duty bound and I'm still not thirty!_

_** You wish for this as much as I do. You've allowed your own thoughts to bind you. I have done, nor said, nothing that would break the contract, my Queen.**_

_ Semantics!_ I know I was arguing a losing battle with him, he was right technically. Now I could see that he'd been careful in how he dealt with me. But, that only proved the knife's edge that he was walking: _You knew you were on the line, you just made sure not to cross it._

_** Yes, my Queen. **_

He honestly believed that what he did hadn't been wrong, only necessary. He was right: if things hadn't played out as they had, I couldn't see a way I would have gotten here or met him. _Just because you saw no other way, it doesn't make it alright. Do you understand that?_

_** Even if there had been another way, I would not have changed my actions. I did what was necessary for our people. You are my **__**Dilectissima and I am yours. Even after the contract is in full effect, I will not force you Heather. But, I couldn't resist the possibilities open to us when the alliance to come to fruition.**__** I did what was necessary.**_

_ You did what you had to so that you could regain your position. When I still hadn't appeared after 10,000 years and you got yourself captured by the Genii, you lost your place. With me here, intend to take your place as leader of all Wraith._

_** We will lead as Queen and Commander: Together. **_

_ Commander, doesn't it bother you how you've... played me?_

_** I have not lied to you Heather. You are my **__**Dilectissima, my soul mate. I have done everything to assure your rule as Queen. **_

_ My grandfather doesn't like how you've played me though. His concern is more than acting for the benefit of John and Ronan. There is something I'm still missing._

_** Every action I take is for your benefit, my Queen. You must trust that.**_

_ God, I can even pickup where you're sidestepping me but I can't figure out what I am missing. This is so annoying. _"John, would it be okay if I fly for a while?"

Scrunching up his face in his confusion, he asked: "Why?"

"Sometimes to de-stress I drive." I answered getting up and walking over to stand next to his chair. Setting my lips into a cute pout, I continued, "I don't have a car, so I want to fly the damn jumper. Come on, move."

"What are you stressed about?" He asked as he looked up at me.

"I have several puzzles that are upsetting me. You try negotiating with beings who knew your great-great-great grandmother." Laying my head on his shoulder, I continued: "Please John." Todd's mental roar of anger was enough to rattle my teeth. I felt it reverberate through my mind and my answering rage flashed right back at him. _It is my right as Queen, is it not? It is not fun to be manipulated Commander, is it?_

"If you'd just let us kill him, he wouldn't trouble you so." John answered.

_** My actions are for the betterment of our people.**_

_ John would certainly be more likely to do as I wish if I were to..._

_** Do. Not. Suggest. Such. A. Thing. You are mine.**_

"Oh John, killing him would be a whole new kind of trouble." I said, dropping the pretence of flirting completely. "Come on, let me drive."

He laughed, "Not a chance. We're a half hour from the planet anyway... unless your boyfriend's told you something I should know?"

My fear spiked at that comment and I opened my month to stammer some lie when I realized he was joking. John's jab was left hanging a second longer before I calmed enough to reply, "Nothing coming through on the Wraith psychic network but elevator music." He lifted his eyebrow at that, but didn't comment. Turning to walk back to my seat, my leg accidently hit the back of his chair, hard, and he inhaled obviously startled. "Oh, sorry John." I said with a small smirk.

"Wonderful girl." He said looking over at Rodney, "Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her." Rodney didn't bother hiding his laughter and soon the rest of us joined him.

Twenty minutes later, we touched down for our meeting. Calmly waiting in the jumper for the military people to finish their security sweep, Jen quietly asked: "So, what was that about before?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you dare, I know you far too well Heather. You never do sex kitten for no reason. You barely do it when you have a reason. You were proving a point to someone... what did Todd do?"

"He didn't do _anything_," I stressed, "Sometimes... he just gets me so annoyed... I... I wanted to annoy him. He's sure of our relationship, but I think... it's almost like he's insecure. So, I used it against him. Lord knows John doesn't mind."

"How was Todd annoying you?"

"He's hiding something from me."

"Something bad?" Jen asked concerned.

"I don't think so... it... it doesn't feel bad... it doesn't feel like it even involves Earth... it's more of a wraith issue. I don't know if I can explain it." I could tell by her face that I better try to explain, "I think when he made sure I returned with you guys he set something in motion. He's trying to get back into power again."

"Heather, he's always trying to get back into power. That's what Todd does. That's what Wraith do. It's their favorite pastime."

"My grandfather isn't happy with how he's going about it."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No. It's a feeling I have."

"Have you tried to speak to your grandfather through the mind link?"

"I..." Pausing, I realized I hadn't. As my head dropped down into my hands, I commented: "God, I am an idiot."

Jen laughed, "You are not. You have a lot on your mind. Try talking to him now, I'll leave you alone for a bit." Moving to grab my iPod on her way back to her sit, she put the ear buds in and walked off.

_ Grandfather?_ I called. I could sense him just outside the jumper, but he didn't answer. I could even feel his happiness at my nearness this time. Though he wasn't answering, it seemed I could get more of a reading of him. Much more. He was proud of his hive and proud of his queen. His men trusted him without question. The weirdest part of this free market link was the clarity on their feelings about me. There was no doubt at all in their minds: I was Queen and my word was their law. I could feel their relief at my mental presence. I could feel their desire to see me in person. I could feel my hive just over the planet. Waiting. _I could feel my hive just over the planet. Waiting._ _What the hell? _With no more thought than that, I ran from the puddle jumper and made a beeline for John who was standing a little away from Todd. "John! John!" I called, "It's a..."

Tune in next time! :)


	15. Chapter 12 Part 2

Thank you to everyone that has reviewed. I hope you enjoy this next installment.

* * *

_** Do not be alarmed, Heather. You are safe. **_

My first sensation should have set my heart racing. But, my heart didn't seem to exist anymore. Being able to still feel but not being able to feel my body was more than confusing. It was terrifying. There was nothing to see; I didn't know if my eyes were closed or open. I didn't have eyes anymore. It was like being in the first millisecond of waking up without the grateful rush of complete consciousness upon awakening. Even with the calming voice telling me that I was safe, panicking seemed quite reasonable. It didn't matter that I recognized the voice as the Wraith who was my grandfather. I was not safe. It all was a lie. Whatever they were doing, it wasn't going to be alright. Even in my fear, I felt sure of two things: they had played me and they had betrayed me. My grandfather tried to continue assuring me that everything was going to be fine. I heard him saying that they were taking me to my hive and I'd be rematerialized soon. The lie felt worse than the pain of death that I know is coming.

_** Granddaughter, happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.**_

_ Dumbledore isn't going to comfort me, you son of a_... In the protected portion of my brain, I prayed vehemently that I was the only one captured and that rest of the team had escaped. It wasn't because I needed a rescue. I didn't deserve one. But, my greatest fear had always been that my failure could compromise more than just my own life. _They had to have escaped._ I was looking right at John yet I couldn't remember if I'd seen him captured too. I remembered the blue light and my body's feeling of being shut down. I didn't know what happened to anyone else. It didn't matter because they had to be safe. _Don't come after me. Don't play into their trap. I'm so sorry. Don't come after me. Don't play into their trap. I am a fool. Such a fool._ Flashing to a long ago episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, I heard Q's line: _If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you oughtta go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid._

Tears were running down my face. _I can feel my body?_ Opening my eyes, I steeled myself for the worst.

My grandfather stood with his palms held out to the side, facing me. I could see his feeding slit. _**Welcome my Queen. My Granddaughter. **_

Faced Wraith stood waiting silently in rows behind him. No stunners were raised at me. I said nothing to them, to him. Red veined walls, like the ones inside of human hearts, were all around me. The pictures of the hives had prepared me for this, but the fear that should accompany my being here was absent. The faced Wraith radiated their joy through the mind link. It was odd. Their trust in me reminded me of the adamant trust of a child to its mother. Their belief in me burned away the fog that seemed to hold my limps hostage still.

A voice, sounding remarkably like Alan Rickman, flirted through my memory: _Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily - weak people, in other words - they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease... _I didn't bother to wipe away the tears that had streaked down my face; it was too late to stop them or to hide them. No further weakness was an option. _First study the enemy. Seek weakness. _Walking towards my grandfather with slow measured steps, I stayed silent.

My Grandfather emotions were different than the others. His joy was contained by fear. He was afraid of me. Not that I would physically hurt him, that he didn't care about, he's fears centered around my being able to forgive him. Looking at his feet, he addressed my top concerns: _**Your friends are all safe. They have returned to Atlantis after our departure. Later, if you wish, we can send them a message to let them know you are alright. I thought it best for you to leave them without having to betray them, to lie to them. I regret that it was necessary to not warn you of the Dart's arrival. **_

Stopping within his striking distance, I didn't answer him. Addressing the Wraith behind him and to his right, I questioned: _You are my Grandfather's second in command?_

_** Yes, my Queen.**_

I'd never seen him before, of course, but it seemed greeting locations of underlings were universal. _Excellent. _I could feel my slight to my grandfather had been noticed, but I didn't acknowledge it or the crew's joyful feelings. Gathering my thoughts quickly, it seemed prudent to act as if my feelings outranked any of theirs, I continued: _Your hive tracked the Atlantis Puddle Jumper as it gated away safely?_

_** Yes, my Queen.**_ He replied again.

I could feel the truth in his words as I'd felt them earlier from my Grandfather. Forcing myself to stay on target, I forced myself to think only about me. I couldn't allow myself to worry about the jumper and those that had gotten home or not anymore... at least not right now. Pushing the Wraith to see if they would break me, their 'queen', had to be my first priority. To see firsthand, how much was the lie and how much was the truth. _Who am I, Second in Command?_

Every Wraith, except my Grandfather, submissively bowed their heads further as the Second answered: _**You are Queen.**_

_ I am Queen. _I repeated, allowing my anger to boil inside my mind. The hive's darkened room seemed to darkened further. My Grandfather watched me careful. I could feel his respect for me deepening but I could also feel that how I preceded was important. I couldn't tell what he wanted from me; but I read loud and clear that this was a big step in his plans, whatever they were. Pushing my self-doubt to the most protected part of my mind was easy, deciding on my next move was going to be the tricky part. I need privacy to gather my thoughts, but I had to show my dominance. Looking at the Wraith in their lines, I was reminded of my friend Billy's favorite part of Return of the Jedi. Emperor Palpatine's arrival of the second Death Star had the same troop layout. _Second in Command, escort me to the Queen's chambers. Grandfather, follow. _

My grandfather mentally intoned: _**Yes, my Queen. **_

As his second moved to my side, I could feel his pride at being given such an honor. I could feel the other Wraiths' understanding at my treatment of my grandfather. It was unnerving. They seemed to think I was quite proper and strong. It seemed my anger had paid off. I was the ideal queen and savior because I'd rebuked their commander by honoring his second-in-command whom I didn't know. As we walked past the other Wraith, their bows became deeper and they each mental projected the words: _**My Queen**_. I didn't acknowledge them. I could feel my grandfather at my back, all aglow with pride.

Keeping my thoughts private wasn't hard even as I was able to read their thoughts. _Their treatment of me so far seems to confirm my position. Todd's people never treated Teyla as Queen when she'd had the part. So, what do I do now? _Walking, I noticed that the hive itself reacted to my thoughts. In each area, the light levels were raised to a more human like level and then lowering them a few steps after we'd passed. Silently walking with my grandfather and his second for a few minutes, I realized the flaw in my plan: _Oh great, the Queen's chamber could be what we were heard for, or they could be taking me where they store food._ _I had no idea._ Not wanting to ask if we were there yet, I reminded quite. Looking at the alien walls, it was unnerving to feel a sense of Déjà vu that was far more powerful than I'd ever experienced before. _The pictures must have prepared me well._ The longer we walked, the surer I became that we were going to the Queen's Chambers. I could feel the ship now. I could hear it. It's brain had been a Wraith in life, as Todd as explained to me before. The Hive was thrilled to have the Queen on board. Knowing that Wraith did name things but would only reveal their name's to their Hive, I posed a test question: _Hive,_ w_hat is your designation?_

_** Hic qua videeum. My Queen.**_

_ Hic qua videeum? Wait a second... that's Ancient... it... it means the place of our legacy, doesn't it? _

_** Yes.**_ As my grandfather answered, I could feel his love and remembrance: _**Your grandmother named the Hive. Prior to leaving Pegasus 10,000 years ago, the hive was renamed on the occasion of our son's birth. **_

I could feel the hive's confirmation and pride in its name. _Oh. That's sweet... I'm glad. Grandfather, you take a lot of pride in that, don't you? _I could feel my grandfather's second relief at my change of demeanor. He felt happy that my anger was over. Without being told, he slowed to allow my grandfather to walk at my side.

My grandfather's hand briefly touched the small of my back as he answered: _**My son and his descendants have always been a source of pride, my Queen. You, for instance, you have learned much about the Wraith. It is serving you well.**_

Nodding to him in thanks for his praise, there was no small part of me that felt relieved that he thought so. But, the debate on what I should say was locked behind my mental block. My humanity seemed to be demanding that I explain my actions to him, to apologize for my fear and anger when I first materialized and before. My heart wanted to say it. Knowing a Wraith queen wouldn't give an apology nor an explanation, I didn't know what a human Wraith queen should do. _It is different than I thought it would be._

Turning towards me, he smiled. He's long pointed teeth presenting the same terrifyingly funny picture as when Todd did it: _**It was most impressive that as you properly chastised me with every action. You reminded them of your position and aided your protection with your actions. You are, of course, not used to the Wraith way of things and yet... You thrive. **_

_ Can you hear all of my thoughts?_

_** No. You have learned how to protect your thoughts. Though, all on this Hive know your situation, my Queen. We do not need to hear every thought to understand your position**__. __**It is important that you learn how to be Queen here on this Hive.**_ _**On this hive, you do not have to feel like you must hide. Ask your questions. Learn. **_

_ Fine._ _Where is my __Dilectissima, Grandfather?_ The question had been in the back of my mind and I'd fought it for as long as I could. It wasn't a surprise to me that in response to my posing the question, I felt my whole body tense for his answer.

_** He waits for you. You have learned your place in our world, now you must learn how to live. **_He didn't bother to hide his distaste for the question about Todd. Todd had lied, my grandfather clearly didn't approve of him. _**You are Queen by birth, now you must be Queen in practice. **_

_ I see. If you don't approve of your cousin, why did you make the treaty? _

_** My cousin learned his lessons well. His actions are correct, but do not always take others into account. He believes he knows all. Your **__**Dilectissima **__**must not be allowed to... mold you in his own image. As Queen, you must balance him. **_

_ As Lal balanced you. _At his nod, I carefully asked: _You believe his is a good commander and worthy of ruling all Wraith with me? _

_** You are worthy of ruling over our people. You will do well. And he will protect you and love you... I have no doubt granddaughter. **_

Thinking of The Princess Diary's, I replayed a few scene of the movie in my mind for him: Queen Clarisse_ t_eaching Mia how to sit properly, how to wave._ So, you'll be giving me queen classes now? _

_** These things to not make a Queen, Heather. You know that. You will rule this Hive and I will be here to guide you. My **__**Dilectissima**__** had the advantage of commanding a ship before becoming Queen. What you would call her humanity was an assent, one that you possess. You have all the knowledge you need within you; you must only learn to trust it and yourself. **_

His bring up my fellow humans made me realize that we hadn't seen one human here yet. Walking so deeply into the hive, we would come across worshipers sooner or later. Reminding myself that couldn't react to the worshipers negatively when I finally saw them, I hoped I could live up to my own instruction. I didn't know how I felt about them, after all. Todd hadn't wanted to really tell me much about them. What I knew was from Ronan mostly, who wasn't that reliable a source when it came to Wraith love. _I agree that I must_ _learn more about how a hive operates, but why did you take me? _

_** Your time approaches. It is necessary to start training. Your being with your **__**Dilectissima made it impossible to wait any longer.**_

_What do you mean?_ When he didn't answer, I thought to him: _So, I am to be kept in the dark, again? _

_** It will be revealed in time. **_He's mood shifted from talkative to silent. I could tell by the hive's feelings that we were approaching the Queen's chamber. Drones guarding a door down the hall from us seemed to come to attention as we turned the corner. I could feel their excitement.

_** Your Queen approaches! **_The second's mental command was directed down the hall at two drones flanking the doorway. Walking towards them I took the time to really look at their masks. When I'd rematerialized, there had been drones in the room, but I'd concentrated on the faced Wraith. Since the faced ones were higher in the pecking order, it seemed more important to direct my attention to them. I'd seen pictures of drones, but had no interaction with them before. It was surprising to realize that even they interested me. The reports had limited information on them besides the basics and that their masks were grown in the same pod as they were. The mask was ugly but I couldn't stop looking at them. Todd didn't seem to think them worth much time or thought, but looking at them, I felt a strong responsibility for them. They were beings too and I couldn't just discount them as he could: another human failing no doubt.

Reading each drone's thoughts as we walked towards them, I felt uncomfortable that Todd seemed correct: The drones' seemed to have less complicated minds than the faced Wraith. They knew who and what I was. They would die for me. That was about all they cared about: me. Wondering about the Wraith feeding necessities, I looked to see why I didn't feel their hunger right now. Todd always was. My grandfather was a little hungry right now, as was he's second. _These drones have fed recently. Very recently._ _Only hours ago... when their commander had not?_ Arching my eyebrow as I look over at my grandfather, I did hide as I wondered if the drones' recent feeding was to further protect my life-force.

My grandfather answered patiently: _**That is not an issue.**_ _**No Wraith will ever, nor can ever, harm you. **_

His second added: _**Drones who protect Queens are always well fed as they are her last line of defense. **_

_ Oh. Okay. _The door opened at our approach. My grandfather stopped before the doorway as he sent to me that I should precede him. _You know,_ t_hat's what the bad guys say in movies right before the hero gets screwed. _Taking the step across the threshold, I looked around and grasped.

It was not the Queen's chamber I'd seen in pictures. The throne stood looking just as intimidating as I'd imagined. The back of the chair looked like a big leaf and the chair arms looked like bones. Where the leaf stopped, more bones seemed to swirl out of the back of the chair. The floor was misty with swirly patterns in pink and purples. Most of the pictures of queens' quarters I'd seen were more green or greenish blue in color, though Teyla had said that the Primary's room had been pink like this one. Feeling happy I'd gotten pink instead of greenish blue, I felt the ships pride in my happiness. My grandfather and his second followed me into the throne room and the door closed behind them. Looking around in awe, I marveled at how vast this chamber seemed. None of the pictures had made the throne room look this big. It looked big enough to have more than just a hive here. As expected, there was the open space for meetings, but behind the throne was an area cut off from the rest of the room. I couldn't see what was back there but through the organic material I could see that there was a room there. It wasn't just the wall I'd seen in the pictures. Without hesitating, I decided to investigate and started walking towards the cut off area behind the throne. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my grandfather following me at a slower pace. His second remained in front of the throne.

Once around the throne, I saw there was a private area here. Where I'd expected to see a hibernation pod, there was none. The pink organic walls held empty alcoves, like book shelves. In the middle of the room was what looked like a bed with a bone canopy over it. Walking further into the room, I saw an open doorway. _What is this place? _

_** It is your bedroom, Heather. Our hive made it for you. **_

_ It made it for me... A bedroom? _Something that I knew my people had never encountered on any other hive.

_** It seeks to make you comfortable. **_

_ This is insane. You have a bedroom on your hive! Wraith don't even sleep in beds, why would you..._

_** You are queen and you must rest. It knows this so the Hive created this for you.**_

I laughed feeling overwhelmed more than amused. Exploring further, I walked into the doorway I'd seen before. It was the bathroom. There was a toilet, it looked like it was made from stone and not bone thankfully. There was a sink without a faucet. On the other side of the room was a pool of water, I took it to be their version of a tub. Next to the tub was another door that opened as I approached it. There was no mistaking this room's use either, this was my closet: it had drawers as well as compartments in one section, places to hang clothing in another area, and an area with an organic table and stool like a makeup area. It couldn't have been more perfect if I'd designed it myself. _Wow, it's every girls dream. Only organic._

_** It is acceptable, then?**_

_ Yes. It's... _The veined walls with bone highlights looked like something out of a nightmare, yet it was so comfortable looking to me, so right. _It's_ p_erfect, Grandfather. _

_** Good.**__**I will have someone bring you up some clothing. **_

_ And will someone... I mean, I would like to wash up and... uh... _

He didn't hide his disappointment. I could see in his mind that my blocking off piece of my mind from his was working perfectly, better than it did with Todd. Though it was hurting me this time: My grandfather thought I'd taken my being Queen and having servants too lightly if I thought I'd have servants to wash me. Realizing I'd better tell him my thoughts or I'd get a lecture, I explained: _Where's the faucet? The soap? Human's need these things as well to bathe. How does this work?_

_** Ah! Pardon me, granddaughter. The sink will fill with water on your mental command. I will have soap, shampoo, and the like brought to you. **_

_ Thank you, Commander._

At my dismissal, he started to leave the room but stopped before he crossed to the outer chamber. _**Granddaughter, after you feel more comfortable, please return to the outer chamber. My second will show you how to send a message to Atlantis. It will not be a direct connection in order to assure your safety, but we will send it and give them a way to send you a message back.**_

_ I'll do that now then._

_** If I may suggest,**_ _**it is better that they see you have been allowed to change and are being treated well. As you said, being able to wash is important to humans. The more you can show that we are caring for you, the better. They will not like that you are with us, but at least they see that you are not being kept in a cocoon as food. G**__**randdaughter, when you speak to the human's of Atlantis, you must be mindful to never disclose anything that could give them your Hive's location. **_

_ Ok. I understand. _At my answer, he turned away and started out again:_ Grandfather? Thank you._

Bowing fully to me, he smiled as he looked up: _**Your thanks is not necessary, granddaughter. I gladly serve you, my Queen.**_ With another bow, he left.

While he had been there I hadn't noticed how noisy the hive was. I could hear everyone it seemed. All of them were speaking in Wraith to each other and most of it I couldn't understand. There were too many voices to be able to pick out any words that Todd had taught me. Sitting down at my vanity, I picked up what looked to be a bone handled hair brush. Feeling the bristles, it was odd to realize they seemed to be made of a silk-like substance. The handle was carved exquisitely with the Wraith symbols for queen and some other symbol I didn't recognize. Making a mental note to ask my grandfather about it, I slowly started to brush my hair with it as I concentrated on dissecting the Hive's thoughts about me.

Trying to pinpoint my grandfather's voice in all noise was like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack, so instead I looked for the word and feeling that meant queen. It didn't take long for me to find it as it seemed I was on everyone's mind. The excitement I'd felt before was a lone droplet of honey in an Earth bee hive. Though I didn't understand all of the words or feelings, the gist scared me to death. They were all sure that I'd fix everything. They were sure it was all going to be okay. It will like being an eleven year old Harry Potter who needed to kill Voldemort right away instead of after mini fights and six years of necessary magical education to break me in. They were sure I had all the answers: the Wraith would be as one, food would be plentiful, and everything would be wonderful again. Todd was right. This wasn't going to be easy. All I'd done was to add to my responsibilities. And one day, soon, I was going to have to choose sides. With that thought dancing through my head, I felt a headache working its way into my mind.

Looking around for a mirror, I realized that there wasn't one. _Okay, that's something I'll need to ask about too. _

_** My Queen, may we have permission to enter?**_ The Wraith voice requesting entry wasn't a Wraith I'd met personally, though his presence was familiar. Assuming it was one of the faced Wraith that had been there to greet me upon my arrival, I mental commanded that the hive to open the door to him.

_ Wait, how did I know that's the proper response? Was that the proper response?_

Neither Wraith answered my questions. The drone didn't even look at me as he walked in carrying a bunch of items. Mentally, it was easy to tell he felt overwhelming even being near me. The faced Wraith seemed proud and thrilled of his position. He walked in reverently carrying a dress and though I couldn't see much about the dress, the fabric shimmered as if it had stars in it. The faced Wraith bowed again as thought: _**Your bathing accoutrements are here, as are proper clothing for you to wear. I will show you how to use the facilities, my Queen. **_

_ Hold... _Knowing that Todd had told me it was proper to address unknown Wraith by their titles but not knowing how to properly figure out what titles they held, I carefully asked: _What is your proper title?_

_** Vassellitus, my queen.**_

_ Vassellitus, thank you both for bring me these things. Vasselitus means body servant, does it not? _

_** It does, my Queen. **_Looking at the drone, I could feel his dismissal. Bowing to me again, the drone turned and carried my stuff into the bathroom. The Vassellitus quietly stayed with me until I could feel the drone had exited the throne room. _**My Queen?**_

_ Yes?_

_** The commander wanted me to let you know that the symbol's you thought about: they are your name. The commander carved it for you. As it is your name, you must remember that it is not to be said nor broadcast. **_

_ Family can know my name and this Hive is my family._

_** You are correct, my Queen. But, as humans do not inherently hide their names, the commander feels that this is important for you to follow this practice, even here. It is important that your name becomes sacred in your own eyes. Only you may see it. Only the commander may think it. **_

Pushing my annoyance with myself that I hadn't realized it was my name on my own and that I'd already needed to be corrected over something Todd had mentioned at least a dozen times, I conceited: _Of course. _Following the Vassellitus into the bathroom, he proceeded to set up my bath as he explained the use to the alien technology and well as the different herbal soaps that he brought for me to choose from. The technology wasn't that scary to me; it was unfortunate that the body washes were.

Picking up the seventh bottle he'd shown me of their version of body wash, I smelt it hesitantly expecting another foreign scent to accost my nose. Plain old vanilla. _I'll use this one. Thank you._

_** As you command. **_Standing, he bowed again: _**I will give you privacy now, my queen.**_

Nodding to him, I turned to add a little into the bath. Once he'd left, I disrobed and happily entered the sunken tub. The water seemed thicker than I was used to, but trusting my Hive meant believing it was safe for me. After being in it for a minute without any weird effects, I relaxed. _If Ronan was here, he'd be yelling up a storm by now... in fact, so would Billy, my parents, James, and everyone on Atlantis. Atlantis. _Realizing that delaying in the tub meant more time without sending a message to Atlantis, I quickly washed. _Oh damn, I don't have a towel... well, they can't think of everything. _Waging over to the stairs, I noticed that the room felt like it was getting warmer. Taking a few steps up, I was sure that the room was warmer and was getting even warmer as I left the water. _Thanks Hic qua videeum. _The Hives answering burst of happiness and pride made me laugh out loud.

Picking up the dress that my Vassellitus had left, I realized that my grandfather's style wasn't as different to mine as I assumed. The dress was amazing. The incandescing fabric was silk like to the touch. It's empire waist and full flowing sleeves suited my figure and tastes. It was almost too perfect. Not only had he guessed my size perfectly but to create a dress in a few days that fit my conservative sensibilities seemed almost insane. I'd see pictures of Wraith queens and none of them had dressed like this.

Stepping out of my private rooms, I purposely walked to the patiently waiting second in command. _Explain how your commander knows my tastes so precisely. _

Bowing to me, he answered: _**It is our duty to anticipate your needs and exceed them, my queen. Judging by the consideration you took in dressing for our meetings, we understood that your people value dress. Special attention was therefore given to your wardrobe. **_

_ So, this is acceptable for a Wraith queen?_

_** It is.**_

_ None of the queens that the Atlantis expedition has dealt with have dressed in this way._

_** They were young queens. This is more of a traditional style. **_

_ I am a young queen, especially compared to your ages?_

He smiled_**: Yes, but you, my Queen, come from the highest of the high. You are different from them. You will rule all. **_

_ And my grandfather and my Dilectissima are from the more traditional time._

_** Yes, my Queen.**_

_ How old are you, second in command?_

_** I have lived for 59,987 of your Earth years.**_

_ Oh my god. "_I don't believe you... 59,987 years old... oh my god!" I could feel my mind rebelling: my fingers tinkled while my head ached.

_** My Queen? Are you alright?**_

_ You have to be wrong... you can't know how long a day is for me... So, you're what... 10,000 like Todd right?_

_** Your Dilectissima,**_ he stressed,_** is far older than I. The commander married 10,000 years ago; both he and your Dilectissima are far older than that. To Wraith, age is a badge of honor. It is not to be hidden. **_

_ So why did he hide it from me? _My grandfather's second didn't bother to answer as instantaneously my head provided the answer: Because he didn't want to upset you, like you are, right now. _My Dilectissima didn't lie; he just didn't offer the information._

_** Yes, my Queen. **_I could sense his relief that I was calming down.

_ Show me_ _how to contact Atlantis. _I knew I'd have to accept their ages and get over it. It was scary how easy it was to project that thought in the public part of my mind, even as I privately pondered what I'd learned. At least, Todd hadn't lied about the big thing. My grandfather and Todd had to be close to being one of the first Wraith. From the ancient database, I knew that Wraith came into being in Pegasus 100,000 Earth years ago. My grandfather's second was alive for more than half that amount of time. It was reasonable that my grandfather and Todd mothers' were the first two Wraith. Realistically, it could be possible. My grandmother's assurances notwithstanding, it seemed my grandfather would allow me to learn far more than Todd had felt comfortable with. Why? And if the tale that Todd had taught me was completely true, why had my grandfather separated me from Todd? What was the lie? What was the plan?

My grandfather's Second-in-command had moved over to a station to the left of the throne. Standing in front of it, I felt him open his mind and command the Hive to activate the communication system. I could feel as he incorporated relay command after relay command to hide the trail of the message. Not surprisingly, it wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced before. Interaction with the hive for him was instinctive. The hive lived to please, so it reacted happily to each command. But, it wasn't just a one way stream of commands or information; the hive offered up suggestions too like better ways to code for Atlantis's download rate. It was a symphony of thoughts, desires, and emotions. Once the program was created, I could feel the second-in-command secure it, so that I wouldn't have to rework it each time I wanted to call them. _The Wraith equivalent of speed dial._

Pointing to the screen, he thought: _**You may call Atlantis at your convenience, my Queen. **_

I moved over closer to the screen. Looking over my shoulder to tell him I was going to activate it, I saw him leaving the throne room. _Second! Where are you going?_

Stopping midstride, he turned back to me. He seemed puzzled, though not surprised by my question: _**No one watches over the Queen as she conducts her business; I was giving you privacy as is your right, my Queen.**_

I knew him and my grandfather could feel my shock at their trust. It was so flabbergasting that I didn't even think to protect it. _On Atlantis,_ _Todd would never have been given privacy if he was contacting his Hive. There was no way in the universe I would have felt comfortable with it, let alone John or Woolsey okaying it. _As these thoughts bounce through my mind, I couldn't help reaching out to my grandfather. I couldn't sense deceit from either of them.

My Grandfather's calm voice assured me: _**You would never betray your hive. We know this. On Atlantis, your Dilectissima was perceived as their enemy. He was treated as such. You are our Queen.**_ _**You are treated as such.**_

Realistically, I knew I didn't know enough about my location to betray them and a part of me wondered if that was why I'd been given such privacy. But, his convictions supported his words. I was given the privacy because they trusted me completely and without reservation. Wondering if I should even mention my private thought, I nevertheless asked: _I am not sure I would trust him now if I had him on Atlantis still._

_** As you shouldn't. **_As my grandfather continued, his seconded bowed and left: _**Even though he has accepted you as his Queen, he is not worthy of your trust yet. **_

I shivered. _What will make him worthy? _In a flash,I remembered how power changed hands to Wraith. My mind conjured images of my grandfather fighting my Dilectissima: my grandfather's death to seal our alliance. _No! _No part of me felt it would ever be ready to do that. That would mean I ceased to be human. I ceased to be me.

_** Such an alliance would have been as repugnant to your grandmother as it is to you. **_

_ So, how..._

_** You must learn how to be Queen before you can be Queen of all. I believe your human phrase is: One thing at a time, all things in succession. That which grows fast withers as rapidly; and that which grows slow endures. **_

_ That is a human platitude. I hate that. Billy always used to say that to me. I'm not good at slow. I don't have time for slow. _

_** Wraith are everlasting.**_

_ Grandfather, I am human. I will die. I have less than a hundred more years left... _

_** You are not just human. You are Wraith. You are **__**Anquietas.**_

_ Anquietas? Lal told you the Ancient's true name. Never mind, that's not the point. I am human. I'm not going to change into a Wraith, Grandfather; Jen checked._

_** And your friend is correct. You will live as you are for a hundred or so years. You can learn in that time about your Anquietas heritage.**_

_ You mean I can ascend like Lal._

_** Of course.**_

Slamming down the shields of my mind, I knew he'd more than notice that I was blocking completely him from hearing my thoughts. There was no way around that. It was better that he have no idea what I was thinking, what I was feeling. How could I tell him that I didn't think I'd want to? How could I explain that I thought what Lal did to him was wrong and horrible. To know that the one you loved existed still and choose everyday to not have contact with you was my definition of hell. To ascend and be able to watch those I love as they go through their lives but to not be able to do anything. Exist but not be able to interact with him. I couldn't do that to Todd. With the children I hoped to have with him. It was madness.

_** Heather. I know that time seems far away to the young; do not trouble yourself with that now.**_

_ Of course. _Echoing his words back to him, I felt his flinch. He was troubled by my answer. Searching his mind for the reason, it was shocking to realize that he felt like I was judging Lal unfairly. Pulling back, I didn't mention that he shouldn't freely go into his queen's thoughts. After all, a normal queen would be better able to block him. At least, he was the only one that could read me when I didn't want them too. At least the whole hive isn't stronger than me. _I'm going to call Atlantis now._

_** Excellent. Please let Dr. Keller know that we regret her worry for your safety. She has been a good friend to you. Your people worked valiantly to retrieve you.**_

_ How did they... You were able to get me away without hurting anyone... right?_

_** We did not fire a single shot back at them. Do not worry.**_

_ Do they know that my __Dilectissima_ _wasn't in on this?_

_** Mmm. **_His vaguely negative reply was followed by the sense that Todd had been in on it only thought he was going to get me to his hive.

_ You double crossed him?_

_** I honor the agreement. You should learn on your Hive, not under his tutelage.**_

_ But, __I can't hear him._

_** He, and his second, returned to his Hive. The queen mothers have forbidden his involvement while you learn your power. **_

_ When will I meet your mother? His?_

_** When you are ready, Granddaughter. Enough questions: go calm your friends' fears. **_I could feel him distancing himself, giving me privacy.

As he faded into the background of the Hive again, I took a deep breath before activating the communication system: "Atlantis, this is Heather Burman... you know you guys should have given me a recognition code or something... that would have been much better... Guys? Can you hear me?" Pausing, I wondered if I was doing this right.

Amelia Banks voice reverberated through the empty room: "Heather? Heather is that you?"

"Hi Amelia. Yes, it's me. Can I speak to..."

"Oh my god. John!" The volume of her voice coming through seemed to lessen and as I heard her shriek John's name, I realized she must have turned around to yell: "Rodney! I think I have Heather on the comm."

"Heather?" Rodney's panicked voice echoed through the room and it brought a smile to my face, "Heather, can you hear me? You're going to get you back... I swear... where are you..."

"I'm fine, Rodney. Really." I said, even as I felt the tears pooling in my eyes, "I'm really fine. My grandfather's treating me like the Queen, after all. I'm fine." John's face appeared on the wall in front of me in the mist. The video feed must have become active when they allowed my image to come through on their side.

"Heather," John's voice was all business as he said, "Have they hurt you?" Meanwhile, Rodney was playing with his earpiece while he turned away from the video feed.

_ Either trying to track the transmission or_ _calling Jen. _"No, John. They haven't. I was given a whole area of the ship as my bedroom, the throne room in fact. The hive had made me a human style bathroom and everything."

"Okay. Do you know where you are?"

As I went to answer him that I didn't have a clue, the Hive seemed to read my thought and brought up a map of the galaxy right out of John's view. The hive's location was shown in blue along with coordinates. I could tell that the Hive didn't want me to share the information but it didn't like that I felt concerned about not knowing our location. Not skipping a beat, I answered John: "I'm not sure I could understand coordinates back home, let alone out here. They aren't hurting me, my grandfather just wants sometime to teach me more about his culture. I know they scared you guys half to death, but it's really okay."

"Heather!" Jen had run into the room, "Heather, are you alright?"

"Where are they now? How did you get this transmission setup?" At John's question, I noticed that several technicians in the background were tapping away on their keyboards. Rodney was standing at a keyboard himself, furiously taping away.

"Hi Jen. I'm fine really. My grandfather wanted to apologize for scaring you, he just wanted to have some alone time with me. I've been treated wonderfully. They gave me the throne room as my room and off of that the hive made me a bedroom and a bathroom. I know this is freaking you all out and I can't say I blame you, but everything is really fine. My grandfather's second-in-command setup the transmission, their technology isn't like ours. No one else is here with me right now, everyone left to give us privacy."

"We want you back here... now." Jen said, pushing in front of John, "If you're really Queen then order them to give you back, Heather. You can't stay there!"

"I will come back Jen, but first, I need to stay here for awhile and learn."

"No!" Jen's fear radiated through her one word answer. She looked pleadingly as Rodney. His typing increased and his brow furled further.

"Heather," John's voice was measured as if he was afraid I'd break, "You are a prisoner there. You can't work with them. The Wraith adducted you. I promise, we will find you and get you back."

"You can't..." Trailing off, I felt my grandfather's concern. _What?_

_** Your people hear your words, but it is hard for them to accept. They may search all they want. They will not find us. Your **__**Dilectissima has assured us that they have limited resources when it comes to information on Hives. When the human named Teyla was captured, they found her through your Dilectissima's help. Not their own spies. They more you insist you are fine, they more they will distrust you. If you tell them not to look for you, they will look harder assuming you have been forced into this.**_

_ How would you force a human? Threatening to feed on me? _Out loud, I changed tactics:"Look, the adducting me was a bit melodramatic I admit, but John, I need a little time here."

My grandfather answered my question, but I could feel his disgust at my friends' fear. Whatever he was about to say was something they were afraid of and something that he felt was utterly below him: _**The gift of life can be used to turn a human into what the human's of this galaxy call a Wraith worshipper. They fear that we have done this to you, our Queen. They do not have all the information that you do. They see what they want to see.**_

"It's too dangerous. You gotta come home now." John was throwing Rodney looks. Even I could see that John wanted Rodney to hurry up on his tracking. Across Rodney's face, I could see his fear growing: he couldn't do it, he couldn't find me.

"Look, I don't want you guys doing anything stupid. I'm fine. My grandfather's treating me like the Queen I am. Everything really is fine. Oh, if you see Todd... Tell him that as soon as my grandfather thinks I ready, I'll contact him." I said.

John raised an eyebrow, "Todd's not with you?"

"No." I answered shaking my head, "My grandfather wants me to learn his way. He feels that Todd's spins things too much. Everyone here on this Hive knows that their commander is my grandfather and they know I'm their queen, I'm safe here."

"You are human, Heather. You aren't safe on a Hive." Teyla's soft voice was understanding as she continued, "I know you are having fun right now, but you must not forget that you are not like them."

"In order to turn an enemy into a friend, you must get to know them. Being here is the best way for me to do that. Think of it as a calculated risk."

"If you're so sure they will do what you say, they ask them to bring you back here. When they don't do it, you'll know where you stand."

John's idea was seconded by Ronon: "Yea, bring them here. We'll get you back."

"Killing them isn't going to help anything, Ronon."

"If I'd have killed Todd a long time ago, you'd be safe right now."

Answering Ronon, I retorted: "I am safe!"

"Rodney, please." Jen's whispered voice was laced with fear. When he looked up at her, I could see Rodney's anguish. It was the first time he's failed her. It was killing him.

"I can't find her, Jen. I'm sorry. It... It's not working... they have the signal too well protected. I can't crack it. Not yet." Looking solemn, Rodney's voice cracked as he assured me: "Heather. Listen, I'm not going to give up. I'll get you back here... don't... don't worry okay? I'll find a way to get you back." I could see it in Rodney's eyes. Not being able to find me really had him upset him. He was sure I was dead and he was blaming himself.

"Are you people listening to me? I'm not afraid. I'm fine here. I'll come back just as soon as I know what I need to know."

"Of course you will." John's voice was in full patronizing, calming mode: "Everything is going to be fine. Don't worry about a thing, Heather. We're going to find you."

"You guys, listen... I know me being with a ship load of Wraith doesn't inspire confidence but I really am fine."

"Heather..." Jen speak had stopped being fearful talking and had become terrified yelling: "Heather, you need to tell them you want to come back, right now!"

"Jennifer!" Catching her arm, Teyla assured her, "Jennifer, we will find her. We will bring her back..."

_ I'm doing more harm than good. _"Jen... Everything is going to be alright. You'll see... I'll come back and everything will be fine. I swear. Please. Don't worry. I'll be fine." Tears started to flow down my cheeks in response to the horror I saw on her face. My grandfather's mind stretched out to me in response to the pain echoing through my mind. _Hive, cut the communication. Now. I can't... I can't talk to them anymore. _I turned away from the view screen, so they didn't see my breakdown.

_** Granddaughter, I am coming. It is alright. I am coming. **_

The Hive asked: _**Shall I keep the communication open for the commander to speak to them on your behalf? **_

_ They won't listen to him... _The doors to the throne room opened and my grandfather marched in. Even if I couldn't read his mind, his stretched fingers and pulled back hand screamed his anger. Understanding the picture Atlantis would see, I commanded: _Hive, cut the feed! Now!_

_** Do not! The Queen's emotions cloud her orders. **_At the Hive's hesitation, I could feel my grandfather's thoughts direct themselves towards me:_** Granddaughter, they must see that you are not in danger. If you disrupt the communication feed, they will assume you dead.**_

Screeching a well reserved, "Damn it", at his logic. I confirmed his orders to the hive in my mind as I spun around facing the view screen. Jen's face was locked in her horror as Rodney turned her face away from the screen. Teyla and John's faces were watching the screen still with somber faces. By their expressions, they were sure my grandfather would be my death. In their eyes, I could see their desire to give me the respect of watching my death. They each believed that by their watching I wouldn't die alone. Ronon and Woolsey's eyes scared me the most. Their eyes burned with hatred. Ronon was already dreaming up ways to avenge my death. "It's alright!" I yelled to them all.

"You have upset the Queen!" My grandfather's booming voice cut across the distance, "If you were on our Hive, I would kill you for your insolence." His hand hovered in front of him. Assuming his hand was in front of the camera, I realized he wanted his feeding slit on full display for them as a warning: "As it is, I say this: Do not cause her tears again."

Jen pushed Rodney out of the way and walked closer to the camera, "If you care for her at all, sent her back. She is in danger with you! Please!"

Tilting his head to the side, he answered: "Dr. Jennifer Keller, I assure you... your friend's place is here."

"Please!" Her tears prevented her from continuing.

Rodney stepped closer to the screen, "I'll... I'll take her place, just send her back. She doesn't know anything..."

"She is Queen." His stressed the word to her as if that explained all they needed to know. "No one may take her place. She must learn as all young people do. But, she is blood of my blood. Do not worry; our hive will guard our Queen with our lives." I could feel him cut the communiqué to Atlantis. Walking over to me, he wiped at my tears. _**It is alright.**_

Looking up at him, I didn't know what to say at first. My mind was a jumble of fear and anger. One thought towered above the rest: _I made it worst._

_** No. It went as well as can be expected. **_

_ They will look for us._

_** Yes. They will not find us. **_

_ If they do, I'll be forced to kill them. They will try to take me back by force._

_** Do not concern yourself with these thoughts. They cannot find this Hive. **_

_ How can you be so sure?_

_** I am sure, my Queen. **_Throne room doors opened again and the second came in with a tray of food. My grandfather continued: _**Through I know you will say you do not feel like eating now, you must. It has been five hours since you last took sustenance. You must eat, my Queen.**_

Rolling my eyes, I declared: _I'm not hungry. I can't eat now... I'm too upset. Why don't we start those Queen lessons you were talking about instead? Take my mind off of what just happened..._

_** Once you are satisfied. Eat first, learn later. It will not be easy, Heather. You must unlearn what you have learned. **_

_ Fine, Master Yoda. _Looking at his coloring, I smiled:_ And you're green to boot! _As I thought it, I felt an answering flicker of amusement from his second. Turning towards his second with a smirk on my face to show I was glad he got the joke, my mind caught up with the oddness of what had just happened. Cornering my confusion off in the protected part of my mind, I asked my grandfather: _I assume that my Dilectissima mentioned that I am used to different food than is normal for the human's of Pegasus. _

_** Do not worry. Wraith can be quite capable cooks when the need arises. We have prepared a selection of dishes for you to try. I'm sure something will meet your needs. **_At his indication, his second came over with the tray. Some of it looked almost familiar, though just barely. The salad was easy to pick out, but while some vegetables looked as I expected, there were some odd inclusions. For one, there were two types of lettuce: one the normal green and one oddly black. I also saw what looked like carrots in the salad. The carrot looked weirder than the black lettuce as instead of a long stick or even the traditional matchstick salad size, the carrot was round like a tomato. There were three meat dishes to choose from: one looked beef like and had a brown sauce on it; one looked like it had been battered and fried so I couldn't see much else about it; and the other was an eggplant purple color with the look of veal. The only thing on the tray that looked normal to me was the soup. It looked like chicken soup, though it remained to be seen if it would taste like normal chicken soup.

Pointing to the purple meat, I couldn't help but ask: _What is that?_

_** Your Dilectissima believes that you will enjoy these dishes. Eat and be satisfied. **_Indicating I should sit in the throne, he continued: _**My Queen, please...**_

_ You know, normally... when someone won't tell me what something is, I won't eat it._

He nodded in understanding and smiled: _**It is very alien looking to you, I assume. **_

_ Yes._

_** Will you not try it? **_At my grandfather's question, his second brought the tray over to me. The throne grew a side table before my eyes.

Truthfully, having the food closer to me was working on my stomach's lack of appetite. _T_he food didn't smell like home but it didn't smell bad to me. Though its look was alien, the soup's aroma was reminiscent of a spicy chicken soup. The half remembered beloved dish of my childhood was waking up my stomach and the odd looking ingredients were stimulating my imagination. _I didn't say that. _Eyeing the table, I sent a thought of thanks to the hive and felt its answering happiness. Smiling, I turned my attention back to the tray and my grandfather. It's just that I _am not hungry right now. Some humans can't have a big fight with their friends and then want to sit down to dinner. I'll have some later._

_** Even a small amount of hunger is distasteful. Understand: A commander's duty is to ensure that all of his Queen's needs are taken care of. She must always be strong. She must always be at her best. **_

Wanting to explain to him that right now I didn't feel like my best, I swallowed the words and barricaded the thoughts in the private area of my brain. _Act like a_ _queen, not a human. _My grandfather's gentle reminder reminded me of Todd's need to feed me prior to feeling himself. Searching their minds, I could feel their hunger. _No one on this hive will eat until I do?_

I could feel his hesitation as he debated with himself on how much to reveal to me. I could imagine his concern: Will I refuse food in order to protect humans? _**The Queen must eat first and then all others eat by rank.**_

_ Good, you told me the truth. _Picking up the spoon, I took a sip of the soup. It wasn't bad at all. It was very much chicken soup though with some odd looking vegetables. _Tell the cook that the queen enjoyed her meal, please. Then, go eat yourselves. _The regret of that order washed through my mind and brought tears to my eyes, but I didn't resend it. I wouldn't starve them. _It wasn't their fault that we were their food. _Repeating it to myself like a mantra, I pushed the rest of the tray away from me and stood to go sulk in my room.

Neither of them had moved to the door. My grandfather looked to his second: _**Go. I will remain with the Queen until she has completed her meal.**_

The Second's hesitancy to leave me while I felt so upset rippled through my mind, he wanted to stay too. I could feel his sadness at my sorrow. His desire was so strong, it scared me: His craving to stop the need that caused my pain, to starve in order to make me happy again._ Your death would not bring me happiness, second. _The command reverberated through my mind without hesitation: _Go eat._ I could feel my grandfather's answering pride at my command, though he seemed aware that it cost me to do it.

He waited until his second bowed, and left, before speaking: _**It is not an easy thing that we ask of you. **_

_ No. It is not. I wish to be alone._

_** As is your right. But, I will see you finish your meal first.**_

_ Go._ The order was as strong as I could make it and I felt his answering disobedience. Fighting his own legs desire to leave as I commanded, he bowed but didn't leave.

_** No, my Queen. Not until you have properly eaten. **_Before I realized he had moved, he was standing next to me. Holding my hand, he continued: _**Do you not think I have seen my Dilectissima**_ _**go through the same struggle as you? You are not alone, Heather. As Queen, you must be strong. But, you must allow your commander to be there for you. It is a difficult balance: one that you will have to strike with your Dilectissima, when the time comes. But... Here... I am your grandfather. I will not leave you to deal with this alone. **_

Not pulling away from him, I looked up at him. I could feel my anger rising at him. Since he could ignore my orders, I allowed my distrust of him that pledged my mind to be plainly obvious to him. His answer was sincere: _**I am your grandfather, Heather. You are not alone. Your grandmother and I, your family both human and Wraith, will always be your family.**_

I gave a humorousless bark of laughter out loud. _I am a horrible person. _I allowed him to feel myself hatred for ordering god-knows-how-many-humans' deaths. I allowed him to see my fear that I was able to give the orders even with my sadness at them; I allowed him to see my disgust at myself that I couldn't allow every Wraith on this ship die of starvation, as Ronon would no doubt have me do. I allowed him to see my fear that I could do this at all.

His answer was to encourage me to open my mind to the feelings of the Wraith on the hive. I did. I could feel the Wraith's relief: The Queen was here. The Queen was eating. Everything was going to be alright. I could feel that they understood my sadness and it bothered them greatly. I could feel the Hive's and the Wraith's feelings of comfort they sent. I could feel them all reach out to me to make sure I wasn't hungry anyone, that I was satisfied. I locked my hunger behind my mental barriers so they could eat in peace. I didn't bother hiding my sadness. None of them seemed surprised to find it. They all shared their happiness that I was here. They all shared their desire that I'd be happy I was here too.

My grandfather eyes reflected his sadness that I didn't let the hive's feelings comfort me. But, the understanding never left his eyes or his mind: _**You are not to blame for your thoughts, Heather. They are the thoughts of a good person. They are thoughts of a good Queen. Though it hurts you to order feeding, you do it because you are good. Right and wrong has never been cut and dry, black or white. It is gray. Being Queen is to see the gray and choose what is best for your people. It will not be easy, but life is never easy. There will be times you feel you betray humans and there will be times where you feel you betray Wraith. Your duty is to bring balance. In order to protect Humans and Wraith, you must live Heather. You must eat.**_

_ I am not hungry._

_** As Queen, you must do what is best for your hive. You must eat, regardless of your hunger. **_Leading me back toward the tray of food, he helped me into the throne and he picked up the soup spoon. _**Must I make the sound of a plane to encourage your corporation?**_

_ Sound of a plane?_

_ Yes. Your Dilectissima has seen John do this when Teyla's son refuses food. It is often done by any of the different Earth Humans. Your grandmother had similar ways to encourage our son's feeding as a baby; perhaps you're prefer me to try some of those?_

I smiled at that, imagining him making little plane noises to my children some day. Opening up my mouth, I swallowed as he fed me. After half the soup was gone, I felt it safe to ask: _What was the Ancient way of making a baby open their mouth to eat? What did my grandmother do? _

_** Our son enjoyed it when I'd make faces at him. He would eat best when we fed him together. If she fed him alone, she would mimic the sounds of Ancients' ships. He thought it very funny.**_

_ You will make these magic faces for my children?_

_** Your children. It is good that you feel no resistance to have children with your Dilectissima. Though I can feel your fear of it... what is your fear? **_

_ Did it bother you that he was more like her than you?_

His smile reached his eyes: _**No. My Dilectissima was the most beautiful female I had ever seen. My son's **__**Anquietas **__**appearance did not change my love for him. Though a daughter would have completed the alliance, it was as it was meant to be. Your Dilectissima will love your children regardless of how they appear, but I think their appearance will be harder on you than him.**_

_ Your look doesn't bother me._

_** I am your grandfather, not your son. Will you feel differently for a child that is from your body but not like you in all ways?**_

_ I don't know. I'd like to think I won't._ He's picked up the salad and started to feed it to me as well. I was surprised that it seemed to have a dressing. Though I couldn't identify the vegetables or the dressing, it didn't taste as peculiar as it looked.

_** But, you worry?**_

_ Yea. A little, I guess._

_** Your Dilectissima worried that he could never care for a human. He couldn't understand my acceptance, yet when faced with his Dilectissima... he adores you. He loved you fully and without reservation. He will love your children and you will love them as well. **_

_ What if he and I can't... I mean... _

_** Do not worry. Your Dilectissima's actions have not assured you that you are compatible? Your existence itself shows your compatibility. **_After I finished the salad, he didn't hesitate in starting on the main courses. He smiled and continued: _**I am sure you don't wish to hear an account of my sexual history with your grandmother, but I assure you... you will enjoy your compatibility. **_

Knowing that my grandfather had told me before that I should feel comfortable asking him anything, that this is the time to learn, I was still surprised when I realized I felt comfortable enough to voice my biggest fears: _I don't have much experience with sex. __And__I haven't had much patience with children. What if we can't please each other... _

He huffed. _**Do not be concerned, human males are not worthy of you. As long as you don't hide from him, the bond of Dilectissima will allow you each to perceive what is to be done. Privacy is not something that Wraith enjoy. As a human, it is something you crave but there is a time and place for everything. **__**I have lived a long time, Heather. Every being is afraid prior to having children. When the time is right, you will master this fear and move past it. **_

_ I hope you're right._

_** I have no doubt. You have accepted alien food without much complaint, have you not? When you first looked at it, you didn't think you could eat such odd things. Look, it is all gone.**_

_ And if I hadn't eaten? What would you have done then?_

_** Hmm. **_Even as his actions suggested that he was undecided, I could feel that it was a cover. He had had a plan. He was relieved his backup plan wouldn't be needed. But, he had no intentions of revealing his plan because to do so would hamper the progression he was after from me. I just couldn't sense what progression meant in this case and what interference meant to him.

Feeling sure I was right, I didn't bother with the pretense: _You are hiding something from me._

_** I am allowing you time to adjust to your new reality, my Queen. Your anger is a result of your understand my position. You agree that it is necessary and that is why it bothers you so. . **_

I couldn't honestly deny that. That didn't make it any less terrifying. Changing topics, I asked him: _Since being here is going to be so... infuriating, I will need pen and paper. Back home, I use writing to process my thoughts and feelings sometime. This is going to be one of those times._

_** Very well, my Queen. I will have writing implements brought to you at once.**_

A drone delivered a feather quill and paper a few minutes later and left us alone again. Stressing that I'd had a long day and it would be wise to rest, my Grandfather was living up to his title. It was like my human grandfather was saying it, I could feel his love and concern as he tried to not order around his adult granddaughter. Smiling at him, I allowed his to feel my happiness and love for him. Like Todd had done many times, my grandfather touched his feeding hand to my chest before wishing me a good night and departing.

Taking his advice, I went to my bedroom. Changing into what I hoped was a nightgown from my closet, I wondered at how beautiful even nightwear was here. Sitting on the bed, I smiled as I sunk into it and it conformed to my body, cradling me. After a few minutes, I realized the flaw in the plan: feeling tired didn't necessarily guarantee I would manage to get any sleep. Too much had happened and my brain didn't seem to want to shut off. It kept questioning my decision to write in a Diary as Billy always emphasized. Knowing Earth's strong objections to Todd learning our language, it seemed wrong for me to do this, but I reminded myself that my grandfather had sent that written message to me via Kenny. He already had figured out how to write. I wasn't showing them anything new.

So, I started writing:

**Dear Diary,**

**Well, I'm here. I got my wish. I'm on a hive. I'm surrounded by Wraith. Not my **

**Dilectissima, he's not allowed here right now. My grandfather in essence thinks' he's **

**too controlling, that I won't be able to be Queen if I'm not Queen here first. What **

**upsets me is he might be right. I depended on Todd too much on Atlantis. I can't say **

**I'm glad he's not here and I can't say I don't miss him with all of my heart, but maybe **

**this is good for us. He left me in silence when Atlantis first came back to Pegasus, I **

**know he saw the Queen Mothers' during his silence. My grandfather said that's on their **

**orders, Todd can't interfere on what my Grandfather is doing. If what I have been told **

**is true and the Queen Mothers' have lived a hundred thousand years; maybe they know **

**what they are doing. If this is real, I want to be a good queen. I want to learn. **

Looking at what I had written, I smiled and nodded to myself as I put the paper down next to me. Then, closing my eyes, I let sleep come.

Chapter 12 Part 2


	16. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

/ A grand room, like being inside a heart, green monsters bowing to me. Yet, I feel safe. Home. /

_Morning: Day 2_

_Dear Diary,_

_Not shocking that my dreams were filled with Wraith. Though, I felt safe with them, so that's good to see. My subconscious isn't sending me any warnings, always good to see. One thing I'm not happy about here is how little I have really anymore. The only thing I have is my iPod. When I left the Jumper I didn't take my bag. I don't even have lipstick with me. It's so weird. I'd never walk around like this on Earth. Here, I only have what they give me. It's odd to be Queen and have nothing that's yours. That's the least of the weirdness that is my life. Life aboard the Hive isn't like life on Atlantis. Some things haven't changed, but some things have changed for the worst. There, sometimes, I felt in the way. I felt like they treated me like a child... sometimes. Here, not only am I a child in age compared to everyone, but more strangely everyone from Drones to my grandfather treats me like a Queen, like a celebrity. It's funny; on Earth, it drove me nuts when Billy expected the best from me all the time. I miss that. Here, it bothers me that I can do no wrong. Nothing is my fault. Only this morning, my Vassellitus took responsibility for my not being dressed when my grandfather came in. Apparently, if I hadn't pardoned him, the Vassellitus would have been killed for what amounts to dereliction of duty. As if it's his fault, I didn't wake up before noon (According to my iPod's Atlantis time... I don't know how time works on the Hive yet) and get myself dressed. I am an adult for goodness sakes! My grandfather never gave me a wakeup time. Am I supposed to be a mind reader... or wait I am._

_It's ridiculous though! I privately explained to my grandfather that and he assures me that it is not ridiculous. It is duty. He wasn't upset (per say) that I'd pardoned the Vassellitus life; but he flat out told me that I should pick another of his officers for the duty. I refused on general principle. How can I take an honor from someone so easily? No one was hurt. I don't see it as a big deal. My grandfather hid his annoyance that I'd kept my Vassellitus, but not quickly enough. It worries him. Others would think me weak and his worry worries me. But, I can't -and won't- change who I am._

_The Vassellitus was so grateful he refuses to get up off my floor. It's been three hours and he's still in the throne room, I can feel him there. I can feel his loyalty has strengthened by my pardon, not that I wasn't already deity-like to him. The rest of the Wraith trusts my judgment, though I can feel that they think it odd that I'd pardon him._

_My grandfather's second and another officer (The Third if I'm reading him right - telling everyone apart will take a little time after all) just entered the throne room. I've been able to feel that my grandfather wishes me to come meet them when they arrived, but I'm choosing to write instead. It will do them good to wait, I think. It feels right that the Queen doesn't appear at his command, though he didn't command it really. It was a request, but still._

_Okay, that's a little childish. Maybe._

Putting my quill down, I went into the throne room. The Vassellitus was still kowtowing on the floor. My grandfather had moved to stand on the dais where the throne was. He placed himself on the right behind the throne. Privately, I asked my grandfather: _You want me to sit there, don't you?_

** _It is your throne, my Queen. It is protocol that they make their reports to you as you are now in residence._**

_Yes, of course. _Walking toward the throne with a confidence I didn't completely feel, I walked straight backed and head held high over to him. A part of me had been dreading this. For some reason, I had a horrible feeling that sitting on this chair would wake up the Hive to my incompetence as Queen. It would serve as some equivalent of the Hogwarts' Sorting Hat putting me in Slytherin instead of Gryffindor. Keeping my concern in the protected part of my brain, I thought publicly: _Good Morning_. As my grandfather and the others bowed to me, I carefully sit down on the throne. As the Hive's joy sings through my mind, the seat seemed to shift to my comfort. The light in the room spotlights me and, feeling much more confident, I then commanded: _Report_.

_Day 3 / Time: 23:15_

_Dear Diary,_

_I am bone tired tonight. This is the second day of me listening to reports. You'd think hearing about the state of the Hive would be interesting to me. It's more of a headache right now. Even if my iPod wasn't dead, my head hurts too much to listen to music. My grandfather insists that they be presented in Wraith, all the better for me to learn. Even though I see the logic in it, I feel like a child. It goes slowly and they translate it for me after each sentence. 70% of the time I'm matching up their translations perfectly with to my own. My grandfather -and the rest of the heads of departments I've met- all seemed impressed with how much I was able to follow on my own. But, it is tiresome and some of it seems so foreign to me. So far, the eight reports I listened to ran the gambit: Weapons, Engineering, Regeneration, Data Storage, Dart Allocation, Hibernation Systems, Research, Sensor Systems, and Resources._

_Weapons, Engineering, Data Storage, and the Sensor Systems were first to report and the easiest for me to grasp. Between my lifelong love of Star Trek and my knowledge of Atlantis, I was able to understand enough to ask good questions of the department heads. My grandfather's comments on their reports, and their next actions, lead to more questions from me. Neither he nor they seemed to mind. (Rodney will be so jealous.) I was so interested in the information I was getting that I didn't realize I'd missed lunch until my Grandfather requested that I stop to take dinner. While I ate, my grandfather, Second, and the other senior officers who'd already presented (Duped Third, Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth respectively), stood in the throne room with me. My grandfather was at my side while Second was below us at a station. The others stood in front of me and, in-between bites, I asked further questions about their reports. Half way through my dinner, I became aware of fear leaking into my mental sight. Looping the mental voice in question to my grandfather, he supplied the concern belonged to the Wraith in charge of Resources. 'Resources' is their nice way of saying Wraith in charge of eatable humans in cocoons. I'm glad I can control my thoughts. When he started his report to me, I battled against my smart remark asking if I was included in the humans' number. I got through it without one flinch or angry word to him, though I didn't ask him any questions, as I'd asked every other department head. I didn't want to know how many men and how many women. I didn't want to know how many children were on board. I didn't want to know where they were from. His report was a lot less detailed than the others and I was glad. It was bad enough hearing their numbers - 2,500 people remaining of the 3,600 capacity. We had a little over a thousand Wraith on board, so we had enough food on board for a year. Though my Grandfather and his Second seemed comfortable with that, I felt sickened._

_After that, we finished out the remaining reports. I asked questions, through not as confidently as I felt in the morning. Regeneration, Dart Allocation, and Hibernation Systems aren't as easy for me. There is no Starfleet equivalent and Earth doesn't have many different similarities to Wraith. Research's report was very vague in my opinion, but one thing stuck out: ZMP. They have one. When I asked where they got it, the officer seemed confused. His answer shocked me: The Commander's Dilectissima provided them long ago. Them, not it! They have more than one and they came from my Grandmother?_

_All I can think about is what this means: With ZMPs, they could get to Earth. They could destroy everything I know. Every thing. When Atlantis arrives to save me, they will have to destroy everything here. They will see this hive has a threat to Earth and not just guilty of abducting me._

_Day 4 / Time: 23:30_

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm sure it's not a shock to know I had trouble sleeping last night._

_This morning, I got up and was dressed long before my Vassellitus requested permission to enter. He brought my breakfast as always and I eat without tasting anything. As my Vassellitus was brushing my hair, my grandfather requested entrance to my room. I could tell he knew my troubles were battling me and they were winning. He reminded me that he'd been in position of the ZMPs for ten thousand years. He also informed me that he would be able to find his son anywhere in the galaxy. Earth has been safe all that time. He pledged that will not change. I could feel he meant it. I believe him. But, it's still scary to think about._

_I know from the limited knowledge I have about the Stargate Program on Earth that we've faced extermination many times from aliens. This is really no different. But, this time, I know and that makes it different to me. Trying to stop worrying about unreasonable fears, I walked with my grandfather out to the Throne Room. All the officers I'd heard from yesterday were there. It seems they each give a report to me each and every day. That was its own fear; I had to come up with smart questions to ask again. This time, once they gave their report, questions were asked (by me), and received their instructions (mostly from my grandfather), they left._

_After a whole day of reports and not sleeping last night, I hope I find rest tonight._

_Day 5 / Time: 05:05_

_Dear Diary,_

_Who ever would think I'd write the next words: it's boring being Queen. It feels like day 100 hundred. All I do is sit on that damn throne all day and listen to reports. I understand more each day, not just the language but also the actions that run the Hive. Now, I understand Wraith almost fluently, so this is the first day the reports didn't go on for twelve hours straight. Today, the reports finished a little before my dinner arrived. We'd been talking about the hull regeneration. I'd given an idea and my Grandfather and his second left for the Bridge to try my idea and a few of their own. I went with them. My Grandfather took my idea and modified it to work, so I kind of fixed it. Returning to my chambers, I laid down for a little._

_I must have fallen asleep because next thing I knew my Vassellitus brought my dinner. After eating dinner, I left the throne room. No one moved to follow me. I got down the hall and in the transporter before I realized how stupid I was being going around on my own. I was worried I'd get lost (or find the resources area), so I went back and had my Drone guards with me. I learned something important: there really isn't much to see on this ship. There's no holodeck and there's no ten forward. When I asked to see the bridge, the drones didn't hesitate to take me there. Though I'd seen Hive bridges in the pictures, I have to admit being there in person is a bit creepy. My first complaint is that their view screens of the stars didn't do space justice like our monitors and windows do. That was a bit of a disappointment. I miss the windows of Atlantis. Every view was breathtaking, here there are no windows. I miss seeing the sun and the stars. The second complaint I have is that there are almost no chairs on the bridge. Neither the Engineer, the tactical officer, nor my Grandfather's Second sits on the Bridge. There what I'd call the Captain's Chair in the middle, but no one seemed to be using it. My Grandfather was standing by the transporter when the doors opened. He bowed along with everyone else as I entered the room. He didn't seem upset that I was touring the ship. He was happy. He'd been waiting for me to feel comfortable enough to explore on my own. I could feel that he felt this was a positive sign. As he took me around to the different readouts and explained them to me, he proposed I learn each of the main systems. Barring any issues, he said that for the next few days I'd have one less report per a day. The report that I didn't receive would be the area I'd experience for the day. I hope I can do everything he thinks I can. I also hope I don't blow up the Hive by accident. This should be interesting._

_Day 7 / Time: 05:05_

_Dear Diary,_

_I think today's magnificentness (Is that a word?) rivaled the day I realized that Atlantis was a spaceship. I flew a Hive today. I took a whole shift. For 10 hours, I was the ship. It was amazing!_

_Yesterday, my Grandfather suggested that that it would serve me well to learn each position on the Hive. A young female growing up to be Queen would have had such experiences, so I accepted the opportunity for all the obvious reasons: It would allow me to learn more about Hives for Earth's defense, it would allow me to learn more about Hive operations, and it would allow me to learn more about Wraith culture. All important goals, but I never considered how much fun it would be._

_Walking out onto the bridge, I felt the Hive's joy at my education. I knew from Teyla's experiences that it was possible for me to fly a Hive, but with her warnings about fatigue I didn't expect that my flying would be that good... or that long. As a safety precaution I wanted to let the whole crew know I was about to fly. Everyone seemed amused by my command to notify the crew that I was taking control, but my grandfather did show me how to speak to everyone simultaneously. I received a positive response from them all, with only a few Wraith hiding their amusement that I was worried for them. I couldn't help it. The Hive doesn't have the inertial dampening that Jumpers do (even though the jumper's inertial dampening sometimes did have a lag time - Those times were always fun for me) and I was worried that it could be a bumpy ride. As I exchanged places with Second (He had been piloting) and I put my hand into the squishy veined substance all over their controls, I was shocking to feel so comfortable with the Hive. It was like the Hive and I were one. With the Jumper it feels like it's reading your mind instantaneously but with a Hive it's like you are the ship. I could feel space winds caressing me and I could feel the heat of the sun throughout my body. It was amazing._

_I can't wait to do it again. Considering there is only a seat for the commander, it was shocking after 10 hours of standing to not have my feet hurting. It seems that the Hive can affect my physical body as it affects Wraith. It fed me and took care of my physically needs while I was flying. That is unnerving. It's a shame I don't have Jen here... I hope this is safe for me._

_I wanted to try more stations, but my grandfather wanted me to rest after my 10 hour shift. I can't wait until tomorrow!_

/ I'm in the Thorne room, though it looks bigger than now, there are Wraith as far as I can see and they are all bowing to me. I can't see any of their faces, but I know they are Wraith. I'm not afraid. I am home./

_Day 7 / Time: 23:55_

_Dear Diary,_

_I rushed the reports a bit. It's not like I don't care, but it's the same report every day from each of them. They make the changes you asked for. They are always trying to improve efficiency a little bit more. That's great, but I wanted to see what I was experiencing today._

_Today, I got to work with Third. Weapons! It was pretty cool, though a bit odd. With the Wraith energy weapons, you're in two places at once. You can feel the hive firing the shots but you can also feel the beams seeking out their targets. It took a few hours for me to get the hang of it._

_After dinner, Third showed me Wraith Stunner Rifles, side arms, and detonators. I'd heard about them all in the reports I'd read of course. But, this was seeing them in a whole new way: real life. The rifles and the sidearm's were both heavier than I expected. I'd gone target practice with Billy so many times that I'd aimed all of them well. I'd never thrown a bomb before, but the detonators weren't hard to get the hang of. Ronan would have been proud, if he knew how well I did. There was no kickback, so I should feel pretty good tomorrow._

_Day 8 / Time: 21:45_

_Dear Diary,_

_After the morning reports, I went down to Engineering. It didn't look anything like the Enterprising Warp Core or Atlantis. It was built organically as the rest of the Hive. Fourth explained this was the 2nd part of my flying experience. This Wraith is very much into science and I really was acting my age. I would have rather flown then be listening to him drone on about Hyperspace. From my readings, I know hyperspace damages a Hive's outer hull, but he also said that the damages are a lot worse than that. It takes days for a normal Hive to properly repair a square inch of hull. Most Hives do not ever have the time to properly repair themselves. With the ZMP, not only are we a huge Hive but repairs are never delayed. I also confirmed that we have advanced shields; Shields unlike I've seen any Wraiths have in all of the reports of Atlantis's._

_After dinner, I went with Eighth to learn amount regeneration. He took me out in a shuttle so I could see it up close. It was really neat. I could see the hull coming together like an open flower closing in on itself for the night. He let me fly the shuttle back into the Dart bay on the return flight. It was like flying the Hive only without a mind to work with, I like flying the Hive much better. Truthfully, it made me think: the Darts are too small to hold two people and my grandfather seemed concerned about me flying one myself yet. After flying the shuttle, he may be right._

_Day 9 / Time: 23:40_

_Dear Diary,_

_Odd day. In the Dart bay, I met Tenth (Dart Allocation expert). I didn't like my first experience flying in the Culling beam of a Dart, but I consented to humor him. This time, it wasn't too bad. When I was rematerialized, I realized we'd never left the ship. The Dart bay is so big; he just flew around in the ship for a few minutes. He let me fly the Dart in the Dart Bay. I can't say I enjoyed flying the dart... It doesn't have a personality like a Hive does. Darts don't react the same and it doesn't help you like the Hive does. It's just a ship, like a jumper. One thing that I did notice (besides marveling at the size of this Hive) is that we have a ridiculous amount of Darts. I couldn't even tell how many Darts we have. It was that many._

_After about two hours, my Grandfather came. We went to the Sensor Array and Sixth met us there. It's remarkable how much information the Sensors read. I think it might be more than Atlantis, but I'm not sure. I never was allowed to learn this type of stuff before. I was a security risk. It's odd to think that to the planet I consider my home I am a security risk and to unknown relatives I am completely trusted. It's sad, really. Anyway, my grandfather and I make our way to one of the Hibernation Pods after that. Eleventh was there to explain firsthand how it all works. He showed me how to wake up some of the sleeping Wraith. It was a room of drones that had been sleeping for about 10,000 years. I could tell when they became aware. Each and every one of them mentally projected their joy at my being here upon their revival. Tears welled in my eyes at their joy: pure joy. It was overwhelming. While I was walking back to my chamber with my grandfather, I posed a question that occurred to me: our food level is a problem if we have more months to feed...hands technically (I guess). My grandfather confirmed it; he intends to cull soon._

_As queen, I imagine I'll have to give the order to cull a world. How can I do this? What am I doing here?_

_Day 10 / Time: 05:15_

_Dear Diary,_

_The awaken drones must feed within the month. I didn't sleep well last night. I forced myself to visit with Seventh today. I don't even know what to write. How can I allow them to attack a world? Take woman and children? What happens if I don't... If I can't? It was hard to watch Todd be hungry and in pain. How can I do that to these people? How can I starve my grandfather?_

_It's time I stop hiding from this. I need to make my choice. I think I know what I need to do._

_Day 10 / Time: 22:20_

_Dear Diary,_

_I ordered Seventh to take me to the Cocoon area. I didn't bother waiting for their arrival to start reports this morning. Not today. My grandfather showed up there (mind reading is annoying) and only allowed us to go to an empty cocoon area. He didn't wish me to upset myself further. Not figuring out how I will handle this isn't going to make this easier. I don't understand why he's fighting me on this. I tried to tell him I needed to see. That I needed to know what my reaction will be. I'm not sure what he really thinks about this. I could only sense how much he worried about my reaction. I could tell he's trying to keep me safe from seeing it as long as he possibly can. I don't know why through. I'd think he'd want to make sure I can deal with this: seeing a wraith feed. I'll see it a lot I assume, so why is he fighting so hard. I can't puzzle it out. Todd went above and beyond in trying to keep me from seeing it too: telling me to close my eyes and all._

_I keep thinking about what Spock says. I can't even remember what episode it was, but I remember seeing it in a rerun. He said: In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death - even vegetarians. I grew up on a steady diet of eating meat and loving it. I grew up loving vampires and having no problem with the stories of their kills. But, they were stories. This is different._

_My grandfather took me back to the Throne room for my daily reports. No new information from the reports, though I did (finally!) ask Second to have our scientists rig something so I can charge my iPod. My grandfather was relieved I was asking for something so mundane. I guess it's better than worrying about feeding a ship full of Wraith._

_After all the reports were through and I'd eaten dinner, my Grandfather and I went to see Fifth in Data Storage. It was really enlightening. I'm sure the job of this excursion was to distract me from my feeding concerns. They accomplished that. Not only did fifth teach me how to access their whole computer core (over 100,000 years of information in there, by the way, I can't wait to read it all!), but it seems he is the historian of the Hive. He's been alive for a little less than 100,000 years. He regaled stories of my grandfather's youth that made my Grandfather cringe. It seemed my grandfather wasn't always as Ancient loving as he professed to be. He'd spoken to the Queen mother's against my Dilectissima's wish to know more about their food source. My Dilectissima had originally been the one to wish to interact with humans and his cousin, my grandfather, had laughed at his weakness. Until Ganos Lal had become my grandfather's prisoner, he'd had no desire to deal with humans. Knowing and loving her had changed my grandfather and that's why I'm been promised to his cousin: I was the ultimate you-were-right-and-I-was-wrong gift. I'd asked what kind of interactions my Dilectissima had with humans and my grandfather grumpily answered that he's felt it was wrong to feed of certain humans, children for instance had to be let go on my Dilectissima's hive long before Lal's arrival. My grandfather, in his youth, had been in the mindset that children shouldn't be spared as they'd been weak enough to be captured. He assured me that once my grandmother was here, she'd decreed that no children could be captured/eaten and pregnant women were off limits as well. All good rules that I reconfirmed were to remain in place. I informed him of my intention to expand on those rules. He wasn't surprised and was encouraging of that. Thankfully. I have to think out how I'll word my rules and what I want to accomplish with them._

_None of these things were the biggest discoveries for me though. The biggest was so big that I'd still not completely sure how I feel about it yet. Fifth revealed that this Hive was the first created by the Queen Mothers' all those years ago. An Ancient, or more precisely, a Human whom the Ancients planted on the Wraith home world was the starting point of the Hive. He was/is a sibling of the Queen Mothers'. Their whole family had been bitten by Iratus bugs. Their parents hadn't survived the initial bite. The Queen mothers' took their dying brother and were able to merge him with the Hive to save him. This hive was my great great great (I'm not sure how many greats belong here) grand uncle._

_My great Uncle doesn't look human after all this time. He's completely connected to the hive, so you can barely see most of his body. From the little of his hands and face that I could see, I only see the family resemblance in our faces bone structure. If I didn't know any better I'd say he looks more like a traditional Earth vampire: very pale, long teeth, claw like nails, skin peeling in some places. We had a long mental conversation now that the truth was out in the open. He mentally shared that he knew I'd expressed my concern to Todd about an individual being made into a Hive. My Dilectissima had told my Grandfather and had asked I not met my Great Grand Uncle until I'd developed a relationship with the Hive. My uncle... my Hive... wanted me to know that he was happy where he was. My Hive felt so proud of his sisters and me. I could feel his love of us. Todd was right. Maybe I couldn't understand wanting to be a Hive, but I couldn't deny that my Hive wanted to be MY Hive. Writing this down, I still don't know how I really feel about it all._

_Tomorrow, I'm going to read from the Data core and get more history of the Wraith. Those that don't know history are doomed to repeat it and the Wraith have a long history. I have much to learn._

_Day 14 / 08:00_

_Dear Diary,_

_I haven't had time to write. I'm still listening to daily reports on our hive but I'm also reading a lot. In between reading Wraith History day-by-day, I have been reading Wraith reports; they are more retailed that Atlantis' reports as the hive records every feeling and thought in its logs. Like a Wraith's name is more than a physical sound, so are their logs more than a written account. One of the first reports I looked up was a personal favor to Teyla, not that she'd asked me to. I wanted to know more about the Wraith who took Teyla's ancestor. I've found his files and the files of his trial and execution by the Queen Mothers'. They declared his disregard for his food to be cruel. They forbid the Wraith from experimenting on Humans ever again. They wished to be better than the Ancients and refused to play god in that way. I forwarded the information on to Atlantis, though I haven't heard anything back from them. I hope by doing this, they will realize that I don't need to be rescued because I am free to send things to them as I please. I've also been writing to Jen every other day letting her know that I am fine. No response yet. I assume John's not allowing her to communicate in some twisted wish to make sure the Wraith don't intercept any plans that Atlantis is making to save me. I hope and pray that they realize I don't need to be saved; even as I then must believe that Jen's silence means I have lost a friend. It's odd to think that is the lesser of the two evils, but it is. I've lost once family but I've gained another._

_Speaking of my Wraith family, I've read up on them as well. One of the advantages of Hic qua videeum being the oldest Hive is he has the oldest files. I've started from the beginning and am working my way forward. From what I've read and been told by Hic qua videeum and my grandfather, the Queen Mothers' are both good people. As humans, their family was close. As was their people's custom, the Queen Mothers' returned to their parent's house to give birth. While they were awaiting their children's' arrival, the whole village was attacked and bitten by the Iratus bugs. Out of a village of about a hundred people, only ten men and the two women survived the attack. Of the men, only Hic qua videeum survived and was bonded to a Hive. Ten days after his mother were bitten, my Grandfather was born. My Dilectissima was bone Twenty-three days later. They were the first children to be born fully Wraith. It seems after my Dilectissima had been born, the Queens figured out how to use his placenta (or the wraith equivalent anyway) to make faced wraith. After many years, the Queen mother's figured out how to make drones and other commanders. The wraith multiplied as did their power._

_One thing Hic qua videeum and my grandfather have stressed is how important it is for me to feel comfortable before meeting the Queen Mothers. It seems meeting them isn't just meeting my great grandmothers; it will also be the final step before the marriage to my Dilectissima. Once there with them, I will have to give my final answer on marriage to him. When I mentioned how unfair it was, he told me that by right I wasn't supposed to have known him at all before meeting him at the Queen mother's Hive. The alliance called for me to have to make a blind choice based on my trust of my grandfather only, based on how well my grandfather had taught me._

_One of the other things I've found is that my Dilectissima has written many things to the Queen Mothers. For someone who wouldn't talk much to me about wraith worshippers, it seems amazing that not only has he always had them on his hive but he's treated them quite well: humans on his hive starting 74,000 years ago had rights. They could choose their own marriages as well as be secure in knowing their children would never be taken from them. He'd decreed for all of his hives that Humans until thirty were untouchable and allowed human worshippers to be productive on the hive. The Queen Mothers' hadn't been sure these pets were a good thing until Lal came along. With her, they realized that humans were the key to uniting the Wraith. They had hoped that Lal and my grandfather would be able to make a child strong enough to unite the wraith. But, the son born to them was too human and male. No female child of theirs survived, so my Dilectissima waited._

_I looked for the record of his life during the past 10,000 years but Hic qua videeum didn't have anything. Instead I found billions of stories of his life before Lal arrived and changed the Wraith's history. My Dilectissima's record shows him to be protective of people. He's military wins are hundreds of pages long. He'd been modest with his explanation to me: he'd never been beaten by any of his sisters' commanders. He'd tested them and stopped just short of killing them, only when he felt his sisters love for the commander in question surpass her love for her brother. He'd then allow the commander she chose to wed her. By his mother's letters to him, it seems he is her favorite of all her children. Like my mother, most of her letters (before Lal) encouraged him to take a Queen for himself, to mate. He insists in his letters back that he will not mate until he finds his Dilectissima._

_He's talked a lot to me about his youngest sister, his last Queen. He's spoken of how he'd beaten every commander who had tried for her. How she hadn't taken a mate after he'd been captured. What he never mentioned was that he'd been captured while looking for a missing Wraith child. His one hundred and fifthly third sister's daughter had been captured by humans. He'd left this last sister and exchanged his life for his niece. He didn't want to live without his Dilectissima anymore, he'd written a note to his cousin and to me. I haven't been given access to either of the letters. My Grandfather and Hic qua videeum say that is on the Queen Mothers' decree. I think they are lying. I think my grandfather doesn't want the words in the letters to cloud my judgment, the emotions. I can feel his confidence that I will figure it out. It's most annoying._

_Day 19 / 20:30_

_Dear Diary,_

_Everything that has happened in the last 10,000 years is inaccessible to me. The reports in the last 10,000 years that I have been able to get are secondhand or third hand reports. I've asked Hic qua videeum about it. For the first time, he's directed me to speak to my Grandfather. I got the feeling that my uncle doesn't know what to tell me. He's hiding something. Not that that's shocking, but it does seem odd that they didn't come up with a cover story. How long did they think it would take for me to figure this out?_

_"The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination."_

_- Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine_

_What do I need to figure out? What does this mean? I've felt so comfortable here and now.. now I feel like it's day one all over again._

_Day 24 / 20:30_

_Dear Diary,_

_John and the others warned me. I keep thinking about Garak on DS9. I always loved him becasue you never knew what he was really doing; whose side he was really one. You just knew one thing for sure: he wasn't who is seemed to be. My Grandfather isn't just my grandfather. I know that they share some other common ground too, neither of them are innocent. Garak never hid that about himself and, if I read between the lines, neither has my grandfather. And yet... every fiber of my being demands I trust my Grandfather. I feel like I love my grandfather and everyone on this hive, I always have. But, that's not true. They were in Pegasus while I was on Earth. I don't know these people and I shouldn't trust them. After five days of looking into this, I am no closer to figuring out what is going on. Not really. I have been able to figure out that it seems the data is there; the logs aren't missing anything. I just can't access the information for the last 10,000 years. Sure, there are some files: enough to keep me reading for a hundred years, but not the same amount of files as 20,000 years ago or 90,000 years ago. The files before 10,000 years ago have an overflow of information. The recent ones are lacking something. I can't imagine what this means. I'm just sure it's not good._

_Day 25 / 07:42_

_Dear Diary,_

_I was going over the files again. Still no closer to figuring out what this means. Every cell in my body seems to scream that I need to figure out this information and if I'm honest my grandfather isn't trying to stop me. He's not making up a lie. He's not distracting me. I know I really am Queen here. That isn't a lie, yet everyone on this hive is hiding the truth from me. I can tell that none of them all okay with their silence, but they don't intend to be the one that breaks the silence. They are all scared. They expect death. What would make them believe it would be possible for me to kill them all?_

_Earth._

Emptying my mind of the fears that surfaced at that thought, I dressed for the day. I've never felt fully comfortable with my Vassellitus dressing me in the morning; but as it was an honor, I had worked up a little deal with him: I took care of my under things and then he was allowed to come in afterwards. Being in a rush, I already was dressed when my Vassellitus arrived at the normal time. I knew he'd realize something was going on between that and the fact that I'd never completely shut up my mind to him before, but it was unavoidable. After the barest of pauses as my Vassellitus took in my state, he picked up my hair brush as he had every morning since my arrival here. Neither of us spoke as he styled my hair. He bowed as I left my room, just like it was a normal morning. Nothing felt normal to me anyone. Seeing my safe little home world spinning in my mind, I was haunted by the possibility that it wasn't as safe as I'd been told. Leaving my room, I slowly entered the throne room. Mentally calling my grandfather and his second to me, I waited.

My grandfather's second arrived first. I ignored him. His concern was hidden, but I could feel it lurking over the surface of his thoughts. My Vassellitus had warned him and my grandfather that I was upset, though he didn't know the cause. He was unsure why I'd chosen to include him. I honestly wasn't sure why I had either, but it seemed the more Wraith I could see the better. Privately, I reminded myself over and over again: _I am Queen of Wraith, but my grandmother said I must be Queen of all. _

I could feel my grandfather's approach. I knew when he'd sent out the command to keep the others at their posts and not have the department heads gather outside of the Queen's door for the reports. I was glad of his foresight and I didn't hide that from him. I could feel his hope that I'd figure out the mystery that had been pledging me for ten days. He was concerned what my reaction would be, but he felt sure of himself and of me. _**My Queen. **_His mental greeting upon entering was business like. He wasn't my grandfather right now, he was my commander.

_ Commander. Second. _My kept my thoughts as serene as possible, as if I didn't care that Earth was at risk. We all knew it was a lie. But, I could feel my grandfather's pride that I'd chosen to approach them as a Wraith Queen and not a concerned human woman. _How is my Hive this morning, Commander?_

_** Well, my Queen.**_

_ Good. Now... Tell me about your time on Earth, Commander. Your logs are incomplete on the happenings of Pegasus for the last 10,000 years because you have been on Earth. Those logs have been sealed to me. Why? _My grandfather's second shock was squashed by my grandfather. I was sure everyone could feel his pride at my question.

_** It would be within your right to kill me for my deceit, my Queen. I ask that you spare your Hive. They followed my orders. **_

_ Your fate, and that of our people, has not yet been decided, Grandfather. Tell me what I wish to know._

_** My son and my wife left for Earth. She did not hide the location of Earth from me. After informing my mother, I followed my Queen. **_

_ You remained on Earth. You know of Star Wars, Star Trek, and Harry Potter. You cared so much for your son, but not for your descendants. For the treaty you hold so dear? Why?_

I could feel my Grandfather's amusement at my question. _**Star Trek was before Star Wars, Grand daughter... **_

I was barely listening to him as random incidences started to play through my memories: _My Childhood...Billy always knowing when I was hurt or scared, always coming to my rescue... Watching Return of the Jedi and Vader's Death... Billy's stressing that people are never what they seem... My Grandfather's quoting of Dumbledore while abducting me... Billy's insistence that I learn self defense and his drilling me... he's concern when I'd stopped the lessons because I was never as good as him or he guys, never as fast or as strong... Billy calling me back on Earth when I'd realized that aliens exist, calling every time something had been going on with me and I'd needed someone to talk to... His seemingly understanding my fears and what I was up against, Billy's unshaken confidence... His friends' loyalty to him... _"Oh my god... Billy?"

He bowed, "Yes, Grand Daughter. Very good."

I didn't know whether to hug him or hit him. Standing, I yelled: "Why... why didn't you tell me?" I didn't pay attention to Second as he too bowed to me without rising, I embraced my surging anger, "Why didn't you tell me as soon as Todd arrived on Earth? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Would you have believed me?" He asked. Looking up from his bowed position, he explained: "Until your 30th birthday, there was no reason to cause you alarm. We are not the aliens of TV, Heather. Earth cannot stand against us; I knew you would see that. Until you were old enough to understand and except your power as Queen, alerting you to our presence would only lead to fear."

Moving towards him, I stopped right within arm's reach, "Why didn't you tell me as soon as Todd arrived on Earth? Why didn't you let me know then?"

Sighing, he answered: "I wished to allow you more time to be young, to not have the burden of command. It is not easy to be human Queen in a Wraith universe. You wear the mantle well, my Queen, but it is heavy on you."

"So, you intended to take the choice from me?"

"No." He said. I could feel his determination, his resolution that his course was a better way than the one Todd had chosen, "I intended to give you your thirty years of being a normal human. I intended to then give you the choice of marrying my cousin, or remaining on Earth with him none the wiser."

"But the treaty..."

"Would have remained in affect protecting Earth. There is no time limit. If you did not wish to meet him, then he was not your intended."

"The Wraith were trying to get to Earth!"

"Yes. But, you and your people would have remained safe. The Ancients called Earth by a different name. I have not been in communication with our people, Heather. They would have no way of knowing Earth was Terra. Once our people arrived, I would have instructed them that Earth was where our salvation had returned to 10,000 years ago. They would have had no choose but to leave."

"If they were hungry enough, they would have attacked."

"No one on this Hive would have allowed it and your Dilectissima would not have..."

"My Dilectissima was so far away he had to hitch a ride with Atlantis to get here..." As it occurred to me, I added: "And he knew Earth was Terra."

"He had accessed the computers' of Atlantis. Why do you think he never relieved Earth's location to our people? He was protecting his Dilectissima."

Opening my mouth to argue the point with him, I realized my grandfather was right. No one on Atlantis had ever been able to figure out why Todd had protected the information. Putting me into the picture made it easier to understand, it made it make sense. Looking over at my Grandfather's second, I realized I knew him as well: "Hello James."

Looking up from his bow, he simply added my title to what he always said to me when I'd come home: "I am glad to see you home, my Queen."

I laughed and he smiled at the floor. Turning my attention back to my grandfather, I asked: "How did you pass for humans?"

"After 10,000 years, we are quite adept at mimicking human reactions; so all that was needed was to alter our physical appearance."

"What do my parents think happened to James?"

"Nothing. Others took their household's places prior to the Hive's departure."

"Everyone my father hired were Wraith?"

"Yes and no." James answered, "When your mother was expecting you, we could hear you, my Queen, as soon as you as your brain was formed. We all knew it was time. Our Queen had arrived. To protect you, I became your family's butler and hired on help from the Hive as was needed. Your family is in capable hands. We have been training our cloned replacements for years. They will serve your parents well."

"But..." _We left behind Wraith with my parents, what if they..._

My grandfather's voice reflected his mind's quiet certainty as he said: "Those that remained behind are happy to serve their Queen. You do not have to worry, they will not fail you."

Going back to my throne, I sat down hard. _Everything is a lot to deal with: to take in._

My grandfather's mind sung with his desire to comfort me, yet he remained bowed down and only said: _**Yes, my Queen. **_

Now that I knew that my Grandfather's second was my James, I felt relieved: _It seems_ _I didn't leave everyone I know behind on Earth._ _You may rise. Both of you._ Sighing, I sat back in my throne as they both got to their feet easily. _When I am upset I speak out loud, don't I?_

My Grandfather smiled: _**It is normal to you. On any other hive it would be seen as weak, here you may train yourself to break the habit.**_

_ I know. _Looking to his second, I asked:_ I can't call you James any more, can I?_

_** No... **_My grandfather's second mental voice was firm as he continued: _**I would make a request, my Queen.**_

_ What?_

_** I am always your grandfather's second in your mind, never yours. I am yours, my Queen: before and forever.**_

Feeling tears pool in my eyes, I took a few breathes before I answered him: _You're right. I apologize, I never meant... you are right, my Second. And you have always served me well. _At his nod of thanks, I continued: _Grandfather, how did you get your human names?_

_** We took on names when we arrived on Earth. As the language grew, our names evolved with it. **_

A memory floated to the surface of my mind: A voice, waking me up when I was in danger on Atlantis. The phone call what no one had explained, the voice I knew I recognized but couldn't place... Todd's understanding of how to keep me calm... My feelings of Déjà vu when I first entered the Hive... _You were communicating with my __Dilectissima! He knew how to deal with me. He always knew how to act with me... what I wanted from a mate. _

_** Your Dilectissima could feel you as soon as he entered the Galaxy. He reached out to you. He realized you knew nothing of what you were. He knew you had no idea what we were. He had no way of knowing you would come to Atlantis. I knew the people of Earth had encountered the Wraith, but as long as it remained a state secret... Jennifer Keller could not and would not tell you. I believed I had time. I was wrong. **_

_ And... When Atlantis was attacked, you told him what was going on and you called me to wake me up. _

My Grandfather nodded: _**We saw the ship on our sensors hours prior to their arrival. Earth had stood on his own against others many times and this enemy was not a worthy opponent. I could have deployed the darts to retrieve you, but originally we did not except you to be in real danger. You were deep enough in Atlantis that you should have been safe. Once **__**Lt. Hubbel was killed, your **__**Dilectissima was the best recourse that would still be slow enough to allow you to accept your place. I knew you were intrigued by him. On some level, you knew who he was. You felt it. **_

_ Yes. _Remembering the dream I keep having, I project the clearest imagine I can to him as I say: _I remember been on your Hive, don't I? Being in the throne room and everyone bowing to me and chanting... something._

_** Your memory is of your seventh year of birth, your corōnāre. My Queen... it is a memory, one long buried. One we believed to be long forgotten. Your mother told you it was a dream and you convinced yourself it never happened. **_

_ So, it did happen..._ Knowing that what my grandfather said felt right didn't stop me from feeling confused by my disregard for my memories. My lack of self confidence as a child disturbed me. If I hadn't given in so easily maybe I would have already known how to be Queen... and maybe I'd have been married to my Dilectissima already.

My grandfather'sunderstanding touched me through our mental link: _**It seems so unreal to you even now, but think how fantastic it would seem to a child: you meet green aliens who had make you their queen? It's unbelievably makes it easy to see how you're accept it as a dream and try to move past the memory. **_

_ It must have bothered you... all of you._

_** It was necessary for you to continue on living your life. **_

Stepping forward, Second bowed: _**Paramount is our Queen's happiness and safely. I saw your unhappiness when your mother didn't believe you. Your mother did what she thought was right. She had no way of knowing that it was real. In order to protect your own mind, you did the only thing you could: you accepted that it had all been a dream. You moved on. **_

_** Things are only impossible until they're not. Those words have new meaning down, don't they Granddaughter?**_

My grandfather's words brought my concern to the forefront of my mind_: You can't quote __Picard, Grandfather, or anything else Earth based anymore. If my people hear they will know you..._

_** If your people hear they will assume any number of people could have said it in front of your **__**Dilectissima...**__** or you have said it to us. They will convince themselves of this. Just as you once convinced yourself that you had not been to an alien ship and been declared Queen; they also will bend their own wills to believe as is easiest. **_

_ I was young. They are not. And they do not trust Wraith. They will assume the worst._

** You would be correct but for one thing, Granddaughter.**

Rolling my eyes at his audacity, I thought: _Silly me. Why would I know anything about how humans would react? _My grandfather didn't answer right away. I could see in his eyes that he thought my confidence amusing in this case, but he tried to maintain his didn't bother to hide his feeling of hilarity at my thoughts. As he looked at his feet, I could feel that he'd already figured out the reasoning and he felt my grandfather's answer was rock solid. _By all means, enlighten me Grandfather..._

_** Pride, Heather. Pride. You people have traveled using the Stargate for 15 years. Your people have had Star Wars-like spacecrafts for twelve years. How could they have missed a Hive in Earth's orbit for all those years... how could they be so incompetent? **_

_ You have ZPMs! Your shields are powerful and you blocked them... It's not that hard to understand! _

_** True, but even without prove, your people should still fear that Wraith are on Earth. They do not. For 10,000 years those in charge of your world have stuck their heads in the sand. Heather, we have not brought provisions. We have taken what was needed. I have made sure that those taken would not bring anger to you: murders, rapist, abusers...But, even now, they will never fathom the truth if you do not tell them. **_

_ How many?_

_** I do not think...**_

_ Grandfather,_ I commanded: _How many from my world have been taken to feed... our crew. _

_** Our hive circled on the dark side of Earth's moon for 10,000 years. You must not take responsibility for that which is a natural process. **_Staring at him, I didn't bother to repeat my question. I knew the number would have to be astronomical.

_ One wraith would have to eat at least twice a year, so in ten thousand years a wraith would have to consume at least 20,000 people. A whole hive of wraith... Oh my god._

_** My Queen... Granddaughter, it is how it must be.**_

_ Yes. _I answered: _All living things must eat, after all._ Standing, I barely noticed as both my grandfather and Second bowed to me. Without a word, I left the throne room and headed to my private room. Second wished to follow and assure me that their food's deaths weren't my fault, but my grandfather's command kept him in the throne room. I could feel my Grandfather's understanding that I needed time alone to deal with my own feelings. He knew I wasn't upset that they'd fed on criminals and I didn't think they were lying. I was upset because I understood. I was upset that I was comfortable with them being judge, jury, and executioner. The turmoil in my mind was directed at me and not them. _I am the monster._

Hic qua videeum pushed his thought into my mind along with his comfort: _**In much knowledge there is also much grief. Your thoughts are correct, even if your heart feels fear at them. **_

Pushing my disgust at myself to my most protected portion of my mind, I calmed my thoughts. Intending for them to believe that I was fine but wished to rest, I told them I would be taking a nap. Though my Grandfather, my Second, and the Hive didn't believe I'd calmed down and accepted my feelings so easily, they understood my wish for some semblance of privacy. My grandfather assured me that he'd take care of any business for today, alone. I could feel in his mind that he hoped I'd call on him once I'd calmed down a bit so that he could talk again about this. His approach was more understanding than Second's comedic advice.

Second's last thoughts before leaving was Yoda's line in Star Wars: _**Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not.**_

Staring at the ceiling of my room, I couldn't stop thinking. The thoughts clashing through my head like watching a light saber battle in a dark room with a fully migraine. _This is not working_. Pulling out my diary, I wrote:

_How would Yoda react to my predicament? Would my standing idly by be okay to the Jedi? Or would they label me a Sith? I feel like a Sith here. If John or Jen saw me now, they surely would think me insane. Caring about those that kidnapped me? Stockholm syndrome. But, at the same time, I've trusted this Hive for my whole life, even if I didn't know it. I've always believed in the Death penalty for rape and murder. I always accepted that if someone hurt those I loved, I'd want to strike back._

_My tears aren't for the dead. My tears are for me. Nothing in my life was black or white anymore. Morality as I know it is dead. I haven't changed but the world had. I'm not upset that they ate; I'm upset that I'm not upset. I want to believe I'm crying over dead humans. But, it doesn't feel true. I didn't like the idea of the Wraith I knew suffering. I love them. Billy, James, and the rest of them have always been there for me. I always thought of them as family and now... I know they are my family. I can feel it, even if they aren't humans. Nothing gets between me and my family._

_Shirley Jean Abbott Tomkievicz: We all grow up with the weight of history on us. Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies._

_I always liked that quote. Now, I get why. It's true. It's just my problem and my strength. Luke Skywalker didn't act ask like the Jedi before him and neither will I. One day, my people will need to eat and I'll order them to eat. I'll order them to live._

_Day 26 / 07:35_

_Dear Diary,_

_After my stream of consciousness yesterday, I went about my day almost as if my freak-out hadn't happened. My Grandfather had dinner with me. Well, I ate and he spoke: he told me about my grandmother. This was the hardest part for her too. She's ordered people to their death but even she felt cullings were different. As my grandfather told me that I can let my commander handle cullings for the Hive, all I could think about was how weak it would make me. How... human in everybody's eyes. I know everyone on this hive would understand, but I can't help but feel that I need to give the order one day. My Dilectissima might not need me too, but how about the rest of them? Can a Queen let her people go hungry?_

_She shouldn't. I don't want that to be me. I was looking on my iPod last night at the quotes I carry around with me. One from Elizabeth I stuck out: "I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king..." I need to have the heart and stomach of a Wraith to be who they think I am. I must keep my humanity to be who I am meant to be. Only with both sides of myself, can I really be Queen._

As I wrote, I felt my Grandfather's presence in the throne room. He's mental request to speak to me was not unexpected, but he's thoughts were not on my questions. Instead his mind was blank, his emotions locked down so tight that it inspired fear in me. Rising and leaving my room, I walked with a calm steady pace to my throne. _Grandfather._

_** My Queen. We've received a communication from the Queen Mothers. They wish to assemble and discuss plans for your 30th year of birth. Your Birth day. **_


	17. Chapter 14

Everyone, Thank you for the support! Things have been crazy and my writting time has suffered.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

"I have another month before my birthday..." Taking my sit, I eyed my grandfather. I could feel his rage. _What is it?_

_** 34 days, my Queen. Yet, your **__**Dilectissima is demanding your bonding take place as soon as possible. He is claiming it must be done **__**honoris causa.**_

_ F__or the sake of the honor?_

_** Yes. Your... affection with him... challenges the contracted time period. Your acceptance of the situation allows him to move faster than I intended. I made a promise to my Dilectissima: thirty years to live as you wish before the yoke of command. I have never broken a promise to her and I do not wish to start now. **_

_ It's only 34 days!_ _I wish this, Grandfather!_ _I found the right man... finally... why wouldn't I want to marry..._

_** You need this time to learn your position and your people. Your Dilectissima has changed in 10,000 years. It is not that I do not trust him with you. I do not think he will kill you and take your power... but he has lived without a Queen for far too long. Once you are comfortable, you will yield your power. He will fight you and himself. **_

_ He wants this alliance, why would he fight me?_

_** You are young. He has been commander for 100,000 years. There are some things, my Queen, that he will know that you will not. **_

_ Of course there will be! We will talk about them and we'll be fine._

_** Heather, I have watched you grow and understand your mental processes. Yet, even I have had times where I must remind myself that... **_

_ I'm only human. _

_** No. I would not say that you are only human. You are the best of my wife and me. Not human alone.. But, you think like an Earthling first. I watched and waited for our Queen to be born. I have seen humans change and evolve; later, I watched you grow up. We were free, while your Dilectissima has been captive to humans... He has seen the worst of your people. **_

_ He has seen the worst of the humans in this galaxy... your galaxy. Earth humans are different..._

_** He has been a prisoner on Atlantis as well, Heather. Remember, a whole Hive died because of Dr. Keller case study. Never forget how easily the Wraith of the Primary's Hive was sacrificed by the people of Earth. During it all, your Dilectissima has always known that one of the Earthlings might be you. There was no way to know if I or our Hive had survived to bring you home. If we were dead and you had even been born, you could have come with the expedition five years ago and already been killed. Still, he acted as he did for the benefit of our people: choosing to protect Earth until he knew for sure if his Queen lived. **_

_ That's all very nice, but you weren't with us in Atlantis, Grandfather. Getting here, we faced issues. We worked them out, Grandfather. Love finds a way, so we can look out anything else we encounter now..._

_** It will be different for both of you now. To you, it will not be only your life and the lives of your friends on the line: it will be every human in the galaxy and every Wraith. To him, he will be utterly conflicted. He will wish to go what is right for all Wraith while feeling his duty to you should be his first priority. You are his Queen and his wife. It will not be easy. **_

_ You and my_ _Dilectissima will be there to help me. I will be fine. Meeting your mother is just to plan my birthday, right? And once they see I can control my hormones for another month, everything will be fine. _

_** Heather... I do not doubt what The Queen mothers... my mother... will see: A young woman who already has the devotion of their blood sons... the two highest Wraith commanders... I do not fear they will find you to be lacking... I have watched you grow to become a wonderful woman. You are humble and wise. You are cunning and strong. A leader. A woman who will be a great Queen. If the process starts now... You have already seen that being Queen is not easy. You are Queen of one Hive now. Once our people know are have arrived, you will be Queen of all. **_

_ I know this isn't going to be easy... hell, I knew that long before I left Earth. If I wanted easy, I wouldn't have come. _

_** You know it will not be easy. Hmm. Is that so, then why**__**have you not even asked what is done to celebrate your thirtieth year of birth. **_

Drawing himself up to his full height, he towered over me. I knew I didn't want to know the answer before I took the bait, but I also knew I didn't really have a choice._ Grandfather, what party will they plan for my 30th birthday?_

_** After your **__**corōnāre and it's... issues, we thought it better to not continue with traditional ceremonies. **__**At seventeen years of age when one ascends the throne, you would choose children to serve you until they have outlived their usefulness. 10,000 years ago, we agreed that at your 30th year of life that the time would have come. Their deaths would seal the alliance as is normally done when a Queen takes a consort and commander. **_

_ Children are killed? No. I will not._

_** Normally, they are not children anymore. But, since you have no human servants...**_

_ You can't possibly think that I will..._

_** I had hoped that you would be spared from this ritual, but it seems your Dilectissima does not wish to break tradition. A month of servitude is the minimum amount of time for the children's sacrifice. If you are called to the Queen mother's now, they will barely have enough time to gather children to serve you. Curious, when your Dilectissima has been a champion of human rights but perhaps he feels having you by his side outweigh such concerns. **_

_ I can't!_

_** Then you risk the alliance and your place in it.**_

_ But, I can't. I won't kill children. I won't let you, him, and whoever else feed on children. You're trying to scare me but it won't work. I'll just explain my feelings to the Queen Mothers' and they will help me find another way. They will understand. _

_** They will understand, but it will not change the outcome. If you had no contact with him before this time, it might be possible, but as you have already made him your consort...**_

_ We never slept together!_

_** To a Wraith, a kiss is binding. It is a promise of things to come. He has every right to invoke the old ways to make sure there isn't a question. Wraith emotions are overwhelming to a human... it could be said that he forced your reaction. If you do not fight him on this, you confirm that he is innocent of this and the marriage must proceed.**_

_ If he did, would that save the children?_

_** Of course.**_

_ Fine, I'll tell them that then. Problem solved._

_** Heather, you cannot.**_

_ Of course I can... I am Queen. You will not contradict me! I forbid it!_

_** Very well, my Queen. It is only that it will lead to your Dilectissima's immediate death.**_

_ What? Why?_

_** Heather, if he forced you... a Queen... He surely deserves death. The Queen Mothers' would never allow you to marry such a male. **_

_ So, you're telling me that my options are his death or theirs? There is no other way._

_** Not if you love him. **_

"Of course, I do!" The affirmation came out as a roar more than a response.

_** Then, you must sacrifice the children. I will speak to him... perhaps if he and I go to the Queen Mothers' we can convince them that you do not have to be present for that part of the ceremony. **_

_ No, you will convince them that no child will be killed for my marriage... I won't allow it. _I could feel my grandfather's exasperation with me; he felt I asked for the impossible. Realizing that he'd had this conversation before, I searched his mind for when before my own brain filled in the blanks: when he'd married Lal. _You couldn't convince them 10,000 years ago, could you?_

_** No. I had been able to reduce the number. That will be the best we can hope for. She did not speak to me for weeks. But, there was no other way. I am sorry, granddaughter.**_

_ Did Lal try talking to them?_

_** Yes.**_

_ So, she wasn't able to convince them either?_

_** No.**_

_ Oh god. _Turning away from him, I fought the tears that came to my eyes. _How can you expect me to go through with this? _

_** I know it is alien to you, but this is our way. It begun long ago. There was a time that such traditions were a matter of survival... when the Queen Mothers' barely survived a second wave of attack; children's life force was the only thing strong enough to revive them. Many religions on Earth have similar practices, Heather: the Aztecs, Mongols, Scythians, early Egyptians, Phoenicians, Carthaginians, ancient Chinese, Incas...**_

_ We don't do that on Earth now! You can't..._

_** I know, Heather. I know. But, you must remember that we are not like you. Whereas your people receive no benefit from such actions, Wraith do. I understand that you think it cruel and even evil. But, in this case... it is necessary. **_

_ We have to find another way. Grandfather, please. _

_** I will not promise you what cannot be delivered, Granddaughter. I will not lie to you. **_

I couldn't fight my tears anymore. My grandfather didn't speak; instead he put his arms around me and held me. At first, I couldn't form coherent words in my mind. I knew I couldn't allow this and yet I needed someone else to fix this because I didn't know what else to do. _If he and Lal hadn't been able to stop this 10,000 years ago, how would I? There was a way for me to protect them, kill the love of my life and save the children._ _Killing him to save people I didn't know isn't right either. This is their way._ _Every human in the universe isn't my responsibility, the Wraith and the people of Earth are my family. My responsibility. The Ancients left these people here to die; I don't have to do anything different. I don't have to save everyone. I can't save everyone._ Nothing slowed down the tears and I didn't have an answer. My Grandfather didn't say a word as I continued to try to think myself into accepting this. _If I asked them to substitute adult humans, would I be any more accepting? _The answer was within me to that but even I couldn't bring myself to ask him to trade one life for another. Instead, I asked: _How is it done?_

Stroking my cheek, my grandfather asked: _**How can that possibility help you to accept this? I will speak to them about your departure for that portion of the ceremony. I do not think your **__**Dilectissima will object.**_

Pulling slightly away from him, I challenged his statement: _A Queen does not ask to leave when her Hive eats, Grandfather. If you cannot do it in front of me, you should not be doing it at all._

_** It is not my comfort that is at issue, my Queen. Your statement is proper, but it is flawed. **_

_ Everything about this situation is flawed, Grandfather. This should be one of the best times of my life and instead it is worst than torture! Even if I don't have to personally kill these children, this is on my head: all for a few kisses and some groping. _I saw him flinch at my wording. But, I continued without pausing: _What happens if we don't show up?_

_** They will see it as you have rejected him. He will be killed for displeasing his Queen.**_

My sigh was more like a moan. _I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all._

_** She would have understood your position. If she was still alive, she'd tell you that you must do what must be done for humanity's sake. **_

_ If she was here, she would kill me to take my place._

_** Yes. **_

I didn't dare think that I'd give her my position right now. I knew he'd understand that even without my confirming it, but it seemed pointless to wish for some dead Russian Empress to take my place. _If we leave now... how long until we arrive?_

_** Three days, My Queen.**_

_ Set course and inform them that I will be arriving shortly._

_** Yes, my Queen. **_

_Day 28 / 01:53_

_ Dear Diary,_

_I can't sleep. We are a little more than a day away from meeting my great (insert a hundred or so more great's here) Grandmother and my great (insert a hundred or so more great's here) Grand Aunt/mother-in-law and I'm still not comfortable with what I am about to do. I've been spending as much time as possible with Seventh, the Wraith in charge of Resources. It's hard for me to understand how differently he looks at his food and me. To me, we are the same. To him, we are utterly different: like dragons and ants. (I'm the Dragon... happily.) I can feel how blasphemous he thinks it is when I acknowledge that they anything like me. He's not doing it to make this easier on me. It is how he feels. A part of me wishes I could believe that too._

_The last two nights, I've spent crying in my room. Mourning people I do not know. I can't seem to stop. My Grandfather has stayed up too. He just holds me. In the morning, I get up and sit through the reports like nothing is going on. But, at night, it haunts me. I question if I can really do this; if I can really be the Wraith's Queen. I question if I really want to do this. It might be easier to forfeit my own life for theirs. It might be better for the Wraith and certainly better for my consciousness. And then I imagine Seventh's horror at such a thing. I imagine my __Dilectissima's misery and my grandfather's pain. And I mourn the humans I will destroy._

_** My Queen.**_

Opening my eyes, I see Second standing next to my bed. My grandfather is standing on the other side of my bed, keeping vigil as he's been doing every night I've been here. At first, I thought it weird when I realized. Now, I am thankful for his presence. This morning, he's turned away as if to give us some privacy. I know we've been pushing the Hive's engines. I can feel the Hive's pain, though he won't admit it to me. I've asked Hic qua videeum several times if he's okay and he claims he's fine. At second's appearance in my room, my first thought it that the Hive's in danger. The mood of the hive is good and constant. I can tell he's straining to get us to the Queen Mothers' in time but he is sure he will make it and doesn't seem to be in any unanticipated pain. Everything seems okay with the ship so my next fear is that we've arrived. Remembering Hic qua videeumis still working to get us there, it seems unlikely Second would feel the need to wake me so early. Telling myself that nothing is wrong, I force calmness on myself as I greet him: _Good morning, my Second._

_** Good Morning, My Queen. Pardon my intrusion, but I wish to show you something. **_At my nod, he continued: _**You know that I brought a few things from Earth that you left at home. Things I thought you might enjoy. **_Once I'd placed who second was, he'd happily shown me a whole cargo hold of things I had thought I left behind on Earth in storage. As I nodded again, I realized Second was holding my iPod, _**I went through your DVDs and uploaded some clips that might be of assistance. **_

_ Clips?_

_** Yes, my Queen. See.**_Pressing a few buttons, Mia from the Princess Dairies appeared on the screen: "Okay, you know what? I don't feel protected. You try living for 15 years thinking that you're one person, and then in five minute, you find out you're a princess. Just in case I wasn't enough of a freak already, let's add a tiara!"

At my honest laughter, I could feel his pleasure. Looking serious now, he pressed another button and Li Nalas and Sisko from Star Trek: Deep Space 9 appeared on the little screen:

"I've done everything I can to help. I would die for my people but-"  
"Sure you would. Dying gets you off the hook. Question is, are you willing to live for your people? Live the role they want you to play. That's what they need from you right now."

Neither my grandfather, nor Second, needed to put into words what they were thinking. They knew what I'd considered last night and they intended to let Star Trek reprimand me. Squaring my shoulders, I looked him in the eye: _I have no intention of giving up. _

My grandfather nodded. Second didn't look completely convinced. I wanted to yell that he couldn't possibly understand what this felt like to me. I wanted to rally at him for presuming to see into my thoughts. I did neither.

On Earth, James had known me better than any of the others on my parents' staff. Long before my godfather had become President, I'd joked with my father that James was my private secret service. As long as I could remember, James had been the one staff member I could go to with anything. Though he'd give his opinion on what I'd dreamed up, he allowed me to make my own mistakes as long as I was in little danger.

At fifteen, James had chaperoned Jen and I to our first school dance. A boy my father didn't like had asked me and I'd insisted on going with him. My date was bad news but I wanted to rebel. I intended to rebel. Before leaving, I remember thinking that tonight I'd let my hair down and I'd enjoy it because that's what normal teenagers did. James and my father greeted me at the door. James was going with me; he'd drive the limo and sit in the gym at the dance. I had no choice. My date arrived and we were off. When James had gotten out of the limo to open the door for Jen and her boyfriend, my date tried to cop a feel. I barely was able to keep him from doing more in the few seconds it took for Jen to get in the limo. James's eyes bored into mine in the mirror as he drove to the school. Silently, I begged him to do nothing: to let it go. He did as I wanted but he soon got his wish.

My night didn't improve. Once at the dance, my date has snuck alcohol in. James said nothing. James continued to say nothing as my date got a little touchy with me again; He only acted once I'd said stop and my date didn't listen. Then, James acted decisively. Not that I'd minded. James never told my father all of what had happened; only that my date's parents should know that if he ever went near me again they would be filing charges against James for murder. My date stayed away and my father counted his blessings. Under James's watchful gaze, he'd allowed me the greatest amount of freedom from my parent's over protectiveness. It seemed he was still protecting me, even from myself. You know that s_ometimes humans have thoughts, but they wouldn't ever act on them... I would not..._

_** You have less stray thoughts than most, Heather. You always have. It will never be the right answer. And suggesting it would be seen as...**_

_ Weak._ Finishing his answer, I added: _We must never allow that, my Second._

_** No, my Queen. We must not.**_

_ Mmm._ Closing the subject, I looked to my grandfather: _Grandfather, let us begin the day._

_** Make sure that no further stray thoughts lead to your death, Heather. It will help no one and hurt many. **_My grandfather projected the thought into my mind as if the force was an exclamation mark to his statement.

His horror at the idea once again confirmed his love for me and that tempered my desire to figure out a way around the 30th birthday feeding frenzy right this second. I could feel my grandfather calling for my breakfast to be brought. Turning to my Second, I asked: _How long until we arrive?_

_** Five hours, my Queen.**_

The relatively short window before I'd be faced with the two most powerful Wraith' in existence seemed to make breakfast less important yet I honestly didn't feel afraid. Compared to the fear I expected, my thoughts turned towards the normal fears one faces when meeting a long lost grandmother or your mother-in-law-to-be: _Will they like me? What will I wear? _

My grandfather's reassuring answer made me want to smile:_**Your garments are ready. As are you, Heather. **_

_ What have you told them about me?_

_** That we are coming, my Queen.**_

_ I know. But, what else have you told them? What else have they asked?_

_** It is not the Wraith way to ask such questions. My mother knows my pride in you, of course. My confidence. She will be able to sense that you already have the devotion of all from Drones to the Hive itself. You will stand before than as Queen and you will find your own way. Though I am their blood too, I am but a male. Your thoughts and feeling will hold more merit in their eyes. Your actions will speak for you.**_

_ Will... will you two be there with me?_

_** The Whole Hive will stand with you, my Queen.**_

_ Our whole hive?_ The question reverberated through my mind.

_** You must just be yourself. Everything will be fine. **_At that thought, my Vassellitus entered my chambers and my grandfather grew silent. Setting down my breakfast in front of me, my Vassellitus went into my bathroom to get my bath ready as he did every morning. With him out of the room, my grandfather repeated: _**Everything will be fine, Heather. You'll see.**_

Picking up a piece of French Toast, I knew what I had to do: _Second, please inform the Queen Mothers that we will be delayed._

_** My Queen?**_

Second's question hung in the air. Nibbling the piece of French Toast, I didn't weight my decision further before speaking, "We must cull. You all must eat. Find a... suitable... planet and send the darts."

I could feel my grandfather's command for Second to leave us. Without looking at him, I could feel Second's concern as he left. Even as a part of me screamed in horror at what I'd said, I continued calming eating my breakfast: _I'm killing people: humans. I can't do this... I must not do this... _Dueling feelings battled for supremacy: pride because my action was one of a wraith queen preparing her hive for their journey and horror that I'd taken steps to protect myself above other humans. I knew my order wasn't based on my wraith families hunger; it was based on my belief that I'd be found unworthy. There was a really possibility that my grandfather and his men would have to fight to get me out and safely away from the Queen Mothers'. Tryingtostuff those thoughts deep into my mind, I continued eating.

My grandfather watched me without saying a word but I could feel his thoughts were at war much like my own. Tears pooled behind my eyes and I refused to let them fall. Getting down on bended knee, my grandfather stopped my hand as it journeyed to my mouth. Quietly, he said: "Heather."

Looking down at my plate, I answered: "It's the right order. You know it is."

"That is not the point. The reason you are doing it..."

"Will my reasons matter to them? Or will it just matter that I ordered it? Ordering it proves I am ready..."

_** Your beliefs will matter. Your belief in your weakness will matter. It will matter a great deal. If you do not believe, you are not ready to meet them...**_

_ Then he will die!_

_** He brought that upon himself. **_

_ If I am not ready... will they kill me?_

There was no hesitation as he answered out loud and in my mind, "_**No, of course not!**_"

_ Then we have to go. I can't let him die, Grandfather. I can't. I love him._

I could feel his frustration. His desire to protect me. Flexing him hands, he stood towering over me: _**He has put us in this position. **_

_ I know that! But, it doesn't make sense. He loves me...__why would he put us in this position? _

_** It does not matter. He has.**_

_ You've been saying that but it does matter to me! _Mentally yelling at him now, I stood with my hands on my hips. I could feel the rage pouring out of my mind towards him; I could see his body battling to remain upright. I was using Queen's will without meaning to, and yet, I didn't stop myself. _Why is he putting me in this position? Why has he moved up the timetable? What is he afraid of? _Shaking in my fury, my grandfather bared his teeth as he felt the answer form in my mind: Y_ou've kept him away for the past month. He doesn't even know where I am... We could be on the way back to Earth... I could be lost to him forever. He thinks this is his last chance. Either I come to him or he dies. He's making you give me a chance to fulfill my destiny... __10,000 years ago, when you agreed that at my 30th year of life I'd take my place... It wasn't 30 Earth years, was it?_


	18. Chapter 15

Again, Thank you to everyone who keeps reading. I really love reading your comments and your kind words. Thank you so much. And now, here's the newest chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Second had been standing outside the door for an hour without moving. He'd arrived a second after my grandfather had fallen. My Grandfather hasn't answered my question; he'd passed out from the pain.

Hic qua videeum kept trying to provide a steady stream of updates on the Culling. I hadn't allowed him into my mind. Even after repeating denying him access to my thoughts, he'd only pushed enough to assure himself that I hadn't done any damage to myself. Once he was sure I was fine, he'd respected my barriers. I wasn't sure that I was alright. I didn't feel anything. The anger that had raged in me had held even after my grandfather had passed out. I felt like I needed to hit something, but I'd kept myself in check. _My bones brake easier than Wraith._ My grandfather's mind pulsed with his pain and yet I didn't close my mind to it. It helped calm me.

Second hadn't tried to come into the room or enter my thoughts. He just stood waiting in the throne room. I could tell he'd wait without question or debate until I was ready to allow him entrance. I let him wait. Another hour went by. My grandfather still had not stirred. I could feel his life-force was still strong and steady. But, my rage had been great and directed solely at him. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself a little smirk. I couldn't help but feel a little bit of wonder at the level of power my outburst had reached.

Calming, I realized I could feel the darts returning to the Hive. I could feel the excitement as they cataloged the bounty. The Hive wished to get underway again. Without allowing him to glean anything more than my permission to continue to the Queen Mothers' location, I opened my mind to Hic qua videeum and gave the order. Once we were underway, I turned on my iPod and lost myself in music for a little while. I didn't need my Grandfather's answer to know what he'd done. His true lie to me had been one of omission. It was possible that he'd lied to everyone 10,000 years ago; he might never have intended to bring me here to the Wraith. It didn't matter that I felt sure he'd done it because he loved me, even before I'd been born. I didn't matter that he'd seen what living like this had done to my grandmother, his wife. It didn't matter that I felt sure that he intended to lie to protect me from living out the horror of being a Human Wraith Queen. It was odd to realize that I could be angry over his noble sacrifice. I was his Queen. But, he believed he knew better than me. He'd acted against my wishes and my interests. His actions could have cost me my Dilectissima. They still could. Looking down at his motionless body, I felt my rage simmer a bit hotter for a second. Wondering if I had subconsciously picked up a vibe, I reprimand him by saying: _I know you are awake, Grandfather._

"Do not speak." As I commanded his silence, I opened my mind to him. I let him see what I suspected. And I felt his shame. I felt his love for my grandmother, undiminished after all this time. I felt his love for me. I felt his respect and his pride in how I'd turned out. The one emotion that he lacked was remorse. It was not present anywhere in his mind. He would lie to me again if he thought it was for my benefit: "It is not your choice. This is my life. This is the life of our people. I have to..."

He huffed, "Our people. You are young, Heather. You do not have any concept of what you are taking on. You think ordering the culling for one Hive was hard? You will order Culls for each of the Hives. You will watch many, many worlds as they are destroyed. You will watch your children feed on humans. You will watch as your husband feds on others... others who are more like you than him. The Wraith have survived for 10,000 years without you. Without them, you will remain happy. Your Dilectissima can only bring you pain."

"I wasn't happy!" Surging to my feet again, my volume raised with each word, "I hated it there. I hated always being alone. Feeling like I was missing something, feeling like I was meant to be something big and yet never feeling like I'd reached my potential..."

"Do you think no other human feels that way?" His volume matched mine, "That is being alive, Heather. You are the type... you will always worry that you are not good enough... You will always hate what you must do. It is not a life."

"I cannot go back to the way it was before. I might as well be dead then!" Feeling tears pooling in my eyes, I fought for control of my emotions. Telling myself that I didn't want to hurt my grandfather again, I forced myself to calm down and lower my voice: "Even before I knew who I was, I knew that I wanted to help. I want this. I want him. Human or not... I can do this, Grandfather."

"I do not doubt you, Heather. I want better for you."

Shaking my head, I wrestled against the tears. The tears won. Walking over to my bed, I straightened out the covers rather than look at him. I could feel the truth and love in his words, even if I didn't agree with him at all. It was hard to argue with his love and devotion so plainly apparent. His scorn or hate would be much easier to battle. "I..."

He sighed: _**Scorn and hate would be easier for us both, Heather. It is funny. I once feared that once you knew your destiny, you'd hate what we are and you'd hate yourself. Now, I almost wish...**_

_ She doesn't agree with you. My Grandmother wants me to marry him. She doesn't regret her choice._

I could see the conviction in his eyes as he answered: "I watched her pain, Heather. I loved her. I still love her. And I will never forget her pain. It haunts me. To see you endure it..."

Cutting him off, I found myself telling him the truth even as I knew it wouldn't protect him from the situation: _Fine, understand this: You're going to see me in pain either way... I can go back to Earth and live a safe little life there and be in pain in every second of every day of my life. Missing him. Worrying about what's going on out here... worrying about Teyla, Torren,__Ronon, my friends... Wondering who will be eaten this week and if I'll ever be told... Or I can remain here... I can work towards making this alliance work. I can save countless lives and be with the man I love. I get that's it's not going to be easy. I get that some days I'm going to hate myself. But, if I'm going to be in pain, I rather be in pain with him than without him._ I could see an idea forming in his mind and I quickly denied him the option: "I forbid you from making me forget anything or playing with my memories in any way, shape, or form regardless of your conviction that you'd be doing it for my benefit."

"I would not do that to you... Even though I might sometimes wish to."

I could feel the honestly in his answer and I wondered at the calm way I faced that thought. He could do it. I'd never know. But, somehow I knew I could trust him to not do it. Just as he claimed. Thinking that I'd won him over, I added: "Non est vivere sed valere vita est."

_** Life is more than just being alive, but life will be different if you choose to continue down this path. It will be far different than you have ever imagined. The Queen Mothers' will ask you questions; Questions you are not prepared to answer.**_

_ Perhaps. But, I will find a way to answer them. Honestly._

Smiling, he laughed and said:_**I am sure you will**_. I could feel his concern wasn't diminished but he felt convinced, at least, that I intended to keep to this course. _**You are my Queen, Heather. I wish for the best for you.**_

_ I know. But, you have to let me decided what is best... I want your council, Grandfather, but it must be my decision in the end._

_** That it as it should be, my Queen.**_

I could feel that regardless of his agreement, he felt sure I'd come to regret my decision. Knowing it was a case of agree to disagree, I simply asked: _How long until we arrive?_

_** The span of five Earth hours. **_

_ Very well. See to the storage of your food. Leave me._Bowing, my grandfather left. Even before the door had closed behind him, I felt second's request to enter. I didn't grant him permission. I pointedly didn't acknowledge his request and I didn't bother hiding the fact that I didn't want him. I could feel in his mind that he'd come to allow me to speak, to bounce my ideas and concerns off of him as I'd done on Earth. Acknowledging that a part of me wanted to continue on as I'd done before didn't seem harmful. Continuing the practice would be. Through everyone on the hive knew how I processed things before, they worried I'd continue on that course. _You are not needed Second._

_** My Queen. **_I could feel his presence leave the area and the pride in which he broadcasted my rejection to the Hive. I could feel my grandfather's answering approval.

Sitting on my bed, I ignored both of them. Closing my eyes and my mind, I threw myself a pity party. _This is what being Queen is like... being utterly alone. This will be my life. Oh god. This! _Silently, the tears fell. Thinking back over history: the queens and kings I'd learned about, I couldn't believe that I'd ever want to be royal. Here and now, I realized how stupid that wish was. How childish. With a half sob and half laugh, I buried my head in my hands and trying to remember to take slow and steady breaths. My lungs felt like they were on fire. My head felt like a hundred pound weight was pressing in on it. Knowing it was a trick of my mind, knowing it was my fear and my stress culminating into seemingly physical ache, meant nothing to me. Right now, I wondered if I'd die of my head exploding would that save me and my Dilectissima. He could continue living and I'd be free to rest in peace. Thinking of my Dilectissima sparked a memory: The first time I'd gone with the team to Teyla's planet. Todd had been furious that I'd gone on an away mission. He'd claimed I'd put myself in danger of running into hungry Wraith. Because his people hadn't known I'd arrived in Pegasus, he feared I could have been captured or killed. To make his point, he's stalked me as if he was going to feed. But, I'd grabbed his hand and turned his point upside down...

He had a wild look on his face and yet I did not allow myself to move away from him. I could feel the nature of his thoughts; I could feel his control and his intent to make contact with my cheat without feeding to make his point. His wild look was an act. My wild impulse was not. Catching his arm as he'd taught me to do, I positioned my hand a little below his feeding slit, and stroked it with my nail. He'd be excited by that betrayal: When we had been practicing stopping a wraith who was trying to feed, I'd touched him like this by accident and he'd responded with a mental flood of lust.

_** Dilectissima! **_Before I knew it, his lips met mine and all thoughts had fled my mind. I could feel him again pushing me up against that wall in Atlantis. Like it was going on again, I could hear his plead: "You must not take risks, Heather. Promise me." Positioning his knee in between my legs as he kissed me, he moved against me. "Promise."

It felt like I was on fire. Like I was dying and living all at the same time. I couldn't think enough to form sentences; I would promise him anything in the universe if he'd continue. There didn't seem to be enough air and all I could murmur between kisses was his name. "Todd..."

_** Dilectissima! **_This time, his call wasn't a memory. I wasn't sure how, but I had heard him for the first time since I'd been on my grandfather's hive.

_ Dilectissima? Can... can you hear me? _My headache and heartache was forgotten in the flush of endorphins triggered by my flesh and blood mate, I sat up in my bed and looked around the room. He wasn't there. But, my body still felt like he'd just been touching me. _Impossible. He's not here... He can't be. _Not calling my grandfather or any of the others to me, I scanned the Hive for Todd's familiar presence. I felt nothing. Calling again to him with my mind, there was no reply. Trying to shake my feeling of concern, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths: _I'll see him in a few hours. Everything is alright. I'm sure it was just my imagination. I should try _to sleep. My logical thoughts didn't comfort me. I tossed and turned in my bed.

Sitting up, I reached for my iPod and woke it up to check the time. It had only been an hour. "Are you kidding me?" I asked the empty room.

Standing, I walked out of my bedroom and into my Throne room. Trailing my fingers over one of the arms of my throne, I could feel the Hive reach out to me. Opening my mind to him, Hic qua videeum was unhappy to find out that I'd had trouble sleeping, but he wasn't surprised. I could feel him inform my grandfather and I felt my grandfather leave the bridge. He was coming to me. _Great. Not._ Calmly taking my seat on my throne, I awaited his arrival.

Minutes later, I could feel him outside the door. Allowing him to enter, I broke from my own practice of letting him rise as soon as he bowed. This time, I allowed him to wait there for a few seconds before speaking: _Yes Grandfather?_

_** Heather, since you wish to follow the customs of our people... there is a ceremony that you should perform prior to meeting your **__**Dilectissima again**__**. It will also perhaps help you to relax. **_

_ What type of ceremony?_

_** It is called **__**Immersionem or what you would call immersion for ritual purity. You have done it daily, I know, but this time you should do it for the purpose other than cleanliness. **_

_ I've done it? But where?_

_** The pool in the bathroom. **_

_ Oh. So there is something in there besides water, then? That's why it's weird water?_

Smiling he shook his head_: __**Water is not always just two hydrogen atoms covalently bonded to a single oxygen atom. Wraith prefer our water to what you are used to. It will not harm you. It does not feel weird to us, it is our normal.**_

_ There's nothing wrong with it... it's just... well... different. Never mind that... How do I prefer this Immersionem ceremony?_

_** Of course. You must be completely relaxed, Heather. Your Vassellitus should not even be with you as you perform this ritual. You must clear all thoughts from your mind. You should spend a few moments contemplating the importance of the immersion, and in an unhurried fashion, lower yourself into the waters. After immersing once, remain standing in the waters, and recite: Blessed are You, who has sanctified us and commanded us concerning immersion. Then immerse yourself twice more. After the last time recite: Blessed are You, Creator of time and space, who has supported us, protected us, and brought us to this moment.**_

_ That's it?_

_** Yes. And while you do that, I will have your dress brought to you.**_

_ Okay. Grandfather, I have to ask: If I was a Wraith, would I still be doing this?_

_** A Queen would have done this prior to taking her throne, as you grew up unaware of your position... You are doing it later than normal but the ritual is customary and valid for your position. On Earth it is similar to some Earth customs prior to marriage, so I would say it is fitting for you to do so now. **_

_ Fitting... Of course._

Giving a chuckle at my sarcasm, he added: _**Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world. **_

_ Pulling a Susan Lieberman quote on me are you? _The counter fell out of my mouth: _Maude Adams... If I have smashed the traditions, it was because I knew no traditions. _

_ With a slight s_mirk, he responded: _**There would be nothing wrong with you smashing a few traditions Heather if that is what you deem necessary. Remember, when you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt. That is weakness.**_

_ And I cannot afford weakness... I know._

_** Hmm. **_Raising his eyes, I could feel his sincerity as he searched my face: _**You worry a great deal about appearing weak. That is from your **__**Dilectissima.**_

_ My humanity will make me seem weak to the others. _

_** Your humanity is not the issue.**_ Y_**our must believe in yourself. You are Queen. **_Placing his feeding hand on my chest by my heart, he continued: _**You must rule with your heart and your head, my Queen. Do not follow your Dilectissima's lead, make him follow yours. **_

_ That's not how relationships are supposed o be! We are equals!_

_** Though in my younger years, I did not wish to admit it... the truth is that in all good relationships there is a leader and a follower. Sometimes you lead and sometimes your mate leads you. The trick is to know where you are going together and why. You have always known what was best for those around you. Now, you have the power to make change.**_

_ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference._

_** Yes. If you allow yourself to be, you will be an excellent Queen, Heather.**_

_ What if I bring about the destruction of the Wraith? Surely you've considered the possibility. _Mentally, giving him permission to rise, I waited for his answer.

He allowed his mind to meander through his thoughts and reveal his point of view: It seemed when I'd taken risks with Todd back on Atlantis, my grandfather had worried that I wasn't ready. My blind trust of someone that I'd been told was dangerous to me didn't sit well with him, even if it worked to their advantage. Again and again, I'd looked at the situation and made my own decisions. Again and again, I'd made the right decisions. I'd survived. I learned and grew. Even not sharing what was going on when I'd speak on the phone to him was a point in my favor. Asking my Dilectissima to teach me all the things my grandfather hadn't proved to my grandfather that I was ready for this. It proved to him that I would succeed, if I wanted to: _**Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. **_

_ Emerson never faced space vampires._ I knew my joke was going to fall flat before I'd finished it. His lectures were getting more serious. The closer we got to his mother, the more I realized how much was riding on me. The more my grandfather seemed to disappear and my Hive commander took his place. I could still feel his love. I could feel his pride and his excitement. But, this commander, my grandfather and friend wasn't the same man I'd known on earth.

Hours later, I looked on the Hive walls in a new way. They had been beautiful before but now they seemed richer and even more vibrant. There wasn't a soul in the corridors. It was quiet, peaceful even, and I could hear my footfalls whispering my approach. Projecting my confidence wasn't hard; I knew this was the right path for me. It was the definition of success that I was mindful of. I felt like Harry Potter. A part of me believed I was about to die. Acknowledging to myself that death scared me didn't stop my feet from moving. My confidence hailed from that fact. I'd do what I had to do for the greater good. I had sent my grandfather ahead to the hanger bay so that I could make this trek on my own, as I should. _I think._ The Hive's love for me seemed to light my way. I could feel that this was the first time Hic qua videeum regretted being my hive. He had to stay here in space as I left him. He was certain he'd ever see me again. I could feel his bitter sweet thoughts for the prospect. I could feel his love and his devotion for me. _Oh god. _Harry's words echoed through my mind: "It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew - and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents - that there was all the difference in the world." _J.K. Rowling was right. There is a difference._ Nodding to myself, I continued walking.

Outside the hangar bay, the Drones bowed their heads in reverence as I approached. Taking a deep breath, I stepped through the doors. On my grandfather's advice, I was taking all of the lead officers with us to meet the Queen Mothers. They were are standing there, looking groomed and ready. All of them had love shining out of their eyes. Looking at them, I knew my eyes were shining back. I didn't say a word. There didn't seem to be anything to say. _Let us depart._

_** Yes, my Queen. Heather...**_ My grandfather took the Commander's place in front of me; even though it was the same body I could feel the differences: "I love you."

"I love you too. I love you all. Thank you for... everything. Really." Feeling the tears well up in my eyes, I closed my eyes to get a hold of myself. Counting to five in my head, I opened my eyes and thought: _I'm ready._


	19. Chapter 16

Everyone-

Here is the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. There is much more to come, though it's hard to post right now as their seems to be a conspiracy to keep me from posting (i.e. work keeps getting in the way.)

Anyway, Thank you all for all of your kind reviews and thoughts. Enjoy this chapter and know that more will come soon!

* * *

Chapter 16

Being in the Wraith shuttle reminded me of Atlantis's jumpers. It didn't look the same or fly the same, so I couldn't help but wonder why my feelings had so strongly turned to Atlantis. With a shock, I realized that I hadn't contact Jen. I never said goodbye to her or to my parents. I didn't know if John would have pasted on the message to my parents if I'd have thought of it sooner, but I knew there was no chance of it now. Though my grandfather and my Hive knew the location of Earth, I didn't dare to ask them. Sending a message so close to the Queen Mothers' Hive would lead the rest of the Wraith straight to Earth, if they so choose. There wasn't a choice to be made; there was nothing I would do about it now.

_** My Queen?**_

Second had called to me from the pilot's seat of the shuttle: _Yes, Second?_

Turning his head, he smiled and thought: _**We are within range of the Queen Mothers' home world. It is a place that I believe you will enjoy seeing from space.**_

Wrinkling my brow, I went to rebuke him for treating me as if I'd never seen a planet before. I'd seen my own and Teyla's. They looked similar enough that it seemed pointless and childlike to go look. My grandfather privately seemed to think I'd be better in listening than getting offended. Allowing myself to roll my eyes at his thought, I nevertheless got up and went to look out the window.

_ My god. _The planet was nothing like I'd seen before. There were no polar ice caps. Where there should be blue oceans, I saw red space. The land masses were brown not green. Between the oceans and land, this place looked like it hasn't supported life for 10,000 years. "Life signs?" I questioned in a panic.

_** Use your feelings...**_

Ignoring his Star Wars reference, I swiftly opened up my mind. It was old to realize I could pick up both Queen Mothers. It was even stranger to realize that I had been drawn to them before I'd been drawn to detect my Dilectissima's presence. Even his total joy at feeling me was dwarfed by their strength. They didn't bother to hide their conviction that I was not the one to unite their children. My great grandfather's mother was searching her son's mind. I could feel her joy at touching his mind. More importantly, I could feel his joy at returning to her. I could also feel his pride for what he brought. _As If! _ I could feel his total conviction that he'd been successful. She didn't believe him, though she gave permission for us to land.

As Second started landing maneuvers, I asked: _What happened to this planet?_

_** It was destroyed by the last failed attempt on Our Queen Mothers' lives. **_My Grandfather answered, looking me straight in the eye: _**As I am sure you have gathered, the ancients always lived by their laws, but only when it suited them. **_

_ And yet you married one._

_** She is not like them. And neither is her great granddaughter. **_

_Your mother and her sister don't believe I am the one to unite the Wraith._

_**All that matters is what you believe, Heather.**_

I was saved from answering him as Second landed the shuttle. Once again, I waited inside while everyone disembarked. _At least this time I'm not about to be abducted. _My grandfather waited with me. Neither of us spoke and I didn't bother to enter his mind. It seemed fitting to sit and spend time with my own thoughts. I silently hoped that I'd have some time again with Todd prior to my death. I wasn't sure who I'd rather was my executioner: my grandfather or my love. It seemed almost better if it was to fall to one of them. Logically, I knew it would probably be one of the Queens. Even if I wasn't the right one for the job, I was still part of the royal line and female. They would mostly likely feel it would be a more honorable death. Like Worf, honor seemed to be important to the Wraith even if I'd never seen it labeled as such in the reports from Atlantis SG teams. _Honor and family._ Todd had restored John so they both could walk out alive from their prison. Todd had left Woolsey and the rest so their last moments would be taking out the cloning facility instead of ending their lives as a Wraith's meal. Todd had protected Earth's location because he knew his wife was from Earth, even if she hadn't been born yet. He'd been as honorable as he could be. There had been times that he'd been self-serving but he'd been protecting his people... _my other people._ Moving back towards my grandfather, I caught a glimpse of myself in the window as I passed: A Queen was there. I stood tall and proud as the dress whispered about me in a way that looked regal. Its renaissance style showed my figure to its best advantage but it was my face that seemed to be the most shocking to me: I saw how ready I was. I didn't look like I was going to my death. I didn't look afraid. I looked like I was confident and strong. _Commander, I will be down in a moment. _ _Go._

Nodding once, he stood and walked over to me. Putting his feeding hand over my heart, my grandfather said: _**I will see you outside, Heather.**_

Raising my hand to his chest, I replied: _Of course._

With one final kiss to my forehead, he made his way over to the shuttle door and down the plank. I stood there only for a moment looking out that door. The sky here was brownish-gray. Outside, the planets I could see in my limited view all looked brown. It wasn't burned or dying vegetation like on Earth; it is different here. I could see brown planets outside. I didn't see any structures. _I wonder where they live. _ I could see my officers standing at the bottom of the plank. Soon, my grandfather was out of my line of sight. I couldn't see the Queen Mothers and I couldn't see my Dilectissima.

I could feel my Dilectissima though. He was relieved and thrilled. He still believed in me, in us. Now that I was alone, I allowed myself to open my mind to him. He picked up on my fears and they angered him. _It's all right. I've accepted my fate. I'm not afraid. _

_**Heather, you must not accept your fears! Heather, listen...**_

His mental voice cut off midstream. I could feel his mother blocking our communication and I could feel her punishing him as I'd punished my grandfather only a few hours later. Wishing I could run outside and stop her, I forced myself to take a breath. Calmly, I walked down the shuttle's plank. Passing my officers, they each bowed their heads in respect. Stopping in front of Second, I let my grandfather be a bit closer to the Queen mothers' than me. My grandfather was kneeling at his mother's feet. I could feel his pride at my stately approach. I could see my Dilectissima on the ground at his mother's feet. I didn't bother to hide my rising anger, but I didn't move any closer. The Queen Mothers' looked nothing like I'd expected. These were humans. On the outside, they looked like they were in their late 60s but I could feel that looks were deceiving. These were Wraiths. Old Wraiths. I could see into their minds enough to know that I could not win if these two opposed me. They were studying me as I was studying them. I could feel his mother's eyes on me. She gently touched my mind. When I blocked her from feeling anything besides my anger at my Dilectissima's treatment, she dropped her gentle probe and aggressively tried to tear into my mind. It didn't work. My shields held. I even found myself baring my teeth at her slightly in my anger. It seemed spending these weeks on my Hive had allowed me to learn more than culture and traditions. _I am Wraith. I am Queen. _

She smiled: "We shall see."

Her sister politely asked: "What is your name, my dear?"

My human name stopped on my lips. The question threw me off. Wraith share names with family. The Queen Mothers' should be able to detect that I was directly from their line as Todd had when we met. I should be able to give my name... My grandfather had never spoken my Wraith name out loud to me. I had just seen it written. I wasn't sure if I knew how to pronounce it right. I didn't know the feeling pictures that he'd created for me. It was an impossible question. I wanted to consult with my Grandfather but I knew that wasn't an option. I was Queen. I need to make the decision: Human name or Wraith. Stalling, I concentrated on my other concern first, they weren't using Mindspeak with me: _Queen Mothers, I am young and I do not know all of your ways, but I ask for the respect that is my due. _

_**Of course child. **_My Dilectissima's mother answered me, bowing her head a bit as she did. Her words didn't comfort me: still, she harmed her son. Still, I could do nothing.

_**Your name? **_My great grandmother's question was sharper than it had been out loud.

_Coniungere, my Grandmothers. I am Coniungere, Queen of the Hive __Hic qua videeum__. _

_**Coniungere... You speak your name well, granddaughter. And you are correct... you are very young. You have much to learn. **_My grandfather's mother spoke as she moved towards me. I didn't know how to respond to her, so I remained silent. Even though I knew she was more of a danger to me right now, I felt more drawn to my Dilectissima's pain, to stopping his pain. I wanted to ask her sister to let my Dilectissima go. He was shielding me from his pain as much as he was able, but he couldn't hide all of it. I wanted to kill her to make her stop. I'd never felt so helpless. I counted on my death from this meeting; it never occurred to me what the universe could lose him as well. **Why do you come here?**

The question drew my attention. Looking her in the eye, I answered: _To claim what is rightfully mine. _

_**Yet, your servants are... missing, Coniungere. **_My grandfather's mother was within reach of me now. She was so close I could touch her.

My grandfather hadn't moved from his bowed position, but I felt his tensing. He'd warned me about this. He didn't expect me to react well to this tradition. _Your son is faultless in this. I, as Queen, have ruled that my servants will be spared. This is a new time and a new order. _

Todd's mother projected her sympathy to me while her sister's mental state could only be described as incensed. _**A new time. A new order. **_My Grandfather's mother had spoke and I felt my officers all mentally swear their devotion to me as she spoke.

I knew what she was about to do: "NO!" Mentally, I took controlled of all of my officers. They would fight and not be fed upon, family or not. They tried to fight my control, to die for my honor, but I refused to relinquish my hold.

My Dilectissima's mother smiled. I could tell that she and her sister were speaking to each other. Normally, when my grandfather and second spoke, I could hear them. I could choose to ignore their conversations or any of the other Wraith I encountered so far, but this time I had no choice in the matter: I could not hear the Queen Mothers' conversation. Soon enough, my Dilectissima's mother looked at me and said: _**You may release your men. **_Then, looking to my grandfather, she continued: _**Commander, have the humans brought down. **_I felt her release her assault on my Dilectissima. I wanted to run to him and hold him. I didn't.

Sluggishly my Dilectissima got to his feet, but his words were strong as he asked: _**Mother, allow my Dilectissima...**_

_**My Queens, **_my grandfather interrupted him, _**My granddaughter has no human slaves to offer. **_

I felt my Dilectissima's alarm at his statement. It didn't matter. _Do not tell them that until our men are safe! _My order was sent privately to him. _Stall!_

Second and the others took to their knees and bowed their heads. Second spoke up: _**We would gladly lie down our... **_

Taking control of him again, I stopped Second's words.

_**You care for your Hive... **_My grandfather's mother circled around me. _**Yet, they have failed you.**_

I forced myself to remain unmoving as she circled. Calmly I asked: _Failed me? _

_**Before your Dilectissima found you, you knew nothing of your position... You were not Queen. Even now, you expect to die, human.**_

_I doubt many things, Great Grandmother. But, I do not doubt that I am Queen_. _If I were to die today, every drop of my blood will invigorate the Wraith._ _Your sons will not stand for anything less. The alliance will proceed. My Hive has served we well and will continue to do so, of that I have no doubt. _

Silence greeted my speech. Keeping my mind blank, I wasn't surprised to feel my Dilectissima frantically trying to assure his mother that I was the daughter that Lal had foreseen. All of my grandfather's men radiated their trust and belief in me. My grandmother smiled and before I knew what was happening she grabbed me. _A hug._ She was hugging me. I let out the breath that I had been holding. Looking over to my Dilectissima, I saw that his mother was hugging him as well, though not nearly as over excitedly. Her happiness was an act. His eyes were on me. He hadn't relaxed yet. Looking to my grandfather, he was also still on edge. _Not out of the woods yet? _My grandfather nodded, just barely.

_**Oh, **_My great grandmother's mental voice was light as she released me from the hug, _**you see the trees Heather, but the forest is still a bit... murky ... don't you think? **_Quickly, I realized my private communication with my grandfather that I enjoyed on the Hive wasn't private in front of these women. She laughed: _**My... I understand my Son's pride in you. But, no Heather... you can't truly hide from our powers. Though, you put both our sons to shame in that regard. **_

_You got my human name from my mind. _

Laughing, she said: _**No, Heather. My son shared your name with us, long before you arrived. You have been remarkably vigilant; you did not fail in your quest to think only your Wraith name. And, you should know, you did pronounce it well... though you should not have allowed so many to hear it. **_Her criticism was delivered kindly, but I hear the steel behind it. _**You still have much to learn about Wraith culture.**_

_I look forward to learning._

_**Hmm. **_My Dilectissima's mother inflection spoke of mirth at my statement. _**That would be the human side of you clearly... certainly not from the Lanteans side.**_

_**Heather.**_ My Dilectissima's mental voice saved me from answering and in the next moment, I felt his arms snake about me.

Allowing myself one full second to enjoy his touch, I stepped away from him in the next heartbeat. _Dilectissima, do not presume to take such liberties!_

_**I am sorry, My Queen. **_Bowing, he moved to stand behind his mother. His apology was for more than his touch.

I could feel that neither of the Queens believed I'd never allowed my Dilectissima to hug me like that. I didn't let it bother me; I had to believe my lie so it wouldn't be a lie. I didn't need to remind myself that I'd been forced to appear before the Queens because of my Dilectissima being able to hold me like that. _My Queens, I will not offer my men as they are mine. I have no slaves..._ Feeling the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, it took me a moment to understand my body's reaction wasn't because of the past. I felt another shuttle from my hive before it appeared on the horizon. I could feel my Drone guards as they set the shuttle to fly over us and prepared to activate the culling beam. I didn't stop them, though I knew I could. Relief spread through my body, and looking towards my men and my grandfather, I realized they weren't near each other but they were in a straight line. The drones would be able to pick all of them up. Calming walking towards my grandfather, I put my hand in his as the shuttle flew over. Closing my eyes against the flash, I thought: _I love you._

I felt my grandfather gallantly kiss my hand. Opening my eyes, I saw that I was not back, safe, on my Hive. Instead there were ten pairs of terrorized eyes looking up at me. Half of my brain noted that none of them were wearing Earth styled clothing and none of them looked over than ten. _No. _My whispered denial didn't make them disappear as I wished. _I hate you. _Turning my mental powers on my grandfather once again, I felt his fingers slip from my grasp as he fell to the floor in pain. My Grandfather, Second, my men, The Queen Mothers: Though I could feel all of their understanding at my anger, but I couldn't detect even the smallest drop of remorse.

It was true that Todd felt bad that he'd put me in this situation, but he comforted himself in the knowledge that he'd had no choice. He was sure that my grandfather, his cousin, hadn't intended to bring me home to the Pegasus galaxy. I would have lived and died on Earth without ever knowing who I was. As my grandfather convulsed on the floor, I noticed that Todd was trying to bring something to my attention. My anger had blocked direct contact but I slowly realized that through Todd, I could feel that the children's' terror was increasing. _They are scared and I'm making this worst for them._

Pulling back on my punishment of him, I tried to look at this from my grandfather's point of view: when I only knew him as Billy, he'd acted the same way: he saw a problem and he fixed it. I didn't have nor want humans from Earth to be harmed, so he'd taken humans from this galaxy. By my own definition, these people were alien to me just like Teyla and Ronon in the beginning. My grandfather had honored my basic need as a Wraith Queen and an Earthling. He didn't expect me to like it, but he expected me to think like a Queen: these were acceptable losses.

_**I'm sorry, Heather. **_

I didn't feel like answering him. He knew I'd be pissed at him over this. That's why he hid it from me. Knowing that the worst part of this betrayal was that I honestly recognize my grandfather wasn't completely wrong in doing this. Militarily it made sense. I'd read the mission reports. I knew his plan would be valid to my government. Losses of Pegasus humans are far more acceptable than loss of Earthlings. But, it didn't ring true. Not being military, I didn't quite grasp the idea that these humans were any less valuable than the ones I grew up with. Even in my anger, I knew his heart had been in the right place. Directing my thoughts to my grandfather's mother, I asked: _I will not start my new life like this, Queen Mother. You know as well as I that it is within your power to stop this... I ask you not as a human, but as your great granddaughter. Please. _

My great grandmother arched her hairless brow and responded: _**My power? Please? These are not the words of a Wraith. **_

_**My mother's sister, Queen mother, she meant...**_

The mission reports. Allowing my anger free reign, I attacked Todd with my mind and stopped his words: _Did I ask you to speak for me? Be silent! _Todd's lack of shock at my command gave me courage that I'd responded correctly. He fell to his knees submissively. Turning back to the Queen Mothers', I continued: _I am Queen; yet you are still the Queen Mothers. My words are said in respect for your position, but if you wish me to take what I want... Do not think I will hesitate. These humans will be freed. _

_**Hmm. Better. **_My Great grandmother circled me: _**Though we are your family, it is important that you remember who you are. **_

Nodding, my Dilectissima's mother added: _**Always, Heather. A Queen must never ask. She must command. Especially when dealing with my Son.**_

At the same time I felt my Dilectissima give the mental equivalent of rolling his eyes; I felt my grandfather's snicker at her comment. _Excellent. Second, call the dart back and have it take the humans back to our Hive._ I felt Second's hesitation; strengthening my resolve and my command, I added: _Now. _

_**Yes, my Queen. **_

Feeling him issue the command, I counted down the seconds to the dart's return. No one spoke. I didn't allow my mind to wonder for a second, it seemed far too easy a fight. I couldn't ask my grandfather or Dilectissima if this was really going to work. I knew I'd make it work. I wasn't afraid anymore. I'd thought I was afraid of the seeing my Dilectissima again or of the Queen Mothers. I thought I was afraid of really being The Queen. Deep inside, my doubt was really all about one thing: I'd wondered if I'd live by ethics anymore. I'd worried that I'd lose myself in this. Knowing in my heart that I'd found the line I wouldn't cross was a relief. I knew I'd die before giving up anyone on my crew, but I refused kill humans like this. It had been different before when I was feeding my crew; this wasn't a necessity, it was a ritual. That was the difference.

The Dart flew overhead and activated the culling beam. The children disappeared. _**Well then, **_my Great Grandmother put her arm around my shoulders, _**Come, Heather. Let us eat then.**_

My Dilectissima's mother smiled at me as she walked to my other side. Clearing my mind, I bottled up my fear. I didn't let anything stop myself from walking with them. My grandfather and my Dilectissima fell into step behind us. I felt my Dilectissima reach out to me_**: It is true, my Love.**_ _**The Queen mothers' eat as you do... I am sorry; your cooking was not the first I have tasted.**_

Looking back at him, I gave him a little smirk. He'd guessed my true fear and answered it under the guise of an apology. _Hmm. We will have to speak about... your lie... later then._

_**Yes, my Queen. **_

Slightly less then truly reprimanded, myDilectissima's thoughts turned to Hive issues that he wanted to speak to me about; I could feel that something was wrong. I felt him lightly touch his fingers to my back once. Before looking back at him, I forcibly shut my mind from anyone. His mouthing 'Are you alright?' to me brought tears to my eyes. I mouthed back: I missed you. He nodded. I felt my great grandmother's arm tighten on my shoulder as she pointed to something. I turned back around and listened to her talk about the rock formation and how it was been one of my grandfather favorite places to think when he was a child. I felt my grandfather's annoyance and it wasn't with his mother as she told me stories of his childhood. My grandfather didn't like that I'd practically forgiven my Dilectissima already. I didn't argue the point with him; I hadn't forgotten what he'd done but I understood my Dilectissima's fear. Worst yet, I was sure my Dilectissima fear wasn't that far off the mark. I wouldn't have been here if Todd hadn't come to Earth. I could read nothing from the Queen mothers, but I knew they weren't dumb. They knew what was going on. The question was what they wanted to allow. Watching my great grandmother as she led us on, I wondered what was in store here. The Queen mothers' seemed to both accept me. I could see how they'd been playing the wraith equivalent of good cop/bad cop with me. Testing me. The test wasn't over, but I could feel that my grandfather wasn't worried about it at all.

_**My son tells me that the existence of the Wraith is not well known on Earth. Yet, upon meeting your Dilectissima, you were not afraid of him. There is a big part of my son that fears you have what you would refer to as a death wish.**_

Rolling my eyes, I could help but smile as I answered: _It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more. I could be afraid or I could move towards the unknown and conquer it. _

_**A Queen must protect herself, she is the Hive.**_

_I have done nothing different than you._ On both of their faces, I read confusion as I continued: _I wasn't attacked by an Iratus bug. I didn't watch my friends and family die. Todd was just another cool alien in the beginning. Then, he saved me. Sure, it gave him a meal, but a part of me could feel that he wasn't doing it for the food. _Looking back at him, I added: _Which I was correct in thinking._ With my slight reproach, I felt his love swell more than his apology did.

_**Considering how little she knew of us, your granddaughter deserves praise. She handled herself well... as she continues to do.**_

My grandfather's anger was inflamed by my Dilectissima's words. As they glared at each other, I didn't need to see their stares to know they were moments from a physical fight. Their anger rolled off of them in waves, even Rodney would have noticed it. My Dilectissima's mother looked at her son: _**Surely when you arrived on Earth, you sensed her right away? She was using her mental voice?**_

_**I could feel her, but she had never been taught to use her mental voice. He kept her in the dark of our ways... **_

_**To assure her safety, **_my grandfather's words shot out at my Dilectissima like bullets, _**Humans of Earth are not as advanced as you believe. By allow her to know our ways, you put her in danger. The little experience she had with our ways had been traumatic enough on Earth. Once we heard of dealings that a human called Sheppard had with your commander... It was folly to speak to her of her position, my lady. **_

My Dilectissima's face seemed to reflect my grandfather's anger back at him: _** She did not know who I was. She did not know she could trust me...**_

_**Violence happens every second of everyday on their planet. If she was able to shut her mind from me, she might have done it in other to protect us from harm. Besides you lost control of the Hives in my absence. You have shown yourself to be weak, you do not deserve her. There was no reason to...**_

_Enough! Though both of you have my interests at heart, I am queen. I will make my own decisions._

_**Do not worry, my dear... you will. **_My Dilectissima's mother was the one that had spoken and she looked pleased. My grandfather stood a bit straighter, which I hadn't thought possible. _**Both of you, leave us. We wish to speak to her, queen to queen.**_

My grandfather instantly instructed me to counter their command. I didn't and my mental confirmation/command to go was met with resistance from both of them. My annoyance was tempered with their conviction that I was in danger here. Neither of them trusted their own mother nor her sister. Growing up with a mother that I knew I'd trust with my life, this was an odd and scary concept. _On this you agree?_

_**Yes! **_Their cohesive reply was so strong, I physically took a step closer to them.

_**You are a worthy Queen. You have nothing to fear from us, Heather. **_My great grandmother's words seemed hollow even within my ears and my grandfather's mind grew taunt.

Half of my mind noted how quickly my anger was climbing, while the other half cringed over the fact that these Queens were forcing what was mine to comply with her command. I could feel my grandfather's pain as he fought against her will. It was overwhelming. My head ached even as my eyes blurred. A second after the pain registered in my mind, my mind cleared. I could feel my grandfather using his control to protect me from the pain, though I could also faintly detect that his pain had increased exponentially as a result. Turning to my Dilectissima for support, I was greeted with the same strain on his face. He'd clearly been expecting the assault and had protected me from the beginning, but he couldn't hide what my eyes saw. Every fiber of my being demanded that I try to protect them, that I fight back. I knew that when both women joined together to force them to leave me here alone, no amount of love would be able to keep them here with me. What their losing meant was the only real question. _Fraking hell. _Wildly, I wished for the Resurrection Stone from Harry Potter: I wanted Ganos Lal's advise. I knew she would not or could not interfere here, yet for the hundredth time I wished for the guidance that would not come. _I'm on my own... _Thinking of another of the Deathly Hollows that would help me here, I added: ..._ The Elder Wand wouldn't be so bad either. _

Even with all the punishment my grandfather endured, I felt his hilarity at my childish desires. Looking at him, I was again remembered how different Wraith were from humans. Even with all of the pain the Queen Mothers' were dishing out at him, my grandfather still was listening to my thoughts; laughing at my thoughts. Again realizing that one of the things that was the same for humans as for Wraiths was that I could feel that I'd given him hope that I'd figure out what to do: _Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if only you remember to turn on the light. _My grandfather nodded once._ How? _He didn't answer me, they intensified their assault and I could feel his control slipping. My Dilectissima's mind wasn't finding humor or even confusion in my thoughts, he was using his limited time and resources to send one message: Trust. The mental picture that accompanied it was of me. Realizing what he meant to convey, I allowed myself one calming breath...


	20. Chapter 17

Readers -

Sorry it's taking me so long to update. Life is interfering. Nothing good, I assure you. Anyway, I've been debating posting this... I'm sorry that it's such a short chapter, but it was a really hard one to write. I don't do this lightly, I assure you dear reader. Keep reading and commenting! Your words help make it all worth it!

* * *

Chapter 17

_You know... I do not think I wish them to leave me... _Making it a command, I reinforced my grandfather and my Dilectissima's minds with my own. It was frighteningly easy. I saw their faces clear at the same time and both moved to stand next to me. I could feel my great grandmother's pride and I felt my anger respond:_ Do not think I discount what I have seen here. .. Someone once said that if you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. Your treatment of your sons is lacking. I am now their Queen as I am the Queen of your lines. Do not fear; I will unite the Wraith. You will watch and be silent. _

The lack of crickets on the planet hit me as utter silence greeted my declamation. Taking my Dilectissima's hand in mine, I felt my heart swell as he managed to hold my hand and stroke a finger down my palm at the same time. Even though he kept his pride in check, he didn't hide is love. It was like a physical presence in the room with us. It energized me as much as it excited me. Boldly, I continued: _This is my Dilectissima. This is my choice. This is my command._

Thought it was silent technically, I was sure that my perception was wrong. It was odd: the more I used my powers, the more I fought them, the more powerful I became. I'd felt like this was on my hive of course, but not to this level. It was a puzzle for another time through. With my weird powers, I was sure that the Queen Mothers were talking to each other again. I still couldn't hear them but I was able to tell that their conversations were furiously taking place silently.

Minutes ticked by with nobody moving. I didn't look back at my grandfather or my love; I remained head held high staring at the two women that moments before I'd feared most in the universe. This is me. I'd realized the one lesson that was the hardest to learn: The only thing to fear was my fear. My hive believes in me not because of what Lal had said but because of what I could do. Sure, they had to listen to my grandfather and sure they would give their lives up for any Queen, but that wasn't the important thing. They were my family. My grandfather and grandmother's Hive was my home but that wasn't where I needed to be now. A picture of Kenny flashed into my mind, with it the original feeling of familiarity surged, but I pushed that to the side.

My grandfather's mother smiled: _**Do not discount your thoughts, my dear. My sister's son's son... you do recognize him don't you?**_

He is here.

The heart that moments ago hadn't seemed to exist started to beat again. The blackness that filled my vision faded to a gray. I could hear my grandfather murmuring in my ear that I needed to open my eyes. I didn't. I could feel him stroking my cheek. I knew he'd know that I was awake but I didn't intend to move. I could feel my grandfather's love for me. He didn't blame me for my reaction. His mind wasn't dwelling on my reacting and its repercussions; as always, he needed me to stop hiding and start questioning. _The strong Wraith Queen is gone and in her place was a weak human girl. Leave me alone. _

"You are never alone, my Queen."

With my eyes, ears, and heart closed, I laid in the dark of my own dark thoughts. He was older than me, more experienced. It shouldn't be that much of a shock, after all. In my mind, I could even hear Ronan's mocking my stupidity. Kenny had always felt familiar. He was Todd's son. No one had stunned me with a stunner; I had not been hit with a culling beam. Yet either of those options seemed a million times better than what had happened: My Dilectissima had lied to me. He had a child by another woman. I could feel my temple throb at the thought of another touching him and I realized that this nameless wraith must remain namely as I had the strongest urge to take my hive to hers and destroy them all. The darkness of this desire was so strong that I could feel it in my blood, gathering my strength and power. I welcomed it. It was so fitting. It was so Wraith. _I am Queen. He is mine. _

_**I am and always have been yours, my Queen. My Love. **__** You and no other. Only you command my happiness, my body, and all that belongs to me as I swore. My Second...**_

Todd's voice had always been a source of happiness before, but now it fed my anger. My blood sung for revenge on his son for his birth even as my head rebelled against the idea. The line from Prisoner of Azkaban echoed in my mind: The world isn't split into, good people and Death Eaters, we've all got both light and dark inside us ... what matters is the part we choose to act on...

_Your second..._ My tone was accusatory, yet even I silently had to acknowledge that it seemed too convenient. I couldn't see inside the Queen mother's heads but both their sons were united against the accusation. Blood pounding in my ears, I opened my eyes. My Dilectissima was on bended knee while my grandfather sat on the corner of my bed. Looking around only long enough to confirm I really was back on my grandfather's hive, I mentally ordered my grandfather to leave us alone. Neither my Dilectissima nor I watched him leave us. Instead, my Dilectissima raised his eyes to mine. I saw so much in his eyes: his love for me, his hurt at my lack of faith; his fear that he'd lose everything. The fear helped to dissipate some of my dark desires, but not enough. Murder was still an option I felt comfortable with and I didn't hide that fact from him. My grandfather had shown me where a blade was hidden on the Queen's bed, a weapon in case she needed it. I fingered it, testing it's balance. I asked the question most likely to lead to bloodshed: _Tell me why your mother called Kenny your son. _

Instead of responding, pictures and flashed through his mind: A baby boy wraith, Kenny, looking up at him, only a few hours old; his affection for the child as he became a man, his pleasure as Kenny moved up the ranks on his hive; his pride at Kenny's accomplishment of earning the title of Second; his love of Kenny's devotion to me...

_Tell me why your mother called Kenny your son! _

_**To hurt you Dilectissima. To cause your refusal of me. To...**_

_Damn it Todd! _I could feel the blade, calling to me.

_**He is my son, Heather... chosen...**_

Turning away from him, I felt each beat of my heart. I'd never really understood the concept of heart break until this moment. I could feel each beat drawing life out of the muscle. It seemed like it was racing to a finish line and I welcomed the end. _Oh god._

Spinning me back to face him, he stressed: _**Hear me Dilectissima! He is my chosen son, Heather. A child through fate, not action. One of my youngest sister's offspring, she died when he was newly born.**_

_You...you adopted him? _If it was that, why was my grandfather so silent? I could feel that the other shoe had yet to drop. Yet as the ultimate betrayal and my equal anger was replaced by my complete confusion, I asked myself what I was missing.

_**Yes.**_

_So... Where is his father? _

_**He is dead. **_

There was no hesitation. No grief and not even any bit of remorse. _You killed him. _It was not a question.

_**Of course. He was not worthy of being my sister's commander. There is no shame in that, Heather.**_

_So I've been told._

_**I am sorry that it troubles you **_**Dilectissima. This is the way of things. It is what keeps a hive strong.**

_I'd want you as my commander, regardless of what was best for the hive... Your sister was entitled..._

_**My sister loved a male who could not lead. It did not mean that she loved him any less but she knew her duty to the Hive as did he. They made a choice, Heather. One I've thanked them for daily since my Second's Aging Ceremony. Though I love our children before they have even been conceived, that does not mean I do not love him as well. **_

_I don't want you to not love him... I just..._

_**You just are thinking like a human. I know and that is okay, but you must remember your rules are not our rules. Neither is less valid than the other...**_

_What if your rules say that our children aren't worthy of the hive... What if my being human is what keeps our children weak as it did to my great, great, god-knows-how-many-greats grandfather?_ I could see his understanding of my greatest fear dawning in his eyes. I'd thought of this hundreds of times and I could see that he hadn't. _What if our child is more human than Wraith..._

_**Heather. **_The quiet rumble of his voice saying my name stopped my fears on my lips. Tilting my head up, he looked deeply into my eyes and assured me: _**I have not thought of it because what you fear can never come to pass. Our children will never be turned away from any hive. Through our two bloods they are royalty regardless of their appearance. They will grow up in our ways, so even if they are not physically equal to Wraith, they will have many Wraith bound to them to protect them. **_

_But, what if we have a son and not a daughter?_

_**You want me to say that I would love our child regardless of the sex and that is true, but obviously daughters are more valued to Wraith. Lal's son was turned away because of his sex far more than because of his physical limitations. **_Bending his head down towards my ear, he huskily continued: _**But, my Queen, I value our children to come. Would I rather you bore a Queen before a commander... Yes, but neither will be welcomed any less. I promise you.**_

Turning my head towards him, he slanted his lips towards mine and pulled me closer to him. I submitted, needing to feel his lips on mine, to think about something else other than my fears. There were too many fears to manage anymore: I didn't want to deal with the Queen Mothers' anymore; I didn't want to deal with the very real fear that I'd be damning my children with my love to this man, this Wraith; I didn't want to deal with my Reign right now. Losing myself in his kiss had never been hard for me. Yet, I still marveled that kissing was such a pleasure with him. It wasn't like kissing a human. With him, I could hear and feel his pleasure as well as my own. It was intoxicating.

His pleasure at my pleasure awakened strong desires in me. His answering desire almost convinced me that we should start on our quest to have children. Though I knew I would rush headlong into trying to conceive children if he tried, he held himself back. Turning the thought over and over in my mind, I became aware that my grandfather stood outside my door requesting re-entrance. Kenny was with him.

Pulling away from my Dilectissima, I put the blade in the built-in holder in my dress and then busied my hands with the task of taking imaginary wrinkles out of my dress. Taking a steadying breath, I wordlessly looked up at my Dilectissima. He smiled; then taking my hand in his, he solemnly kissed my palm, and moved a short distance away. Sighing, I sent the order for Kenny and my Grandfather to enter.

Kenny's nervousness and fear seemed to echo throughout the ship. At first, I attributed it to his fear that I would kill him. But, as he entered the room, I realized my error. He feared that he would be the cause of my Dilectissima loss of me and his position. I had become used to my Hive's devotion to me. Their desire to die for me barely seemed abnormal to me anymore. My dislike of the idea hadn't changed. I still never wanted them to have the opportunity to go through with it, but it seemed I'd come to terms with its existence. To see his Hive care for their commander in the same way comforted me. I'd trusted Kenny before and now it seemed I loved him for loving my Dilectissima.

_Still, I do have an image to keep up._ Once Kenny had cleared the door, he prostrated himself on the floor. I ignored him. Turning towards, my grandfather I greeted him and asked:_ What is our current position to the Queen Mothers' home world? _

_**We are still in orbit, my Queen. My mother saw us back to the shuttle and suggested you rest for a time. **_

_And what is our status?_

_**All is well and await your orders, my Queen.**_

_And what of my other Hives?_

_**They too await you.**_

_Excellent. Summon them._

_**Summon them? **_My grandfather's eyes seemed to twinkle as my Dilectissima's question hung in the air.

Like Kenny's obeisance, I allowed the action to remain unanswered. Instead, I continued speaking to my grandfather: _I should not have allowed myself to react so strongly to any test they gave me._

He shrugged. _**You have always been over reactive to the idea of sex Heather. I would say it is a human failing, but most of Earth has grown out it in the last hundred years... You are the exception. **_

_There are plenty of people who are still... proper. _

_**As were you until recently...**_

_**Cousin, do not speak of my **__**Dilectissima in such a manner. **_Todd's fury at the joking slight to my virtue lit an answering passion in me that could negate his statement. My arousal was dampened as he rounded on me to ask: _**What are you planning to do Dilectissima? **_

Looking him in the eye, I knew I could not answer him. My grandfather hadn't inquired about my plan and his lack of mental prodding seemed to silently confirm that I had to do this all on my own. From what I knew, I could see the benefit: the Queen had to show her cunning to win the Queen Mothers' over. _My plans must be my own __Dilectissima. _

_**Heather...**_

_No. Your Queen shall keep her own council in this matter, Dilectissima._I could see the war going on in my Dilectissima's head and I remained silent as he conquered his own traitorous desire to rule. He always respected me, but with this more Wraith-like silence, it would be an adjustment for him... really for us both. I silently allowed.

Several minutes seemed to pass as he fought his own instincts to protect and dominate me. In the end, bowing, he repeated:_** You command my happiness, my body, and all that belongs to me, **__**Dilectissima.**_

_Yes, I do. W_ary of calling another Wraith by the same title/names that I'd learned for my family Hive, I thought: R_ise, son of my Dilectissima. _I felt his rush of pleasure at my acceptance as he obeyed. _I am sure your commander's value of you will be justified given time. At any rate, you command my Dilectissima's Hive in his absence?_

_**I do, my Queen.**_

_I see no reason to change that for now... Return to your hive and advise them that your commander will be remaining here on my ancestral Hive. You may command there in my name._

Bowing again, my Dilectissima intoned: _**My Queen, it is right and proper for your rule to be conducted from your strongest Hive. This Hive has not had advancement for ten thousand years, it is best...**_

_Best? I decide what is best and we will remain here. _

_**My Queen..**_. I could hear the pain in his voice as he mentally prepared himself to be utterly blunt: _**I am your commander. Only one commander can govern a Hive at a time. Do you wish me to kill your grandfather then? **_

Instead of answering, I looked him in the eyes and I laughed. It was that laugh that moviegoers are used to. It was the laugh of the evil villain right before the hero's death. At my laugh, my second and our men swarmed in, and I felt Kenny's mental request for Todd's orders. My grandfather moved to stand between me and my Dilectissima. Standing, Todd looked me in the eye. His love for me shined in his eyes and I looked back at him and answered: _If any Wraith is to die, it would be you. Today... I am kind. Commander, escort my Dilectissima to my quarters. My Second take this... Young one... to his Hive. And if they move to harm us: destroy them._

_**Yes, My Queen.**_ It felt odd but all three minds - my Second, my grandfather, and Todd's second - all accepted my death order so easily.

As my Dilectissima was led away from me by my grandfather, I felt a strong desire to stop this. I wanted to ask them to help me to figure out my next move. I wanted to beg them to work together, to work with me. Instead, I silently watched them go. Each beat of my heart begged me to stop. I could feel the blood surging through my veins, singing for my Dilectissima nearness. Yet, I didn't stop them. _Everything is transpiring according to my design..._ The Emperor's words echoed throughout my mind. I was him now. _I'm always going to be alone here... really. _Swallowing hard, I allowed my head to fall between my legs and the tears to fall. My breath wasn't coming easily; there wasn't any air to breath. _It's _a_ panic attack. _Knowing what was happening, didn't make it go away of course. I could feel my grandfather reaching out to me, wanting to calm me. I blocked him. I didn't want to hear his sage advice. I didn't want his comfort. I'd leaned on him for far too long. Echoing the most important thought through the hive with my full mental power behind it, I answered my Dilectissima, my grandfather, and the rest of the hive's concern with one thought: _I am Queen. Alone, I rule._

_**My Queen? **_

Raising my eyes to find my grandfather crouching down next to me, I was glad that I'd cleaned up my face an hour ago. _I am fine, Grandfather._

_**May I talk to my granddaughter, my dear, and not the wraith Queen for a second?**_

_No._

_**Ah. So, you are truly not okay then.**_ Taking my hand in his, he kissed my palm and said: _**It is just us. You don't have to pretend here... nor should you... Out of all here, I know how important it is important for you to have someone to confide in, Heather. You must have that level of love and trust in your life... I know... **_

_You know the old me, Grandfather. I can't be that girl anymore. We both know that. Here, I must be Queen. Wraith do not need such things._

_**Of course we do.**_

_Liar._

_**Liar? No, Heather... never to you. **_

_Then who is the one you confide in Grandfather? _I didn't bother hiding my scorn or my anger.

_**I confide in my Queen. **_

His answer rang both truthfully and dishonestly in my ears. Forcefully entering his mind, I didn't bother to be gentle. Something didn't ring true and I needed to understand what I was sensing. He didn't stop me as I burrowed into his memories. After Lal's death, he'd spoken to the air to his dead queen. He'd asked, and then begged, for a daughter prior to every human generations being born, only to be disappointed... over and over again. _That's not what I want to know. _He'd forbidden any wraith on his hive to be cloned as it would only serve to give additional Wraith to feed. _Show me what I want to know... _Lal's silence for 10,000 years was defying but he never stopped speaking to her. He never stopped feeling that she was his queen. _She was still HIS Queen._ The realization stopped my searching. It was the truth. Lal was my grandfather's Queen. I was Queen because she was his Queen., but if Lal was to appear to him now and give an order counter to mine, he'd obey her.

_**Yes, grand daughter... But that does not diminish you... **_

_Of course not, Grandfather. _

_**It is not a problem Heather.**_

My eyes seemed to have a mind of their own and tears seemed to be the order of the day. _It is not._

_**Heather... You are my heart: Mine and my Queens. Forever.**_

_I love you grandfather. _A blade flashed.

My Grandfather smiled. _**My perfect girl... **_


End file.
